World Weary - Mpaigeu - Total Drama (Cartoon) [Archive of Our Own] (2024)

Chapter 1: What Athens in Greece, Stays in Greece

Chapter Text

Noah was shocked he didn’t get eliminated, plain and simple.

Alejandro was obviously enraged at him- rightfully so, if it had been any other circ*mstance besides Total Drama. (It's not Noah's fault the prize is one million dollars and Alejandro’s sh*tty attitude is as ragingly blatant as Chris McLean’s hom*osexuality. If he didn’t want to be called an eel on international T.V. he shouldn’t have acted like one.)

However, Owen, of all people, was voted out. Apparently his immature jokes, almost-murder of multiple contestants via farts, and general happy-go-lucky attitude was enough to sway Duncan’s vote (who, in Noah's opinion, really shouldn’t have been given a say in this circ*mstance considering he was literally picked up off the street) and thus Noah’s best friend went careening off the plane with a wave that was much too friendly towards the team that just voted him off.

What gave Alejandro’s scheme away was that pissy self-satisfied smirk he wore as Owen was handed his parachute. Noah knew Alejandro told Duncan he wouldn’t vote for him if they voted Owen together, and Tyler was in on it because he was unfailingly loyal to the annoyingly attractive flirt of a man.

Instead of going for the instant kill of elimination, Alejandro went for the slow, painful death: eliminating the one person on the plane who could stand Noah’s sharp tongue and his whip-smart attitude without getting hurt or angry. He got rid of the one person who actually liked Noah for Noah on this entire sh*tty, barely-functioning plane. This effectively isolated the brainiac, forcing him to rely on and ally with Alejandro so his sharp tongue wouldn't get him booted off, and if Noah didn’t? Alejandro had effectively made sure that if Noah did screw up, the blame would fall sorely on his shoulders, not shared with Owen, as it had been prior.

This frankly made Noah want to punch Alejandro’s perfect teeth in. Usually, the bookworm left the physical violence to Eva: they had become such close friends that she could tell who ticked him off, even if he never actually said anything, and would help him out accordingly. It really was a shame she wasn’t here to hand the charmer's ass to him on a platter, because Noah knew his physical limits. Alejandro wouldn't even break a sweat if Noah tried to take a swing on him, and Noah wasn't insane enough to pick fights with the most athletic guy on the plane.

The entire situation- Owen's elimination, Alejandro's attitude...it made Noah's blood boil. He had never felt this competitive on Island, and hadn’t been fully…energized this way yet. But wanting to beat Alejandro- whether by lasting longer than him in this competition or maybe even managing to win- made Noah want to ignore his higher thinking telling him not to aggravate Alejandro further and put all of his energy into this stupid competition.

Against all reasoning, Noah felt his own mouth twitch up into a smirk as he made eye contact with Alejandro across the room in economy class as the teenagers were flown to their next challenge destination. The resulting look on Alejandro's face was priceless: he looked shocked that Noah wasn't wallowing in self-pity or crying over Owen's departure.

For the rest of the plane flight, Noah laid on the benches in economy class and listened to Tyler’s teeth chatter as he tried to think of possible strategies. Noah himself ran chronically cold, but damn. Every time Duncan would ask Alejandro a question to bring himself up to speed, the jock would yelp or look around wildly, even though he hadn't been addressed directly.

Eventually Noah just went to the confessional to talk through his thoughts and feelings- and escape the annoying presence that was Alejandro Burromuerto. The constant, loud thrumming of the plane was about to make him lose his mind. Any longer and he would start typing in a pizza box like the resident crazy chick, Sierra.

Gently clicking the door closed and flipping the lock, Noah took a calm, deep breath in.

“I can’t believe he got Owen voted off!” He yelled, slamming a fist against the bathroom countertop, which, ow. Not the best way to start, but oh-f*cking-well. He wasn’t feeling like his snarky, brainy archetype at the moment, boo-hoo to Chris Mclean and his sh*tty attempts at conformity. He was mad; and this confessional was the only place to let that anger out. He would not let Alejandro know how much he had been affected, and wouldn't let anyone else try and manipulate this anger. He, too, could play the game.

“That stupid eel got Duncan to vote for the only guy here that made this entire thing actually, occasionally, fun! He should have voted for Tyler’s useless ass, but he’s already so far under Alejandro’s thumb and loyal to a fault, even though he just came back! Goddamn it!” Noah cut himself off with a growl, leaning back on the closed toilet seat.

Breathe in, breathe out, just like my sisters taught me. He closed his eyes, and then opened them again before continuing, carding a hand through fluffy hair. “We just need to win each challenge. And if we do lose, I just need to hope someone else was dumb enough to be the reason. That’s it. And if I have to do it alone, because Alejandro is sneaky and could not give a sh*t about our friendship, apparently, then that’s what I have to do. I mean- it’s not like the point of this show is for people to eventually end up alone, no matter how many friends they make. It's not like Alejandro told me that I was the only one here he could stand to have a conversation with, or anything of the sort. God forbid Chris allows decent people to be on this show.” He inhaled, and after clearing his head, he looked dead-on at the camera, competition and anger thrumming through his blood. “It’s fine. I’m fine. Owen, buddy, I miss ya already. Say hi to your mom for me.”

He exited the confessional and made the walk back to economy class, where he was greeted with the sight of Alejandro observing Tyler, who was out cold on a bench next to him. What a scheming weirdo.

Across from him, Duncan’s chest rose and fell as he snored, piercing catching the poor plane light every time he exhaled. He didn’t snore loudly, like he did on Total Drama Island. Noah faintly wondered if Courtney managed to get him to stop. He didn’t put it past her seemingly endless skill set.

Making awkward eye contact with Alejandro, who simply looked indifferent at him, Noah looked at Duncan’s bench. I prefer my chances with the unibrowed criminal. He sat down on the bench Duncan occupied, closed his eyes, and let himself fall asleep.

---

The destination of their next challenge turned out to be Greece for an Olympics themed challenge- specifically Athens, after a small argument over where exactly the Olympics were. (Noah lost all hope in humanity when Sierra called out “Atlantis!” and Tyler cried “Mount Olympus!”) After correcting the host on where the Olympics were- McLean thought they were in Rome- Noah smiled to himself. It was rather satisfying to be able to humble Chris on international television with the help of Courtney and that stupidly suave eel, tag-teaming him with facts as the other contestants giggled at the host's ruined speech. It was the first bit of fun Noah had had since the last challenge and Owen's resulting elimination.

Surprisingly, the landing at the actual, literal, legendary Parthenon went fine- no being shoved out in mid-air (Noah's back still ached from London's landing) and no steep fall through the air. The only "problem" was the plane violently shuddering as its lights flickered wildly, which was considered all but standard procedure. A few light bulbs fell out and shattered, but no one paid it any mind. It was frightening how Noah was used to this by now, barely batting an eye as he sidestepped the falling glass as he stood in the exit area with the other contestants, waiting to step foot into the birthplace of modern civilization.

Being told in the plane pre-touchdown by Chris that everything in the challenge was going to be one-on-one made Noah’s stomach clench in fear a little- Courtney was a known superhuman freak, who could probably easily bench press Owen’s weight and then fistfight God (and win). Sierra had shown herself to truly be an Amazon with her speed and strength, possibly even holding her own against Courtney. Heather could run in heels and wasn’t above debilitating sabotage- that was a known fact. Gwen wasn’t all too strong, but those thick platforms looked like they could do some solid damage to a shin- hopefully she couldn’t run very well in them. Cody was, well...he was smart, and had the singing voice of an angel. That had to count for something, though the boy always managed to get out of singing without getting immediately eliminated somehow, which annoyed Noah to no end.

The Parthenon and surrounding area was gorgeous, and Noah wasn't really listening as Chris read off a list of factoids about Greece and the ancient gods. He simply looked around in wonderment, trying to take in as much history as he could before forced to probably do a chariot race or some equally crazy stunt. From the corner of his eye, he caught Alejandro doing the same thing, lips moving as he muttered something under his breath.

Chris clapped his hands with a malicious smile. "So! While one event runs, we're gonna have a scavenger hunt with lots of surprises go on at the same time. I'll need one person from each team to participate! Who wants to do it?"

Noah allowed himself to get excited- he was guaranteed a win if he had to do a scavenger hunt. Being the only boy among so many sisters, he was an expert at finding hidden things. Especially if Chris' incompetent interns were the ones hiding things. My best bet at winning is if Gwen or Cody volunteer.

When Gwen nominated herself for the scavenger hunt, Noah smiled widely and opened his mouth to volunteer himself. Duncan’s obnoxiously loud voice, however, overpowered Noah’s statement to volunteer, and he felt his stomach just about drop out of his body in dismay. He could only hope against all odds, then, that he was stuck with Cody for the next challenge as the emo pair, chaperoned by Chef who was wearing a cheap looking costume, exited the area. Noah allowed himself to glare daggers at their retreating forms for a few more seconds before he sighed and looked at the rest of his competitors.

Courtney looked irritated at the pairing of Duncan and Gwen, an eyebrow twitching as she looked intently at them, and Noah knew that if he had to go one-on-one against her while she was in an emotionally volatile state, he could kiss those million dollars goodbye.

Alejandro was also looking at Gwen and Duncan’s retreating figures with barely disguised curiosity. His eyebrows were drawn in such a way that Noah recognized it as his “thinking” face. It burned Noah up knowing that he knew what Alejandro’s “thinking face” looked like, and also that Alejandro knew something he didn’t. Noah was the brains here, damn it, Alejandro was just some villain brought onto the show to provoke Heather and piss everyone else off in the process!

The remaining competitors were herded towards a circular ring, Chris in the front and a bunch of interns heading up the rear. Noah, ever the athlete, naturally fell to the back of the group, looking at the way his team carried themselves with varying degrees of cloying confidence- Alejandro’s broad shoulders thrown back, Heather’s posture tall in self-assurance, even Courtney was sauntering slightly.

As he ruminated on what the challenge could possibly be, Noah felt a hand lightly tap his shoulder. He yelped, but calmed himself when he saw it was just Cody, who was surprisingly Sierra-less. Faintly, he could hear the girl chattering at Chris up at the front of the group.

“Hey, man,” he began, looking around nervously at the crumbling columns, sweating under the collar of his striped shirt.

Noah arched an eyebrow. “Yes?”

“I need a favor,” he said, looking forlornly at Noah, twisting his hands.

“Just because I’m the only guy here actually out doesn’t mean you can experiment with me,” Noah sighed, feigning exhaustion, smiling a little when he heard Cody practically scream.

“NO! No- what the hell, man? No!” Cody sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. “I need you to get me out of here. I won’t completely throw the game ‘cause I’m afraid of Heather, but…I need a target on my back. I can’t do it anymore. Sierra is driving me crazy! I have no privacy or agency anymore! And she keeps embarrassing me with stories from my childhood! I just…I want to go home. And I know that asking Duncan would mean he would try and get a favor out of me, and I don’t know Alejandro that well, so… I was wondering if you could try and make it so I lose whatever challenge I have to do?”

Noah forgot to respond for a second, thinking about what Cody must have been going through. Upon closer inspection, the teen had dark bags under his eyes and was constantly looking around him, like he was afraid of being jumped- specifically, accosted by Sierra. The cynic sighed- Cody was nice, and one of the few people he could stand to have a conversation with, but he knew that the poor guy would end up a victim to Sierra- whether psychologically or physically, Cody wouldn’t be okay the longer he stayed in the game, the latest in a long string of traumatized Total Drama contestants (himself included).

“Yeah. You have my word, dude,” Noah said. Why am I helping the competition?

Cody beamed at him, the first genuine smile the guy had shown in a while. “Thank you! Thank you, Noah!” he cried, practically skipping for joy. Ah. That’s why.

Noah had a reputation to uphold, so he rolled his eyes. “Don’t get your panties in a twist, dude.”

The other boy ignored him, still smiling. The pair continued the walk across the ruins together, Cody rambling on about the Drama Brothers and how much he missed Justin, Trent, and Harold. Noah listened, happy to hear about non World-Tour matters for the first time in a while.

Chris’ smile upon reaching the circular ring was unnerving- it meant injury, embarrassment, or severe nausea was on the horizon. Possibly a combination of all three, knowing the hosts’ typical schemes.

“This is where two of you will compete in an anything-goes, no-holds-barred, last-man-standing match! I need two people from each team for a total of two matches.” The gleam in his eye was familiar- it was the gleam earned from the joy of seeing two teenagers beat the ever loving snot out of each other. That man had problems.

Courtney, of course, volunteered immediately. “Who am I but the strongest Amazon?”

Even if you didn’t like the C.I.T, she was right. That girl could be an Olympic-level boxer like Noah’s sister Natasha if the whole “lawyer” thing didn’t work out for her.

Cody tried to volunteer himself as the second, but was easily ignored. Usually, Noah would call him a moron, but now that he knew the boy’s desperation at getting out of the competition, he commended the short dude for his bravery.

“I won’t be taken down, so we won’t need a second person. Thanks, though, Cody.” Courtney said as Sierra shot her a glare that would have reduced her to a splat on the wall if looks could kill.

The lawyer-to-be stepped into the ring after toeing off her shoes. Noah knew from experience that that meant Courtney was serious. For her,"serious" meant total humiliation for anyone that had the bad luck of going up against her. An idea formed in Noah’s ever-thinking mind.

“Alejandro’s our strongest competitor. Why don’t you get in the ring, since you’re the only one who could even begin to compete with Wonder Woman over there?” He drawled as he jerked a thumb towards Courtney, who was beginning to do some warm-up stretches as her team gave her encouragement- even Heather, the eternal hard-ass she was.

“Can I do it?” Tyler interjected before Alejandro’s silver tongue could begin to rebuke Noah.“I was on the wrestling team in grade school!”

Alejandro shot a knowing smirk in Noah’s direction. sh*t, of course he caught onto me. “Of course- you can have my spot if you’ll do me a favor down the road.” The scheming eel turned his attention to the host. "Chris, I have to use the restroom. May I...?"

"You have two minutes, dude," Chris replied. "But only cause I know you'll actually come back and not bail on the competish. Alrighty, Tyler, you got the spot!"

Alejandro grinned before slipping away from the challenge, leaving just Noah and Tyler to watch the proceedings. Tyler, the kind-hearted moron that he was, happily nodded his head and stepped into the ring. He adjusted his headband and squared up as Noah lamented another night in economy class. Chris’ smile at the match-up had Noah shaking his head and sighing, knowing what was to come.

Courtney had Tyler flat on his back in less than a minute with expertly placed kicks and punches landed in quick succession, causing the poor guy to go down without a fight. Noah couldn’t even blame it on Tyler’s clumsiness- the girl was simply a beast.

“Did you know that Courtney’s cousin owns a Muay Thai gym? And that she’s won four championships, all undefeated?” Sierra said to Cody, who began to shake in fear of his own teammate. Noah swore he heard a whimper in response.

“All right, that’s Tyler down! Team I’m Really Really Hot, send out your next fighter!” Chris called, happy to have gotten usable footage from the quick bout.

Alejandro’s eyes slid over to Noah’s small frame.When did he get back from the bathroom?

“I couldn't possibly go! I am saving my strength for the final, most difficult challenge," the diplomat's son announced, his voice confident.

"Okay," Chris said with a shrug. "Noah, get out there, bud! I don't think Tyler can stand up again, and Alejandro just came back from the bathroom. I don't know how on earth you hope to beat Courtney, but I do know I'd love to see you try!"

"Wait, what?" Noah said, looking at Cody desperately. "Why does Courtney get to go again? I mean, she might be out of breath or something, which is an unfair match," he said, trying to stall for time as his mind worked for any sort of loophole to wriggle out of the situation.

Alejandro's eyes widened in a panic as Noah's heart rate increased with the crushing silence. "He- he has really bad allergies,” the flirt said suddenly, looking at Chris. “And Courtney only uses mint-peppercorn-asafoetida shampoo. Do you want Noah to go into anaphylactic shock? And die? And then get sued so hard by his family that this show will get shut down, which is a-”

“Breach of contract clause 11-73 B!” Courtney interrupted from where she was standing over Tyler, not even sweating.

“Thank you, Courtney,” Alejandro said. “And by breaking that contract, you will then open yourself up to be sued by the rest of us. That’s potentially eight other lawsuits, Chris. Switch Courtney out. Put Sierra in the ring. She’s just as freakishly strong as Courtney.”

“Hey!” Courtney cried. “Just because your stupid genetics magically gave you a six pack doesn’t mean the rest of us are freaks! I had to work for my muscles!”

“I’m flattered you think I’m as strong as a four-time Muay Thai champion,” Sierra called from opposite the ring.

Noah, for his part, was stunned. He was sure Alejandro was going to kick him into the ring without a second thought and let him lose. If they lost the overall challenge, it would be a perfect excuse to blame it on Noah and finally get him gone, effectively erasing another contender for the final three. (Noah wasn’t going to say he was final two material- he got winded from walking up the smallest of inclines, and so much of Total Drama was dependent on physicality.)

Instead of taking the easy out, the eel had used his admirable quick thinking to exploit a loophole that for once, Noah failed to. It was something that the cynic had come to acknowledge and even marvel at- Alejandro’s ability to think on his feet was infinitely helpful and impressive, even when it was utilized against you.

How the hell did he remember my bad allergies, though? Noah had only mentioned his allergies once this entire season- and that was when he told Sierra to shut up about it, when they were on the flight to Egypt. She had asked what he was allergic to that was so life-threatening, and he had shut it down before curious ears could overhear and get him ejected from the show for medical reasons. Of course the eel had managed to be in earshot for that conversation.

Chris shuddered at the thought of nine lawsuits, and nodded. “Thank you, Al, for saving my butt. Sierra, tag Courtney out. Noah- you’re in!”

Sierra high-fived Courtney with a squeal of “Amazons on top!” as Alejandro dragged Tyler from the ring.

“Good luck, cerebrito,” he called to Noah with a smile and a wink, propping Tyler against a crumbling column.

“I’m not LeShawna. You can’t charm me, Alejandro!” Noah called over his shoulder.

Sierra was facing Courtney, listening as the C.I.T. instructed her to aim for his liver or throat. “Preferably both, if you can manage,” she said as she tapped Sierra’s liver. “That’s where you wanna aim for.”

Sierra nodded happily. “Cody! Remember to cheer for me! I’ll be winning for you, dear,” she called.

Noah looked over at Alejandro and fake gagged- and then remembered what Alejandro had done to Owen. He stiffly turned his attention back to the purple-haired girl. Alejandro quietly slipped off as Chris began to motion for the cameras to begin to roll as everyone’s attention focused onto the two boys, and Noah didn't have the chance to see where he had scampered off to.

“Ready?” Chris called.

“Yes!” Sierra cried in response as she dropped low, hands extended like a kung-fu master (or Courtney).

“No,” sighed Noah, not even putting his fists up. He was no Eva; he knew it, and so did his team.

Sierra flew at him with surprising speed- for such a tall girl, she sure could launch herself. The brainiac (“cerebrito”, in stupid Alejandro’s words) ducked, barely out of her reach.

Quickly glancing at the Amazon team as his chest heaved, Noah saw Heather watching with arms crossed, Courtney leaning forward slightly as she sideline coached, and Cody…looking off into the ruins. Where Duncan and Gwen were. (And where faint lute music was emanating from. Noah couldn’t say he was sorry to be missing out on this episode’s song.)

“Oh my God, is Gwen blowing a kiss to Cody from behind Chef’s back?” Noah wheezed out, hoping that upon hearing Cody’s name Sierra’s brain would short circuit to its default setting of “crazy”.

“Never! That skan*! I’ll get her for trying to take Cody away from me!” Sierra yelled. She ran at Noah, and he stepped to the side as she barreled past him- and out of the ring, towards the scavenger hunt area.

“Nuh-uh, lady!” Chris said, sticking his leg out. Her foot caught on his ankle, and she hit the ground with a thud. “They’re singing! And no one is interrupting that song! Not in a million years, sister!”

The host looked at Noah, then to Sierra on the ground, slightly stunned at the turn of events before grinning wildly. “Sierra left the ring...so the victory goes to Team I’m Really Really Really Really Hot! Congrats, bros!”

Alejandro cheered as he sidled back up to the ring, shaking Tyler’s shoulder as he celebrated Noah’s victory.

“You didn’t even have to throw a punch!” he said with a smile- one that seemed genuine, though it quickly faded to a fake, strained one as Courtney screamed in outrage, and Heather began to yell at Chris, motioning wildly.

“You cannot be serious! She was tricked into leaving the ring!” Heather’s incessant voice rang throughout the ruins, indignation drenching every word. Courtney echoed her statement, albeit a little more strongly worded.

“Hey, man, it was her fault that she left. Do you think the Greeks would care? No! They would just sacrifice the moron who couldn’t think about a singular task for more than five minutes to the gods!”

“Human sacrifice was the Aztecs, genius,” drawled Noah from his place in the ring. “Your track record of idiocy is impressive.”

“I will rescind your victory if you keep making fun of me,” Chris threatened. “Me being impressed that a scrawny nerd like you bested an absolute unit like Sierra will only last so long, Mudaliar.”

Noah raised his hands placatingly. “Loud and clear, McLean. Loud and clear.”

Chris clapped his hands, spinning on his heel to face the cameras. “Well! Lookie here. We have a tie.”

Everyone present groaned, knowing full well what was coming up. Tiebreakers never ended well- usually they were more brutal or more complex than the actual challenge.

“I didn’t expect Team I’m Really Hot to put up much of a physical challenge, so I have no tiebreaker set up. Whatever! I'm making one up anyways. Noah, stay in the ring. Cody, get in there! Represent your team! Achieve a win for the feminist world!”

From where Sierra was sitting on the ground, she squealed. “Did you know that my Cody did a book report on Malala Yousafzai in fifth grade? He is such a forward-thinking feminist!”

Chris deftly ignored her. “After Total Drama Island, I hope you two don’t end up up close and personal again,” he said with a sh*t eating grin, ducking as Noah threw a piece of rubble at him.

“Oh?” Alejandro asked. He turned to Sierra, who would most definitely have an answer. “What could that possibly mean?”

For the first time, she soured.

"She’s never done that when given the chance to talk about Cody," Alejandro muttered quietly, and Noah rolled his eyes.

“It means that Noah can’t keep his hands to himself when he sleeps," the superfan spat.

“He’s a sleep cuddler,” Heather informed Alejandro before smiling wickedly as Alejandro’s eyebrows shot up into his hairline.

“And you were bald and obsessed with Courtney's hair, so we’ve all got our flaws,” a very flushed Noah hissed from his place in the ring, effectively ending the conversation before Alejandro could press further.

Chris tutted. “No time to waste! This is a thirty minute show and we haven’t even gotten to our second Olympic game! Hurry up, boys!”

Cody sighed as he looked at Noah. “We look stupid, don’t we?” He widened his eyes, ever so slightly, and Noah nodded back with the smallest tilt of his head he could manage.

“You’re no Hercules, that’s for sure,” Alejandro called from the ringside, hands on his hips as his calculating emerald eyes locked onto Noah.

“Actually, it’s Heracles,” Noah corrected before his teammate rolled his eyes in an almost affectionate way.

“C’mon Cody! One-two, like I taught you!” Courtney yelled. Her hand flexed, and Noah knew that in her imagination, she was holding her dearly beloved megaphone.

“Cody, I know you can do it!” Sierra called from where she sat near Chris McLean’s feet, not bothering to move from where he tripped her.

The brainiac simply took his heavy hiking boot off and threw it at Cody, who was hit squarely in the face and fell backwards, and out of the ring. He barely tried to dodge it and didn’t even put up a fight! Thank God he does music- the guy is the worst actor known to man.

From where Sierra was “nursing him back to health”, he covertly shot Noah a thumbs up.

“Finally! We’re done! And so are our scavenger hunters!” Chris said, throwing his hands up in the air as his team of cameras followed him down to the Parthenon.

---

Gwen came back victorious, and Duncan came back…injured. Alejandro winced as the punk’s back popped for the third time in a few minutes.

“At least you weren’t mauled,” Cody said with a feeble grin, backing off when Duncan all but growled at the guy like a rabid animal.

“What the hell happened back there?” Alejandro asked his teammate, voice low as Chris started another one of his obnoxiously long monologues.

Duncan shook his head. “Nothing but me, Gwen, Chef, and a bear.” His voice was slightly off...guarded. Defensive. Untruthful.

That’s not exactly ‘nothing’, but no matter. I saw it all anyway, Alejandro thought with a small smirk.But by lying to me, you have proven yourself to be a pawn, not an ally.

“Gwen is victorious, which makes our teams tied. Again.” The irritation in Chris’ voice was music to Alejandro’s ears as the host faced the teens.

“That means we have a tiebreaker! A favorite event of the Greeks, we have…” the host snapped his manicured fingers, and an intern rushed to wheel a few columns from the competitor's line of sight. Chris smiled wider as the contestants' faces dropped at the reveal of the second tiebreaker of the day. “Hurdles! The ultimate test of flexibility and speed!”

Heather smirked. “I’m both of those!” She crowed, and it effectively sparked Alejandro’s competitive spirit.

The member of the boys-only team looked her dead in the eyes as he sunk into a split that earned an impressed whistle from Chris. Cody opted to shudder, and Noah had to cringe along with him. “No man should be able to do that,” the astutely inflexible and slow bookworm muttered.

“Those must be some damn expensive pants if they didn't rip,” Gwen commented, putting a hand on her hip. Noah smothered a laugh, and Duncan guffawed. He quickly stopped when Courtney shot him a glare.

“Runners! Get ready!” Chris called loudly from behind the starting line.

Alejandro sauntered to the starting line, exuding pure confidence. Heather stopped next to him, tossing her hair proudly. She was just as vain as Alejandro, and twice as arrogant.

“Get ready to lose, lover boy,” she sneered, before getting into a beginning crouch.

“I assume you are familiar with that feeling, Heather?” he replied, flashing a charming smile full of star power. It caused Noah’s stomach to twist a little, but the queen bee simply scoffed, shaking her head in annoyance.

From the sidelines, Courtney called, “Pound him into the dirt!” while Tyler yelled “You got this, bro!” Chris ignored both of them, motioning to Chef. He strummed his lute loudly, and the host yelled “GO!”

Heather was obviously thrown off by the lack of a countdown, and Alejandro shot off like a rocket while she delayed. The Amazon was nimble, though, and she leaped over the hurdles with ease- even gaining on Alejandro. She threw her hands up in the air and cheered as Alejandro began to lag behind her.

“I don’t really like the girl, but that’s just impressive,” Noah said to no one in particular as he watched the rivals speed down the course. “Those heels are majorly clunky. Anybody who can run and jump hurdles in those should be immediately drafted into the NFL.”

"My Lindsay can run in heels, too. Someone tried to mug her, once, and she ran after the dude and tackled him. It was totally wicked," Tyler said absentmindedly, eyes glued on the race unfolding in front of them.

The race continued, with Alejandro still lagging behind. Noah wouldn’t lie- he was getting antsy seeing Alejandro not really care at how much space was in between him and Heather. Suddenly, the eel opened his mouth and glanced towards sidelines. He looked directly at the resident jock, who had begun to sweat when he realized who Alejandro was looking at.

“Tyler! Now!” he yelled, causing everyone to jolt and turn their eyes to the teen- even Heather, as she cleared hurdle after hurdle.

The jock gulped, looking around wildly as Courtney fixed her sights on the red-clad boy, clenching her fists.

“Tyler! Now!” Alejandro cried, panic rising in his voice as the finish line was rapidly approached by Heather.

The boy looked around wildly before crying out, “I saw Gwen and Duncan kiss!”

Heather stopped in her tracks as Courtney launched herself at Duncan, Noah and Tyler quickly backing up from the erupting fight. Gwen simply cringed, looking away shamefully as the teen's attention slid to her.

"Gwen, how could you?" Cody asked in a small voice, looking heartbroken.

Heather’s sudden stopping allowed Alejandro to leap the rest of the hurdles and pull ahead of her, clearing the finish line as Chef managed to pull Duncan away from Courtney, who was wailing in despair. The punk's nose was bleeding a little from her attack, and Gwen looked both shocked, scared, and embarrassed as the scene played out in front of her.

“How could you! How could you? You just came back!” Courtney's voice was clogged with tears, and it broke Noah's heart seeing her cry as the cameras all swiveled to zoom in on her.

Even Chris’ eyes were wide as Duncan was ushered to the medical tent set up, where interns were waiting for him- but they were all giving the punk the major stink eye. No one likes a cheater.

Courtney was fully sobbing now, limp in Chef’s arms. The veteran wasn’t the kindest soul around considering his work on Total Drama, but the way he was patting her back was bordering on fatherly as Courtney shook, her voice a warble as threats and random words spewed from her mouth.

“The victory goes to Team I’m Really Hot!” Chris called, giving Alejandro a pat on the back as he fake-smiled for the cameras. “Get back to the plane, everybody, so we can vote an Amazon out- and by someone, I mean Gwen! Sorry kiddo, but even Cody getting knocked out by a nerd can’t outdo the damage you did!” Noah didn’t even feel offended at the statement as he watched the drama unfold.

An intern walked from the medical tent to begin to herd the teens back to the plane, Noah once again at the back of the pack. Courtney was up at the front, still leaning on Chef, who had a meaty arm wrapped around her shoulders. Surprisingly, her team was next to her- except for Gwen, who went to Duncan in the medical tent. Watching Heather attempt to console the crying girl was a first, but it was nice to know that the Queen had a heart after all. Sierra was murmuring something most likely violent, and even Cody was offering her some candy he had noticed that she was favorable towards. It was almost heartwarming, seeing the team come together for a controversial figure such as Courtney. (Noah had overheard Sierra talking animatedly one day to Bridgette about each contestant’s standing with the fans, okay?)

Behind them was Alejandro and Tyler, who were conversing quietly. Noah tried to keep his jealousy in check when he saw the two’s shoulders bumping as they walked, heads slightly turned into the other as their mouths moved quickly, saying something the loner boy couldn’t hear.

He sighed; at least he wasn’t on the chopping block. But how the hell did he miss Duncan and Gwen? They were both dressed in standout colors- and “subtle” wasn’t exactly a word Noah would use to describe Duncan. Especially not on a cramped plane.

But more than that…Noah felt a little bit of resentment at Alejandro. His sister, Aamani, had been cheated on, and the affair had lasted for months. She had been utterly destroyed, and that was when the cheating had occurred locally, not on international reality T.V. It’s one thing to get cheated on. It’s another thing to be cheated on in such a public way, and then have that emotional trauma utilized so what- your team could win a race?

Was it a smart move at the end of the day? Yes. Alejandro knew how to play the game, and he played it exceptionally well- even better than Heather. But even for a million dollars, that was one of the few things Noah simply would not exploit. If he had been cheated on, he’d rather it not be during an adrenaline filled race with your peers and competitors, when everyone’s eyes were on you.

His mind turned over in circles, body on autopilot as he thought, even as he sat down in first class. He positioned himself near the “bar” area, leaning over the table as he fiddled with his glass. He drew pictures in the condensation, even as the plane lifted off with more bangs and clunksthan any mechanical object should have, mind still spinning as he replayed the day's events in him mind.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Alejandro and Tyler still speaking, tones hushed as they shot glances at Duncan, who was angrily watching The Great Gatsby- most likely Sierra had been watching it on the flight to Greece and had forgotten to turn it off, but the poetic irony of the movie choice was not lost on Noah.

Noah ate sparingly from the food offered, waiting for the eventual time when Chris’ irritatingly chipper voice would come on the P.A. system, announcing who got booted off. That time never came. What did happen, however, was a loud scream of rage from the elimination area.

"What the f*ck do you mean “the drama is too good”? I want her GONE!” The C.I.T.’s voice was a roar, and there was a distinct sound of a barf bag being slammed on the floor.

Duncan winced from his spot on the plush seats. “I would suggest we all stay in here. For our own safety.” It was the first thing he’d said since his cheating was exposed.

Alejandro sighed. “Why couldn’t you have led Bridgette astray? At least she doesn’t have the strength of a small rhinoceros when angry.”

Noah’s mouth moved before he had a chance to think about what he was saying. “Because you were already trying to do that, genius,” he drawled, even as the charmer's gaze snapped up to the bored boy, eyebrows raised at the low blow. Alejandro’s expression soured and he went silent, leaning back in his seat as he flipped open a magazine more aggressively than necessary, purposefully looking not at Noah.

The silence would typically be perfect- Noah could either sleep, or get through a couple chapters of his book. But, not feeling very confident in his team after their stint in London, he had preemptively left his thriller novel in economy class. Even though he had no part in the whole “revealing the cheater” thing, he was still guilty by association and was not willing to get injured in place of Duncan. A movie was the last thing he wanted right now (though he was seriously considering Brokeback Mountain if not to piss off Duncan). Sighing, he pushed himself from the counter and made his way to the confessional.

“We won, which is great,” Noah began once he was positioned in front of the camera, but he sighed. “But I really just…I know Alejandro can sink low, but him utilizing Duncan and Gwen’s cheating to win was…not cool. It was a smart move, objectively, but I guess someone like him could never understand the feeling of being cheated on. Whatever. I’m just afraid that Chris is gonna make some batsh*t crazy challenge up to force one of our teams to completely destroy whatever sense of unity we have left. The man’s a psycho- a charming one, like Ted Bundy.”

Noah sighed again, rubbing a hand across his face. “Alejandro’s acting weird too- he knows that I see through him, but whenever I comment on his frankly obvious tactics, he looks like someone’s pissed in his drink. It’s infuriating.” He continued to ramble until he heard a knock on the door, a light tap he would have missed completely if he hadn’t been sitting so close to the confessional's entrance.

He opened the door to Courtney’s tear-stained face. “Oh,” she said, face borderline expressionless as she looked at the boy standing in the doorway. “Sorry. I can- I can go back,” she said, lip beginning to quiver as she thought about having to pass by Gwen once again. Noah didn’t particularly care for Courtney one way or the other, but his chest tightened at her grief-stricken face.

“No, no, I was finished here,” Noah said, his voice a rush as a strangely strong feeling of empathy washed over him. His sister Aamani’s post-breakup fallout had been brutal. Seeing his strong, confident sister reduced to sobs, anger, and self-esteem issues had been hard for him and his other sisters to witness. Aamani, the eldest, most reliable sister, utterly destroyed for months on end had affected the entire family. Even his younger sisters, usually so cheery, were downcast as a result. Aamani hadn’t gotten back onto the saddle of dating until a year and a half of therapy and self-care, and that was without all of the extra bullsh*t of one’s closest friend going behind your back in front of millions of viewers. He may not know the feeling of being cheated on directly, but Courtney’s tear stained face was too familiar for him to simply ignore. He stepped out of the confessional. Her eyes began to water a little at his gentle tone- which was surprising, considering he was typically labeled the “sarcastic one”.

“Hey, hey,” Noah said. “You’re fine. You’re fine. It’s okay, it’s just me.”

Surprisingly, the girl didn’t enter the confessional. She simply slumped onto the ground and against the closed door like a marionette who finally had their strings cut. She didn’t wail like she had been (they could hear her crying all the way in first class), but instead began to softly sob, curling in on herself as her shoulders shook, wrapping her arms around her knees. He was reminded too much of Aamani, and surprised himself by staying.

Noah sat down next to her, drawing his legs up. He (only slightly) awkwardly wrapped an arm around her shaking shoulders. Courtney let herself be dragged into his embrace, her head resting in the crook of his neck as she continued to cry as he tried to rub gentle, soothing circles into her back.

When the sobbing started to choke her, the girl’s breath coming in strangled gasps, Noah forced her to look at him, removing her from where her head was buried in his three collars. Her eyes struggled to focus, tears still slipping down her face as she struggled to breathe, eyes red from the amount of crying she had been doing.

“Look- Courtney, look, ” Noah said as he forced her to make eye contact with him. “In, hold, out. Follow my breathing. Okay?” He inhaled for three seconds, held his breath for three seconds, and exhaled for three seconds. He did it over and over, until she began to do it with him. Eventually, their breaths synced and Courtney’s chest was no longer erratically heaving.

“I won’t ask if you’re okay,” Noah began. “It’s stupid, and I’m not gonna force you to lie and say 'I’m totally fine! I’ll get over it!' like you usually do since you’re so damn noble. You have every right to be not okay. What he did was completely sh*tty, but you’re not alone. I can assure you that most everyone here hates his guts for what he did.” The lawyer-in-training nodded her head, eyes beginning to water again. She bit her lip, trying to keep herself together as she listened. “You’re so much stronger than- me, then...hell, everyone here, for starters. What Duncan did was low, and sh*tty, and it was not your fault. What Gwen did? Was not your fault. Some people make decisions that hurt you- but those decisions are not because of you. We still have a few more hours up in this damn plane, and I know you need rest more than anyone here. We can stay here, or you can…” Noah hesitated. “You can come with me to first class and get some passable sleep on the nice chairs. I’ll make Duncan sleep in the co*ckpit with the inflatable of Chef.”

Courtney opened her mouth, but no sound came out. She clicked her jaw shut, and tried again. Her voice was haggard and raspy when she finally managed to speak. “I just…I can’t understand why, Noah,” she whispered. “I thought Gwen and I were friends, and I was so happy to be surrounded with people I liked when we picked Duncan up off those dirty streets.” Leaning against the door, she picked up Noah’s hand from where it rested on his knee. She held it, and Noah did not recoil as he would with anyone else. She watched as Noah began to trace circles into her knuckles with his thumb, the way he had done with Aamani. The motion was natural to him, and she seemed to appreciate the gesture, shoulders relaxing slightly.

“I can only think about all of our interactions and how sh*tty I was to him and how much happier he probably is with Gwen, and…” she trailed off, closing her eyes as more tears forced their way down her cheeks.

Noah squeezed her hand gently. “I can assure you, Gwen isn’t happy with him. She values your friendship more than a few flimsy kisses with Duncan. Bros over hoes, and whatnot,” he explained, though he had a suspicion that Gwen probably chased the taste of Courtney’s mint-peppercorn-asafoetida chapstick on Duncan’s lips. That was a discussion for later, though.

Courtney laughed, a watery sound that struggled to escape her throat, but a laugh nonetheless. She released Noah’s hand, and got up from the ground. He followed suit, and gently bumped his shoulder against hers- a habit he picked up from Ruby, one of the oldest children in the family. The Amazon smiled gratefully through the remainder of her tears.

“Will you really make Duncan sleep in the co*ckpit?” she asked, a smile ghosting her lips.

“I’m a man of my word, madam,” Noah responded with a lopsided grin of his own. “Just stay here and I’ll find some excuse.”

She nodded, and entered the confessional as Noah traipsed back to first class.

When he entered, all three boys’ heads snapped up to look at him. “What took you so long?” Alejandro asked, peering from his seat at the counter, magazine open at his side.

“I was talking with Courtney,” Noah replied, though he was a little surprised that Alejandro cared enough to ask.

Duncan’s back stiffened, and he looked uncomfortable as he spoke. “What did she have to say? You shouldn’t believe what she says, man. She’s crazy.”

“She said that you’re a piece of sh*t,” Noah responded. “And I’m not really inclined to disagree. She’s exhausted from constantly crying and having cameras shoved in her face, so I’m inviting her here so she can get some sleep. God knows she needs it.”

Alejandro nodded. “I could hear Heather tell Sierra to back off about “Gwuncan” and “Duncney” while you were gone, though I have no idea what those words mean. But...I’ve never heard Heather that serious about anything. We have the seats open, since there’s only four of us. There's no reason to keep her in economy class. Bring her in, Noah.”

Noah’s eyebrow arched at that. Huh. Maybe he does have some civility after all.

“Wh- what? We can’t do that! That’s not allowed! She’ll kill me!” Duncan sputtered, looking at his teammates. “Come on, Tyler, back me up!”

“Cheating isn’t cool, bro,” the jock said, shaking his head from where he reclined. “If I was cheated on and then I had to sleep on those wood benches, I would totally lose my mind.”

Duncan grunted in anger, lip curling back a little. “But- but- she’s crazy! She’ll kill me!”

“Not if you act decent,” Noah said. “Just, for the sake of the girl you just brutally stomped on the heart of, give up your spot. Chris always did call you the “punk with a heart of gold”, dude.”

Duncan yelled in frustration, but still got up. “Fine! But know this, cerebrito,” he hissed, as Alejandro cringed at his horrible pronunciation. “One slip up, and I’m voting your ass off. I didn’t come back to this stupid game and get the sh*t kicked out of me by a bear for you to make me give up my first class for some crazy chick who was asking for it.”

Surprisingly, it wasn’t Noah who reacted this time. It was Alejandro, standing tall in front of the punk, glowering down at the other boy's neon green hair as his lips curled back into a snarl that would have looked stupid on anyone else. On the taller man, however, it looked imposing and intimidating- threatening, even.

“How dare you? Noah is the only one here who’s helping her after a breakup that you caused, and you have the audacity to threaten him? Why? Because you know that you are completely in the wrong, and everyone knows it? And then! And then, you insinuate that your cheating is justified? I knew you were a criminal, but a nasty hijo de perra? I did not take you for that. ”

Duncan’s eyes were wide before he corrected his expression, schooling it into one of anger. Noah’s eyes were the size of dinner plates as he gaped at the seething teen. He stood up for me? Or maybe he’s just standing up for Courtney…. Either way, he should not look that good angry.

Duncan just sneered maliciously. “Whatever. I’m finding Gwen,” he said, and retreated as nobly as he could for someone that just got thoroughly verbally beaten down.

Noah walked out behind him, but not before giving a sheepish smile to the still-standing teen. “Thank you,” he said, suddenly bashful under Alejandro’s gaze. There’s time to unpack that later. He looked to Tyler, who had been quietly observing the whole thing.

“Thanks to you too for backing me up.” The red-clad boy just nodded before leaning back and shifting his headband over his eyes as a makeshift sleep-mask.

Noah collected Courtney from the hallway with the confessional in it and walked with her to first class. She seemed a little more put-together as they walked, even smiling a little as Noah made fun of Duncan, trying not to sniffle too much.

“Sorry it took so long to get you,” Noah said. “I was met with opposition from a certain loser.”

“You’re totally fine.” Courtney said as they stopped in front of the door. Before opening the door, she embraced Noah. “Thank you so much,” she said. “You didn’t have to argue against your own teammate for me. We both know how well that goes in this game. And we both know how Duncan is,” she said, frowning as she wiped at her eyes.

“I couldn’t just leave you there,” Noah replied. “Anyways, Alejandro and Tyler stepped in. Duncan may be able to punt me into next week, but those two are brick houses.”

Courtney giggled. It was the first time he’d ever heard her make such a girlish, innocent-sounding noise. “Oh, I’m sure Alejandro would have taken care of him for you,” she said.

Noah raised an eyebrow. “And what does that mean?”

“Oh, nothing,” she said with a sly smile that certainly did not connote “nothing”.

“Courtney, I will make you sleep next to Tyler,” Noah warned, with no real venom in his voice.

“Well, Sierra swears she saw Alejandro checking you out during the Olympics challenge. And when we were in our swimsuits in Jamaica.”

Noah couldn’t help but bark a surprised laugh out. “No way! Have you seen how he acts with Heather? Next to her, I’m a sack of potatoes.”

Courtney tutted. “You need more self confidence, Noah. Just because you’re not Justin doesn’t mean you’re ugly. If anything, your intelligence is enough to make you two a perfect match.”

Noah simply shook his head. “Is this how you cope with your breakup? By psychoanalyzing my non-existent love life?”

Courtney cheerily replied, “Yep! And you can’t do anything about it or else it’s a hate crime against Hispanic women!”

Noah rolled his eyes, but was betrayed by his fond smile. “Thank God someone here still has a sense of humor.”

Courtney laughed again, and made to open the door. Before she did, however, she hugged Noah tightly again.

“Thank you, Noah. If you hadn’t found me I don’t know what I would do.”

From where he was pressed against her shoulder, his muffled voice responded, “Of course. We’re…friends. We’re friends, and I couldn’t just leave you there.”

“Thank you so much. Genuinely.” Courtney released him and sniffled. “I meant every word I said.”

Noah tipped his head towards her. “I didn’t doubt it.”

When he swung the door to first-class open, both boys still in the room looked up at the pair.

The Amazon sheepishly smiled and waved. “Hey, guys. Sorry for intruding.”

Alejandro, of course, was the first to reply. “Of course. I have no doubt that you are harrowed by that fool’s actions. I would tell you that there is food in the back and drinks are at the counter, but you have been here before. Instead, I will say that you are welcome to any seat and can stay as long as you please. Please, rest your mind.”

Courtney looked like she was about to cry again. “Thanks, Alejandro,” she said, her voice slightly hoarse as she tried to swallow the lump in her throat.

The newest contestant simply smiled- a genuine one, Noah noted- and let his eyes slip closed and head tilt back. Within moments, Alejandro's chest was rising and falling evenly.

Tyler was completely out, mouth hanging open as he snored. It wasn’t at loud or as obnoxious as Owen’s snoring could get, so Noah had learned to let it slide. The cynical boy simply laid down on the plush carpeted floor, curling in on himself.

“Do you really sleep on the floor?” Courtney asked as she sat down on one of the recliners. She extended the footrest, sighing in contentment.

“I can’t sleep on those damn things. I roll too much. It’s easier down here- I have so much space to myself. This is first class; the carpet is nice down here.”

She chuckled, but didn’t press any further. “If that’s what gets you well rested and ready for a challenge, who am I to judge.”

“That’s what I thought,” he snarked, and rolled onto his side.

After a beat of silence, the Amazon spoke again. “Good night, Noah. Thank you.”

He bid her goodnight before slipping into slumber, the familiar humming of the plane easily lulling him to sleep.

Chapter 2: About 12 Years Too Early

Chapter Text

Peace and quiet can’t last any longer than 17 hours on this damn plane, can it? Noah thought as Chris’ obnoxious voice blared from the planes’ speakers, rudely awakening the boy on the floor. From above him, Courtney also awoke with a groan.

“Attention, potential crash victims! Please remain calm. Our autopilot is testing some equipment. Snacks are in the common area if you don’t trust me, and want a last meal.” The line clicked off as the plane continued to violently shudder, and Noah couldn’t care less. As long as they didn’t do any more barrel rolls, he would be fine.

Alejandro sighed from where he was sitting in one of the reclining chairs, looking up from where he had been idly flipping through a Greek gossip magazine. “The day I trust Chris is the day Sierra falls in love with Heather.”

Courtney chuckled as she walked to the first class door to make her way to the common area. “You never know. Chris may be a homicidal psychopath who breaks international law constantly, but he loves himself too much. If this plane was an actual threat, he would have been the first one off of this thing and into safety. We’re fine.”

Noah yawned in agreement. “That being said, we might as well show our faces. People might get mad at us for holing up here. At the end of the day anyways, Chris is crazy and we might all die. I really have no clue how some of you have lasted two seasons of his bullsh*t. Island was enough for me.”

Alejandro looked between the two, head tilted quizzically. “He’s done worse than this?” he asked.

All three of the Total Drama veterans laughed at that, various challenges they had to go through flashing in their minds.

From where he was doing push-ups, Tyler spoke up. “Dude, have you never seen an episode of Total Drama? Chris is crazy with a capital K! In our first episode, we all jumped off a super high cliff and into water. Beth said that if we had hit the water wrong, we could have broken all of our bones immediately! Or been eaten by sharks.”

Noah barely repressed a shudder as he remembered the first challenge he ever had to do. “In short,” he said, “the chances of dying while in the vicinity of Chris McLean is always at least 25%.” His back popped as he stretched with a groan, and trudged after Courtney to meet the other contestants in the main area of the plane.

The Jumbo Jet continued to shake, rattle, and thankfully not roll as Heather bitched at Alejandro from across the room. Alejandro met every single barb with a vicious backhanded retort or simply flirted with her, much to Heather's chagrin and the contestant's delight. Anyone who could go toe-to-toe with the resident mean girl and get her to stop talking was a friend of theirs.

Suddenly, the plane stopped shuddering.

Noway is this thing finally working correctly, Noah thought as he reached for a protein bar- and then the flying death trap went into a full freefall.

As per usual, the charming aristocrat named Alejandro Burromuerto did not scream in fear. That fact didn’t stop Noah in the slightest from letting out a wicked screech as he was suddenly suspended in midair, protein bar hitting the ceiling.

A pair of strong arms wrapped around his skinny waist, pulling him close to their owner- and then he heard Alejandro purr into his ear, “Don’t be afraid. I’ve got you,” and Noah promptly lost all higher thinking abilities, scream dying in his throat as he tried to stamp down the butterflies in his stomach. He didn't even writhe or try to wiggle his way out of Alejandro's grip- sadly, he knew that his teammate was probably going to keep him safe.

Why can't he act like an eel all the time? It's really hard to hate the guy when he acts like this.

Courtney, Heather, and Sierra were loudly screaming for their lives as the plane suddenly stopped before hitting the ground, campers hitting the floor with a thud and a groan- except for Noah, who was gently set on his feet by the overly proud of himself eel, who had a happy grin plastered on his face when he saw how flustered Noah was.

“Well. That worked out well-” Cody began, trying to pull himself back onto his feet, and then the plane dropped the final few feet onto the ground. The boy hit his head with a wham! and he groaned from his place on the floor.

“You jinxed us,” Gwen moaned as she struggled to her feet, pulling Duncan up with her.

“Whatever,” Courtney grunted as she hauled herself to her feet. She ambled towards the exit, a hand pressed to her head where she had bumped it on the way down. The other teens followed her lead and exited the plane, greeted by the chilly desert in the dead of night.

There were large rock formations on all sides of them, and the moon illuminated their giant, misshapen forms, gentle reds and burnt oranges. It was quiet; and for the first time on this godforsaken show did Noah feel peaceful.

He exhaled softly, eyes glued to the stars above him. Since they were in the middle of nowhere, there was no light pollution to conceal the natural beauty of the celestial maps in the sky. The brainiac quickly picked out the familiar shapes of Orion, Scorpius, and Lyra, shivering in the cold night air as his eyes roved the heavens. Noah followed the stars to find constellations, just like his sister Vithika taught him how to as a kid. A few clouds wandered into the sky, but even they could not mask the awe-inspiring majesty of the heavenly bodies, twinkling just for him. Even though there were others with him, he felt wonderfully solitary as he looked at the wide night sky.

Noah was so enraptured that he didn’t take notice of the beautiful boy next to him until he spoke, a soft whisper to not disturb the peace of the night (early morning? Noah couldn’t tell anymore due to constantly changing time zones).

“I’ve never truly seen the stars. Only once at a planetarium, many years ago,” Alejandro said from behind, his voice a rumbling baritone. It was comforting to Noah, and he hummed in response, eyes still roving the stars.

“Do you know your constellations?” Noah asked, breaking the silence of the night, leaning slightly towards the taller boy, trying to soak up the warmth rolling off of him.

“Only how to find the Little and Big Dipper, for a class,” Alejandro replied.

If Noah had been looking at the boy next to him rather than the stars, he would have seen the fond gaze Alejandro looked at him with; a soft smile that was so terribly genuine, the dark of the night covering his features and allowing him to express so openly his adoration for the intelligent, sarcastic boy next to him.

Noah lifted a hand to direct Alejandro's attention to a certain point in the sky. “If you follow those three bright stars clustered together, you'll find Orion. If you look hard enough, you can find Sagittarius. I'm a Capricorn, but you can't see that at this time of year since we're in the wrong hemisphere for it,” he said, spewing facts he had long ago memorized when he went stargazing with his sisters on a rare family vacation. They had regaled him with myth after myth, and he soaked all of it up joyously.

Alejandro opened his mouth to respond, but was cut off by an obnoxious sound. Of course, it was made by none other than Chris McLean.

“Are you two lovebirds done? Because I would hate to interrupt your date with a CHALLENGE!” he cried, clapping his hands and causing all of the staring campers (could they even be called campers anymore? Globetrotters, maybe?) to jolt at the loud sound it produced.

Noah flushed, and hissed “It's not a date, McLean!” as the other teens tried to stifle their snickers at the red-faced pair, who quickly jumped away from each other.

The host rolled his eyes and motioned for the cameras to focus on him. “Alrighty, my dear contestants! We're currently in Area 52, Nevada!”

“Um, isn't Area 51 the place we should be? The place with all the aliens?” Cody asked, looking around the desert for a government base.

“Yep! Area 51 is over that-a-way,” Chris said with a jerk of his thumb over his shoulder. “We’re just on the border.”

Suddenly, a laser came out of nowhere and hit Duncan square in the back. He screamed as electricity coursed through his body, causing his hair to stand up on end. The contestants all stared in horror as the punk convulsed, hands over their mouths in shock and disbelief. Even Heather had to stifle a gasp.

Just as quickly as it came, the laser shut off and Duncan fell on his back, groaning in pain as Courtney laughed maliciously. To everyone else, it sounded real, but Noah could hear the strained, forced undertones in the C.I.T.'s voice. Gwen shot Courtney a glare from where she was at Duncan's side, letting the punk lean on her as he groaned, trying to get back on his feet.

“Except for Duncan. He’s in the border. That was a nasty shot you took there, bro,” Chris said with a much too delighted smile at the slightly singed teen. “Moving on! The first half of tonight’s challenge has both teams infiltrating the government base. If you don’t get shot, electrocuted, blown up, or otherwise disfigured, congrats! If not, we have plausible deniability, and can and will say it was a weather balloon related…incident.” He chuckled at that like the psycho he was.

Cody looked ashen, Gwen’s eyes were as wide as quarters, and Tyler was sweating profusely, even in the dead of night. Alejandro was listening intently, and Noah knew that his brain was working overtime as he came up with a plan for every possibility.

“Once you make it in, hopefully in one piece, the next part of your challenge begins. Find me a gen-u-ine, functioning alien artifact, from one of Area 51’s many warehouses! It’s gotta still be working, bros. If not, you’re disqualified. Once you get through the booby trapped warehouse-”

“Booby trapped!?” Sierra cried, clutching onto Cody. He didn’t even look uncomfortable, too focused on the absolutely insane words coming from Chris’ mouth.

“-you gotta get back out, hopefully not triggering any alarms, which is part three of the challenge: bringing your intact item back to me. First one to give me their artifact wins. The team who doesn't faces elimination. Simple, right?”

“As simple as quantum physics,” Noah snarked, already dreading the challenge.

“Well, considering you’re a huge nerd, I’m sure you think you’ve got this in the bag, then,” Heather said with a huff. “Joke’s on you, loser! I know damn well you can’t run past lasers and are so clumsy you’d probably trip every alarm in the compound.”

“Just because I’m short and wearing a collared shirt doesn’t mean you can mistake me for our token clumsy white boy over there,” Noah deadpanned back, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Hey!” Sierra and Cody chorused indignantly. Noah simply shrugged and turned to face his team, who were snickering at his sarcasm.

Duncan joined them from where he had been standing next to Gwen, combing a hand through his singed mohawk. Noah tried to stifle a chortle, and Duncan shot him a nasty look for laughing.

“Ready…set…go get me an artifact!” Chris yelled, and the two teams ran off in different paths: Amazons to the left of a large rock formation, and Team Chris on the right.

Alejandro went to the head of the group as he usually did during physicality-based challenges, and Noah let him.Even though Tyler was supposed to be the jock, Alejandro’s seemingly natural athleticism and charisma propelled him to be the team’s leader, and no one disputed his place.

The team booked it across the field until a large wire fence came into view, dark buildings inside its protective border. They stopped and huddled behind a large boulder, peering around it and at the compound. The compound they were supposed to break into.

“Undoubtedly electric,” Alejandro announced, as if it wasn’t obvious. His teammates all agreed, eyes glued to the fence as they tried to figure out what the catch was. (They had all learned very quickly in their first season that there was always a catch. "Easy" was not a word used to describe a Total Drama challenge, ever.)

Faintly, the boys heard an explosion from the other side of the field, and after thethundering noise stopped echoing around the area, they boys all heard music.

“I hope that wasn’t Gwen,” Duncan murmured, looking on the horizon for any airborne teenagers.

“Lover boy! Focus!” Noah said, snapping his fingers at the punk. “That sound was close to us- they could be inside right now.We can only hope that having to do this episode's song is slowing them down."

Duncan threw a nasty glare Noah’s way, but turned his body towards the fence nevertheless. He picked a rock up from the surrounding desert and threw it in a lazy arc through the air.

Before the stone hit the ground, a laser fired and it was zapped into dust, practically exploding into sediment upon contact. Team Chris all gaped at the space in the air where the laser hit, dead silent as they processed what just happened.

“Holy sh*t. We’ve done some crazy stuff, but this…this is….” Tyler said, grasping for words as he gaped, openmouthed, at the place where the rock had been obliterated mid-air.

“Yeah,” Duncan agreed, equally as eloquent.

Noah echoed Tyler’s sentiment. Yeah, they had run around in the Louvre and possibly destroyed priceless art. Yes, they had caused avalanches and almost been killed by wild animals multiple times. But this? This was another beast entirely. This was sneaking into a classified, foreign, government agency, where they could easily be killed with little to no repercussions, since they were technically trespassing and stealing.

It made Noah a little nauseous as he looked at the seemingly harmless field. He could feel his breath quicken and vision darken, and Noah reached out to the boulder, its rough texture grounding him as he tried to force his breathing to even before he had a panic attack on live T.V.

As he closed his eyes and focused on inhaling and exhaling, he felt a hand rub slow circles in between his shoulders, like how his sisters would when he felt overwhelmed by schoolwork or grief. Instinctually, Noah matched his breathing to the rhythm as he forced his mind to stop spiraling.

When he opened his eyes, he expected Alejandro to be the one massaging him. Surprisingly, it was Tylerof all people, helping him.

When he saw that Noah was looking, the jock immediately retracted his hand. "Sorry for touching you, bro!" he said. "When I have my freak-outs, my Lindsay always does that. Just thought you might need some help, dude."

No matter how much he wanted to dislike Tyler for being a fool, Noah simplycouldn't. He was kind, and treated Lindsay and his teammates well. He also just helped Noah not have a panic attack, which was...nice. Tyler didn't look judgmental in the slightest, and offered the boy a small smile.

"Thank you, Tyler," Noah said, fiddling with the hem of his red sweater vest.

" 'Course, bro," the jock responded before looking back at the fence.

Next to Noah, Alejandro fiddled with his necklace, lost in thought as he looked at the space between the boys and the fence. He kept opening his mouth and then closing it, as if the words were dying on his tongue.

The whole team was aware they were wasting time, and there were still explosions going off periodically in the distance- but Alejandro, as the unofficial leader, was thoroughly stumped.

Duncan suddenly snapped his fingers, all three of his teammates jolting at the sudden sound. “Hey dudes, grab a rock or something- fill your pockets. I have an idea,” he said, crouching down to collect stray bits of anything on the ground.

The other members of team Chris is Really Hot looked at each other, confusion scrawled on their faces as they watched Duncan root around on the dusty desert ground.

“Just do it!” the cheater barked, not looking up.

Tyler was the first to break, shrugging his shoulders and bending down as well. When the members of the team followed suit and all had their rocks, Duncan motioned for them to huddle close. “Throw the thing you have, and then run in the opposite direction. Alejandro, you’re the fastest. Go first.”

Noah’s mouth dried as he looked at the rock dust on the ground, and thought about what would happen if Duncan was wrong. He looked at Alejandro, and his eyebrows pinched in worry for his friend. For my teammate, Noah sternly corrected himself, thinking of how he orchestrated Owen's ruthless elimination.

Walking closer to the edge of the rock everyone was huddled behind, Alejandro whispered so low that only Noah could hear it. “Worry is unbecoming on your striking features, hermoso,” he purred. “I’m honored you care so much for me.” His voice was light with mirth, even though he could possibly be killed by the American government.

“I hope you find the Terminator in there,” Noah ground out as his face flushed, the grip on his chosen rock tightening. He hoped that his darker skin tone, combined with the inky blackness of the night, would cover it from his teammates.

“I can’t believe Chris was right. You two really are lovebirds,” Duncan groused. “You guys can suck face, eye f*ck, write poetry about each other, whatever, on the plane- after we win! Alejandro, get moving!” he said, shoving the teen forward roughly.

Throwing the rock, the team leader hauled ass across the field and ducked behind a boulder as the laser demolished the stone he threw. The charmer flashed his team a thumbs up, winking at Noah.

“I hate him,” Noah grumbled as he (poorly) threw his rock and ran towards Alejandro, huffing with exertion, the fear of dying pushing him forwards and causing him to raise his knees higher than he probably ever had in his life. Managing to stumble over his own clunky hiking boots, he fell forwards- and directly into the Latino’s solid chest. Life, why do you hate me so?

Alejandro simply flashed the unathletic teen a winning smile. “Why, I’ve never had someone literally fall for me,” he said as Noah quickly shoved himself out of the other’s warm, strong arms, furiously grumbling curses.

Duncan quickly joined the pair, eyes twinkling with amusem*nt at the two: Alejandro, happily smiling with his hands on his hips, and Noah, who was looking angrily at the warehouse and decidedly not at the attractive man next to him.

Tyler joined the four soon after, and they set off towards the fence, running as fast as they could to make up for lost time. Faintly, they heard the sounds of yelling and commotion, doors slamming open and men shouting orders.

“sh*t! Those are black ops! They’re gonna shoot all of us, you know how Americans are!” the jock screamed shrilly, and picked up his already impressively fast pace, running straight at the fence- the electric fence.

“Tyler, no!” Alejandro called, but the boy was already making his way up the structure as his body convulsed with electricity, yelping as he hefted himself up.

“The door’s right there,” Noah said, pointing at the opening in the fence. The three boys walked into the compound as Tyler thudded onto the ground in front of them. Duncan picked him up onto his feet, and they raced off to the closest warehouse. Their chosen building was nothing short of ominous, and the door to it was closing swiftly as Duncan threw an extra rock in the opening, keeping it open as the boys slipped inside as quietly as they could.

The inside was no less frightening as the outside: it was huge, dark, and filled with what Noah’s sister Yuktha would call “the coolest sh*t ever”. As it stood, there was no way to tell what exactly was a working artifact and what wasn’t, considering it was all obviously not natural nor was it man-made.

The girls entered behind them, breathing heavily, and Courtney scoffed when she saw the boys simply standing around aimlessly, looking around the building.

“You can’t even do a challenge right- no wonder our relationship failed,” she announced, and Duncan’s lips curled back as the group collectively winced at the burn. Even Heather sucked a breath in through her teeth.

“That’s just downright brutal.”

Noah rolled his eyes. “C’mon, guys, those black ops are bound to come back any time now,” he said pointedly. His team nodded, and they broke off into groups as the girls all gasped incredulously.

“Um, hello? Black ops? What the hell did you do!?” Gwen cried, and her team echoed her sentiments.

“Nothing you wouldn’t have!” Alejandro replied with an overly cheery smile, and then turned back to Noah, rolling his eyes as if to say, “get a load of that guy”. Noah repressed a snort before the girls could realize they were making fun of them.

“Meet back here in ten, guys!” Alejandro called after his team, and parted ways with Noah, branching off to one of the many storage aisles.

The cynic sighed, and began to sort through the closest bins of random alien junk. “At least we don't have to sing,” he muttered. He continued to rifle through bin after bin, frustration coursing through his veins as everything he came in contact with seemed to be busted or defunct. “I hope the others find something useful,” he grumbled as he moved to the next bin.

“Hey, gamers!” Chris suddenly called, his irritating voice blaring over the P.A. system of the warehouse. “Just wanted to check in and tell you that finding a functional alien artifact here is like finding Cody’s last strand of dignity- really hard! And to make it harder, I accidentally set off the security system when I hacked into the P.A. My bad, dudes, and remember that the truth is out there!” he called.

“Hey, isn’t that copyrighted?” Courtney asked, right as red lights began to flash and alarms began to blare. Distantly, Noah heard Cody scream.

“Puta madre!” Alejandro roared from where he was, in the depths of one of the many aisles of the warehouse.

“I second that!” Sierra said cheerfully as she ran around the warehouse with Cody clutched in her arms.

“I don’t speak Spanish but I understood ya loud and clear!” Cody added as the pair rounded a random corner.

Noah kept searching, the blare of the alarms fading into the back of his mind as he ran farther and farther into the warehouse, eyes desperately searching for a working artifact. If he heard Heather’s piercing scream and then a loud crash- well, that was her business.

After rounding a corner after an especially fruitless bin of alien sh*t (or maybe alien blood, but the glowing green slime could be anything in this godless hellscape), Noah was greeted to the sight of Tyler and Alejandro with aliens stuck to their faces. Duncan, in true Duncan fashion, was nowhere to be found.

Ignoring the twinge of jealousy at Alejandro’s choice in a search partner, Noah called out: “What the hell did you do!?”

Alejandro’s voice was muffled as his hands scrabbled at the face-hugger, and Tyler screamed violently. That about sums it up.

Noah sighed, and grabbed a random piece of flat metal from one of the many shelves surrounding them. It wasn't very heavy, and cool to the touch. It also was small enough to be chucked across a room.

“Tyler, hold still!” He called, an idea quickly forming in his mind. It wasn't his best, but it would have to do. For once, the sweatsuit-clad boy listened, immediately freezing in place at Noah's instruction.

Hoping his aim was as good as it was in Greece with Cody, Noah closed one eye and threw the metal as hard as he could, directly at the jock's face.

The alien exploded into blue goo upon contact, and Noah had to stamp down the urge to vomit as he saw the teen get absolutely covered in the organic matter, screaming shrilly as he wiped the ex-alien from his eyes, looking around wildly.

“Thanks, dude!” Tyler said, his voice an octave too high, and Noah nodded before looking towards his other struggling teammate.

“Jesus, what happened?” Duncan said, joining his team from wherever he had been prior. A small smear of teal lipstick was on the corner of his mouth, and Noah tried not to sneer at him and start a fight for the sake of winning the challenge and getting the hell out of here as soon as humanly possible.

“Who knows, considering this is one of McLean’s schemes,” Noah sighed as Alejandro continued to motion wildly, muffled noises coming from the teen. “Would you mind yanking that thing off? I’m not exactly the brawn here,” he said, pointing to the...occupied teen, who was still attempting to detach his face from the alien to no avail. “He’s moving too much for me to have an accurate shot at his face.”

Duncan nodded, and grasped one of the tendrils of the alien firmly. “Square your stance, dude!” he called, and Alejandro complied, bracing himself.

“Also, you’re not voting for me if we lose, since I'm doing this for you.” He hissed, and when Alejandro nodded, the punk began to yank backwards forcefully.

With a yelp, the creature suddenly detached itself from Alejandro's face, and Duncan flew backwards, launching the alien behind him- and towards Tyler, who fell back, near a door Noah swore hadn’t been there before. He slipped on some of the dead alien's goo, and hit his head squarely on the keypad near it.

“Oh, hell,” Noah said, right as the P.A. system stopped blaring.

“Engaging security measure 9-24 C,” said a pleasant female voice.

When the announcement finished, the laser show began.

One of the red beams periodically firing at the boys hit an alien item on a shelf, a shield shaped object. The laser ricocheted off of its domed surface, directly at Noah. Muscle memory of being the youngest child in a household of eight sisters kicked in, and he easily jumped over it.

“What the sh*t!?” he cried as Alejandro gasped for air, looking around wildly at the chaos around him. Noah ducked under a laser, and turned towards his teammates.

“Let’s GO!” Tyler screamed, picking the unconscious alien that had hit him up and stuffing it into a nearby filing box, slamming the lid shut.He may be a clumsy oaf, but when motivated, that white boy could move.

The other three team members wasted no time following suit, ducking under and leaping over lasers as they ran towards the door.

Thank God my sisters had affinities for Nerf guns when I was little, Noah thought. Never in his life did he think that constantly dodging those evil little foam bullets would come in handy, but here he was: robbing Area 51 with a diplomat's son who flirted with anything with a pulse, a criminal who cheated the law and on his girlfriend, and a jock who probably had undiagnosed anxiety, all to be aired at a later date on T.V sets all across the world.

Oh, the things I do for a million dollars.

Noah was already tired from the previous bout of running into the warehouse, and was slowly falling behind his teammates. He was panting as he forced his feet to move, sweating through his three layers.

Alejandro glanced over his shoulder, paling when he saw the short teen so far behind him. He quickly backtracked, and, without hesitation or breaking his rhythm, scooped Noah into his arms, legs pumping double time as he caught up with the two other boys.

Noah wrapped an arm around his shoulders, hoping that his wildly thumping heart couldn't be heard through his three layers. It's only beating quickly since I was running so hard, Noah sternly told himself as he settled into the muscular boy's hold.

“Go, go, go!” Alejandro yelled, ignoring Duncan’s questioning expression. “We don’t know where the Amazons are!”

Tyler screamed as he kicked the wire door open, and kept running onto the field. Faintly, Noah could hear resounding booms echo throughout the desert, from in front of them. There was no time to make a plan to keep themselves safe, so the boys were forced to throw a hail Mary and keep running like bats out of hell.

Noah clutched Alejandro’s red shirt with white knuckles as he began to run across a new field- that was littered with scorch marks. Noah's breath quickened at the thought of all nasty surprises hidden in the dirt that could detonate at any time. This was where the Amazons had entered from, and they most likely hadn’t completely cleared the area of mines.

Almost subconsciously, the leader tightened his grip on Noah and brought him closer to his chest. He was warm, and stable, his chest firm with muscle. Noah fit comfortably in his arms, since the universe decided that today was the day for bringing the two together with the arguably worst bonding activities known to man.

Suddenly, a deafening boom went off so viciously that Noah went momentarily deaf, looking around wildly to see what caused it.

Alejandro skidded to a halt as Tyler went flying, smoke trailing him as the jock careened through the air, gripping the filing box for dear life. Noah was openly staring at the screaming boy, hand still buried in red fabric as the chill of the night began to set in, cooling his sweaty skin.

Duncan was the first one to break his trance. “No time! We just have to hope he makes it across the finish line!” he called from where he had paused on the field.

Noah shoved at Alejandro’s chest and tried to ignore the boy’s wildly thudding heart underneath his fingertips. “You heard the criminal! Move it, pretty boy!”

Alejandro grunted in affirmation and began to run again, footsteps light as he hauled himself and Noah across the minefield, still at quick as ever, even with the added weight. Thankfully, the boys didn’t have as bad as luck as Tyler and made it to a waiting Chris, right as the Amazons jogged into view.

Waiting for the girls to join them and stop panting, the host smiled and clapped his hands. “Well, well! Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls and aliens, we have our winner!” He motioned to the ground where Tyler lay, unmoving. The box was squished and blue goo was oozing from it.

Alejandro’s grip on Noah tightened, but not in a comforting way as he growled low in his throat, and a myriad of Spanish curses spilled from his lips. Noah acted on instinct, bumping his head against Alejandro’s shoulder in an attempt to get him to calm down. Alejandro exhaled heavily through his nose, shaking his head a bit.

“He’s not dead, so don’t worry!” Chris said cheerfully as he stepped over Tyler and took the glowing box from Gwen’s hands. “But Team I’m Really Hot has let me down. Amazons, the win is yours!” The girls (and Cody) cheered, jumping up and down and hugging, but Courtney snarled and stomped her foot, eyes sliding to a cheering Gwen. Noah’s heart ached for the girl, seeing her ball her fists in rage.

“Sadly, that means someone is going home tonight,” Chris continued, looking at the boys, an eyebrow raising when he caught sight of Noah bundled in Alejandro’s arms. “Sorry, boys, we gotta get back in the plane. That means ya gotta cancel your hot date tonight,” he said with a laugh, turning to face the plane and making a twirling motion at the co*ckpit. Chef flashed him a thumbs up in return and began flipping switches and pressing buttons, the crew starting to walk back to their flying home base.

Whilst Duncan peeled Tyler off the ground, Heather began talking with Courtney, and Gwen started to walk through the desert with Cody at her heels, Sierra simply stared quietly at Alejandro as he put Noah back on the ground.

“Thanks.” It was awkward and slightly stilted, but Noah couldn’t stand to look at that insanely charming face after being in such close proximity to him.

Alejandro- the perfect man, the blessed son, the naturally athletic contestant, the silver tongued playboy- stuttered. “Y-yeah,” he said, and then, quickly recovering, he flashed Noah a smile. “I couldn’t leave you there. Even eels help their own.”

Noah’s heart sank at that word- “eel”. The smile that had been forming on his face quickly was replaced with a (hopefully) neutral expression.

“I see.” He had forgotten, in the adrenaline-fueled panic of almost getting killed in Area 51 that he was still technically on bad terms with Alejandro- even though the emerald-eyed boy had strangely come to Noah’s defense with Duncan earlier, and had been so…friendly all night. It made Noah’s heart sink as he remembered how little Alejandro truly cared for their friendship.

Alejandro’s flirty smile quickly dropped, looking confused at the sudden change in attitude. “Noah? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he said, turning towards the plane. “Careful, we don’t want to deal with Chris’ sh*tty jokes for the rest of the night.”

Alejandro looked like a kicked puppy, but he nodded and began to quickly walk towards the plane (Noah personally preferred “death trap”), his forlorn body language making it perfectly obvious that he wanted to be alone.

Noah sighed and carded his hands through his hair as he began the trudge back to the plane, which was alive with sound as it got ready to take off.

Knowing that Alejandro was no longer there to carry him or hold him tight, he picked up the pace and closed the door behind him with a slam, the last contestant in the plane as per usual.

---

The elimination ceremony went quickly, with a barely-conscious Tyler taking the Drop of Shame. It was no surprise, considering that Duncan had strong armed Alejandro into loyalty, and Noah had helped free his team from the aliens, so he had done more help then harm. Alejandro was perfect as per usual; and thus was never considered for elimination at all.

Getting up from the bench, Noah stretched with a small groan as his sore muscles loosened. He ran a hand through his hair, making his way out of the elimination era. He had no plans on eating Chef’s food, nor going back to economy class so early, so he deigned himself to the confessional. No one would bother him, and he could bitch about the day in peace. Perfect.

He entered the bathroom with no issue, as Team Amazon were happily in first class and the other guys had all been lounging in the elimination area when he left.

Noah sat down in front of the camera, and sighed loudly. He reached down under the sink, where extra necessities were kept, sorting through wet wipes, pads, and tissues. He rooted around for a second and procured a hair tie, and put his hair up into a bun that was horrendously messy enough to make Heather, the resident fashion queen, have a stroke. (Or possibly rescind his gay card. Whichever came first.)

“I can’t stand this f*cking plane,” he announced, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. “I got myself into deep sh*t with Alejandro in London, and he pulled that stunt in Greece which pissed me off, and then…Area 51 happened. I don’t know what to think,” he confessed. “He seems to like me, and then I remember that he’s a sneaky little bastard, but he’s just so damn honest around me. None of that ladykiller sh*t.” He scrubbed a hand down the side of his face. “As long as I play the game with the intent to win, we’re on the same side. He won’t do anything to get me booted off, since I’m smart and he’s strong. With Duncan, who has no morals whatsoever, we’re a great team.” Noah looked up at the ceiling, sighing again.

He stayed silent before suddenly crying out, “He knows I’m not straight! Everyone does! But he just…keeps on laying on the charm! I can’t figure this bastard out…what the hell is wrong with him!?”

Noah emphasized his point by slumping forward, placing his head in his hands, his mind moving at ten thousand miles a minute as let a frustrated groan out.

The pieces slowly clicked into place as Noah replayed the his interactions in Nevada with how Alejandro treated his other victims, Bridgette and Leshawna, ruminating on their eliminations.

He groaned, a wretched noise from the back of his throat. “God damn it! He’s just trying to seduce me so he can get me out of the game at a later time! That bastard,” he laughed, chuckling slightly in hurt and rage, tears pricking his eyes, “is smarter than he should be! And here I thought I was special enough to cause Alejandro to put a little more effort into his elimination strategy for me, considering that I know his tricks! Nope! I'm just another victim of his most basic play!” He laughed for a second longer, shaking his head and trying not to let his disappointment at not truly being the object of Alejandro’s affections congeal, while also trying not to look crazy on international T.V. It probably didn’t work.“Whatever. It’s not like any relationship, friends or otherwise on this show ends well, unless you’re Chris and Chef.”

Duncan and Courtney. Leshawna and Harold. Bridgette and Geoff. Izzy and Owen. Gwen and Trent. All of them crashed and burned, and Noah would be damned if he ended up on that ever-growing list.

All right, insanity over. He forced himself up from the closed toilet seat, feeling drained, and went to open the door. He swung it open, almost clipping Alejandro, of all people. Noah closed his eyes and tried not to screamout loud, hoping that the other boy couldn’t see how distraught he was.

The taller boy's face brightened upon seeing Noah, and his face broke out into a smile.

It was a small but genuine one that had Noah immediately rethinking everything he just said. With the girls, Alejandro's smiles had always been too perfect, obviously rehearsed. When he smiled at Noah- something he had been doing a lot of lately- his smile was always a little lopsided, and almostdorky. Not at all suave.

“Ah, my cerebrito,” Alejandro said. “You need to wear your hair like that more often. You look…” the flirt trailed his eyes up and down Noah, from his bun, to slouched posture, to scuffed boots. “Fantastic.”

Noah rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah,” he said, not particularly impressed with his attempt at flirting. “Is that your type? Ponytails? ‘Cause Bridgette and Leshawna have better hair than I do,” he said. He wanted to tug his hair free from the bun, just to piss off Alejandro and to stop the butterflies currently holding a rave in his chest.

Against what his brain was screaming at him to do, Noah kept his hair up.

Alejandro deftly ignored his first comment, though he did look hurt at the insinuation. “They have better hair than you because you do not take care of it,” he said, stepping close to Noah and untucking a strand of hair and inspecting it. “You do not condition it nearly enough, and a hair mask would not kill you.”

“Not everyone chooses to spend copious money on hair products.”Not everyone has the money to spend on hair care products. Some of us have multiple sisters and a mother working their ass off trying to pay rent. He stayed his tongue, however, and opted for his tried and true method of deflection. “Just because I’m gay doesn’t immediately make me the messiah of self-care and fashion.”

“That is obvious, my friend,” Alejandro said, crossing his arms as he eyed the cargo pants Noah wore constantly.

He felt his cheeks heat up under the other’s disapproving stare. “Hey! These things can fit just about anything in them! One of these days we’ll get a challenge and my pockets will save our asses, I just know it.”They were comfortable to sleep on the floor in, break into government compounds in, and survive avalanches in. They were the perfect pair of pants, in Noah’s opinion, and he was one of, if not the, smartest contestant on Total Drama, so obviously any criticism of his shorts was uninformed and wrong.

“They could at least match your outfit. You are wearing every color on the planet, Noah.”

“When I win the million dollars, I’ll buy a new pair of pants. Just for you, Alejandro,” he said, batting his eyelashes obnoxiously, the irritation that had been building up giving way to...something else. Something that Noah would not name, if he even could name it.

Noah had allowed himself to be pulled into their usual, natural, banter, and compared to the awkward stiffness of earlier, it was a breath of fresh air, even though he was still extremely wary of the smooth-talking boy.

Alejandro snorted and rolled his eyes. “Just for moi? You flatter me, you really mustn’t.”

They lapsed into silence, and Noah awkwardly coughed from where he was standing in the confessional doorway.

“Well, I’m done in here, so you can just- yeah,” he said, trying to step forward and simultaneously plaster himself to the side of the door frame to allow Alejandro through. All in all, he managed to trip over the aforementioned door frame, and face plant into Alejandro, who was waiting with open arms this time.

“We’ve gotta stop doing this,” Noah said as he extracted himself from the other boy’s rather warm embrace, trying not to melt on the spot from embarrassment.

“Especially in public,” Alejandro said with a wink. “We wouldn’t want Chris flying us back to Paris for a love-themed challenge.”

Noah tried not to shudder as he remembered the Louvre, and the burns he acquired from the lasers he was forced to navigate. “I’d just jump at that point,” he said. “Doesn’t matter where- I’m jumping.”

This earned a laugh from Alejandro- his voice was light as he smiled. “And skip out on wonderful French cuisine?”

“Yes, if it means not doing a challenge.”

Alejandro chuckled. “Valid. These things keep getting worse and worse.”

Noah couldn’t refute that, so he shrugged. Alejandro stepped into the confessional, and flicked the lights on. “Hopefully, by the time I am finished, you will have procured new pants, for the sake of my eyes and the world’s eyes at large.”

“I could say the same about my eyes,” Noah countered. “Your pants are so tight Helen Keller could see the shape of your ass.” Was he admitting to staring at Alejandro’s butt? Possibly, but when you have a tendency to lag behind everyone else when having to do physical activity, one at least has an excuse as to why.“I'd like financial compensation for my trauma.”

Alejandro gasped loudly and dramatically, bringing a hand to his chest in affront. “I would like you to know that I have had women write poetry about my behind!”

“Don't get your hopes up, lover boy,” Noah deadpanned. “Are you gonna start that confessional, or are you waiting for me to join you in there?”

The eel winked. “Are you trying to initiate a game I overheard Sierra talking about? It was called something like 7 Minutes in-”

Noah slammed the door shut with a loud “Nope!”, even as Alejandro's laughter sounded from the bathroom. He walked away, passing the co*ckpit, where he could hear Chris and Chef talking.

“You know the network would never allow that,” Chris said, his voice surprisingly gentle.

“I don’t care,” Chef replied, and from where Noah was silently staring from the doorway, he saw the pilot intertwine his free hand with Chris’.

No f*cking way I was actually right about them.

“The network’s full of sh*t, anyway,” the pilot said gruffly. “They wanted us to break into the White House before this, and I was told that I was not, under any circ*mstances, to help the kids even if they got shot by god damned Black Ops!”

“At least you don’t have those cameras stuck in your face all day," Chris responded. "When Tyler hit the ground today and didn’t move, I thought he was dead. I had to laugh at him, though, or the executives would have strung me up and replaced me with Blainely Stacey Andrews O’Halloran, of all f*cking people. Look, I do like a bit of chaos. But those kids…I’ve gotten fond of them, over the seasons. With Trent’s mental health scare after Action… I realized how much I care and I’m tired of acting more and more malicious every time the cameras roll. They fall out of a plane with no parachutes, and I yell 'sing!'. They break international law, and I say 'dance!'. They embarrass themselves for another scrap of worthless fame, and I cry, 'more!'. I make them fight each other, and then have 'em kick each other when they're down. It’s exhausting. I'm exhausted, Chef.”

Noah gulped, and quickly left the pair. He had heard something personal; and he was no Heather. He knew when to leave, and this was definitely the time for that. He power walked back to economy class, which was thankfully empty. Alejandro was probably still primping and scheming in the confessional, and Duncan was most likely off with the only person on the plane who currently didn’t want to punch his lights in.

Noah sighed and picked up his thriller novel. It was very well written- he hadn’t managed to guess the killer yet, even though he was almost at the end of the book. Reading through each twist and turn helped take his mind off things, and soon the exhaustion of the day took its toll on him, eyelids fluttering even as he tried to fight off sleep.

When Alejandro entered the economy class, he smiled at the sight of Noah laying on one of the wooden benches with his book, open and covering his face, as his chest rose and fell with the steady thrumming of the plane.

Chapter 3: My Dignity is Buried Six Feet Down Under

Chapter Text

Noah was walking down the Jumbo Jet’s hallways, looking for a decent cup of coffee to get him awake for the next challenge, when Cody barreled into him.

The boy looked frantic, borderline neurotic, as he gripped Noah’s sweater vest tightly. “I can’t do this anymore!” Cody cried, shaking him violently, eyes wild.

“Woah, dude, what’s wrong?” Noah asked, putting his hands on Cody’s wrists to stop the frantic Amazon from shaking him any further. He didn’t have any food in his stomach, and was not in the mood for dry heaving in the confessional. Noah could deal with having his rantings about Alejandro aired, but if his retching like a cat made it onto T.V., his sisters would never let him live it down.

“Sierra! She’s f*cking crazy!” Most people believed Cody to be innocent and pure, but he had one of the foulest mouths Noah had ever seen, even occasionally outdoing Duncan with profanity-laden insults. “She stole my underwear while I was asleep!” he yelled, looking increasingly stressed with every word.

“She what?” Noah said, not repressing the shock that coursed through his body. He released Cody’s wrists as his mouth dropped open. “Like, did she hide them or what? I swear to God if she did something nasty I’ll sic Duncan on her, bitchy pettiness over the breakup be damned so help me God-”

“No, I-I don’t know if she did anything gross, but when I went to change earlier all of my stuff was in her bag instead of mine, and sh-she only let me take one pair to change into,” he said. “Courtney won’t do anything against her ‘cause she has Sierra’s guaranteed vote for Gwen and won’t risk it, and Gwen doesn’t spend any time with us ‘cause of Courtney’s song in Area 51. Sierra doesn’t listen to Heather when she tries to get her to stop, either. She’s going to make me q-quit this thing, but I need to win this for my moms,” Cody said, fully crying at this point. He was a complete shaking wreck; Noah had never seen the happy-go-lucky guy this much of a stressed, sobbing mess.

Awkwardly pulling the boy in for a hug, he patted Cody’s small back gently. “Let’s go to the confessional- the one with Chef,” Noah said as kindly as he could. He typically wouldn’t take such a tone with Cody since his sarcastic quips typically bounced off of the smallest Drama Brother easily, but he wasn’t gonna risk it and cause him to spiral further.

Cody nodded, sniffling a bit, and allowed Noah to lead him towards the co*ckpit confessional.

They passed by Heather, who had been “talking” (read: spitting backhanded insults) to Alejandro in the common area, chatting over some American snacks she had probably threatened some interns into picking up for her. Of course, Cody sniffled right as they passed the open doorway, and the two Type-A’s heads snapped towards the pair of boys.

Both Heather and Alejandro looked at the two boys with varying degrees of confusion, and Noah shot his teammate a glare that said back off. Alejandro had already exploited Courtney’s emotional turmoil for the upper hand, and if he did it again with Cody, Noah might actually have to sit the eel down and have a 'talk', with varying degrees of violence.

Opening the door to the co*ckpit, Noah announced his presence to Chef. “We’re gonna be in here for a hot sec. Does the door lock?” he asked while he directed Cody to sit in the copilot’s chair, the one usually reserved for Chris McLean when he filmed the episode's outros.

The older man grunted, not looking away from the control panel. “Yeah. Flip it to the right.”

Noah obliged and smiled when he heard the satisfying click of the lock. Sierra may be a beast, but even she couldn’t punch through the solid metal, and since the door locked from the inside she couldn’t pick it with a hairpin, as she had done once to break into first class' snacks to divvy out during a layover.

Cody coughed a little, trying to keep his crying and sniffling quiet. For the sake of his friend, Noah tried not to cringe in disgust.

“I think Courtney’s been trying to throw challenges,” the male Amazon blurted. “But she’s trying to get Gwen out. Why won’t they vote for Sierra!? She’s obviously crazy and I’ve been doing really bad in challenges because I haven’t been getting any sleep. I’m afraid to sleep around her since she paralyzed me once. She’s the source of our- what did Chris call it? Inner team conflict?”

Chef finally turned around, eyebrows high as he looked at the boy. “She paralyzed you? Lemme guess: dorsal bone in the foot? Heavy pressure to the middle?”

Cody nodded pitifully, shuddering a bit as he remembered his loss of autonomy. “Yeah.”

Noah looked at the co-host of the show, anger boiling in his stomach as he processed what was just revealed. “Can’t you kick her out, or something? Or threaten her with legal action? That’s f*cking assault. ”

The pilot shook his head apologetically. “No,” he said. “Network won’t allow it- trust me, we've tried. When drama doesn’t happen, she always creates some, or at least entertains the audience.”

Noah’s eyebrows furrowed as he tried his damnedest not to curse the man out. It wasn’t his fault, and Noah knew that, but Chef was the closest thing to the network executives he could focus his anger at.“I’m sorry- what you’re saying is that they’re playing this entire thing for laughs?” His voice was dangerously low, dripping with venom as he snarled at Chef, who just nodded silently, looking mournful.

Cody shifted in his seat, and looked at the pilot. “Can I stay here until the next challenge?” he asked, drawing his knees up under his chin.

“Yeah, kid, you can,” Chef said. “We should be landin’ pretty soon though, so you might wanna get some shut-eye before we touch down.”

Cody nodded, but didn’t close his eyes.

“I’ve been fighting with Izzy for over three seasons, cadet,” Chef said. “Even if Sierra tries to bust in, she’s nothing compared to that crazy chick. You’ll be fine.”

Cody nodded with a small smile, and faced Noah. “Thank you,” he said. “I know you’ve helped Courtney too. You’re probably the only nice person on this plane now, besides Al and Gwen.”

When people thanked him, Noah always felt as if he was up the Nile and thoroughly paddle-less (Sadly, he knew what that sensation felt like due to personal experience). He never knew how to respond, so used to being the snarky asshole who tore people from their pedestals with his words, so he just tried to give his best joke or say something witty to alleviate the situation. He'd been doing a lot of that lately.

“If I’m the nicest one here, we’re all doomed.”

Cody fully laughed for the first time since Noah had found him, and internally he smiled at being able to be the one to bring it about. Caring is exhausting, but I’m doing it anyway. Ruby would be proud of me.

As Noah exited the co*ckpit, reminding Cody to lock the door, his face slipped into a cold, angry expression. He began to quickly walk through the plane's hallways, beelining to first class with determined steps and a half-formed plan that mostly consisted of throwing Sierra out of the plane.

Alejandro was waiting for him at the dividing curtain that led to economy class, sitting on one of the benches with legs crossed, fiddling a little with his necklace. When he noticed Noah, he stood up and smiled the charming smile that doomed Bridgette. When Noah got a little closer, however, his expression wavered.

“Hermoso, what bothers you so?” he asked, the suave smile he had been wearing dropping fully, turning into an expression of- dare Noah say it- genuine concern.

“Sierra and her stalkerlicious tendencies,” he snarled, not trying to hide his dislike of the girl whatsoever. Alejandro looked shocked at the tone, one that he had never heard Noah speak in before.

The superfan had always been hostile towards Noah due to the sleep-cuddling incident with Cody from Total Drama Island, and usually he couldn't have given less of a sh*t. But now, since she wasn’t on his team, he could be openly angry towards her without the threat of being voted off. It’s all about the small miracles in a game like this.

Alejandro’s eyebrows raised. “Is she why I saw you and Cody earlier? The pequeño Amazon looked rather distraught this morning.”

Noah nodded. “She stole his f*cking underwear while he was asleep and was withholding it from him like some psycho. She also apparently paralyzed him once, which means she got extremely close to him while he was vulnerable. The guy hasn’t slept in days since then and now Courtney’s getting mad at him for doing poorly in challenges because he’s exhausted. He only feels safe in the co*ckpit with Chef, and even then only when it’s locked. Is that not f*cking insane to you?”

Evidently it was, because the taller boy's expression would be priceless if Noah wasn’t so angry. Alejandro’s mouth was open and his eyes were wide as he processed the information.

“That is why Heather was more irritated than usual? She was much more vicious this morning, saying that her team was driving her up the wall. I assumed it was because Courtney and Gwen are constantly at odds.”

“It’s because Cody’s life is currently a living hell and it’s dragging the entire team down.”

Alejandro shook his head. “I see. Well, then, cerebrito, go right ahead. Would you like me to accompany you in case she tries to attack you? She has a tendency to glare at you, you know.”

“I do know,” grumbled Noah. “And if you’re willing to help me throw her out of the plane, you’re more than welcome to tag along.”

Alejandro beamed (What is he? A dog just happy to be along for the ride?) and drew the economy class curtain open for Noah to pass through. They walked to the connecting door that led to first class, and when they entered they were greeted by a sight they hadn’t expected to see.

Sierra was on the ground, bawling into her hands. Gwen was nowhere to be found, and Heather wasn’t in the cabin- most likely still in the common area, and away from her insane teammates. When the Amazon heard the door click open, her head snapped up. “Cody?” she said, voice hopeful, but her question was met with unimpressed silence.

Her lip quivered, and she began to cry again. She muffled her cries by shoving her face into one of Cody’s striped shirts, and the two boys from Team Chris shared a disgusted glance. “He’s left me!” she sobbed. “He’s h-hiding from me! And it’s all Gwen’s fault! He can’t s-s-stand being around her and now he’s playing a really, really, un-fun game of hide and seek! I can’t get into Chris and Chef’s private room, I bet that’s where he is!” she howled.

Noah rolled his eyes. “Or maybe he’s hiding from you. ”

His words snapped her out of her wailing, and she looked up from Cody’s shirt. “He would never! I treat him so well!”

“By paralyzing him?” Alejandro asked.

She scoffed with a roll of her eyes. “Love is just a game to you, Alejandro Joaquin Esteban Burromuerto! You would never understand the bond Cody and I have since it’s real!”

“Your bond is about as real as the Internet’s respect for Duncan right about now,” Noah said as Alejandro blinked, shocked into silence at having his full name spoken to him by a stranger. Sierra gasped in horror at the analogy, and Noah took that as a green light to continue. “Yeah. He’s hiding because he’s afraid of you. Ransoming his underwear is disgusting and a breach of privacy. This entire thing you’ve got going on? It’s abusive and gives my friend more grief than he should ever have to deal with. He’s the most normal one on this damn plane, and he’s going to have a panic attack by the end of the day!” Noah snapped, voice sharp. He would never admit it, but the look of shock on Sierra’s face as she listened in complete appalled silence was slightly satisfying.

Alejandro took over from where Noah had paused, recovering quickly. “You have no one to blame but yourself. Fix your behavior, and maybe Cody will stop hiding every time we’re not doing challenges.”

“And if not,” Noah said simply, “as soon as one of you gets eliminated or the show ends, he’ll file a restraining order and you’ll never see each other again. I hope he does.”

Sierra’s eyes filled with tears again, and she clutched the shirt tightly as the two boys looked at her, completely relaxed. “But…but…”

“You have a choice, Sierra,” Alejandro said. “There is a right one and a wrong one.”

Noah was going to tag in with something more, but suddenly Chef’s voice crackled over the P.A. system, effectively silencing him.

"For someone who used to be in the military, his timing sure is sh*t," Noah muttered as he looked towards the speakers.

“Atten-hut, cadets! We are currently having issues with our landing gear, so haul your butts to the emergency exit and get ready to drop at exactly 1300! Go, go, go!”

“What the hell is wrong with him,” Noah grumbled, but Alejandro was already grabbing his wrist and dragging him to the emergency exit area.

“We wouldn’t want to be late!” He said cheerfully, as if they hadn't been teaching Sierra the error of her ways five seconds prior. “The last time we had to drop, you ended up squished between Owen and a double decker bus because you couldn’t get a parachute!"

“I think I can fight off Gwen long enough to nag one if worst comes to worst,” Noah griped as he allowed himself to be tugged along.

“I would never let you do such a thing! Being the gentleman I am, I would allow you to share my parachute!” Alejandro said, layering on his charm as thick as humanly possible as he continued to drag his teammate.

"I take it back," Noah said. "I'm fighting you for a parachute."

As it turned out, a parachute was not necessary. Chef was holding the door open, and below the teens could see the ground quickly skimming past them. The surrounding area looked hot, dry, and rocky.

“Are we in Africa?” Gwen asked, peering out of the plane. She frowned at the heat. “My makeup’s gonna melt off,” she complained.

“Oh, no, your clown makeup,” Courtney said, laying a hand across her forehead dramatically.

Chef laughed, and then promptly shoved Gwen out of the emergency exit from where she was leaning out of the door. The goth screamed, and distantly they heard her hit the ground with an “oof!” The pilot leveled a glare at the teens. “Get on out there or I’ll shove you too!”

Duncan rolled his eyes, but jumped easily with a “this sucks!” Heather was next, followed by Courtney. Rolling his eyes up to the sky, Noah prayed: Please let this be a normal field trip.

He was answered by Chef’s hands on his back, and suddenly he was in a freefall in the middle of… Not-Africa. He plummeted for only a second, and landed in a heap on dry, tall grass. Noahonly had a second to get his bearings before he felt someone land on top of him, forcing the brainiac to lay flat on his back as he wheezed, gulping the air that had been knocked out of him back into his lungs.

“Ugh,” he groaned, blinking to see a bull charm dangling above his face. God, Jesus, whoever, why must you always play me like a f*cking record?

“My, my, how embarrassing,” Alejandro said from where he was above Noah, arms bracketing the shorter boy’s head like some poor cliché. He didn’t look embarrassed in the slightest when he caught sight of Noah’s irritation.

How the hell did Bridgette fall for this sh*t? he thought as Alejandro laughed his fake, practiced, ladykiller laugh.

From somewhere next to Noah, Duncan groaned in disgust at the sight of the pair. “Ugh, why can’t you two keep your goddamn hands off each other?”

Noah sighed from his place on the ground. “Trust me, buddy, it’s not on purpose.” He couldn’t even roll from under Alejandro, thoroughly bracketed in place. “Are you going to move?” he droned, Alejandro’s long hair ticking his face a little as a breeze blew through the area.

“Since you asked so nicely,” his teammate said with a wink.

Sitting up and thoroughly ignoring Alejandro, Noah took in the landscape around him with a calculating eye. If we’re not in Africa, we aren’t still in America, we must be in…

“Australia, my dear campers!” Chris crowed from where he stood among confused, groaning teenagers. As per usual, his accent of the day was horrendous, and Heather rolled her eyes as she readjusted her shirt.

Noah stood up, accepting Alejandro’s hand as he tried to steady himself, brushing grass off of his sweater vest. He looked around the Outback, and then his eyes landed on the infamous Hanging Rock. It was huge. 'Ginormous' was an understatement, and Noah’s eyes widened as he took the sight in. He didn't consider himself easily impressed, but the grand sight of the dead volcano took his breath away.

Beside him, Cody whistled appreciatively. “Hanging Rock? More like Mordor,” he joked. It pulled a laugh out of Noah, the reference unexpected.

Chris called for the contestants to gather close so he could explain the challenge, and Noah trudged over with his fellow contestants. On his left was Cody, and on his right was Courtney.

“D’you think he’ll make us climb up it?” Courtney asked, leaning down to Noah's level to whisper. “The interns don’t have any belaying equipment, though…” she said, voice worried.

Noah sighed. “OSHA violations and a general lack of care for our safety is the name of the game, honey. You of all people should know that, considering it was one of the legal footholds you used to sue McLean’s ass to hell and back.”

Courtney nodded. “True. I just…really hope we don’t have to climb that.”

Chris smiled. “Lucky for you, you won’t have to! Instead, the first part of today’s challenge is something I’m calling ‘The Marathon of Death’!” His voice was as chipper as ever as he spread his arms in a grand display.

Used to what the host expected by now, all of the contestants went ooh, ah, or gasped in mock fear and horror. Noah opted to roll his eyes at the poor naming- really, it was up there with “dodgebrawl” and “slap slap revolution”.

“What the Marathon is is an emu race up and into the mountains. I’m not saying the trip will be dangerous exactly, but this is Australia. There are spiders the size Alejandro’s ego here and snakes just as venomous as Heather’s backstabbing ways."

Ignoring the indignant chorus of "hey!" from the established and emerging villain, the host continued. "Sunstroke and dehydration is also a very real possibility here, folks! I know Courtney has her last will and testament all written out, and I hope y’all have yours written too, since we’re in the middle of 'God Forgot This Place Existed', Australia.”

“I’ve had mine written ever since I got accepted into this season,” Sierra said eagerly. “I’ve rewatched the first season, like, ten times and there was a near-death situation close to one hundred and thirty times, not factoring in health and safety violations. Cody, all of my worldly possessions will go to you!”

Chris looked a little put off by the girl’s announcement, and so did the rest of the competitors. The single male Amazon looked nauseous as he scooted closer to Noah.

“Moving on! Whoever reaches the top of majestic Hanging Rock first will earn their team a major advantage for the second half of the challenge. Any questions?”

Gwen raised her hand. “Uh, yeah. Emus? Didn’t the Australians, like, lose the war against emus?”

Chris nodded happily. “Yep! Boys, bring ‘em out!”

Two terrified interns came towards the campers, with a local, grizzled old man holding the reins to the birds. Behind him were roughly fifteen emus, looking at the contestants with what Noah could only describe as skepticism.

This show has really made me lose it, huh? he thought.

“Um, Chris?”

“Yes, Cody?”

“Those things are tall. How are we supposed to get on them?” he asked.

“That’s for you to figure out, man! This is supposed to be a challenge. Now…go!” the host said, and the local released his grip on the reins. He yelled “yah!” in a heavy accent, and the birds scattered.

Feathers were flying everywhere under the watchful eye of the local, and the birds were easily outrunning the contestants that gave chase. Noah simply stood in the middle of the entire mess, watching the birds and hoping to pick up on their patterns so he could corner one.

Next to him was Courtney, who wasn’t doing a very good job of faking ineptitude. Honestly, he was a little irritated that she was purposefully doing so poorly, and so obviously. Cody's words from earlier returned to him as he watched Courtney fake-struggle. It made him want to scream in frustration.

“Oh, no!” she said, throwing her hands into the air. “I’ll never catch one!” she moved to grab an emu, swinging her arms wildly. The animal easily sidestepped her and continued to run.

From behind him, Noah heard Sierra squeal and Cody yelp as he flew through the air- and onto an emu’s back. sh*t! Move, Noah, move!

"Darn it! There goes another one!" The Amazon's voice made Noah grit his teeth and stomp over to Courtney, who was still continuing her damsel in distress act.

“Look. I know you want to throw the game and get Gwen out, but stop. Do it the right way. It’s humiliating watching you try to lose this. You’re Courtney, the one contestant McLean is afraid of, goddamn it! You play this game, and you play it well. So get a f*cking emu, get moving, and get Gwen out the smart, strategic way. Don’t drag yourself down like this. You're better than this.”

Courtney gaped at Noah, and for a second he was afraid she was going to start yelling at him. It would be deserved, honestly- he hadn’t exactly been the nicest, but only because he knew she could handle his blunt attitude. He had been known to miscalculate every once in a while. Instead, her posture shifted and her eyebrows drew together. She nodded, smacking her fist against her open palm.

“You’re right. It doesn’t matter if we win or lose- there’s always an opportunity for her to fail,” she said. Her determined gaze softened. “Thanks, Noah. You always seem to know what I need to hear.”

He just shrugged awkwardly. “Yeah. I have a lot of practice,” he said, and then turned to the emus. Duncan was getting pecked on the head by one of the birds, Alejandro was murmuring softly to his as the emu inched toward him, and Heather was pointing towards herself and tapping her foot. Her bird looked like a scolded puppy as it trotted to her, head bowed.

Noah sighed, exhaling heavily through his nose. “Okay,” he said. “I got this.”

Courtney patted his back. “Nope! Don’t worry about it.” she said. Noah arched an eyebrow, and she proudly said, “Watch and learn, little man!”

Within moments, she managed to sneak up on two emus sitting near the local. Quick as a viper, she grabbed their reins. They squawked and tried to bolt, but her iron grip didn’t falter as they struggled. Did she get one of Eva’s workout routines?

Nudging them forwards, Courtney walked back to where Noah was waiting. “Ta-da! While training to be a counselor, I had to work on my speed and reflexes in case a kid fell over something dangerous, like a river.”

Noah just looked at her, impressed. “Well, I’ll be damned. Are you sure Heather won’t get mad you’re fraternizing with the enemy?”

Courtney scoffed. “Heather fraternizes with Alejandro, who is very much the enemy. That girl can throw stones all she wants, her house is still made of glass.”

Noah smirked, though internally his stomach dropped at the thought of Alejandro spending too much time together, and a threatening alliance emerging. “You’re damn right about that.” He took the rein passed to him, and looked up at his emu. “Hey, uh…I’m not that tall, so…could you…?”

Courtney paused for a second, confused, and then realized with a jolt what he meant. “Oh, sure!” she said. She walked over to him after sternly telling her emu, “Stay.”

Leaning down, she made a foothold with her hands and pushed Noah’s foot up. He landed on the emu roughly, gripping his leather rein for dear life as he leaned forwards.

“Hey, little buddy,” he said as Sierra rode past the pair, vocalizing what sounded suspiciously like the theme from The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Whatever floats her boat, I guess, Noah thought as Courtney pulled herself onto her emu effortlessly.

“Ready?” she asked. Noah nodded, and they snapped their reins. The birds began to trot, leaving the area under the local’s watchful eye.

A plan forming in his mind, Noah debated inviting Courtney in on it to repay her for helping with the emu. She wouldn't want my cheap win. He slowed his emu's pace, naturally falling behind the Amazon. When Courtney's emu was on the path to Hanging Rock and she had effectively begun to bicker with Heather, Noah sidetracked to the stoic local. He was wearing a slouch hat, much better than Chris McLean earlier. Over his right eye was a wicked scar, pink against his tanned skin. His hair was a light blond, and strangely Noah was reminded of Geoff.

“Hey,” he said. “Is there a shortcut to the top?” he asked, looking down at the older man and hoping he was just really mysterious and not deaf.

The Australian nodded. “Right down there,” he said, and pointed to the west. His accent made his words borderline unintelligible, but Noah wasn't going to let that stop him. “There’s a ravine near the bottom which scares most people, but if you just go around it you’ll find a path. You know, boy, you’re the only one who’s asked me about a shortcut or how to wrassle an emu?”

“Probably because the others are so busy exploiting each other emotionally they forget about exploiting loopholes,” Noah offered. “Thank you, sir,” he added, before snapping his reins and steering his emu to the west, where he had been directed. He felt a little bad for waiting until Courtney was away from him, but at the end of the day this was a race. She would understand- hell, she’d probably do the same in his shoes.

The sun beat down on him as he rode in silence, and Noah wished his hair was as short as Yuktha’s severe bob right about now.

Sighing, he reluctantly peeled off his sweater vest, laying it across his emu’s neck, happy that no one was there to see him do it. His back was drenched in sweat, but he wouldn't take off any other layers for the sake of privacy. He was only in his turquoise button-down and white undershirt, but could already hear his sister's loud squealing when the episode was finally aired from halfway across the world.

“He’s practically naked!” Kavya would scream. Her twin, Kalyani, would laugh. “Who knew our brother was so scandalous?” she'd add, goggling as she dragged the other Mudaliar sisters into their antics.

God, I miss all of them, he thought with a fond smile. Especially Ruby…I think she’d be proud of me for getting this far. Noah looked up into the blue Australian sky, and up to where he knew Ruby was. “I mean, me? The littlest brother? Robbing Area 51 and catching Jack the Ripper? Hah!” he said, his eyes pricking a bit as tears began to form. He quickly wiped them away, focusing on the task at hand. He was all alone in the Outback, which meant two things: Chris wouldn’t make him sing, which was great. The other thing was that if he died, passed out, or had a stroke, no one could save him. Which, okay, not the best, but he’d definitely dealt with worse (he wasn't getting over smashed into a double decker bus roof by Owen any time this century).

Snapping his reins, he urged his emu forward. “This is a shortcut, so let’s get moving. Maybe we’ll win this one,” he said. After a pause, he sighed. “Great. Now I’m talking to a bird bigger than I am.” His steed squawked in response, and began to trot across the grass and rocks.

Pretty soon a ravine came into sight, and Noah gently steered the bird to its left. It complied, and after a long time of passing monotonous landscape, Noah saw a path. It led up directly up the mountain; clear of debris, planted explosives, and indigenous wildlife- basically, anything that made it obvious Chris McLean had tampered with the challenge area. “Yes!” Noah said, allowing himself to pump a hand into the air upon seeing the shortcut. “Team Chris is Really Really Really Really Hot, we are so back!”

He’d been missing Owen lately, alright?

Sensing its rider’s attitude, the emu began to gallop through the path, beginning the treacherous trek up. It could have been worse- a little steeper, and less shady, and he could have had to ride near Sierra or Duncan, but winning was at the forefront of Noah’s mind.

“Oh, I cannot wait to see Alejandro’s face when I’m the first one there,” he said with a smile, and then scrunched his face up. “Wait, what?”

He knew there would be cameras on him, though where they were was unknown. Sadly, this meant reasoning everything aloud, like some sort of open-air confessional. “I-I mean, Alejandro probably thinks I couldn’t even get an emu without Courtney’s help!” he stammered, eyes resolutely focused on the path in front of him. “By being the first there, people will think I’m actually physically gifted and will stop undermining me,” he said. “Whatever. I just need to get up this damn rock.”

With that, he squeezed his thighs and urged his emu to pick up the pace.

---

Twelve hours later, when Noah made it to the top of the Blue Mountains, he wanted nothing more than to punch Chris McLean’s insured teeth in. His emu, whom he had affectionately named Sapphire, squawked loudly, and the girlish scream McLean let out was wonderful.

“Thank God the cameras are rolling and this will be memorialized in reality T.V. forever,” Noah said with a smirk as he slipped off of his emu’s back. He only stumbled a little bit as feeling was forced back into his lower half. He snatched his sweater vest off of the creature's neck and shook his sweaty hair out and off of his neck. He patted the bird's side, and it cooed at him.

A nervous looking intern took Sapphire's reins, leading the bird toward a pen while Chris and Chef looked incredulously at the brainiac.

“How the heck did you get here so fast?” Chris demanded, pouting as he stomped towards Noah. “This marathon is supposed to take two days. Two. Days!” He waved a paper map in Noah's face as it it would make him understand more.

Noah rolled his eyes. “I did what any responsible traveler would do. I asked a local for their recommendation.” He placed his hands on his hips as Chris groaned.

Chef laughed. “Good thinking, cadet!” When the host- his lover, ugh- shot him a glare, he simply shrugged. “We never said he couldn’t. Anyways, I thought the old man hated everyone since he barely spoke to me when I was arranging to borrow the emus.”

Chris groaned in frustration, pinching the bridge of his nose. “There’s still over a day left of this challenge, and everyone else is busy trying not to die of heatstroke or thirst. Congrats, kid, you’ve guaranteed yourself a spot in the intern’s tent tonight.”

Noah tried not to let his joy show at sleeping in a real bed- even though it wasn’t even a real bed, it was a cot. Oh, the things Chris McLean has done to his psyche. “You mean…I’m not gonna have to sleep on the floor?”

Chef nodded, before adding, “No one said you had to sleep on the floor, kid.”

The cynic shrugged. “I can’t sleep in chairs.” He thought for a moment. “Do you guys have a confessional set up here?”

“No,” Chris said, “but my interns have been lazing around. Hey!” he called, snapping his fingers at some of the interns who were sitting on chairs with water bottles in their hands. “Get a camera set up and put some tarp around it. We need a confessional, stat.” He nodded at Noah before strutting back to his lawn chair, slumping into it. He whipped his phone out, aggressively typing something- whether it was to an executive of some sort or a random cryptic message about the show on Tweeter, Noah didn’t know, nor did he particularly care.

Sitting down near the edge of Hanging Rock, Noah’s breath was stolen from him. Seeing the expansive Australian Outback, dotted with trees and bushes, was amazing. His family had never traveled internationally; considering that nine children and one parent would cost a lot of money to transport, much less feed and pay for tickets to activities. World Tour was Noah’s way of escaping his household, and getting to travel the world on the network’s budget, and….

Noah’s thoughts were interrupted by an intern walking up to him, tapping his shoulder lightly. “Mr. Mudaliar? We set up the confessional for you,” the young man said meekly.

Noah raised an eyebrow. “Mr. Mudaliar? Please, just Noah. I don't need to get an ego when Heather is more than willing to try and humble me.”

The intern laughed awkwardly, and made to scamper away before Noah caught their wrist. “Thanks,” he said. “I’m sure Chris doesn’t say that enough.” He released their wrist and watched them run back to the tent- where I’ll be spending the night, he thought happily.

He looked back out at the wide ocean of grassland and rock. He saw no human life for miles around him, and the breeze he caught from being on top of the long-dead volcano felt wonderful, evening out the Australian heat with its coolness.

“You would have loved it here, Māṇikkam,” he breathed to the birds in the sky, his voice light as he finally, finally spoke Tamil, for the first time on the show. Speaking his mother tongue felt wonderful, like stretching your legs after being cramped in an awkward position for much too long. It was as if his palate was cleansed by speaking his sister’s name as it should be said, not the romanized version of her beautiful moniker. “You always did love wide-open spaces and adventure.” He laughed, shaking his head. “And yet, here I am, in your place. Amma’s smallest, and yet I’m on the biggest adventure anyone in our family’s been on.”

The wind continued to flow, and the grass rustled around him in response. “Time to make use of the confessional I get all to myself,” Noah said, his voice light with victory. Take that, world!

Walking over to the tarped confessional, he pushed a flap back to enter the small cubicle-like area. In it was a chair set in front of a mounted camera. Not the best, but he could work with the rush job performed. It was only a temporary confessional, anyways. At least it wasn't a toilet.

Sitting down and looking at the camera, he let himself smile wide- the biggest smile he’d had in all of World Tour. “I don’t know how I managed this, but I really do not care. Team Chris is Really Really Really Really Hot just got a major advantage, and I just guaranteed myself immunity if we somehow manage to screw the challenge up. Oh, I cannot wait for when the others come up.”

He leaned back, and brushed his hair back from his face. “Whatever, though. I really hope Courtney doesn’t hold this against me,” he said. “I…really like her friendship. Even though I started talking to her because of her breakup, she’s great to be around, and I can actually hold a mature conversation with her. Not at all as uptight and annoying as she was on Island. Even though we’re on opposite teams, I would love to go to the final with her. She’s smart and strong- she could really be a challenge later down the line. Which sucks, because I would love an easy win, but…I’m already this invested. Might as well start giving a sh*t now, and that means playing the social game.”

He stretched his back, feeling his muscles loosen with a satisfied groan. “Ugh, sitting hunched on that bird was killer, ” he griped. “At least Sapphire was nice and didn’t try to peck me like Duncan’s emu.” He laughed a little at the memory of the punk cowering on the ground.

“I get to sleep on a cot tonight, which is great. It’s been, like, a month of the floor or uncomfortable benches. The cots aren’t even that nice, I just have no standards anymore.” He thought for a moment. “It kinda sucks that I’m gonna have a day to myself with no one but Chris, Chef, and some interns, but oh well. All I can hope is that Duncan and Alejandro have some fast emus.” He continued to talk for as long as he could, ranting and raving about anything he could think of.

It was nice, being able to simply expel all of his thoughts out into the open without the fear of being overheard or interrupted by one of the other contestants. If Chris or Chef overheard him, he didn’t care, since they could review all of the taped confessionals at any given time, anyways.

“...and of course Alejandro had to be there to land on me! Which, okay, he’s definitely getting a little rusty with his flirting skills if that’s the best he can do. I could smell the clichè a mile away. And in front of everyone else, too! My family is lucky I went on this show instead of Ruby, ‘cause at least I’m enough of a cynical little bitch to not be affected by it…” he grumbled, not even thinking of what he was saying.

Immediately, his train of thought was derailed as he looked at the camera, trying not to panic before he realized he was alone, and that he had already mentioned his sister’s name. He couldn’t take it back, and since he was the only one around for miles he could speak of her without others pitying him or judging him.

“If Ruby were here…” he said again, stamping down his gut instinct to not speak of her out loud. His therapist said that talking about her would help, which he hadn’t really been doing. It was good to start sometime, right? Maybe not on international T.V., but f*ck Shannon and her patronizing therapist jargon. Chris and Chef, as well as the Total Drama execs, all knew who Ruby was anyways. “Alejandro would probably be afraid of her! She’s not even that mean but by God would she give Heather a run for her money,” he laughed. “But nooo. Instead, T.V.’s favorite eel gets to deal with the sarcastic, skinny little bitch of a Mudaliar instead of the fun, extroverted one.”

Noah crossed his arms in front of him as he thought for a moment. “Back to the topic of hand- Alejandro. I am not falling for him. He’s objectively attractive, and he is good at challenges, which makes him a good partner. Partner like a teammate, not a boyfriend,” he clarified after a pause. “I’m just going along with it because bantering with him is the only fun thing to do on the plane, and I know what he’s doing. I won’t fall for his tricks- but if he thinks I am, he’ll get blindsided when the merge happens and I can make my own alliances. It’s all strategic.”

He sighed, and looked up at the sky. There was only tarp around him, and not over him, and he got a perfect view of the pink-addled sky of an Australian sunset. Wordlessly standing up, entranced by the sight, he exited the small confessional and joined the interns, hosts, and cameramen standing near the edge of the mountain. They all had phones held up to the sky, or were taking in the sight of the sun dipping below the horizon. Noah joined them, saying nothing as he sat down on the edge of Hanging Rock, legs dangling over the edge and into open air. He wasn’t afraid of the mountain's height and how easily he could fall. If anything, he was perfectly content as he drank in the tranquility around him.

He didn’t know how long he stayed stationary, or if this relatively private and genuine moment was being taped for later use. He simply let the breeze tangle and leap through his hair, Nankeen kestrels letting out their cries as they swooped through the air in a display of nature's beauty.

The sun gradually melted into a dazzling, deep orange, and then into red. Ruby red, even, which stole the breath from Noah's lungs.

Whenever people that were in his mother’s support group described seeing their children in shooting stars and butterflies, or hearing them in the crashing of waves, Noah had always scoffed and rolled his eyes. They were trying too hard to see something that wasn’t there. He was cynical and a misanthropist. He did not search for signs in nature, because his brain would just create signs in a desperation to see his dearest sister again. He had an IQ of 180, and knew that what happened couldn't be un-done. Looking for signs would ruin him more than he already was.

That didn’t stop tears from welling up in Noah’s eyes as he gazed upon the setting sun, dingoes howling into the night. I didn’t talk about Ruby all day for this to just be a coincidence. I…I did the right thing, I think.

He shook his head to clear his mind and continued to stare in silence at the majestic sight of the sun setting on the Outback, staying on the edge until the stars enveloped him into their familiar embrace of constellations and planets.

---

“This one is yours, Noah,” an intern said. Her ponytail of beautiful braids was a vibrant purple color, and her glasses were small circles perched on her nose. She looked friendly, even in the khakis and polo shirt combo of Chris’ interns. Her name tag read De'shaya.

She motioned towards a small cot near the edge of the sleeping tent. There was a mosquito net above it, and a generic network issued sleeping bag rolled up on it. It was glorious.

“Thank you so much,” he said. “You don’t even know how much of an upgrade this is.”

She giggled. “Actually, I do. One of my favorite confessional clips was you calling the benches ‘one of the many reasons why the Geneva Conventions were written, among other Canadian war crimes’. Really creative, and really accurate.”

Noah laughed. “Look, those things are rough. Especially when Chef decides to get a little…silly with the controls after an especially hard challenge.”

The intern nodded sagely. “Ron got stuck between a fuel barrel and the wall for fifteen minutes because of a loop-de-loop Chef did once.”

Noah shuddered. “Yeesh.”

De'shaya laughed, and walked to her own cot after bidding the contestant a good night.

Rolling the sleeping bag open, Noah laid down on the cot and tried not to groan in pleasure. The first class chairs were nice, and the first class carpet was comfortable, but…a bed is a bed, no matter how barebones it may be. He was gonna sleep good tonight, the sleeping bag warm and comfortable. He didn't even need a book to lull his ever thinking brain into a calmer state. Still elated from his early win, but exhausted from his thirteen-hour emu trek, Noah's mind quickly shut off and his eyes slipped shut. He was asleep within moments.

Of course, because God hated him, he woke up in the dead of night because he had to use the bathroom.

Sighing, he moved the mosquito net to the side so he could amble over to the small Porta Potty set up near a tent that was alight with monitors. He walked past the tent, and did his business as quickly as possible to make up for lost sleep time.

Noah walked out of the toilet, lathering soap and water on his hands from a nearby bucket and bar of soap someone had had the good idea of setting out. When he finished, wiping his wet hands on his pant legs, he began to make his way back to the intern’s tent. He was going to pass by the tent filled with glowing blue monitors, and had every plan on ignoring it until he realized that some of them were playing clips from the day with the volume off.

He faintly saw Sierra throw Cody onto an emu, and saw himself snap at Courtney to get it together. His curiosity piqued, and he entered the open-air tent with ease. Some of the screens were black, and others had various emails and instructions, while others were playing clips from the day and other episodes of Total Drama.

In front of the monitors, laying among coffee cups and miscellaneous papers, was a small USB flash drive titled best_clips_australia_day_1. It was unassuming, but sitting pretty on top of what looked like one of Chris’ Tweets printed out.

“It can’t be this easy,” Noah said, voice raspy from sleep. He furtively looked over his shoulders before plugging it into the computer port. He just wanted to see how his team was doing, and if they were going to use any of his confessionals for the final episode cut.

He sped through the intro; Alejandro landing on him (ugh, they were going to keep that in the episode?), Chris explaining the challenge. He saw his interaction with Courtney, as well as him asking the local for a shortcut. Noah stopped speeding through the video when he saw Courtney catch up with Alejandro in what looked like the most desolate grasslands on earth. No one else was around them, and they were both sweating. Alejandro’s hair was up, and Courtney had also taken off her first layer like Noah had.

“Ah, Courtney,” Alejandro said, flashing her one of his many rehearsed smiles. “How lucky for me to be visited by a beautiful Amazon such as yourself.”

“Oh, he’s good,” Noah said absentmindedly as he continued to watch the interaction unfolding.

She scoffed, but the pink of her cheeks was telling. “Don’t flirt with me when your heart isn’t in it. I don’t want a boyfriend right now. Heather told me to focus on myself and to heal before considering giving a piece of my heart away to someone else.”

Alejandro blinked. “Heather…told you that?” Most of his flirtatious tone was dropped as he analyzed the C.I.T. next to him, following her each and every word.Now he knows he can't seduce Courtney. His plan failed right out of the gate- take that, eel!

She nodded. “Yep. She said she was giving me advice to stop my crying and shut me up so she could get some sleep, but it’s good advice nevertheless.”

Alejandro tilted his head. “Yes, it is. Well, I must ask; to what do I owe the pleasure of your company? We are on different teams, after all.”

“I’m gonna be blunt. What do you want with Noah?” Courtney asked, her tone making it obvious that Alejandro wouldn’t be able to bluff, flirt, or redirect her. “It’s driving all of us insane with the way you two flirt and banter with each other- especially since you also flirt with Heather… and me, apparently. If you’re leading Noah on for fun, I’ll end you. There's no one out here except us- no one to save you now,” she warned, emphasizing her point with an angry glare. Her emu squawked threateningly at the charmer.

He held his hands up in a gesture of peace. “Leading Noah on? I would never!” Alejandro said, looking genuinely affected by the Amazon’s words.

“Then why the flirting? He’s obviously going along with it, but Heather is also falling for it- for you. You can’t play both sides. That’s Duncan’s thing.”

“I am not ‘playing both sides’, as you put it. I am being strategic. I must be a fantastic actor to have you convinced my flirting with Noah was real. What we are…is not real, Courtney. Noah and I’s relationship is just another factor in a constantly shifting game. I mean, do you think what I had with Bridgette was real? With Leshawna? Lindsay?”

"That'sdifferent,"Courtney insisted. "They didn't know you. Noah and Heather both know that you're a lying dirtbag who flirts to get further, but they're still flirting back. You can't say it's fake. They're not stupid, and I'm not a fool either."

"Then you are not as smart as I thought," Alejandro said.

Noah didn’t hear what Courtney said in response, even though he saw her mouth move on-screen. He felt like he had been sucker punched, all of the air stolen from his lungs. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t cry or scream or whisper as he watched the two talk animatedly on the screen in front of him.

Didn’t I say the same thing? That I was just going along with Alejandro’s flirting? his brain taunted him, sneering.“But…but at least our friendship was real,” he whispered, looking at the gorgeous boy on the screen. “I thought…I thought we got past Owen’s elimination,” he said, almost dumbly.

Noah felt like a moron. He had gotten on the list of Total Drama relationships that crashed and burned; he had been played a fool, even when he thought he was in the know. This is what I get for trusting eels.

He quietly left the open-air tent, stumbling towards his cot, and slumped into it as soon as his knees made contact with the metal edge.Surprisingly, Noah's mind granted him rest and shut off as soon as his head hit the pillow, thankfully slipping off into Dreamtime as the interns around him snored and insects buzzed.

---

Noah slept until 10 a.m. the next morning, staunchly refusing to get up even as he heard the commotion of people catering to Chris McLean around him. He finally cracked his eyes open when De'Shaya shook him awake.

“Noah? Chris wants to speak with you,” she said, retracting her hand once he groaned and shoved himself into a sitting position.

“Ugh…too bad we’re stuck on the top of this thing so I can’t skip out on him. Maybe I can hide in the confessional.” Noah said as he pawed at his eyes. He looked up at De'Shaya. “Thanks, though.”

“Yeah, of course,” she said, and walked back towards the monitor tent- and Noah’s stomach immediately lurched as the memories of Alejandro and Courtney’s discussion came flooding back.

He was practically spitting curses as he got up from his cot, and lifted the mosquito so he could walk to where Chris was reclining next to Chef, looking out at the expanse of Australia below them and talking quietly among themselves. The whole walk over, all Noah could think of was Alejandro, Alejandro, Alejandro. It made him grit his teeth in anger.

“What do you want, McLean?” Noah said in his trademark drawl as he got within the host’s earshot. He wouldn't let Chris know his real feelings- the host getting wind of any drama was a surefire way to end up on the path to destruction- or worse, elimination.

“Noah, dude, we gotta work on your attitude,” Chris began. “It’s very alienating to those around you. Except for Alejandro, who seems to be into that.” As Noah spluttered indignantly, the host continued. “We gotta keep you out here so that when the rest of my victims arrive we can jump right into part two of the challenge.”

Noah sighed. “Do I at least get a chair or do I have to sit on the edge and risk falling to my death?”

Chef grunted. “You get a chair. No dyin’ allowed when we’re not doin’ a challenge or jumping outta a plane.”

“I’m glad to hear you care so much for human life,” he droned. “Now, is there anywhere to get a damn coffee up here?”

Chris just pointed to one of the many tents interns and cameramen were milling about in. “Knock yourself out, kid. And keep the cussing to a minimum! We're a family show!”

Noah just rolled his eyes and beelined for the coffee.

The bookworm chose to divvy his time between the food tent and confessional. He talked in the confessional for a while, ate lunch with the interns (who were all a lot nicer than the man they worked for), and then returned to the confessional. The tent filled with editing equipment silently taunted him from across the camp as he ducked under the tarp.

“I’m not gonna tell Alejandro I know about his slippery ways. He hates it when I know something he wants to keep secret, and if he knows I know, I'm guaranteed to go home. I’ll just keep his conversation with Courtney as some nice little blackmail for later, after the merge. I can either blindside him, or force him to vote with me if I need it.” He smiled as the plan formed in his mind. Who am I? Heather?

He opened his mouth to begin speaking again before an irritating and familiar voice called his name. Noah tried his best totried to ignore it, but his train of thought had been effectively derailed by Chris barking at him to get out here right now and competitors are arriving which means cameras are rolling and that means GET OUT HERE!

He simply looked at the camera and rolled his eyes. “His highness awaits.”

Pushing the flap back, the misanthropist groaned at the blast of Australian heat. He had gotten rid of his button up hours ago, folding it up next to his red sweater vest on his cot, now only wearing his thin white undershirt. It was indecent, but you give up certain things on Total Drama. Dignity being one of them.

He rolled the sleeves up as he walked to where the host was, and turned to follow his line of sight. Coming up the incline was Courtney, with Cody hot on her heels. Alejandro was a little farther back from her, and Duncan looked worse for wear from the back of the pack. Heather was openly laughing at him, and Gwen wasn’t even on the incline.

Noah squinted at a small cloud of dust being kicked up, far behind everyone else. “Is that… Sierra?” he asked, bringing a hand up to block the sun from his sight.

“Yep,” Chris said. “She's insanw, but that makes her determined. I've started to call her 4Minute because she is c-r-a-z-y.”

Noah groaned. “That was one of the worst references you’ve ever made. I hope that it doesn’t even air because of copyright.”

Chris shrugged. “Blame Chef. He’s in charge of the music in the co*ckpit, and is partial to girl groups.”

“Every new piece of info I learn about you two is frightening.”

“You’re such a hater, dude. How Alejandro is into you is beyond me.”

“It’s beyond me, too, because I do not like him! ” Noah said, exasperated.

“Who are we talking about?” Courtney asked from where she was, a little bit in front of the finish line. “Because if we’re talking about Duncan, I hate him too!”

Chris shook his head. “She’s crazy.”

Noah felt a wave of protectiveness wash over him. "She's heartbroken. Leave her be."

Dismounting her emu, Courtney pumped a fist in the air and smiled. “Yes! First one here!”

“Nope,” Chris said happily. “Look again!”

Courtney stopped celebrating, and looked at the host. When her eyes fell on Noah, he had half a mind to start running for his safety.“How did you get here so fast? I never even stopped moving!” she asked, putting her hands on her hips. “How long has he been waiting?” she said, turning to Chris with a raised eyebrow.

Noah sighed. There was no point in lying to Courtney. “Almost a day. I got here at, like, eight p.m. yesterday.”

“An entire day!?” she yelped, right as Cody crossed the finish line. An intern took his emu’s reins as he slipped off the bird’s back.

“What’s going on?” he asked, looking between the C.I.T., Chris, and Noah.

“She thought she was first but realized some skinny dude who couldn’t even get on an emu beat her there,” Noah said, trying to repress his smile for the sake of not provoking his friend. No wonder Eva likes to win things. The feeling is amazingly gratifying.

“Oh, really? That’s sick, dude!” Cody said, finger gunning at Noah.

“That is not sick, Cody,” Courtney said with a smile. “We just lost a major advantage!”

“¡Fantastico!” Alejandro called. “Your loss means our gain! Did Duncan make it already?” he asked, crossing the finish line and smoothly dismounting his emu. He handed the reins to one of the interns with a suave wink and strolled up to where a happy Courtney was talking with her teammate.

“Say I look like Duncan again and you’re the next one voted off,” Noah deadpanned with a sly smile. You’re gonna be the next one voted off anyways, you selfish bastard.

Alejandro’s mouth dropped open as he saw Noah, arms crossed and in his white compression undershirt, smirking at him. “But you…you…how?” he asked, voice laced with...admiration?

“I asked the local,” Noah said. “No one said we couldn’t.”

Cody groaned in outrage, throwing his hands up. “Damn it! That’s actually smart!”

“It was really that easy?” Courtney asked. “Is that why I thought you got lost and/or eaten by a dingo?”

“Apparently it was that easy,” Alejandro said. He whistled lowly. “Fantastic job, cerebrito,” he said, walking over to Noah’s side. His gaze lingered on Noah, taking in the rare sight of the shorter boy without his typical two other layers.

“What?” Noah asked, looking directly into Alejandro’s green eyes. His words brimmed with a challenge.

“Nothing,” Alejandro said, but then a devilish smile spread across his face. “I am simply rendered speechless by your beauty, Noah.”

The cynic rolled his eyes, feigning indifference even as his chest tightened unpleasantly as he remembered how fake it all was. “Hold your emus, Casanova.”

There was a grunt and a squawk, and all of the teens turned to see who was going to be the next one up. Duncan, slumped over his emu's back, somehow managed to cross the finish line. He all but fell off of his bird as an intern rushed to help him.

Courtney snickered.

“What the hell happened to you?” Noah asked as a greeting while Alejandro jogged over to help get the punk to where Team Chris was standing.

“That little asshole over there,” the punk groaned, pointing to Cody.

“I may or may not have gotten a kangaroo to fight him,” the Amazon said, kicking a pebble on the ground and astutely ignoring Duncan’s gaze.

Noah tried not to laugh at his teammate’s pain, right as Heather arrived. “Whoever caused that ,” she announced as she disembarked her emu, pointing at Duncan, “has my eternal respect.”

Cody smiled and waved to his teammate. “Hey, thanks!”

Heather just rolled her eyes. “Where the hell are Gwen and Sierra?”

The Amazons present began to bicker and argue among themselves, and the boys all turned to each other.

“Did you really win the challenge for us?” Alejandro asked. “Chris isn’t going to exploit some loophole?”

Noah tried to stamp down the anger at Alejandro’s civility. “Yeah. The local pointed me onto a shortcut, and it was pretty much a straight shot up. It was roughly a thirteen hour journey, I think? Chris told me I won an advantage for the challenge when I arrived, so I don’t think he’ll take it away now.”

Duncan whistled lowly. “Impressive,” he said. “Much better than that damn kangaroo….” he grumbled.

Alejandro looked at his teammate. “Will you be able to participate in the challenge?”

Duncan nodded. “I should be. I don’t think anything is broken, I’m just sore all over.”

“Great. Noah, do you have any idea what the challenge is, since you’ve been here the longest?” Alejandro couldn’t keep all of the jealousy out of his tone when he addressed his teammate, and it was glorious.

“Nope,” Noah said. “I only saw a few clips from you guys during the trip up here.” He made sure to flick his gaze onto Alejandro’s when he said that. Simple enough to explain away to the diplomat's son if he pressed, but the audience watching would know exactly what he meant.

Duncan groaned in embarrassment, but Alejandro’s face blanched. “You saw us?” he asked.

“Yep. Part of my own little reward for beating the competition by an entire day,” Noah said, forcing nonchalance when all he really wanted to do was bask in Alejandro’s discomfort.

Before he could continue, the group heard a “Yaaaah!” and turned to look at the commotion.

It was Sierra, with Gwen in her arms, riding in a horse jockey position. It looked absurd, but the girls quickly crossed the finish line. Everyone gaped at the sight of seeing the fangirl hold the goth like a small child, clutching onto the emu with just her legs.

“I don’t think Leshawna is Sister Thunder Thighs anymore,” Noah snarked. Duncan barked a laugh at the callback, and Alejandro tilted his head in confusion.

Sierra leaped off of her emu, still holding Gwen, and landed on her feet. She looked at the staring competitors, and shrugged. “I did horse racing as a kid. Emus aren’t really all too different,” she said, as if that explained everything.

“Of course she was a horse girl. It all makes perfect sense now,” Duncan said, his voice still laden with pain.

Heather just rolled her eyes. “Whatever. Just put Gwen down and get over here.” She looked at Alejandro, narrowing her eyes. “We have a challenge to win.”

Chris clapped his hands. “You’re so right! Not about winning, but about a challenge. Part two of your challenge is going to be starting soon, right after I give out the prizes for arrival. Noah, my man, you get some electric shears for arriving first. Your team sure better be happy to have you,” he said, tossing a small pair of shears to the group of boys. Alejandro caught it and handed it to Noah.

“Team Amazon, you guys get a pair of garden shears Chef found in the cargo hold.” Gwen groaned as she caught the rusty shears, looking forlorn. Courtney looked overjoyed.

“Today’s challenge is Bungee Sheep Shearing!” Chris crowed, looking way too smug for a man with his job. “Each team has a logo stamped on some sheep, hidden among their flock. You have to bungee jump down Hanging Rock, nab a sheep, and shear it. You must continue to do this until the first team finds their logo.”

He pointed at a rock with a bungee cord attached to it. “First jumpers, get ready!” he called.

“Al, you’re up,” Duncan said. Alejandro’s eye twitched at the nickname, but he forced his face into a neutral expression quickly. “I shave my own head all the time, and I doubt Noah is strong enough to grab a sheep and not die. You’re the most athletic out of all of us," Duncan explained.

“Of course.” Alejandro walked over to the rock Chris was pointing to, and bent over to attach the cord to his ankle.

“I want compensation for my trauma!” Noah called, Alejandro’s ass in the air for everyone to see.

He couldn’t resist the snarky comment. It was so easy, being the low-hanging fruit and whatnot. Alejandro flipped him the bird over his shoulder in return as the other contestants looked bewildered at the comment. Once the cord was firmly attached, he stood up and smoothed out his shirt, flashing a winning smile to the cameras.

“Attention whor*,” Noah grumbled under his breath.

Courtney stood next to him, also buckled in, and they shared a look that caused Noah’s stomach to churn unpleasantly. They exchanged words, but Noah couldn’t hear from where he was standing with Duncan.

“Careful she’s gonna go all Boyfriend Kisser on you?” Duncan asked, smug smile on his face.

Noah rolled his eyes. “Not my boyfriend. Not even a friend.”

Duncan’s eyebrow raised, but he didn’t press. From behind them, Chris yelled “GO!”

Alejandro’s leap off of Hanging Rock was impressive, the picture-perfect image of a professional high diver. He quickly launched himself straight down with no fear. His legs were together, toes pointed, and hands out in front.

“Huh,” Gwen said. “Who knew he was so aerodynamic.”

Noah laughed at that, waiting for his teammate to come springing back over the side.

“Are you sure you don’t wanna do the bungee? You’re probably gonna have to sing with us,” Noah said as he waited for one of the jumpers to return.

Duncan shrugged. “It’s whatever. I want to win more than I want to not sing.”

“Understandable.”

Soon enough, Alejandro sprung back into vision, clutching a sheep that was currently nuzzling his collarbone.

“Does every living thing just come with a pre-installed crush on Alejandro?” Heather griped from where the Amazons were huddled, garden shears at the ready.

“Nope, pretty sure that’s just you,” Cody responded, eyes locked on the teen as he soared through the air.

Before Alejandro hit the ground he ducked into a roll and got up, right in front of his teammates.“Amigos,” he said proudly. “I believe it is now your time to shine.”

He set the sheep down, and next to him, Noah grabbed its hind legs to keep it still. Duncan began to shear it with no resistance from the woolly animal, Alejandro petting its head to keep it docile and still. Everything was going smoothly- hearing the Amazons gripe as they tried to shave with the rusty pair of gardening shears was a confidence booster to the boys- until Chris opened his mouth.

“You know what would be great? If we had some music while we worked!”

The entire group groaned in unison as music from God-Knows-Where began to play.

“No dice,” Duncan said, leaning back from the shaved sheep.

Alejandro sighed, picked up the sheep, and ran off the side of Hanging Rock, his form as poised and perfect as ever as Heather began to sing.

Traveling on a vicious emu,

On an outback trail, all of us sweaty, she said, and then screamed in frustration when no logo showed up.

Courtney slipped off the bungee cord and handed it to Gwen, who took it gratefully so she wouldn’t have to sing. The C.I.T smiled as she opened her mouth to begin to take over the song from Heather.

I met a strange host! He made me angry!

He gave me shears and said “get jumping”

And we said! Courtney’s voice rang out across the Outback as Gwen launched herself off the side of the cliff.

“Take it away, Amazons!” Chris cried out.

We jumped from a plane down under!

Where women win and men chunder

Can’t you hear, can’t you hear the plane's roar?

You better shear, you better find the logo!

“No fair they all sound so good together,” Noah grumbled as Alejandro bounced back up, holding a different sheep.

The music continued to play, and when Alejandro set the sheep down to get sheared, Chris pointed at the boys.

“Don’t let me down, Team Me!”

Noah rolled his eyes as he began to sing.

Getting shears from a man who’s crazy,

He was five foot four, and full of money.

“Hey!” Chris called as the teens all giggled. “I’m actually five foot ten!”

Duncan rolled his eyes as he made neat rows on the sheep’s side, ready to sing.

I asked if we won the challenge,

He just smiled and gave me a pair of shears.

And we said!

Alejandro picked up the un-stamped animal and ran to the edge of Hanging Rock as Gwen came up, looking worse for wear as she clutched a disgruntled sheep.

We jumped from a plane down under! Surprisingly, Noah and Duncan’s voices didn’t sound too bad when harmonizing.

Where emus race and Amazons dunder!

Can’t you see, can’t you find the logo?

You better shear, you better shear the sheep!

Alejandro came up holding yet another woolly animal, and Chris smiled.

“All together now!”

We shear in a land down under!

Where emus race and our plane thunders!

Can’t you shear, can’t you see the logo?

You better shear, you better take cover, ye-ah! Courtney held her note as the song wrapped up.

“Damn it!” Cody yelled as Gwen’s sheep proved to be a dud. She groaned and went back to the edge, trying to copy Alejandro’s diving form as she jumped.

“Wait a minute…” Noah said, spying a little bit of black ink at the edge of the shaved area. “Duncan, there!” he said, pointing at it.

“Move your finger, shrimp,” the delinquent grunted, but complied. Pretty soon, Chris’ goofy cartoon face was smiling up at them.

“Yes!” Duncan said, jumping up and pumping a fist in the air. Noah barely dodged having a portion of his head get shaved off as he also got to his feet to indulge in celebration.

Alejandro smiled, dancing with the punk as the Amazons all groaned in defeat, sweat dripping from their brows. Gwen came back up, a cactus stuck to her chest. She hissed in pain when she landed.

“Did they win?” she whimpered as Cody tried to yank the cactus off of her.

“Yes they did! Team Amazon, you guys are gonna head to the elimination room. Team Me, enjoy first class! Fantastic song, by the way.” Chris said, his horrendous Australian accent making Noah wince.

The Amazons all sighed at having to eliminate someone. Courtney looked at Gwen, and Gwen flicked her eyes from Cody to Courtney. Uh-oh.

“Why couldn’t it have been a reward challenge…” Sierra said with a sigh. The goth hung her head as Courtney smiled triumphantly.

Well, we all know who’s going home tonight.

“Alrighty everyone, time to make like a baby and head out! We’re gonna be lifting off pronto so we can get to our next destination,” Chris called, clapping his hands. “Chop chop!”

Noah sighed and followed the defeated Amazons, who were being led away by a few interns that were lucky enough to not be stuck on animal wrangling duty.

Surprisingly, Courtney hung back from her team, waiting for Noah to trudge up to where she was. He sighed, and braced for impact. She had been extremely civil during the bungee jumping challenge, but who knew how angry she really was.

“Good job on winning,” she said. Her voice wasn’t sharp or venomous at all. “It’s really impressive that you found the shortcut!”

“The thanks should really go to the local,” Noah said, glancing at the girl next to him. “Sorry for leaving you there. I should’ve had you come with me or something, especially since you got me the emu in the first place, I really-”

“It’s fine,” Courtney interrupted. She placed a hand on his shoulder. “Really. It’s fine.”

"I know you wanted to lose, but...we're friends, Courtney. Allies, hopefully, after the merge. You looked out for me, I didn't look out for you."

The C.I.T shrugged. "You still helped me in the end, since we lost," she said. "Anyways, I got to talk with Alejandro, which was super enlightening."

"Yeah," Noah said. "Enlightening."

The Amazon tilted her head in confusion. "I'm sorry, I don't follow."

Noah motioned for her to come closer, and when she did, he dropped his voice into a whisper. "Last night, I saw some of the footage from the marathon. I saw you and Alejandro...talking."

She gasped. "You know about him?"

"Yeah. Thanks for sticking up for me, even though he doesn't have a crush on me."

She giggled. "Wow, Chris must have really edited the footage, then!"

Noah's brows furrowed. "Courtney, he's using me!" he whisper-yelled.

"What?" she asked, her attention fully on her friend.

"Earth to Courtney? Do you not remember him saying how our relationship is just a factor in the game to him?"

"Ah. Do you see any clips from after the sun set?" she suddenly asked.

"No," he said. "I went to sleep after seeing Alejandro spit on our relationship." He silently cursed himself for the decision.

She sighed. "Well, we met up again totally by accident," she explained. "I think he was tired, frustrated, a little delirious from thirst, and going crazy from the solitude, so he was a bit more chatty than normal. He doesn't fully trust you, that's for sure. He definitely wants to use you as a stepping stone, but I didn't want to cause him to become closed off and stop giving me info so I didn't press. The more he talked about you, though...he totally is into you, even though he keeps trying to tell me he's into Heather!"

Noah sighed. "Can we backtrack, please? About the whole using me thing?"

"Yes, yes, of course. Always business with you, isn't it?"

"Says the lawyer wannabe."

"Alright, alright."

"So, we're gonna keep him out of the know. If he asks what we were talking about right now, tell him that we were talking about the Aftermath, and Geoff and Bridgette. But we're gonna continue being buddy-buddy with him 'till the merge. He can be vengeful- remember the eel incident? I don't want a target on my back as long as possible."

Courtney nodded, her expression determined and resolute. "Of course."

They continued to walk back to the plane, complaining about the sh*tty plane, sh*tty food, and sh*tty challenges.

---

First class was nice, as per usual. Noah’s two layers had been delivered to the cabin and he gratefully put them on again. They were even washed and dried, by who or what he didn’t know. He didn’t particularly care, either.

“Really?” Alejandro asked. “We just got back from Australia in the summer.”

Noah just shot him a glare as he slipped his arms into his button up. “Not my fault I’m skinny and always cold,” he said as he reached for his red sweater vest.

Alejandro simply shrugged as Duncan sighed from where he was reclining.

“What’s your deal?” Noah asked as he began rubbing his arms to warm them up.

“I’m worried Gwen might go home,” Duncan said. “Courtney can be really influential when she wants to be…but Gwen has a guaranteed vote with Cody.”

“Doubt it,” Noah said. “Sierra’s been acting freakier than usual. He’s going to be voting for her, I have no doubt.” Unless he asks to be voted out….

Alejandro’s eyebrow raised. “Oh? Is that why you have been with Cody all day?” he said, his voice innocent.

“No, I’ve been with Cody all day because he’s my friend and I’m worried about him,” Noah shot back, voice a little sharper than intended.

The eel quirked his eyebrows up as he studied Noah- either in an analytical way, or he was simply taken aback at the venom in Noah’s voice.“Hmm,” was all he said before looking out the window.

“I’m going to look for Gwen,” Duncan grunted, walking towards economy class. “Don’t look for me.”

“Didn’t plan on it,” Noah muttered as he reached for his book. He was ready to finish the novel and find out who the killer was. The long flight to their next challenge destination was the perfect time to do it, especially since Alejandro was often out of economy class these days, being weird and flirting- actually flirting- with Heather. It made Noah’s chest clench and he didn’t know why, for the life of him.

As if on cue, Alejandro got to his feet and began to make his way to the first class door. “I’m going to the common area. Being on that emu for two days and then being forced to bungee jump in that heat has made me famished. ”

Noah looked up from his book. “You didn’t scavenge for food out there? I thought your whole... thing was that you were good at everything. Foraging in the Outback should have been your perfect chance to show the audience how great you are and woo whatever poor girl was riding near you.”

Unlike other snarky comments, Alejandro didn’t revel in the attention or immediately shoot back his own witty comeback. In fact, he looked actively uncomfortable and tense, shoulders tight as he paused in his tracks. He quickly muttered something in Spanish that Noah couldn’t quite pick up, and turned to face the reading boy.

“Perfection is different to a Burromuerto,” he snapped. “Don’t speak on matters you know nothing of.” He turned on his heel and stalked out of first class, leaving Noah alone and bewildered.

Perfection is why I don’t have a sister anymore, Noah thought, before getting to his feet and ambling to the confessional. He needed to be in a locked room. He’d rather talk with an audience he’d never see than with a friend who might understand or pity him.

On his way to the hallway the confessional was in, he heard voices. It wasn’t Chris or Chef, nor was it Cody.

“I’m sorry, Duncan, but while the kiss was great…it’s just not worth it,” Gwen’s voice said. She sounded strained as she tried to explain. “I already miss Courtney, and it’s only been a few days. My team has started calling me the New Heather! This stupid show is doing things to me- kissing a guy in a relationship, making me lose my new friends…I don’t- no, I can’t keep this up!”

“Gwen, you can’t be serious,” Duncan said. “We’ve only been together for a few days!”

“This is your third season, Duncan. We both know this game can change in a few days- hell, a few hours. It’s time to call it quits. We can be friends, or whatever, but I am not going to be the ‘boyfriend kisser’ for the rest of my life.”

Noah stood awkwardly at his corner, not sure if he should reveal himself and break the not-couple up, or hide and possibly be accused of eavesdropping to gain knowledge that would give him an upper hand.

He didn’t have to choose, though, because Duncan grunted in frustration and stomped off, the thump of his feet heard loud and clear. He couldn’t hear the clunk of Gwen’s boots, though, and sighed.

He rounded the corner to see the goth slumped against the wall, head in her knees as her shoulders shook a little. Oh, hell, not again, Noah thought. Maybe he could just ignore her and get to the confessional a little bit farther down the hallway…

He had been standing still for too long, and Gwen looked up, and directly at him. She sniffled and wiped her tears away. Her dark makeup smeared a little bit, but she either didn’t notice it or didn't care about it.

“Hey,” she said weakly. “Sorry if this is your crying spot I’m taking up.”

Noah smiled a little at that. “Nah. My crying spot is in the co*ckpit with Chef. My goal is to make him feel bad enough for me that he doesn’t do as many loop-de-loops.”

“Has it worked?"

“Not yet.”

Noah sighed, and sat down next to the girl. If this happens again, I’m going to start charging people. It can’t really hurt though, since she’s going home tonight. Today. Whenever it is.

“You did the right thing.” He thought of Aamani, and his heart ached for home. “My oldest sister, Aamani…she got cheated on, by her boyfriend of like, two years.”

Gwen looked shocked, sunburnt hand covering her mouth. “No way!”

“Yeah,” Noah said. “And Aamani’s a total badass, for reference. She helped my sister Natasha become an Olympic level boxer. Seeing my oldest sister, who everyone in my family idolized, get destroyed by a sh*tty guy…it was hard. The girl who she had been left for was a bitch, too. Said that she was the 'better option' and was thankful the guy finally had the balls to leave Aamani fully.”

“Are you f*cking kidding me?”

Noah shook his head. “Nope. I thought Natasha was going to gut her like a fish.”

“She should’ve. They’re both scum.”

Noah tapped his temple. “There ya go. They’re both scum. Do you know the difference between you and Duncan, and Aamani and her ex?”

Gwen shook her head.

“You’re not scum. You chose to end things with a known cheater. You didn’t validate his behavior by staying. If you talk things out with Courtney- the Aamani in this situation- you could begin to reconcile. By showing you’re not choosing him, some dude you met on reality T.V. who is okay with cheating on an internationally broadcasted program, you’ll be giving Courtney the relief that my sister never got.”

Gwen was silent as she absorbed Noah’s words. “I know I’m getting voted off tonight. Courtney is a strong player…I might not see her until the finale.”

Noah said nothing, waiting for her to figure it out.

“I have to make things right.” She got up and wiped at the tear tracks on her cheeks. “You know, I heard Cody talking about how even though you’re mean and sarcastic, you also give really good advice."

“Intimidate him into silence for me, will ya? I’m tired of being this plane’s therapist, considering everyone in it is in desperate need of my mental health expertise.”

Gwen laughed, and waved Noah goodbye. “In case I don’t see ya before I get the boot…thanks. And try to win, hmm?”

Noah saluted her, and waved as she jogged down the hallway. He pushed himself onto his feet with a groan, and cracked his back. He made his way to the confessional, and swung it open. It was thankfully empty, and he stepped inside. Noah locked it, and sat down.

“Why do I always have to be the one to help others!? I swear, one of these days Chris and Chef are going to approach me for couple’s counseling or something!” he cried, running a hand through his hair. “I’m supposed to be focused on winning, not fixing the sh*tshow named The Consequences of Duncan’s Actions!”

He sighed and opened the bathroom cabinet, grabbing two hair ties. He slipped one onto his wrist for later and put the other between his teeth as he began to put his hair up, and away from his face.

“Speaking of winning, the Amazons are finally losing their numbers advantage. We’re at three to four now, which means we won’t have to rely on crazy good luck or super complex strategies to win anymore. If I hadn’t gotten the advantage in the last challenge we probably would have been sending someone else home. I just need to keep our winning streak going until the merge, where I can join up with Courtney and Cody. I’m sure Heather and Alejandro will become an alliance. Sierra and Duncan are our swing votes- I don’t want her to be in my alliance for Cody’s safety, but she doesn’t trust Alejandro. Duncan won’t want to join me because Courtney’s on my team, but with Alejandro they could potentially become a powerful team. I need to keep him separated from Alejandro and Heather…or get him out.”

Noah tapped his chin thoughtfully. “I won’t throw the next challenge, considering we haven’t merged yet, but I do need to step my game up and hope Duncan’s as stupid as he acts.” Noah smiled devilishly, directly at the mounted camera, as he worked through his plan. “He’s already been a finalist in one season. He’ll be fine with going home.”

---

Noah was laying on the floor in economy class as Alejandro flipped through the T.V. when Duncan entered, looking forlorn.

“How’d the elimination go?” Noah asked, not even looking up at the punk.

“Gwen’s gone,” he said, flopping onto a reclining chair. He looked at the T.V., before sighing. “Team Amazon has officially lost someone for the first time.”

Noah finally looked up. “Hey, you’re right. They’ve never had to eliminate someone before.”

Alejandro put the remote down. “All we can hope is that they’ve been shaken up by realizing that they just lost a player.”

“And such a strong one, too,” Noah said.

Alejandro looked incredulous. “Gwen?”

“Besides me, she was the only other contestant to make it to the final two currently on this plane,” Duncan said. “On the very first season of Total Drama, she competed against Owen and lost to the big guy.”

“Owen won? The buffoon?” Alejandro was looking back and forth from Noah to Duncan, as if they were playing a prank on him.

“Nope,” Noah said, malice rearing its head at the insult. “Owen was a strong competitor who ruled the social aspect of the game. He may not have my IQ of 180, but by no means is he as dumb as you thought he was.”

Alejandro looked bewildered. “Moving on from that shocker…Duncan, you also have competed in the final two?”

“How do you not know this, dude?” Duncan asked, looking incredulous. “Have you never watched an episode of Total Drama?”

The diplomat's son looked slightly guilty. “No…I did not expect to be called back when I initially auditioned, and never deemed it important to waste my time on reality T.V.”

“You didn’t expect to be called back?” Noah said. “Justin was initially picked because he was attractive. Not only do you have the good looks, you have the brains to back it up. You were a shoo-in for this season, you eel.”

“You think I have good looks?” Alejandro asked, face brightening as Noah flushed.

“You’re missing the point!” he snapped. “What I’m saying is that suddenly I am not feeling very confident in all three of us making it to the merge. You don’t know these people like we do, what to expect from challenges, or know what Chris is capable of.”

“I know Heather very well,” Alejandro volunteered. “She is vain, mean, and conniving.”

Noah tried to ignore the way his lips almost twitched into a visible frown. “Okay, great. You know the obvious. What I’m trying to point out is that one flimsy elimination isn’t going to upset their dynamic. Gwen was their main point of inner team conflict, and now she’s gone. Courtney’s head is going to be fully in the game, and we all know how Courtney is.”

Duncan nodded. “The girl is fiercely strong, fiercely competitive, and fiercely smart. Heather knows that Courtney alone can carry them to victory if she holds her tongue.”

“Which is a miracle if she can manage that,” Alejandro muttered.

“Exactly. So what do we do?” Noah asked, looking at his teammates.

“Get Heather... to piss her team off, and cause them to fight each other instead of focusing on the challenge!” Duncan said with a snap of his fingers. He was smiling at Noah as he worked through the plan out loud.

“¡Excelente!” Alejandro exclaimed. “I can be in charge of provoking Heather… she responds the most to my insults.”

I’m sure she does, Noah thought sourly, remembering the sight of the two chattering in the common area before the show's Australian detour.“If that works, we can just coast right through, winning the challenge. If the Amazons lose because Heather made all of them angry, they’ll vote for her and lose one of their strongest players. She’s smart, but has mellowed out a bit this season now that everyone knows how she actually is after two seasons of her bitchiness,” Noah said. She's also mellowed because she's in love with Alejandro. Love can cause miracles, I guess.

Alejandro nodded along, his earrings glinting as a devilish smile bloomed on his lips. “Oh, you’re good, Noah. Is that our definite plan for the next challenge, then? Irritate Heather enough to cause her to blow up at her team?”

“She may be a bitch, but she’s not dumb. What if she catches on?” Duncan said, turning to Noah.

He thought for a moment. “We go after Sierra. She’s a superfan, and extremely physically strong for some godforsaken reason. If they only have Courtney for the physical part of the challenge, it’ll be that much harder to win. If we can somehow trick her into thinking Cody’s best interest is losing, the win will practically be handed to us.”

Duncan smiled. “Well, look at you. Who knew that snarky, skinny, Noah from season one had it in him?”

Alejandro’s eyebrow raised as if he was going to ask something, but he was cut off by the brainiac.

“Noah from season one didn’t have to fly around in a hellhole Jumbo Jet. Noah from season one also had his best friend with him. I was marketed as 'The Schemer' originally, after all," the brainiac said.

“I can’t argue with that,” the punk said, and leaned back. “We’ve got this in the bag.”

"We can only hope so," Noah said as he picked his book up. "In this show, just about anything can happen."

Alejandro's gaze lingered on Noah. "Indeed."

Chapter 4: An ABBA-Lutely Wonderful Time

Chapter Text

Alejandro should have guessed something was wrong when an intern shoved a sparkly blue outfit and matching silver platform boots at him while he was eating Chef’s atrocious breakfast in the common area.

The intern’s hair was bright purple and she looked friendly and upbeat- not at all the fearful, forlorn attitude the Burromuerto had come to associate with Chris' interns. She did, however, look a little guilty as his eyes widened in disgust at the tacky outfit.

“For your song next challenge,” she explained quickly. “Chris is really excited about this next location, and we're almost there, which is why you were all called here. Make sure to bring these out with you so you can change later.”

“He wants us to wear outfits that should have been left to rot about thirty years ago? And then sing in them?” Noah drawled as another intern handed the teen an equally sparkly outfit, though this one was in purple, and- Jesus, Maria y Joseph is that mesh?

“I think I'm going to be nauseous,” Heather announced as she gave her own jumpsuit the stink eye. “Like, layered and pleated bell bottom pant legs? That are yellow? Whoever decided I needed to wear this should be shoved off the plane immediately.”

“Careful, Heather,” Noah responded. “Knowing this show, that can probably be arranged.”

Sierra cut off the schemer with a squeal as she took the pink outfit from the intern. “OMG! A one of a kind piece of Total Drama official merch custom made just for me!”

“It’s almost like you’re a contestant on the show,” Noah grumbled under his breath. Alejandro was close enough to catch his remark, and he snorted a laugh. Noah shot him an odd look before re-focusing his attention onto the quite frankly hideous outfit in his lap.

“It is of no matter,” Alejandro lied, tossing his hair over his shoulder proudly as he looked at the outfit sitting in his lap. “I have Burromuerto genetics. I will look good in anything.” The bell bottoms and lack of fabric over my chest is cutting it close, though.

“Your ego doesn't look good in go-go boots,” Heather snipped immediately, looking haughty as she turned her nose up at Alejandro.

“And bell bottoms make your beauty increase tenfold,” Alejandro replied with a wink that he knew flustered Heather. Covertly, he sent Noah and Duncan a nod.

Even though it was a part of their plan, Duncan still fake gagged obnoxiously as she sputtered indignantly. The purple-haired intern handed the punk his own green jumpsuit, and then a pair of bright white platform boots.Cody all but howled with laughter at the outfit from where he was sitting next to Courtney, who simply huffed in amusem*nt and silently accepted her outfit.

“Hey, De’shaya?” Noah called before the intern left. “Can you tell us where our next destination is?”

“Can't you guess?” She responded playfully. “ABBA is disco royalty, Mr. IQ of 180!” She left the common area with a wave, all the contestants given what they needed.

“Oh. So we're going to Sweden?” Duncan said, and everyone's heads whipped towards him incredulously. He sneered at the staring teens. “What? You think it's funny I like ABBA?” he said, voice laced with a threat.

“No, just ironic,” Sierra said. “Considering you're afraid of Celine Dion music store standees and all.”

Alejandro barely suppressed the snicker threatening to burst from him (“Burromuerto men laugh only when appropriate, and not like that,” according to his father), and Courtney openly laughed at the punk.

“I forgot about that,” Heather said with an evil grin. She was going to continue to terrorize Duncan, but before she could, the plane began to nosedive.

“We're here already?” Courtney asked, gripping the metal table in front of her as the teens all lurched in their seats.

From where Noah was bracing himself against the wall with his legs after sliding down the length of the room in his unsecured chair, he peered out the closest window. “Seems so.”

Alejandro sighed as he placed his feet flat on the floor and spread his palms onto the table he was sitting at, all of the loose items rolling around the floor. A stray boot managed to smack Cody on the back of the head as they flew directly down.

As per usual, they hit their landing area with a thud. Instead of the customary screeching to a halt, they began to slide, the tail end of the plane swinging from left to right wildly.

Noah looked out the window and cursed. “We’re on ice,” he said as the teens were all thrown to the back of the plane on an especially rough twist. “It’ll be a second before we stop.”

“And how do you know that?” Heather said as she crashed into Courtney.

“I know that because it’s simple physics, Miss Bitch for Brains,” Noah said with a huff as he was thrown into Duncan. He hissed as the punk’s spiked choker poked him, and all but threw himself off of the other boy.

Alejandro laughed at Noah’s insult under his breath. I didn’t know he had it in him!

The plane continued its treacherous slide before managing to skid to a halt. The teens tumbled forward into a heap, grunting as they accidentally rammed elbows and knees into the person closest to them, yanking each other down in an attempt to haul themselves to their feet.

Heather was the first up, and Courtney was next to get her feet under her. She extended a hand to Noah, who took it gratefully as he yanked himself up. In turn, the snippy boy flung a hand out to Cody, who extracted himself from Sierra’s grip. Alejandro simply rolled a bit on his back, and leapt up onto his feet in a typical display of Burromuerto athleticism and perfection. He picked his outfit up off the floor before pausing to smooth his shirt out.

He sauntered out of the exit, following Heather and the others into the chilly environment of Sweden, shivering as the initial blast of cold air overtook his senses. Alejandro wasted no time in lining up on the ice with his fellow contestants, where Chris was waiting for them.

The host was smugly bundled up in a warm fur coat and gloves as the teens all shivered. Noah’s teeth were chattering violently, and he had tugged his purple disco outfit around his shoulders in an attempt to generate and trap some extra warmth. It made Alejandro want to wrap his own arms around the boy for some ungodly reason. It is simply because he looks so pathetic and I am a gentleman, he reasoned as he focused his attention on Chris, who was beginning the spiel that always signaled the start of an episode- and the start of a challenge.

“Velcome to Gothenburg, Sveden!” Chris said, his voice foul as he butchered the local accent.

“Um, hello? Where are our jackets from the Yukon?” Heather interrupted, and Alejandro was grateful that she lacked the social skills to know she was interrupting, or she just didn’t care.

“Oh, those? I ordered ‘em,” Chris said with a smile. The teens all cheered, until he cut them off. “They won’t be here for another six months.”

The rage on Heather’s face was fierce and astonishing. Noah leaned towards Cody, teeth still chattering, and he muttered, “I’ll bet you five dollars she rips his face off.”

Alejandro had to stifle the chuckle brought on by Noah’s sarcasm. He was one of the few contestants who managed to match wits with him, his whip smart jibes always managing to catch Alejandro off guard and perfectly make fun of whoever they were directed at.

However, his casual mention of seeing clips from his trek with Courtney- who turned out to be okay company when not angry crying over Duncan or giving you the shovel talk- set Alejandro on edge. Chris was a psychopathic little man who loved to stir up drama by any means. Showing Noah his denial of their true friendship could skew their team dynamic. Noah already knew he was slippery and conniving, and he definitely held a grudge about Owen no matter how many times he denied it. Noah was a cynical, unathletic, sarcastic introvert- but he also had been on Total Drama’s original season, and had served on the Peanut Gallery from last season, according to Duncan. (He had asked Duncan about his almost-win last season while Noah was still asleep.) He could play the game well if he applied himself- and he was applying himself, considering his outstanding performance in Australia.

I need to know what Noah knows. If Noah was aware of Alejandro’s facade, he was royally f*cked. Courtney was immune to his charms like Sierra, and Duncan was already his ally. He had Heather hook and line- she was too smart for the sinker. Alejandro needed to fully concentrate on the hellish game orchestrated by Chris McLean. His social game was still as fantastic as ever, even without relying on flirting. He had gotten some excellent info from Courtney before she threatened to use his intestines as fairy lights if he continued lying to Noah about his “true feelings” (he excused her delusions under the pretense of heartbreak). Alejandro knew he was athletic and smart. If he could keep himself one step ahead of Noah, he would have the million in his bank account, guaranteed.

He was snapped back to reality by Chris explaining the challenge. “...sadly the assembly pieces were accidentally shredded when they were put through a shredder. Anyhoo, the first team to correctly assemble their thingamabob will earn a big advantage in part two of the challenge so….GO!”

The groups dispersed, running towards their piles of wood, and Team Chris huddled together.

“We’ve got to build something,” Noah said as he scanned the wood in front of him, along with the scattered mallets and Alan wrenches. “Just…what?”

Duncan looked over to where the girls were, but Heather sneered and snapped at Courtney to roll a tarp in between the teams, which she quickly did.

“Alright, there’s one option exhausted,” Noah sighed. “Alejandro, say something mean." Alejandro beamed at Noah, focusing all of his charm into one blinding smile. He was rewarded with an irritated sigh.

“I thought you’d never ask.” Leaning towards the tarp, Alejandro cupped his hands. “Oh, Heather!”

“What, you moron?”

“If you quit now, I’ll give you a cut of the million! We both know you’ll never make it to the finale, so you might as well throw in the towel- you couldn’t possibly beat me!”

He was met with a screech of outrage, and a metal pipe came flying over the divider towards his head. The charmer ducked, and it plopped harmlessly into the snow. Noah rolled his hand in a motion to get him to continue.

“You throw like Noah!”

“Hey!” Noah hissed, lifting a mallet up threateningly. Heather, obscured from sight, made a noise akin to a banshee (or a Sierra) scream.

“Fantastic job, dude,” Duncan said. "This plan is working great."

Alejandro smiled. “She is very easy to provoke. Just like Noah. You are so sensitive, cerebrito.”

“And you are so not helping our team win right now.”

Fine, then. Scanning the items laid out by shape, Alejandro tapped his chin. “What is Sweden known for?”

“Meatballs and IQEA,” Duncan volunteered. “ABBA….”

Noah rolled his eyes. “Vikings, Nordic mythology, fishing, salmon…” he listed, tapping his fingers. From across the tarp came clanging and “En garde!” None of the boys were phased by the yelling. Violence was nothing new in Total Drama, and it was only a matter of time before Heather started swinging anyways.

Alejandro gasped suddenly as he replayed and reviewed Noah’s list in his mind. He leaned forward. “A boat! We’re literally on ice right now- there’s sure to be water somewhere around here!”

Noah’s eyes widened, and he slapped a fist into his palm. “You’re right!” He punched Alejandro’s shoulder with frigid fingers. “A Viking longboat! Not bad, Alejandro.”

A warm feeling erupted in Alejandro's chest at finally managing to get a genuine compliment from Noah. He smiled at the teen, who quickly looked away.

Duncan fake hurled, and grabbed a piece of wood. "Let's get to work, then."

---

The building had been going great now that the team knew what their goal was. They were focused on their tasks, constantly yelling insults at the girls- specifically Heather- as they worked. They were finishing up the mast installation when they heard the crunching of snow under boots. It was thankfully De’shaya approaching the boys, instead of Chris McLean's smarmy face. She was bundled in a jacket like the host's, but her breath still came out in puffs.

“Hey, guys,” she said. “I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you guys gotta change. The song's starting soon and Chris wants y’all to be dressed.”

All of the boys groaned in varying degrees of annoyance, dropping whatever tools were in their hands. Alejandro was the first one up, grabbing his jumpsuit and boots from where they were sitting in the boat’s hull.

“I'm gonna drop the sail down for privacy,” he said before turning to Noah. “Unless you'd like a little taste of some of Latin America's best eye candy,” he said with a wink.

Noah just made a face of sheer disgust. “Heather, your boyfriend's trying to cheat on you with a boy!” he called, and was met with a “He could do better than that!” and a “Don’t fall for it, Noah!” from Courtney.

Alejandro laughed from behind the sail while Duncan groaned. The punk rubbed a hand over his pierced face before looking at the brainiac.

“Alright, give it up,” he said, exhausted. “Can you two just make out? I'm tired of you guys’ weird flirty banter… thing. First class is practically a love nest between you two freaks.”

Noah stared at Duncan before breaking into peals of laughter. “You must be kidding! Us? Flirting? Do you know what a rivalry is? Seriously, dude, he's slimy and slippery and an eel. I don't trust him one bit. As soon as we get to the merge he's gonna try and manipulate us, picking us off one by one. I guarantee it.”

Duncan's eyes were wide, but Alejandro stepped from behind the sail wearing an outfit that would be ridiculous on anyone else effectively killed whatever conversation Noah was starting.

The outfit on Alejandro looked fantastic, to Noah's deep chagrin and irritation. The deep blue color complimented his skin, and the cutout of the chest displayed his graceful musculature. The boots added height, and he didn't look unsteady on them at all. Noah wanted nothing more than to throw one of their wooden shields right at his stupidly perfect face.

“Duncan, you're up!” Alejandro said, exiting the boat. He sauntered over to the remaining pieces of wood, passing the punk on the way over. He looked down at Noah, who was sitting on an unfinished piece of the ship.

“What do you think?” Alejandro asked with a sly smile, extending his arms to show off the outfit, spinning in a slow circle as the glittery fabric gleamed in the light.

“I think you're going to get frostbite,” Noah replied in his monotone drawl, desperately hoping it wasn’t obvious how attractive he truly thought Alejandro was. Objectively.

He shrugged. “I'm a Latino. We are naturally warm.”

“You're full of sh*t. You were shivering like hell in the Yukon.”

“Bridgette believed me.”

“So you admit to lying to me?”

“I really think you're reading too much into this-”

“DONE!” bellowed Duncan from behind the sail. “And I’m DONE listening to you two asshats flirt!”

Noah ignored the last comment, daintily lifting an eyebrow as he studied Duncan, who wobbled towards them in his go-go boots. “How the hell did you change so fast?”

The punk shrugged in his green outfit. “Juvie. Gotta change quickly or get your clothes stolen by the next in line.”

Noah didn't refute that as he made his way towards the sail, trying not to drag his outfit in the snow. “Remember the plan. We have a second half of the challenge, but it’s best to get them already mad by the time we’re done with this one.”

“We’ll do some recon on the girls while you change,” Duncan promised. Alejandro nodded from beside him.

“We need to see if they also built…what we did,” Alejandro said carefully so the girls (and Cody) couldn’t overhear him.

Noah nodded and ducked behind the sail, and shivered as he stripped his three layers off. “All of this for one damn song,” he grumbled. “We can’t just sing? This has to become a Broadway performance? f*ckin’ Chris McLean and his disco obsession.”

He was still muttering and grumbling to himself as he tugged the shoes onto his feet, and sighed. The entire thing was purple and sparkly, with flowing bell bottom pants. His top consisted of two lapels with a triangle pattern connecting at his belt. It left very little of his chest to the imagination, much like Alejandro’s and Duncan’s jumpsuits. Unlike theirs, however, were the mesh sleeves that ended in purple cuffs around his wrists. Noah sighed as he folded his clothes up and put them with his teammate’s garments underneath one of the wooden benches they had constructed.

“Life, why do you hate me so?” Noah sighed as he took a tentative step forward. He didn’t immediately face plant, and he silently thanked his mother for giving him so many older sisters. (It was the first and only time he’s ever done that in his eighteen trips around the sun.) He sighed for probably the millionth time in a handful of minutes, and walked out to meet his team, who were…currently sitting on the ground and giggling to each other like male Sierras.

He dropped his voice as he neared the pair. “What the hell are you two doing?” the brainiac whisper-yelled, and his teammates only giggled further at his indignation.

“T-they didn’t figure it out!” Duncan gasped, clutching his stomach.

“And instead of what we did, they built Gwen’s face!” Alejandro cackled.

Noah’s mouth dropped open. “No way. You’re full of sh*t.”

“Yeah!” Duncan said as he dissolved into more laughter. “Take a look, dude.”

Noah peered over the tarp, and he quickly squatted down to be on the same level as his teammates. “How the hell did they decide to make Gwen’s face?”

Duncan leaned backwards as he laughed, right into the tarp’s frame. His weight caused it to come crashing down, sending snow up into the air upon impact. The girls, dressed in disco gear horrible enough to mirror the boys, all stared after the powdery snow settled.

“They’re building a boat!?” Courtney cried.

Heather snarled and directed her attention at Cody. “It’s all your fault, you little-”

“Don’t you dare say anything to my Cody!” Sierra roared.

The yellow-clad girl was about to tackle Sierra when she was interrupted by the ding signaling the start of the music. The boys all sighed, and Heather faced her team with annoyance written all over her face.

They’re way ahead, so we’ve got to go, she sang, stomping towards the wooden statue. Her singing voice was laced with irritation, but she still carried the tune well.

We’ve got to build something to sail, something we can row-oh, Courtney finished, harmonizing to the beat.

“Why are all the good singers on that team, again?” Noah muttered under his breath.

“Speak for yourself, dollface,” Duncan replied. “I worked at a punk club in Britain and made bank doing some performances.” Noah just rolled his eyes as Sierra began to sing.

It doesn’t have to be a boat!

Her teammates all joined in.

As long as it stays afloat,

Oh, why did we build Gwen’s face?

The girls all began dancing along to the beat as they leveled their glares at Team Chris, who were smugly sitting on the edge of their boat as the Swedish sun caught the sparkles on their outfits.

It’s almost ready to set sail, Alejandro and Duncan chorused.

Just hammering in the final nail! Duncan sang, smirking as he looked at his teammates.

Oh-oh-oh! The girls harmonized as they lined up together near their effigy.

We really did this fast, Noah sang as he shoved himself off of the boat and onto the snow. The girls had begun to do a disco dance, rolling their clenched fists over the other, and he knew Chris would expect the same from them.

Soon we’ll be back in first class! Duncan and Alejandro were having way too much fun with this song, Noah decided as he watched them do a little march to where he was. He sighed and began to dance, his teammates following suit.

Because they built Gwen’s faaaace! Team Chris all threw their hands up as they sang, before beginning to do a very unsportsman-like dance, pointing at the girl’s not-boat smugly.

We built Gwen’s face! The Amazon’s voices rang out across the ice as they rolled their fists quickly.

We’re gonna take first place! Noah grinned at Duncan and Alejandro as they continued to dance.

Because we built Gwen’s face! Courtney vocalized a little bit before Heather began to sing again.

We built Gwen’s face,

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Everyone looked at Sierra as she did a power slide across the ice, hands up in the air.

She shrugged. “We did a good job with this song. I got a little into it.”

Noah sighed and shook his head. “This entire show is just one long blackmail video.”

Alejandro smiled at the shorter boy. “Whatever do you mean? You look divine in purple, and you have shown amazing intelligence this entire competition,” he said.

He was rewarded with an unamused stare. “Try harder, eel. You can’t just say pretty words and hope for the best.”

Thankfully, Alejandro was cut off from responding by Chris, who walked towards them holding a blue bag. “Nice! Team I’m Really Hot takes the lead with an absolute beaut of a boat!” He tossed the bag to Duncan, who caught it and opened it eagerly. “Here’s your reward for finishing first.”

“A bag of rocks? You outdid yourself this time, McLean,” he deadpanned.

He was ignored as the host continued to speak. “Now, go onto open water and sail north until you find Chef for the second half of the challenge.”

The boys nodded, and they all ran to the back of the boat to begin pushing it towards water.

“Push, amigos!” Alejandro called as they all strained, grunting with effort.

“This…isn’t… working!” Duncan growled as he shoved at the structure, with no luck.

Noah slumped against the boat as his chest heaved. “We- we can’t push this thing,” he gasped. “We’re gonna have to break the ice.”

“And how are we gonna do that, genius?” Duncan said, crossing his arms.

“Give me your choker for a moment,” Noah said. He rolled his eyes at Duncan’s skeptical expression. “I won’t break it. Fork it over, you Jolly Green Giant.” He held his hand out expectantly.

Duncan huffed in annoyance at the nickname, but he still complied and unclasped the choker from around his neck.

“Alejandro, when I say so, I want you to jump from the figurehead and put all of your weight onto the choker. Don’t question it, just do it,” Noah commanded.

The blue-clad boy shook his head. “Of course.” Huh. Wasn’t expecting him to be so willing to comply.

Alejandro quickly climbed onto the dragon’s head and looked at Noah, who took the piece of jewelry and walked out onto the ice, far in front of the boat.

“Be ready to run back to the boat,” Noah called as he bent down. Using a cold-numbed finger, he began scribbling numbers in the snow as he looked out across the frozen water. “This should work for now,” he mumbled as he placed the points of the spiked choker on a specific place on the ground. “If Alejandro weighs as much as I guessed, plus the added weight of the boot’s soles, it should crack perfectly…” He looked up at his awaiting teammates. “Duncan, get in if you don’t want pneumonia from falling into frozen lake water. Alejandro, jump now!”

The boy easily leapt across the air, a go-go boot extended as he landed squarely onto the choker. The spikes sunk into the ice, and cracks began forming all across the frozen surface.

“Back to the boat!” Noah hollered, grabbing the piece of jewelry off of the ground and out of the ice as he ran towards the wooden structure, Alejandro hot on his heels. He managed to launch himself into the longboat right as the ice opened up under him. He crashed directly into Duncan, who had been leaning over the boat’s edge, holding a hand out for them to grab. Noah grunted from where he was crushed against the punk’s bare chest. “These f*cking costumes are more work than they’re worth,” he grumbled.

“My, my, Noah, I didn’t know you felt that way,” Duncan said from where he was laying flat on the ship’s floor. “Barely waiting a day after Gwen dumped me-”

He was cut off by Alejandro’s silver boot slamming onto the wooden floor directly next to his head, barely missing his ear piercings. Noah suddenly felt a warm hand grip the back of his jumpsuit, and felt himself be yanked back off of Duncan’s chest like a kitten getting picked up by the scruff.

“Excuse me,” Alejandro said primly. “I have to get to the back to steer the boat.”

Duncan shot Noah a look with his eyebrow raised, and the purple clad boy simply scoffed and looked out at the water, rubbing his arms a bit. It’s downright criminal that I’m warmer in this damn disco suit than in my normal clothes.

They continued to sail in awkward silence, until they heard the bickering of Team Amazon behind them. Close behind them.

“That thing actually floats?” Noah said as he squinted at their rapidly approaching figures.

“This is perfect!” Duncan cried. He rushed to the back of the boat, next to Alejandro, who was still pissy at Duncan for God knows why. “Heather! Yellow looks horrible with your hair color!”

“You are embarrassing yourself, mi vìbora! You are floating down a Swedish river in your sworn enemy’s lobotomized wooden head! Really, you might as well just quit so you aren't humiliated after this is over and I win!” Alejandro added, a gleeful smile on his face.

"Heather, don't-" Courtney yelled, but it was too late. One of their paddles came flying towards the boys, and it bounced harmlessly off the mast.

Team Chris all cackled as the wind picked up and they sped towards an awaiting Chef as the girls began to argue behind them.

They quickly disembarked their boat and came onto the dock, stopping in front of the co-host.

“Ya gotta pick a captain for the next part of the challenge,” he said gruffly. In Chef’s hand was a Viking helmet, complete with ram horns.

“Wow,” Noah snarked. “What a historically accurate prop you have there. We can add it to the long list of myths this show has sustained and cultural appropriation committed by Chris.” The brainiac was rewarded with the helmet being plunked onto his head a little more forcefully than necessary.

“Noah is your captain,” Chef announced.

“Didn’t you say we had to choose?” Noah said, voice muffled as he tried to move the helmet off of his face.

“Overruled.”

Alejandro sighed and walked over, helping to pull it off of the shorter boy’s head. When he finally got it off, Alejandro let Noah hold it but didn’t allow him to put it back on. Instead, he huffed and smoothed Noah’s hair. It’s such thick hair, but so soft…and it seems he doesn’t use anything extra on it. How lucky.

“What are you doing?” Noah said, trying to remove Alejandro’s nimble fingers from his scalp.

“Just let me work.”

When Alejandro was satisfied with the product of his preening, he placed the helmet on Noah’s head in a way that allowed his bangs to stay out and fluffy.

“There,” he announced, stepping away.

Noah sighed. “If we’re going to do a challenge, it’s probably going to be messed up. I might even go bald. Like Heather.”

Alejandro’s smile slipped from his face, replaced by confusion. “Wait, Heather was bald?”

“Yes,” Duncan griped. “And we’re right here. Please, for the love of God, do not start making out in the middle of a challenge.”

“I will poke your eye out with this historically incorrect helmet,” Noah warned.

Chris rolled his eyes. “Alright! Whatever! Can I puh-lease just explain the next part?”

The boys all nodded their heads.

“Great. Noah, you are very very popular today. If it was a Valentine’s dance, you would have a tough choice to make.” As the host spoke, Chef got into a construction machine and moved it forward, setting a cannon onto their boat with a huff. “Lucky for you, my good nerd, it’s war!”

Noah tapped his chin. “A boat, a helmet, a cannon, and a disco suit means…”

“That the little rocks are flints!” Alejandro said, looking eagerly at Chris for confirmation.

“Bingo, dingo!” the host said happily, before frowning. “Damn. Should have said that in Australia. Whatevs! To fire from your trusty cannon are some of my- our- dear Chef’s Swedish meatballs!”

“It’s just one stereotype after the other,” Noah muttered grimly as Duncan took the platter from the co-host’s hands, handing the bag of flints to Alejandro.

“If Owen were here, he’d try to eat them,” Duncan said with a sigh. “He sure was funny.”

“A shame he was unfairly voted out,” Noah said with a glare in Alejandro’s direction as he rapped his knuckles against one of the meatballs. He looked at his team. “Hard as rocks.”

“To win the challenge and continue your stay in first class, sail north to capture the red flag, way over yonder.” Chris pointed into the vast expanse of ocean behind them.

We already have a red flag, Noah wanted to say, but he held his tongue. They were to aggravate Heather, not their own teams. Even if it was true.

"You can also deign to sink Team Amazon's ship if you want. Got it?"

The boys all spoke their confirmation, nodding their heads; or in Noah's case, sighing.

Chris smiled devilishly. "Then go, go, go!"

Team Chris made a mad dash for the boat, and quickly Noah positioned himself at the helm.

“Alejandro, you're steering,” he commanded. “You did fine on the way over, so get going.” He took the bag of flints from the blue-clad boy. Surprisingly, Alejandro did not make a witty or flirty remark. He simply nodded and dashed to the back of the boat. “Duncan, you and I are on cannon duty.”

“Wait, we're going to use this thing? I thought just going straight for the victory was more your style.”

Noah sighed. “Typically, yes, I'd prefer to just go directly, but if we fire off a shot that gets Courtney's team to waste their ammunition a win is guaranteed. Gwen's face isn't as aerodynamic as our longboat.”

Duncan snickered, but quickly cut himself off when he realized Noah wasn’t laughing with him. “Alright, alright.”

“Don’t waste shots,” Noah warned. “If they have good aim or good luck at all, we might need to go on the defensive. Anyways, Chris said that we could sink their ship to nab the win.”

Duncan nodded. “Alright. When they get into view, I’ll send the first…meatball out.”

Noah shuddered as he looked at the platter grasped in the punk’s hands. “It’s been three seasons and I still don’t know how he manages to make stuff like this. These barely even count as food.”

The green-haired boy shrugged. “You learn to choke it down after a while.”

“Whatever,” Noah said as he looked back out at the water. “Alejandro, a little to the right!”

Alejandro didn’t say anything as he moved the ship slightly to the right. “It’s technically starboard,” he called from the back as they continued to sail.

“Holy hell, nerd alert,” Heather’s voice called from behind them.

“How the f*ck did they manage to sneak up on us!?” Duncan cried, rushing over to the cannon. Noah gripped the bag of flints and made his way towards the cannon as well, only stumbling a bit in his boots. They didn’t have time to load their first bit of ammo when a meatball fired out of Gwen’s eye socket.

“What the hell!?” Duncan yelled as their boat’s figurehead broke off and splashed into the icy blue water.

“You missed!” Courtney complained. “Move it, Heather! I’m a C.I.T., I can hit them!”

“Not cool, Courtney!” Noah griped as he motioned behind his back for Duncan to load their first meatball into the cannon. “Say goodbye to Gwen for that one! Again!”

Cody sighed forlornly at that, and Sierra's face contorted into a mask of anger.

Leaning towards Duncan, Noah muttered, “Play dirty. Aim for their mast or the bottom of their boat.”

The criminal’s face split into a wide grin. “Who knew you had it in you? I thought you’d never ask to play dirty, honey.”

The bookworm rolled his eyes at the nickname, and Alejandro tried to understand why his shoulders tensed suddenly. I’m not holding the steering pole at a weird angle, am I?

Noah struck the flints and one of Chef’s culinary triumphs went careening through the air. The girls screamed and ducked for cover, and Team Chris all cheered when they heard Sierra cry, “They hit us!”

“Alejandro, keep steering! Say some random insults too,” Noah commanded as he looked in front of the boat. The buoy holding the red flag was still far off, and Team Amazon was catching up with them, even with a hole through their boat.

One of Team Amazon’s projectiles came crashing towards the boys before they had a chance to react. It cleanly smashed through their mast, and fell right near Alejandro, who yelped and jumped away. Quickly, the girls pulled ahead of Team Chris, cackling and waving at their opponents as they sailed past them. From next to Noah, a boom went off. So much for my plan of only firing when necessary. The expected crash of calcified meat on wood never came.

“Did we miss the second shot?” Noah asked Duncan, who was glaring at Courtney’s back.

“No, Sierra took the hit for Cody,” he grumbled.

“Joder,” Alejandro growled from the back. “Duncan, take steering.”

“What?”

“Just steer the boat!”

“Fine, fine,” Duncan said, switching places with the charmer.

“What’s the plan?” Noah murmured as Alejandro joined him.

“This,” Alejandro said pleasantly. “HEATHER! NOAH SAID THAT COURTNEY TOLD HIM THAT YOU WERE GOING TO BE ELIMINATED NEXT BECAUSE YOU’RE A TWO TIMING, BALD, VILLAINOUS BITCH!”

Duncan and Noah both whipped their heads at the much too proud eel. “Just wait,” he said to his teammates, eyes locked onto the opposite team.

“YOU WHAT!?” Heather roared, and pretty soon the Amazons’s final meatball came barreling towards the boys. She was aiming for Alejandro and Noah, and they easily ducked the projectile. It plopped harmlessly into the water next to them. She didn’t even notice it missing the target as Sierra held her back from pouncing on Courtney. Faintly they heard her yell, “Who told him I was bald!?”

“They’re out of ammo!” Duncan roared. “Hit their mast!”

“Got it!” Noah called, slamming their final piece of ammunition into the cannon. He wheeled it to the front of the ship, grunting and sweating with the effort. When it was placed where he wanted it, he held his hands out in front of him like an artist. His tongue was poking out a little bit as he squinted at the girls’ boat, which was violently rocking with the commotion of a Heather-Courtney catfight that had been brewing for close to two years.

“Noah, mi amigo, they are getting very close to the flag,” Alejandro said, nervousness creeping into his voice.

He was ignored as the misanthropist wordlessly adjusted the cannon slightly to the left. Alejandro swore Noah mumbled “Ruby, guide this damn meatball” before he quickly struck their flints together and held his ears as their last piece of ammunition flew through the air.

The girls, who were all leaning from Gwen’s head towards the buoy, didn’t notice it until their mast was broken cleanly off and they stopped moving entirely. Their enraged screams rang through the frozen waters.

“We’re both at a stalemate,” Alejandro observed. “Will we all be up for elimination, then? Or will we go to a tiebreaker?”

“Neither,” Duncan and Noah chorused.

“Stalemates make for good T.V.,” Duncan explained.

“Because there is always a solution,” Noah finished. “Now, Alejandro, be a dear and load me into the cannon.”

“I’m sorry, what? Load you into the cannon? Are you insane?” Alejandro asked incredulously. What a poor joke.“You cannot risk your life like that!”

“He’ll be fine,” Duncan said nonchalantly. “He’s a Total Drama veteran. Practically as tough as a Marine.”

“Anyways, Chris won’t let me die,” Noah said. “Now will you light this damn cannon or not?”

“Not until you tell me why,” Alejandro said, trying his best to keep concern out of his voice. He’s anemic…if he misses and falls into the water, he’ll get pneumonia. If he lands on the boat, he could crack his bones or neck or skull or worse. If he hits the buoy, he’s dead on impact. The cannon could misfire. Dead on impact. He could go too far and hit land or water. Dead on impact. He could catch on fire and burn to death. Dead, dead, dead, Alejandro’s brain chanted, and he could barely control his breathing as Noah’s cold fingers placed two flints into Alejandro’s palm.

“I positioned it so that I’ll nab the flag safely,” he explained, snapping Alejandro back to reality. “My math is never wrong.”

Alejandro looked at Duncan, who was leaning against the ship’s edge and looking unbothered by their exchange. If anything, he looked annoyed that they were taking so long.

“Is this a normal day for you two?” the eel asked.

“For me, yes,” Duncan said. “For Noah, no. He was out pretty quickly in his only season. He’s got the hang of it, though, after being on the Peanut Gallery.”

He did not compete last season? He is very capable, so why on Earth….

Noah rolled his eyes from where he was standing next to the cannon. “Whatever. Just light the fuse.”

With expertly concealed shaking hands (Burromuertos don’t show fear. They also don’t stress over skinny, sarcastic boys with anemia in a disco suit), Alejandro sent Noah flying through the air. He barely even screamed as he went careening through the air.

“A sparkly meatball,” Duncan commented from where he was propped.

“Do not,” Alejandro warned, “compare our teammate to a burnt meatball.”

“Someone’s feeling possessive this fine day,” the punk said, voice coy as he smirked.

“I am not possessive, I just do not want a lawsuit claiming that I am responsible for Noah’s death.” Alejandro’s voice was defensive; he knew it. So did Duncan.

“So you won’t mind it if I make a move then?” the green-clad boy said nonchalantly. “Y’know, since you’re not possessive and all that.”

“Noah has standards. He is not dumb enough to sink to dating a cheater.”

“And yet he’s dumb enough to sink to being interested in a…what did he call you; an eel?” Duncan said, eyes following Noah’s form as it soared in a perfect arc through the air.

“You are a nosy fool, Duncan,” Alejandro hissed. The venom in his voice was evident, and he hated that he allowed the punk under his skin.

“Whatever.”

From the stagnant Amazon boat, the pair heard an angry “No!” from Sierra. They turned to look, and saw Noah gripping the buoy for dear life. Clutched in one hand was the red flag.

“He got it!” Duncan cheered. He ran to the front of the boat, and called out, “Great one! I knew you could do it, sugar!”

Alejandro joined the punk, the anger long brewing during their conversation congealing in his stomach.

“Yes! ¡Fantastico, mi cerebrito!” he shouted, pumping a fist in the air, yelling over Duncan's cheers and trying not to clench his teeth in annoyance.

The other team all looked enraged at the teen hanging on the buoy, and he gave them a sheepish smile. “Wanna help me down from this thing? I can't feel my fingers and am not in the mood for falling into a frozen lake,” he said, and Courtney quickly nodded, jumping into action. She easily lifted up one of their broken mast pieces and held it out towards the buoy, and the member of Team Chris tentatively grabbed it and began the awkward shuffle across it, and into the other team’s boat.

When he was safely in with the other team, Heather fixed him with a glare strong enough to make the average man vaporize on the spot. All Alejandro could make out was Heather’s mouth moving quickly, and Courtney stepping in front of Noah, glaring right back at the yellow-clad Amazon.

“Did he really say Heather was the next to go?” Duncan asked.

“No,” Alejandro replied. “But Heather wants to win more than anything. The merge is coming up soon, and if she loses out on the million dollars again I think it’d kill her. She lashes out when she’s threatened.”

“Smart move, dude,” Duncan said.

“Victims ho!” Chris’ voice called, and all of the competitors stranded in the water turned to look at the bundled man. He was sitting in the plush passenger seat of a nice-looking boat that was speeding towards them. Steering it was Chef, as per usual. He stopped at the boy’s busted longboat. “Hop on or freeze to death,” Chris said with his usual irritating tone and impish smile.

They wasted no time abandoning ship and climbing aboard. Waiting for them was a thermos and a few mugs. “ ‘S hot cocoa,” Chef said, still facing the water. “Help yourselves.”

“Here’s hoping it’s not as bad as the meatballs,” Duncan muttered as he poured some of the liquid into a mug, taking a tentative sip. He closed his eyes in bliss as he smacked his lips. “Holy sh*t. This is divine, dude,” he said. “Al, you gotta try some.”

Alejandro barely restrained his eye from twitching as he smiled at his teammate. “I must check to see if you are being truthful, amigo,” he said, filling his own mug.

Duncan wasn’t lying. I didn’t know Chef was capable of making things that actually taste good.

Alejandro was lost in thought as they picked up the members of Team Amazon (and Noah), before speeding back to the dock and near where the plane was parked. Duncan has fantastic info on all the contestants- except Sierra and I- and knows how the game works. He was a finalist in the latest season and made the final four in Island, according to Sierra. He’s obviously a strong player. However, his attitude…towards me, towards Courtney, towards Noah…he is insufferable. Anyone who calls me Al is leaving as soon as I can manage it. Team Chris is Really Really Really Really Hot can survive with two people. Noah and I can make it by ourselves. Alejandro concealed his smirk by taking another sip of the divine hot chocolate. He’s going as soon as we’re up for elimination. I refuse to throw a challenge, but…it is time for him to stop plaguing Total Drama. And to stop plaguing me.

The boat quickly made its way to the shore, and the teens were herded back onto dry land by the two hosts. They lined up, and the tension between Team Amazon was palpable as Chris began monologing.

“Alrighty,” Chris said. “Since you're all cold and dressed like Jackson 5 rejects, I'm gonna make this quick for the audience. For starters, it’s obvious who our winner is! Team Me is Muy Hot, great job on the boat. And dancing! Team Amazon, on the other hand. Attacking each other, multiple times. Not cool. Heather, you threw the paddle. And missed. You shot the meatballs. And missed. Courtney, Sierra- you guys contributed barely anything. Cody, dude, you built Gwen’s face. 'Nuff said. Head on up to the plane, and up to the elimination room. Team Chris is Really Really Really Reeaallly Hot, enjoy first class!”

The boys cheered, and the girls hung their heads forlornly. Courtney drew a finger across her throat, snarling at an indignant Heather.

The trek back up to the plane was chilly as the team of boys all stayed together. “Dude, how did you think of launching yourself like that?” Duncan said, bumping his shoulder against Noah’s.

“We didn’t have anything else to launch that could sink their ship,” Noah began. “The only other option meant getting the flag. And as the lightest person, the cannon was the quickest way there.” He said it as if it was the most obvious answer, like the complete circus act he did was normal.

“Amazing thinking, darlin’,” Duncan said. “Never would have pulled a stunt that crazy.”

Noah shrugged, and excused himself. “I have to go talk things through with Courtney because of someone’s lying tendencies,” he said, giving Alejandro a pointed look. He jogged ahead to where Courtney was, and the pair began chattering- Courtney excitedly, Noah his usual unimpressed drawl.

Perfect.

Alejandro’s smile dropped, and he turned towards Duncan. His white teeth were bared, lips pulled up to show his sharpened canines. “Drop the act,” he hissed.

Duncan’s eyebrow raised. “I thought you weren’t interested-”

“I’m not. But what I am is on good terms with Courtney. And she still hurts from what you did to her,” Alejandro said, remembering her crying on their emu journey in Australia. “And if she thinks you were gay the whole time and just using her, she’ll never recover.”I'm not her friend- but if I can become friendly with her and make her do what I want, Noah will follow.And...Noah is friends with her. I trust his judgement- she is a good person...Duncan is an annoyance.

“And here I thought you gave a rat’s ass about Noah,” Duncan said. “I guess he was right about you two being rivals. If you want a shot at Courtney, dude, she’s all yours.”

“Can you get your pompous head out of your ass?” Alejandro yelled, all of the teens’ attention going to the boys. He flashed a smile, everyone swooned (except for Noah and Sierra), and left the two alone. “Have you considered, I don’t know, playing the game instead of trying to get with every damn contestant?”

“That’s rich, coming from the guy who hasn’t even been here a full season and has flirted with, like, five people!”

“You are a hypocrite and insufferable! Can you not see that Noah does not like you?” Alejandro roared. He dropped his voice to a hiss. “I am strategic in my flirting, because I do not have a stake in it. You, on the other hand, are exceedingly promiscuous, and it is shameful. I do not want to be associated with an indiscriminate homewrecker.”

“Get your well conditioned head out of your ass, Al,” Duncan shot back, and Alejandro could feel his self-restraint breaking with the nickname. “You are so entwined in your own lies that you can’t see what’s in front of you! And since you’re knee deep in denial I don’t see what’s stopping me from doing what you’re too f*cking scared to do.”

Alejandro snarled from deep in his throat, eyes wide as resisted the urge to rip the punk’s eyebrow piercing out. Burromuertos protect their own, his father had told him. But Josè never protected me, he thought. He shook his head at the notion. Since when did Noah become one of us? He is no one. A competitor. A roadblock on my journey to the million. If he is foolish enough to fall for Duncan’s vile flirtations, then…he is no one worthy enough to call himself my competitor.

“Fine,” Alejandro hissed. “Do what you must. I could care less.” He shook his head and stalked the rest of the way to the plane, angrily muttering to himself in Spanish the entire time as Duncan smirked, trying to work through the nausea that overtook him as he imagined Sierra squealing about how "Duncan X Noah was a crackship" and other foolish nonsense.

---

“What!?” Noah cried, Courtney’s hand quickly covering his mouth. She removed it, and hushed him.

“Yes, you heard me!” She said, voice low. “Heather just took the Drop of Shame. It was a unanimous vote.” She was dressed in her normal clothes, as was Noah. They were in the cargo hold, where most contestants never went unless on a bet to find evidence of Ezekiel.

“f*cking finally,” Noah said. “She’s as irritating as ever.”

Courtney nodded. “Ugh, I know. Now all that’s left is getting rid of Duncan, and we’re home free.”

Noah shook his head. “And Alejandro. The guy’s slimy, and I still don’t trust him.”

She quirked an eyebrow up. “Whatever do you mean?”

“Look, the dude is laying on the flattery as much as he can. He said I looked divine in purple, Courtney.”

She winced. “He’s desperate, isn’t he.”

“Yeah, desperate! Desperate to get me out. The merge is coming soon, I know it. When we merge, I need your word that we’re allies, Courtney. We get Alejandro out, and Duncan is immediately next. Especially if we can sway Cody to stop voting for Sierra every time.”

She nodded, her face set. “Of course. You have my word, Noah.”

He sighed, feeling exhausted to his very bones. He dragged her into an embrace, and they held each other for a moment.

“This game is hell, but you make it bearable,” Noah said into her shoulder.

“I could say the same to you. Gwen came to me, before taking the Drop, and she begged for forgiveness, going on and on about scum and being better than him. She said that a talk with you helped her get her head on straight. And…I realized that I didn’t want to lose her, but I lost myself in my anger. Hearing her grovel and sob made me realize I wanted to keep what we had, just not when it was tainted by this dumb f*cking game. I feel like I’ve said this a million times these past few days, but…thank you. God, I don’t even want to know where I’d be mentally if you weren’t here for me.” She paused. “You’ve saved me, Noah. My parents…they’re ashamed of me. I’ve lost two seasons, now, when I could be applying for colleges and internships. If I don’t win this one…I’ll be nothing. That pressure is damning, Noah. My parents' eyes always on me, pushing me to become the worst version of myself, but my little sister is also watching, wanting to tell all of her friends how cool her big sister is. There's no middle ground. I can't be both, but I want to please all of my family. I- I think if I was alone here, it’d be the end of me.”

Noah remembered Ruby and how she said stuff like that all the time, and a surge of sheer love washed through him. He took her hands. “No. You are so strong, Courtney, and so, so loved. Gwen showed that. Bridgette is your friend, and I know she’s rooting for you, and that means Geoff is too. You have a sister. Valentina, right? She loves you so, so much.” And if you leave her, she’ll never be okay again. She might even try to fill your footsteps, earning high grades and scholarships and going onto hellish reality t.v. shows, because she loves you more than her heart can handle. “You are loved, Courtney, even if you can't see it. That's okay. And...if it means anything, I would love for us to be real friends, when the cameras aren’t on us 24/7 and we aren’t afraid of suddenly dropping out of a plane, or-or there's a million dollars on the line.” Noah said.

Courtney’s eyes welled with tears. “I’d really like that too,” she said, her voice hoarse. “Yeah.”

Noah gave her a sheepish smile. “Yeah.”

She sighed, and rubbed the back of her neck. “We should probably get some sleep, no? Building Gwen’s face really takes a lot out of you.”

The cynic laughed. “Try shooting yourself out of a cannon.”

“That was a wicked stunt. I can’t even be mad you nabbed the win because that was some Izzy level crazy.”

“I’m choosing to take that as a compliment.”

“You better. You’re really good at this whole…being dragged around the world and competing for cash prizes thing.”

“Alright, that’s it. You’ve gone crazy with exhaustion. I’m booting you back to economy class.”

“Maybe I can actually get some peaceful sleep without Crazy Girl #1 and #2.”

“That makes one of us. Duncan keeps calling me weird nicknames, and one of these days I’m gonna get disqualified for physically attacking a teammate.”

The C.I.T. scoffed. “As if that’s ever happened.”

“Chris has been feeling particularly evil this season,” Noah offered.

“That’s true. Whatever. You can take Duncan- if he calls you another name, aim for the liver or the throat.”

He saluted. “Yes, Eva 2.0, ma’am.”

She chuckled, and leaned forward to drop a kiss on his cheek. “Thanks, Noah. Goodnight. Enjoy first class.”

“Goodnight, Courtney,” he said with a small wave. He walked back to first class, when he ran into Alejandro before entering the decked out cabin. He looked stiff and uncomfortable as he looked at Noah.

“Do I have something on my face?” The bookworm asked, looking up at his teammate.

“No, pero tengo algo en mente,” Alejandro said, pushing past the shorter boy. He barely even registered Noah as he walked away. “Tal vez… no. No, soy mejor que esto. ¡Soy un Burromuerto! Él no es uno de nosotros. No protegemos a quienes no son uno de nosotros.”

Noah looked at his teammate's retreating form, before shaking his head and walking inside first class, feeling uncomfortable and slightly upset at how...absorbed in his own mind Alejandro was, mumbling like a crazy person.

Duncan was reclining on one of the chairs with a soda in his hand when he caught sight of Noah. “So, who took the Drop of Shame?” he asked.

“Can’t say,” Noah said, Duncan's overly friendly tone making him tense ever so slightly. “Chris wants it to be a surprise tomorrow.” He laid down on the floor, kicking his boots off.

“What, you can’t tell your teammate?” Duncan teased, leaning forward and propping his head on his hands.

“No,” Noah replied. “I’m not gonna get disqualified like Alejandro in London for knowing what I shouldn’t.”

“You always gotta play hard to get,” the punk sighed. “Whatever. We’ll be finding out soon anyways, huh?”

“If you go to sleep now, you’ll know who took the Drop of Shame sooner,” Noah offered.

“That’s what my mom would always tell me on Christmas Eve,” Duncan said with a small laugh. “Always worked, too.”

“My sisters would always have me in bed by 9:00 sharp on Christmas Eve. I couldn’t even outgrow it 'cause the twins came around,” Noah said. “Pretty soon I found myself doing what Aamani and Ruby did when I was their age.”

Duncan simply hummed. “Didn’t take you as a family man, darlin’.”

“Didn’t take you as a Christmas guy,” Noah responded. “Whatever. I’m going to sleep. Wake me up and I’ll sic Ezekiel on you. I think I heard snuffling in the cargo hold earlier.”

His teammate shuddered. “Alright, point taken, nerd.” Instead of the normal malicious or cruel intonation associated with Duncan, it almost sounded like a pet name.It made Noah want to retch. Why, why, why? repeated in his brain until the day’s exhaustion overtook him, and he dropped into unconsciousness.

---

“Alejandro? Everything okay in there?” a tentative voice called, followed by a meek knock on the door.

The man in question caught sight of himself in the plane’s confessional mirror, and jolted in horror at the sight he was greeted with.

His chest was heaving, his hair was slightly askew, his cheeks were red and his eyes were wild. He looked rabid, almost, his fist curled where he slammed it against the sink's countertop. ¿¡Qué demonios es lo que me pasa!? he had roared, yanking at his hair. What the hell is wrong with me!?

“Everything is fine,” Alejandro lied. “Someone splashed some water on the floor, and I almost slipped.” He had actually screamed some of the most creative curses he’d ever come up with, and then slammed his hand on the counter like some white teenage boy. He would simply flirt with some interns a little later to get the footage deleted. If Josè ever saw me like this…if Carlos ever saw me in this state...no. No one had to know that the villain could feel. That was where Heather failed, and he would not. He was better, bigger, meaner. He was an eel, dipped in motor oil. He was Alejandro Burromuerto.

“Well…just tell me when you’re done in there,” the voice called. “I prefer to sleep in the confessional so I don’t impose on Chris and Chef.” Ah. That’ll be Cody, then.

Alejandro swung the door open after quickly smoothing his hair down. He smiled dazzlingly, and Cody returned it with an awkward one of his own. “I am ever so sorry for taking up your sleeping space,” the charmer said, tossing his hair over his shoulder.

Cody shrugged. “It’s open to the public. If anyone, blame Sierra for making me cut your venting time short.”

Alejandro chuckled. “Of course, of course.” He was made to move past Cody, before he remembered a burning question. “You are close with Noah, no?” he said, shifting his body language to that of nonchalance.

“For sure, dude!” Cody said. “Do I have to give you the shovel talk? 'Cause I think Eva would do better at it than me.”

What in the fresh hell is a ‘shovel talk’? Why are Canadians so…absurd? I thought they were supposed to be nice! “No, mi amigo,” Alejandro said. “Noah simply mentioned that he did not compete in the last season. Why was that?”

“I dunno. He said something about family stuff, but our contracts are all super strict so he still had to be on the Peanut Gallery. After filming everyday, he’d go straight home and video call his sisters and paint his nails.”

“...Paint his nails?” Alejandro asked, trying to keep his tone from sounding too inquisitive.

“Yeah, he kept them black the whole season. Us Peanut Gallerians weren’t allowed to change out of our signature outfits, but I guess he really wanted to start dressing all emo like Gwen.”

Hmm. Alejandro stepped out of the confessional. “Thank you for the insight. It’s all yours, amigo.” He motioned towards the empty toilet space with a flourish.

Cody gratefully entered it. “Noah likes his privacy, so don't tell him I told you all that, okay?" He sat down on the shut toilet seat before re-addressing Alejandro. "Hey, be nice to him, alright? He’s super tough on the outside, but he really has a big heart. I think Owen accidentally broke his angry shell by being so damn lovable.”

Alejandro’s mind, already reeling and spinning, increased tenfold. “...really now. Well, that is a thought for tomorrow. Buenas noches, Cody.”

“G’night, dude.”

The confessional door slammed shut and the lock clicked, and Alejandaro slunk back to first class. The lights were off, and his teammates were peacefully snoring into the darkness. He could faintly make out Noah's curled form on the floor, and Duncan laying in one of the reclining chairs.

What aren’t you telling me, mi flecha venenosa?

Chapter 5: Niagara Brawls

Chapter Text

Ruby was laughing, her booming voice reverberating through the room she shared with Yuktha. Noah was sitting on her bed next to her, holding his phone as they laughed at the video it was playing.

Ruby always laughed with her head thrown back and dyed pink hair shaking with each giggle, snort, and chuckle. It was one of Noah’s favorite sounds, and when he got too wrapped up in homework or keeping the house together as his mother worked her fourth night shift in a row, it was Ruby’s laughter that kept him grounded.

The door to the room suddenly opened, and in it was standing Owen, happily petting Noah’s golden retriever in his large arms. “Little buddy, it’s time to go!” he giggled as the dog, Morissey, licked at his face.

“What? But I don’t have anything after school,” Noah said, confusion scrawled over his face.

“Yes you do!” Ruby said. “Tayārāy iru, little brother. You took my place, remember? You can’t ignore Chris now. Nīṅkaḷ ēṟkaṉavē ivvaḷavu tūram vantuviṭṭīrkaḷ.! You can’t just stay here on your butt!”

“But I haven’t seen you in so long,” Noah said as Owen put his dog down gently. The big guy walked into Ruby’s room, and a hand grabbed Noah’s skinny bicep, tugging him up.

“I don’t understand what you guys are saying,” Owen said, “but you’ve gotta go!”

“B-but you’ve been gone for years,” Noah gasped again, reaching a desperate hand out to Ruby. She simply waved as panic rose like a wave in Noah’s throat.

“You’ll see me soon if you don’t get going!”

“How can I see you again if you’re not at home any more?”

“At what height does water become solid?” Ruby asked.

“100 meters, or three hundred feet,” Noah responded immediately. Too easy.

“How far up does Chef drive the plane?” Owen asked as he continued to drag Noah out the door.

“33,000 feet,” the boy responded immediately, remembering the altitude gauge he had seen when helping Cody a few days prior. “What does this have to do with anything?” Noah cried futilely, but Owen was too big, and much stronger than Noah. He dragged the confused boy out the door easily, ignoring his desperate squirming, Ruby waving goodbye cheerfully.

Instead of entering another room in the Mudaliar family house, Noah was falling through the air as crates and other items whistled past his head. Above him, he saw Sierra’s limp body freefalling, purple braid whipping around her head in a frenzy.

“What the-” he gasped, managing to roll himself over mid-air as panic surged through him. Below him, he saw Courtney, dead asleep like Sierra. “Wake up!” he screamed. “Courtney Mercedes, wake the hell up! You’re a C.I.T., so act like it!”

She blinked once, twice, before dazedly looking around her. “Huh? What… WHAT!?” she screamed, voice piercing as the other contestants all jolted at the sound and blearily woke up.

A swan boat flew past Noah, almost hitting a free-falling Alejandro. Noah almost cried out a warning, even though he knew his teammate would easily move out of the way.

Noah didn’t have any more time to worry as he hurtled directly towards water, Sierra letting out a blood-curdling scream at the sight. The cynicclenched his eyes, a half-remembered dream coming to the forefront of his mind. Water becomes deadly at 100 meters. It becomes solid due to surface tension, and for only a fraction of a second. That’s just long enough for the blunt force impact to instantly kill you. Chef flies the plane at around 33,000 feet, which means that if I hit literally anything I’m soon going to be seeing Nana and Māṇi-

He never hit the ground as he screamed for his life, the others around him opting to do the same. Instead, he thumped into something warm and relatively soft.

Tentatively opening his eyes, he looked up to see Alejandro smiling down at him. With a jolt, Noah realized he was clutched in his teammate’s arms, pressed against the red fabric of the taller boy's shirt.

“Noah, are you okay?” Alejandro asked, eyebrows furrowed in concern as he looked at the boy in his arms.

“I-I’m fine,” Noah answered, looking around at the surroundings. He was with Alejandro, in a swan boat. Cody was also present with him, currently a heap on the boat's floor. A little bit farther up the water was Sierra and Courtney, as well as Duncan. They all looked generally worse for wear, in varying degrees of panic.

Alejandro looked down at Noah, who was wiggling a bit in his arms as he craned his head to look around. “Ah, my apologies, mi flecha venenosa. You would have hit the water if I hadn’t managed to catch you.” He bent a little bit, allowing Noah to slip from his arms and stand in the paddle boat. Next to him, Noah heard Cody stammering.

“Wa-wa-w-” he said, pointing a shaky finger behind the boat.

“Water? Yeah, we noticed,” Duncan called from his swan boat, scoffing and rolling his eyes.

“WATERFALL!” Courtney screamed from her boat.

“What the hell do you mean?” Noah asked as he followed Cody’s line of sight.

"WATERFALL!" Cody screamed as the other contestants all looked where the boy was pointing.

“Is that… Niagara Falls!?” Alejandro gasped, immediately sitting down and beginning to pedal, his strong legs moving a mile a minute. It did nothing to keep the boats from moving backwards, and the contestants all began to scream and yell in despair.

“If we live, I’ll tutor any brain dead person who requires it! Even Duncan!” Courtney cried, hands clasped as she turned her eyes upwards.

“If we live, I’ll forget she ever said that!” Duncan replied.

Alejandro smirked, and before Noah had the time to figure out what the eel was going to do, he opened his mouth and did a passable impression of Cody. “If we live, I’ll let Sierra kiss me!” He didn’t sound 100% perfect, but the rushing of the waterfall drowned out the imperfections of his impression.

From Courtney’s paddle boat came an inhuman roar. “I want my KISS!”

Noah leaned towards Alejandro, lips pressed close to the manipulator's pierced ear. “If she does anything to Cody, I’m going to sic Eva and Izzy on you. Izzy just got her license to kill back, and Eva has skinned bears before. They’re also both lesbians so you can’t charm your way out of your doom. You will have no hope of surviving,” he hissed, and Alejandro shuddered- at the threat or the proximity of Noah's lips to his skin, he didn’t know.

“Eva and Izzy can’t kill me if we’re all dead from falling over the edge of Niagara Falls,” Alejandro responded as Duncan came flying over the edge of their boat.

Around his waist was a rope, and the punk held onto the swan’s neck for dear life as Sierra leaned forward in her seat and began pumping her legs with reckless abandon. Against all odds, the boats began moving forward against the strong current of the Falls.

Noah walked the short distance across the boat to where Duncan was holding onto the swan boat’s neck, and the punk visibly brightened when he realized who was in front of him.

“Twirl your hair and look down like this so your eyelashes flutter,” Aamani instructed, wrapping a strand of black hair around her index finger, dropping her chin down.

“And remember to bite your lip occasionally to look embarrassed or flustered,” Yuktha added.

“You’ll have that down, since you bite your lips from anxiety already,” Natasha said confidently.

“The day I seduce a boy using these methods is the day Kavya and Kelyani behave,” Noah said, face crimson as his sisters tried to teach him all of their knowledge on flirting.

“Hey, Duncan?” Noah said, a finger absentmindedly coming up to his long hair, twirling a strand around his index finger as he looked at a shaking Cody. It was a habit that had formed when he began growing his hair out in middle school.

“Yeah, darlin’?” he said, eyes following the movement of Noah’s thin, nimble fingers.

“I was wondering if you’d do me a favor?” he asked, trying not to die from the embarrassment of acting coquettish on international T.V. Oh, the compilations my sisters make are gonna be horrendous.

The punk nodded his head, eyes flicking behind Noah, to where Alejandro was sitting. He smiled. “Of course- whatever you need.”

“I’d be really grateful if you kept Cody safe when we get to shore, since Sierra’s a little…cuckoo,” Noah said, teeth clamping onto the corner of his lip as embarrassment and nervousness flamed in his chest. What if he’s playing me?

Duncan nodded enthusiastically. “Of course. I was with Courtney for over a year- Sierra’s strength ain’t sh*t.” He did look strangely unbothered at the sensation of being pulled with a rope that was attached to a boat.

Noah gave him a genuine smile, and his teammate’s grin got wider in response. “Thanks, Duncan,” Noah said, trying not to hurl, and crossed the small boat to sit next to Cody, who was fiddling with a miniature guitar. It was a memento that Justin, of all people, bought him, when the Drama Brothers made it big. It was Cody’s go-to fidget toy, and the neck of the plastic guitar was worn from use. It was always tuned, though, which made Noah happy that Cody had a group of friends that cared so much for him.

He bumped shoulders with the skinny boy. “Nothing’s gonna happen to you, dude,” Noah said, jerking his head at Cody’s fidgeting hands.

“Noah, dude, no offense, but…what exactly are you gonna do against Sierra?”

“Not me,” Noah said simply. He nodded towards Duncan, who was still gripping the swan’s neck for dear life. “Him.”

Cody’s eyebrow raised. “What about your crush on Al?” he said, whispering as he furtively glanced at the proud teenager, whose back was turned on the pair. The man in question was muttering to himself in Spanish quickly, and Noah started to regret taking Chinese in school instead of Spanish. Damn that weighted GPA.

“What do you mean, my crush on Alejandro?” Noah said incredulously.

“You guys are always flirting, dude! Trust me, I’ve been around Trent and Justin long enough to know when there’s unresolved sexual tension beneath constant arguing, banter, and ‘creative differences’,” Cody said.

“Okay, well, first of all, it sounds like you’re projecting a little bit. Second of all, Alejandro is nothing like Justin and I’m nothing like Trent. As in- we are not into each other. Not at all.”

“You’re so missing the point right now,” Cody sighed. “Now all we can hope you figure it out before you do something stupid.”

“I’m not following, what do you mean-” Noah began, but was cut off by the boat thunking into a sandy shore, causing everyone to go flying through the air. And, because God hated Noah, Alejandro managed to land directly on the smaller boy’s chest.

“Joder,” Alejandro muttered as he picked himself off of the sandy ground. “There’s sand in my hair, and I lent Heather the last of my shampoo. Speaking of which…where is she?”

“Certainly not here!” Courtney said as she hauled herself to her feet, hair dripping wet as she wiped sand off of her arms.

“She was eliminated!?” Duncan cried from where he was sprawled on the beach. He smiled, and pumped a fist as he sat up. “Yes!”

Alejandro simply frowned, eyes searching the beach as if Courtney was playing a prank. It made Noah’s stomach lurch. Am I not enough of a challenge? Not good enough to be a rival? He got to his feet, roughly brushing sand off of his cargo shorts, looking anywhere but at Alejandro.

“Codykins, I’m coming to give you CPR!” Sierra trilled, prancing to where the Drama Brother was starfished on the beach.Duncan reached a hand out and grabbed her ankle, swiping it out from under her quickly. She hit the ground with an oof!, and glared at the punk. “He said he would kiss me if we lived! And we lived! So I’m getting my kiss!” she cried, making a move to swat at Duncan. He easily removed his hand, and Sierra tried to get up before Duncan yanked on her braid, causing her to go down again. “What the heck, Duncan?” Sierra cried. “I’ve read all of your parole officer’s reports and you’ve never done anything like this before!”

“What the hell is wrong with you!?” he cried as he shot to his feet.

“Even I’ve never done that!” Courtney said from the sidelines.

“This is only a thirty minute show!” Chris called at he strolled towards the contestants. “Save the violence for later, dudes! Anyways, Niagara Falls is pretty cool, eh? It’s the jewel in Canada’s crown, and one of the natural wonders of the world. It’s also known for its fabulous casino, which is where we’ll be heading for the first part of the challenge!”

Sierra whined from the ground as Cody practically glued himself to Noah’s side, and Duncan released the long purple braid from his grip.

The teens all shuffled after Chris and Chef, who led them to a van. “C’mon, kids, get inside!” Chris crowed. “There’s candy inside.”

“If Owen were here, he would have been the first in,” Noah said to Cody, who laughed.

“You don’t make promises of candy to someone like him,” the Drama Brother replied as he climbed into the van. “Remember that time on Island when Chef almost got tackled because he said that if anyone got out of bed and to the dining hall in under 30 seconds he’d order a pizza? And Owen managed to get there in, what, 22 seconds, and then Chef told him it was a lie?”

Noah chuckled. “Owen still brings that up,” he said as he found a seat near the windows. Cody sat down next to him, and Duncan sighed when he realized where the only open seat was. He took the final spot next to Cody, and looked at the two of them.

“Were you guys talking about Owen’s 22 second record?”

“Yeah!” Cody said, and Noah nodded.

“Y’know, when we were bored in between challenges, me, Geoff, and DJ would all race and try to break the record. The closest we got was DJ’s 39 seconds.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Noah said. “Owen, when encouraged by food, is like a white Usain Bolt.”

Cody was going to reply when Sierra’s squeal cut him off. “OMG, is that the casino!? I can’t wait to win lots of money to pay for physiotherapy!”

“Why physiotherapy and not like, a new computer for high speed blogging?” Courtney asked.

“I took a meatball to the chest in Sweden,” she responded. “It still hurts to press near my collarbone.”

Noah winced a little at the memory. “I thought we hit the ship, not you,” he said sheepishly.

“Is this someone showing remorse for causing bodily injury on this show? That’s gotta be a first!” Chris laughed from where he was standing at the front of the van. “However, you guys are all underage. We are not going to the gambling floor, but instead to the riveting casino concert hall!”

Duncan groaned in disappointment as the van pulled into the casino’s entrance, and the contestants all filed out of the vehicle. They followed Chris through the casino’s many halls and past many a slot machine until they reached the concert area. It was empty, and in front of them was a large stage with red curtains.

“Ooh, I wonder who’s performing,” Cody said, looking hopeful. “Maybe I’ll get to see the guys again!”

“Oh, someone’s performing, but it’s not the Drama Brothers!” Chris said with an evil smile. Cody hung his head. “On the last Aftermath episode, we held a second chance challenge, which allowed one contestant to come back.”

“I hope it’s Gwen,” Cody said, looking suddenly hopeful, clasping his hands together.

“That wouldn’t completely suck,” Duncan said, grinning a bit.

“Not…completely,” Courtney muttered. She pinked when she realized everyone was looking at her. “We talked things through, but we weren’t finished when Chris pushed her out of the plane.”

“You voted for her, not me,” the host said, holding his hands up.

“I just hope Heather doesn’t come back,” Noah muttered.

Alejandro was silent, but his gaze flicked to the cynic, and then just as quickly looked elsewhere.

“It’s neither of those people!” Chris said happily. “Please welcome to the stage ninety pounds of sass, and a Total Drama fan favorite… Leshawna!”

“What!?” Courtney cried.

“¿Que?” Alejandro gasped, stunned.

“Yes!” Duncan said, a wide grin on his face.

“Is it too late to reuse the weave got a problem joke?” Sierra said.

“Yes, because that’s kinda racist,” Noah replied. “Anyways, Leshawna’s not a problem…besides being one of the most capable Total Drama players."

Alejandro’s face paled, and he was dead silent as the other contestants chattered among themselves excitedly.

Ah. This is a problem for him, isn’t it? Noah thought. She got voted out due to his manipulation…and besides me and Courtney, she'll be the only one present who’s aware of his slippery tendencies. She could ruin him.

The teens had no more time to talk as the lights dimmed, and the curtains opened, revealing what looked like a layer cake made of water. In the middle of it rose Leshawna, smiling proudly. The music started, and she looked directly at Alejandro, who looked ready to vomit.

This show is a hell that makes me cry

And has a guy known as a busta

Always talkin' about who’s next to go

And just watched as we all Dropped

So no, I don't want your flirts

No, I don't want an alliance and

No, I don't want to lose to you and

No, I don't want none of your words and

No, I don't want to get voted out!

A scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me

Drivin' me mad with a word as his teammates ride

And leaves me in economy!

I don't want no fools

A thinking they can pass one over on me

But I’m back in the game and

I’m ready to ride

All the way to the mil, can’t’cha see?

She finished her song to raucous applause as the waterfall layer cake contraption she was on lowered into the stage, and she walked towards the group of teenagers with a wave, not at all looking at Alejandro. The eel, however, was looking at her, and looked shocked in one of his most open displays of true emotion.

“Hey, y’all!” she said, smiling as Courtney ran forward and hugged her. “Hey, girl, how you been?” she said, wrapping her arms around her friend.

“You managed to win the Aftermath challenge!” Sierra squealed. “I’m so proud of you!”

“Thanks,” Leshawna said before turning to Chris. “So, McLean, what team am I on?”

Out of the corner of his eye, Noah saw Alejandro stiffen at the prospect. I wouldn’t put it past McLean to put her on our team, but we’re due for a merge. We are at the final 7, anyways….

“You’re on your own!” Chris said happily. “Actually, you all are! As of right now, the teams are officially dissolved. Congratulations to Courtney, Sierra, Leshawna, Duncan, Cody, Alejandro and Noah- you have officially made it to the merge of Total Drama World Tour!”

The teens all cheered- even Alejandro, though his smile seemed forced. He turned to Noah and Duncan. “Well, gentlemen, I hope we can continue to work together in the future. Being on a team with you two has been an honor.” He shook Duncan’s hand, and instead of shaking Noah’s hand, he brought the shorter boy's cold hand up and placed a gentle kiss on Noah’s knuckles. He flashed both of his ex-teammates a blinding smile, and Noah resisted the urge to roll his eyes as he turned his attention to Chris.

Leshawna shot him a look from where she was standing, and Noah simply quirked his eyebrows up. We both have questions for each other.

“Since we’re in the honeymoon capital of the world, I thought it’d be cool to drop some arranged marriages on you guys!” Chris said, as Chef pushed a giant slot machine onto the stage. Sierra squealed in joy as Cody’s face turned slightly green.

Chef was in his pink dress (with matching hat and gloves), and Alejandro raised an eyebrow at the sight. He looked at his fellow contestants, none of whom seemed to notice the hot pink elephant in the room. “Why the dress?” he asked. “It’s not like he’s the one getting married.”

“We’re renewing our vows after the challenge,” Chris said as Chef continued to push the large object out.

“...I take it back,” Alejandro said.

Sierra paused from her deranged squealing and winced. “Oh, my mom is gonna freak when she sees this. She has, like, a major crush on you, Chris.”

“That explains…a lot about you,” the host said before flashing his partner a thumbs-up. “Check it, guys! I call it the ‘Lotto Fun for Me, Notso Fun for You’. Each girl is gonna pull the lever to win a husband she’ll team up with for today’s challenge.”

Chef demonstrated by pulling the cartoonishly large gold lever, and the symbols of each boy still in the contest began to spin. Each of the images landed on… a bear?

The machine happily dinged! as the lights around it flashed, the way a normal slot machine would when someone hit the jackpot.

“I’m sorry, is that a wild bear? ” Duncan said, eyes wide as he looked at the slot machine.

“Yep! It’s Total Drama, dude, we always gotta add in a few surprises! Now get in!”

The boys were all herded into the machine, reluctantly jumping in one at a time into the metallic darkness. It was dead silent for a few moments as their eyes all adjusted to the darkness, until a low growl echoed as Cody dropped down. To everyone’s surprise, the skinny boy grinned, rather than quiver in fear.

“He’s actually really cool!” he said as the wild bear snuffled against his brown hair. “He only mauled me ‘cause Chris threatened to put dynamite in the cave his family hibernated in.”

“That’s…actually really f*cked up,” Duncan said, looking apprehensively at the affectionate bear, who was easily twice the size of him.

“Yeah,” Noah echoed, but the boys’ attention was all quickly diverted as they heard the machine’s lever get cranked down.

“Please, please let me get anyone but Courtney,” Duncan whispered, crossing his fingers.

Next to him, Cody was doing the same. “Anyone except Sierra. Anyone except Sierra.”

Alejandro was silent as he fiddled with the bull charm on his necklace, but Noah knew exactly what he was thinking: anyone but Leshawna.

“Nice pick, Leshawna!” Chris’ voice called as the girl screamed in outrage, and the floor opened up under Alejandro. He quickly disappeared down the chute, trying desperately to hold on, grunting with the effort of holding himself up. It didn’t work, and Noah spotted one of Chef’s pink gloves clamp down on Alejandro’s legs and drag him down the rest of the way to an awaiting Leshawna. Noah was distantly reminded of a horror movie Izzy made him watch before they had been called back to participate for the newest season.

Oh, this’ll be fun. Now I can only hope I get Courtney.

“Next!” Chris called, and the wheels began to spin once more, the boys all waiting in dead silence to be dropped into their new wife’s arms.

An ear-shattering squeal rang throughout the concert call, and Cody dropped from view with a desperate scream. His bear friend tried to grab his arm to keep him in, but it was to no avail. The skinny boy flew down the chute and into Sierra’s waiting arms. (Noah couldn’t see her, but he knew the girl’s tendencies by now. Everyone did.)

“Looks like it’s you and me, baby,” Duncan said with a smirk, leaning towards Noah with a smile. He reached a hand out to cup Noah’s cheek, but the bear huffed threateningly from its corner.

“Looks like you were wrong,” Noah replied, and suddenly Duncan went careening down the chute with a startled yell. “Well, then.” He looked up at the bear. “Maybe I don’t have to participate?” Noah's hopes were thoroughly dashed when the metal under his feet disappeared, and was sent hurtling down the slightly curved chute with an alarmed yelp.

The last human pick landed on his butt surrounded by pairs: An irritated Duncan and Courtney, an overjoyed Sierra with an uncomfortable Cody, and an enraged Leshawna paired with Alejandro, whose mask of unbothered unflappability was secured snugly on his face. However, his eyes were darting from couple to couple, and he refused to look at Leshawna.

“Well. Noah, it looks like you’re with the bear,” Chris said. “I’m sorry you have no game. Bring ‘em out, Chef!”

“Wait!” Leshawna said. “I’ll take the bear. He can have Alejandro.”

Chris’ eyebrows shot up. “You’re actually gonna take the bear? The one that mauled Cody? And almost replaced you on Total Drama Dirtbags?”

“I’m just swappin’ one Dirtbag for another,” the girl responded with a shrug. “Anyways, I know Alejandro doesn’t love me, and I certainly don’t love him. Learned that the hard way.” She put her hands on her hips and stared at Chris. “So? Can I have the bear or not?”

The host tapped his chin for a second before breaking out into a huge grin. “Eh, why not! Noah, your new bride is no one except the leggiest Latin in the nation, the Hunky Hombre himself: Alejandro! Leshawna, your new groom is a wild bear!”

Alejandro darted to Noah, and grabbed his wrist, pulling the shorter boy quickly to his feet. “I can finally call you mi amor now,” he said with a sly grin. That’s…a real smile. Not one of his practiced ones…is he that happy to be rid of Leshawna?

“Nope,” Noah said. “Too corny. What about the other one? The name you called me on the swan boat?”

“¿Mi flecha venenosa?”

“Yeah. What's it mean?”

“It means ‘my poison arrow’,” Courtney called from where she was standing next to Duncan.

“That’s…kinda sweet?” Cody said from where Sierra was holding his hand like a lifeline. He was pointedly not looking at her whatsoever.

“It’s perfect,” Alejandro declared. “You are mean, and sarcastic, and a schemer, but you are also witty and smart.”

Noah blushed slightly as the bear tumbled out of the slot machine and in front of an awaiting Leshawna. “Hey…ain’t that the bear I beat in the logrolling competition?” she asked as it got up on its hind legs.

It shook his head in the affirmative, and Chris rolled his eyes. “Um, hello? You’re a bear, dude, you gotta at least look a little threatening.”

Leshawna just glared at the host. “No one talks to my fiance like that!”

He threw his hands up placatingly. “Okay, okay! Chef, can you take the slot machine out of the stage and get someone to open the curtains?”

His husband nodded and began to push the contraption out of sight, and Chris faced the contestants as the curtains opened, revealing an obstacle course littered with pools of water, life-sized wedding cakes, and confetti cannons, among other things. There were also four large columns with golden heart arches at the beginning of the course.

“Because a good marriage is based on trust, and the ability to argue louder than your spouse, each groom will use a megaphone to guide his blindfolded bride safely to her gown. Only couples who secure a gown may participate in the next challenge. Sierra, Courtney, you guys are gonna be the blindfolded brides. Leshawna, since you’re the only one who can speak, you’re gonna be up with the grooms. Alejandro and Noah, you guys get to choose which one of you is going to take on the traditional role of bride.”

“You’re not gonna make me go ‘cause I’m the shorter and therefore more feminine one?” Noah asked, genuinely surprised at being given the choice.

“It’s true!” Sierra said as De’shaya tied a blindfold around the overexcited girl’s head. “In all of the Nowen fanfiction, Noah always traditionally takes the role of the girl.”

“Okay, well, now I want to throw up,” Noah said. “Whatever. Alejandro, get your bridezilla on. I’m not running a damn obstacle course.”

“Are you saying that because you mean it, or because you know I will look magnificent in a wedding gown?”

“I’m saying it because if you don’t get moving we’re going to have to go to marriage counseling. Now go before I put my boot up your ass.”

Alejandro simply chuckled and lifted his hair so he could don a blindfold while Noah took his assigned megaphone and trudged up the stairs onto his column. Next to him was Leshawna, and on his other side was a dejected Cody.

“Congrats on making it back, Leshawna,” Noah called. He had never been especially close to her, but he had never been a reason for her elimination. They only interacted a few times on the Playa Des Losers, but she had always been kind to him. No reason to make enemies now. “Though I don’t know if making it back on this hellscape is something to congratulate you for.”

She laughed. “Yeah, that’s true. Though I’m not passin’ up a chance for a million dollars. That’s just insanity.”

“Understandable,” Noah said as he watched Alejandro get directed to stand in front of his column. “I think that’s how a lot of people feel on this show.” He thought of a desperate Courtney, of a determined Heather, and himself. He thought of his cramped seven-sister household (currently six now that Aamani was off in college, and oftentimes five when Natasha was away training for whatever match she had been signed for), and how much a million dollars would help. How it could have helped Ruby have agency...and how it could help Noah still have her in his life.

He was snapped out of his thoughts by Leshawna’s gentle chuckling. “Eva actually gave that witch Blaineley her chance to come back on the show. She yelled something I assume real nasty in Russian and declared that if it wasn’t for you still being on the show she wouldn’t be wasting her time.”

“That…sounds like Eva,” Noah said with a small smile, grateful that his friends were still supporting him from a million miles away.

Chris’ voice crackled from his megaphone. “Grooms and bride, please get your megaphones ready! Three…two…one…go!”

“Walk three paces straight ahead and turn left!” Duncan called, and Noah watched Courtney trip into a turtle kiddie pool filled with mud. He winced as Duncan laughed uproariously at Courtney’s dismay. He wanted nothing more than to help his friend, but he needed immunity, especially with the teams dissolved.

“Go five paces directly forward!” Noah called down to his groom. Bride? Spouse? Partner. Person.To his surprise, Alejandro complied, stopping after counting five steps.“Alright…take two steps forward and then sidestep to your left,” he instructed.Alejandro followed his directions, avoiding a sandbox set in front of him.

Against all odds, Noah smiled as he lifted the megaphones up to his lips. We’ve got this.

---

Alejandro bumped into his chest-first mannequin after following Noah’s directions to a tee.

“Great job, pāmpu!” Noah cheered from his place on the column, dropping the megaphone as Alejandro lifted his blindfold.

He smiled at Noah, and his not-bride's lips moved, but Noah was too far away to discern what he said. Looking out at the rest of the obstacle course, he saw Courtney stumble into one of the gigantic wedding cakes.She screamed in anger as Duncan snickered into the megaphone, and Noah felt his lips twitch into a sneer.

He can go home. No one wants an asshole like him to win anyways...there’s a reason he lost to Beth.

“Courtney!” he called, picking his megaphone back up. The C.I.T. stilled, even as Duncan tried to call out yet another set of (wrong) directions. “Don’t listen to him! Bros over hoes, and whatnot!” The corners of her lips pulled up into a smile as Duncan squawked indignantly. “Watching you is a trainwreck, so I’m speaking now so you can never hold your peace! Walk two paces to the left, and then five paces straight ahead.”

She nodded, and Duncan tried to call out to her. “You’re really gonna trust a guy on the opposite team? Who’s currently on a team with Alejandro?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Noah said furiously as Courtney scoffed, “As if I believe anything your lying lips say, Duncan!”

She easily grabbed the dress meant for her and smiled, waving to Noah from across the obstacle course after lifting her blindfold. “At least there’s still one gentleman left here!” Noah smiled at her as Duncan grit his teeth in rage.

Leshawna’s bear- whom she had begun calling Gordon- nabbed its own dress, and she grinned triumphantly. “Gwen mentioned teaching her lizards obedience. Guess bears aren’t so different.”

Noah smiled. “I think he’s just afraid of you after you whooped him in log rolling.”

“That could also be true.”

Chris, now in a blue three piece suit, walked onto the stage and towards the bear, Alejandro, and Courtney. “Time to move onto the next challenge! Too bad Sierra left her hubby at the altar,” he said. “Ah, well. Love’s a fickle thing.”

Courtney snorted. “That’s an understatement.”

The host opened his mouth to begin explaining the next segment of the challenge when Sierra dropped into a sprinter’s starting position and took off like a bat out of hell, somehow managing to duck the confetti cannon, leap a mud pool, run directly through a wedding cake, and dodge one of the many piranha pools. She launched herself forward, tackling the dress and mannequin in one fell swoop.

“I think the NFL is calling,” Leshawna said to no one in particular, breaking the stunned silence.

“I think you may be right,” came Duncan’s awe-struck voice.

“Cody! I got the dress!” she called, slightly manic as she held up the white two-piece ensemble.

Her groom’s eyes widened, and he gasped in dismay. “What the hell? Does she have some sort of wedding dress radar implanted in her?”

The other three spouses all looked shocked, and Chris blinked a few times before remembering he had a show to host. “...alrighty then! Sadly for the rest of you guys, you now have three teams to compete against instead of two. Please, get changed in one of the dressing rooms back there -” he pointed beyond the stage’s left wing, “-and then meet me by the door for part two of the challenge.” He tapped his chin thoughtfully. “And to those who are not changing- no monkey business, though funny business is highly encouraged. Now, chop chop!”

The brides all nodded and walked off to where Chris pointed, wedding dresses slung over their shoulders. Courtney and Alejandro began making friendly small talk while Sierra tried to interview the bear over what the “experience of mauling Cody” was like.

The grooms all walked down their columns, leaving the megaphones behind for an intern to pick up. Noah had every intention of beelining to Alejandro’s changing room so he could discuss strategy for the next challenge. (He had no doubt Alejandro could navigate hell or high water in a wedding dress, but Total Drama had a way of being worse than both hell and high water). Instead, he felt a finger tap his shoulder.

“Hey, Noah,” Leshawna said with an easygoing smile. “Congrats on making it this far! Everyone at the Aftermath show is totally rooting for you to take down Alejandro. They all thought your eel comment was great, by the way. That being said, I need some info from you.”

“From me? I appreciate your trust in me, but this late in the game I’m going to need your vote or some sort of alliance in exchange,” Noah said, slowing down his pace so they could walk and talk.

“Deal. I don’t play with cheaters, and Cody’s nice, but not exactly number one on my allies list. You couldn’t hand the million dollars on a platter for me to ally with Alejandro. That being said- are you guys working together?”

Noah scoffed. “No. I’m sure Geoff and Bridgette showed the clip of me overhearing his little discussion with Courtney in Australia.”

The newcomer nodded. “Of course. You have my vote, string bean.”

“Fair. Well, then, what do you need?”

---

Alejandro looked gorgeous. Nothing short of jaw-dropping, really. It was to be expected, considering he was a Burromuerto. Good genes came with the family name.

The wedding dress was tailored to his proportions, surprisingly. “I don’t doubt they had an outfit for each of us,” he mumbled to himself as he took out his gold hoop earrings. Images of Noah in one of the white dresses flashed through his mind, and he slammed one of the earrings onto the table as his face flamed.

He took a deep, calming breath in before looking at his reflection, and sighed in relief when he realized his complexion was still its perfect tan. His hair wasn’t mussed from the outburst either, and his silver tiara had stayed firmly in place.

Alejandro studied himself, peering intently into the mirror. The dress’s neckline was straight across his chest and relatively simple. It showcased his clavicles wonderfully, and the dress’ long flowing fabric was layered artfully. His typical simple gold jewelry had been replaced by long (fake) diamond earrings, a silver-and-diamond tiara, and a collar necklace that accentuated his neck perfectly. He felt beautiful, and unashamed of his appearance. His cousin Manuela had always been fond of him (the only person in his family to actually like him) and often roped him into playing princess with her. She had grown up to become a fashion designer, and just like old times would rope him into playing professional dress up for her.

Women are attracted to men comfortable in their masculinity, his father had once told him after returning from one of Manuela’s shoots. No matter what you are wearing, carry yourself with pride. You are a Burromuerto- a long lasting family. A dress is nothing. Just do not make yourself fond of such inappropriate clothing.

Alejandro continued to stare at himself in the vanity mirror, hands subconsciously gripping the vanity table’s edges harder and harder as he thought of his family.

“Papá, he is embarrassing me. He is dressing like a queer on national television, toting our family name around. I cannot have a brother who puts on dresses and prances around with a lanky little fa*g associated with me.” Alejandro could perfectly imagine José’s nagging, arrogant voice, though he was not there to witness it. He had no doubt that his brother would make extensive fun of him after this episode aired to his close friends, all of whom were just as cruel as José. Lost in thought, Alejandro did not notice the door to the dressing room swinging open.

“Are you done primping yet, or-” Noah’s sarcastic monotone was quickly cut off as he caught sight of Alejandro’s bare back, hard-earned muscle rippling under tan skin.“Oh,” he said, somewhat dumbfounded as his partner turned to face him.

“Do you mean it?” Alejandro asked, his practiced smile easily overtaking his features as he smoothed a hand down his dress.

“Yes,” Noah snapped as his face flushed. “Don’t let it get to your ego. The bear also rocked its dress, so you’re not that special.”

“Noah, we have just gotten married,” Alejandro said, leaning back against the vanity table. “You cannot have already lost our spark.”

“Leave it to the charmer to be a lovesick fool,” Noah grumbled before shutting the door behind him. “Whatever. We need to talk.”

“I haven’t cheated on you, I swear,” the green-eyed bride said with a grin, holding a hand to his heart.

He was rewarded with an eye roll. “Har, har.” Noah looked directly into his challenge partner's eyes, dead serious. “We need to talk strategy.”

Alejandro quickly sobered up, leaning forward slightly as he nodded. “Of course.”

“First of all- Leshawna’s after you.”

Alejandro tried to hide his shocked expression as best as he could. “How do you know that?”

“I didn’t call you an eel swimming in grease dipped in motor oil for fun. I knew you had something to do with getting Leshawna out, as well as you did with Bridgette and Harold…I just didn’t know what you did. Then she returned, and her song made everything clear. You flirted with her, and with Bridgette too. I wouldn’t put you past flirting with Harold, either.”

“I am not interested in him,” Alejandro said with a dismissive wave of his hand. “I was not interested in Leshawna, nor Bridgette. It is their fault for being so quick to fall for it- for me.”

“Bridgette had a boyfriend who loved her, asshole,” Noah said. “You could have manipulated her in any other way.”

“Oh? You make it sound as if you had plans on getting her out on your own terms.”

“Not the point. What the point is is that there’s a target on your head, and since I’m stuck getting married to you, there is also a target on my head. We are winning this challenge. I assume you can run in heels?”

“Not as good as Heather, but yes,” Alejandro replied. “Do you have an extra hair tie?”

“Yeah,” Noah said. “Why?”

“If we have to run anywhere, I need it to tie the train back,” Alejandro said. “I’m assuming you’re putting yourself in charge of any and all mental gymnastics Chris may try to make us do?”

“Of course,” Noah said. “You know me so well, Alejandro, we may have to go on The Newlywed Game after this.”

“¿Que?”

“Never mind. Let’s just go meet Chris so he doesn’t accuse us of funny business.”

“But we never got to engage in any monkey business,” Alejandro purred, and in one quick movement he wrapped an arm around Noah’s waist, pulling the shorter boy into him. “We are just married, and Duncan is making me ever so protective of my dear husband.”I wish I was joking, but...Duncan on the boat this morning....

Noah’s face turned a brilliant red, from the tips of his ears to his neck, but he still pushed himself away from Alejandro, stumbling back a little. “Just- just stop it! I know you’re faking it, so just give it up!”

“What…whatever do you mean?” Alejandro asked, trying not to show the confusion thrumming through his blood, pulsing through his entire body.

“I heard what I needed to, down in Australia,” Noah said. He pitched his voice in a mockery of Alejandro’s suave tone. “ ‘Noah and I’s relationship is just another factor in a constantly shifting game.’ I’m glad you think so highly of me,” he spat. "You were using me for a vote, and as soon as I got too dangerous, you were going to vote me out."

“You think I was being truthful to Courtney? She was on the other team- you think I would tell her the truth?” Alejandro was grasping for excuses.I am not letting him spread this to anyone. He is not leaving this room knowing my true nature.

“Oh, spare me the indignity, Alejandro!” Noah cried. “We both know that I don’t believe that for a second! You know, I almost, almost fell for your flirting,” he said, voice cracking at the end of his sentence. The tears that threatened to spill disgusted Noah; and he futilely, shamefully wiped at them.

“Don’t you dare cry,” Alejandro hissed, his temper flaring. “You’re better than that,” he said, as a nasty sinking feeling in his gut manifested, feeling like a vortex in his core: he wanted to sink into himself in shame.

You are a Burromuerto. You do not feel shame for doing what is necessary to win. Who had told him that? His father? His mother? José?

The look on Noah’s face was damning; vehement rage displayed openly- it made Alejandro want to lean forward and laugh, cackle with a mixture of joy and mania. Finally Noah was playing the game; the way he was- the way Heather did, the way Duncan was trying to.

“You do not get far in this game using kindness,” Alejandro said. “I am here to win, not make friends.”

“You know nothing about this damn game and yet you act like you f*cking invented it,” Noah hissed. His lips were drawn back in a disgusted snarl as he spoke. “Owen won because he was nothing but kind to people. Yeah, he was a little naive, a little foolish, but at least he didn’t backstab and lie his way to the money. Though I’m sure this is all a foreign concept to you. You know, Beth won via popular vote last season. Yeah, you may win immunity and challenges and maybe even this entire thing, but no one will celebrate with you. No one will be happy with your win. The whole world will know that you’re slimy, and malicious, and not to be trusted.”

Pushing past the stinging anger and helplessness rising in him like bile, Alejandro snarled right back at Noah. Better to be angry than to be hurt. Hurt indicates weakness that can and will be exploited. “I do not need these imbeciles to be happy that I won. A million dollars is a million dollars, even at the expense of others. I don’t care if I’m this season’s villain, as Sierra likes to put it. I will win this, even if it means crushing all the other pathetic sob stories Chris calls contestants,” he said, nose flared as he looked down at Noah.

He didn’t expect the slap. He didn’t expect it to hurt.

“Call me a sob story again. I dare you.”

Alejandro was silent; stunned at the sheer hate that was rolling off of his partner in waves.

Noah huffed in anger, turning on his heel as he ran a hand through his hair, yanking a little at the roots. “I think I hear Courtney’s voice. Come on.” He stiffly stalked out of the dressing room as Alejandro tenderly pressed his hand against the cheek that had been slapped.

He knows. He had known for…who knows how long. He had known, but still chose to be with me, laugh with me…Alejandro shook his head. He didn’t mean anything by it, just like me.

“It’s better this way,” Alejandro said to no one in particular. It did nothing to ease the hollowness gnawing at his chest, so he did the one thing he was good at: faking it. He grabbed his dress, hiked it up, and proceeded to walk out the dressing room door and to face the hell known as Total Drama.

---

Chris was irritating on the best of days. On the worst of days, he was downright aggravating. Today was no exception- he was grinning wildly as the teens all ambled out of the dressing rooms, and his deranged smile only grew wider as awe and dismay decorated their faces. Alejandro wanted to punch him on sight. (He had learned that the want to punch Chris McLean was a general rule for all Total Drama contestants.)

As the teens all walked out onto a suspended dock in the middle of Niagara Falls with a tightrope stretching across, the host began to speak. “I like to call this challenge ‘Till Death Do You Part’.” His voice was light with glee as the teens collectively shuddered against the rushing waters.

“So what I’m seeing is that you made us escape Niagara Falls earlier, just so you could force us to walk across it? And not only do we have to walk across it, we have to walk across it on a tightrope? ” Cody said meekly as he peered over the edge of the dock, looking faintly green.

“Even better than that, my man!” Chris said. “Each groom has to carry his bride across the cord, and then successfully clear customs! The first pair to do so wins immunity, and a pimped out wedding reception in first class.” He looked over at Noah and Alejandro.“Since you two won the first half of the challenge, you guys get a head start.”

Alejandro turned to his partner, whose shoulders were stiff. “Are you ready, mi-” he caught himself, awkwardly clearing his throat. “Noah?”

“Yeah,” his partner grated out through clenched teeth, looking wildly uncomfortable, and still very angry.

Alejandro forced his own smile a little wider, and picked Noah up in a painfully ironic bridal carry. The boy in his arms got even more stiff, movements jerky as he whipped his head towards his partner. “What the hell do you think-” he hissed against Alejandro’s hold.

“We agreed that I was to do everything physical,” the charmer replied as the other contestants’ eyes locked onto the pair. They need to think we’re allies. That we at least like each other. They cannot know there is an exploitable opening. He began to walk forwards, and placed a foot on the tightrope as Noah fell silent.

“Oh! One last thing!” Chris called from behind him. “Since the Falls weren’t dangerous enough on its own, I let some hungry, hungry sharks loose!”

Noah, along with the other contestants on the dock, all groaned, but Alejandro simply rolled his eyes. “I have perfect balance,” he said. “I won’t fall in.”

“You better not,” was Noah’s reply as his bride fully stepped out onto the tightrope. It bent a little under Alejandro’s weight, and the boy in his arms sucked in a breath.

“I’ve got you,” Alejandro murmured, barely loud enough to be heard over the rushing of the waterfall. He cursed himself for the gentle words. He took another step onto the tightrope, feeling out it's give and taughtness. He took another and another; and soon enough the pair was making good time across the tightrope in painfully tense silence. I have nothing to say to him, Alejandro thought as he kept his eyes on the customs booth in front of him.“At least we don’t have to sing,” he mused as Sierra and the bear began to walk the tightrope as well.

“I appreciate slow and steady,” Noah droned, peering over Alejandro’s shoulder, “but Sierra is running towards us at alarmingly high speeds.”

“Hold on,” Alejandro said, before bending his knees and putting all of his weight downwards. Combined with Noah’s weight (although it wasn't a lot), the tightrope bent under the sudden weight imbalance, bouncing everyone currently on the tightrope. With a shriek, Sierra went flying off the tightrope, Cody held under one arm like a football. They screamed as they fell into the water. Noah held his tongue from any threats or biting remarks, but he still looked worriedly at the shark infested water.

“C’mon, man!” Duncan called from his position on the cord. “Just walk the damn rope! No need to be a dick about it!”

“Language!” barked Chris McLean. “This is a family show!”

Duncan just grunted in annoyance as Courtney yelled “shut up!”

Alejandro pursed his lips and continued forward, easily making it across the tightrope with Noah in his arms. If he hadn’t revealed his knowledge in the dressing room, would I be happy about this? He looked down at the soft, dark hair pressed against his white-clad chest. No, he decided. Getting attached, making friends…is much too dangerous on this show. I know better than this. He walked up to Chef, still holding Noah close to him.

“Business or pleasure?” the co-host asked gruffly, leaning on the booth's open window.

“Strictly business,” Noah said quickly, refusing to look at Alejandro.

Maybe I should drop him.

Chef nodded. “Alright. You gotta answer all these questions right, or you have to go back to the beginnin’.”

Both boys quickly nodded in the affirmative, and the co-host took out a few index cards. “What is the capital of Canada?”

“Ottawa,” Alejandro said quickly. Gracias, papà, for being a diplomat.

“What leaf is on Canada’s flag?”

“The maple leaf,” Noah said. Alejandro was forcibly reminded of the buffoon Owen's shirt, and scowled.

“What is the name of the fishing and racing boat Canada is famous for?”

Alejandro blinked in confusion as Noah piped up. “The Schooner Bluenose.” What the hell do any of those words mean?

“Correct. What is the name of Canada’s iconic pastry?”

“Butter tarts,” Alejandro said. His mother was dearly fond of them, and they were always kept in stock in their house.

“What Canadian musical trio are progressive rock legends?”

“Rush,” Noah answered.

“Final question. What is Canada’s national animal?”

“The beaver,” both boys chorused.

Chef nodded at them, and smiled. “Anything to declare?”

“I declare that my husband is a slimy, scheming, manipulative eel,” Noah said, crossing his arms.

“And I declare that my husband is vicious and full of poison, but refuses to get off his high horse!” Alejandro barked, letting go of his hold on Noah. The skinny boy dropped to the customs station’s floor with a thud, and shot Alejandro a dirty glare.

“Bite me,” Noah hissed. “Ḥpak āḥp,” he spat as he picked himself off of the floor.

“Oh? Is that what we’re doing now?” Alejandro said, a type of anger he only ever felt when aggravated by his brother rising in him. “¡Me mentiste! Yo... creo que podría haberte amado. Pero olvidé que eres un jugador de Drama Total. Puedes manipular y mentir mejor que nadie.”

From behind him came a gasp. “Alejandro…you….” Courtney was standing on the dock, a gloved hand clasped over her mouth in shock.

He blanched, as he realized all eyes were on him. I can’t threaten her into silence. Not here. I…am a Burromuerto. I am a gentleman. Instead, he leveled an unimpressed stare at her. She held his gaze while everyone else remained silent.

“Congrats, Noah and Alejandro!” Chris said as he sauntered up to the group. “You guys have just won a trip in first class, and invincibility, which means you can’t vote for each other! A sick twist, I know.”

“I want a divorce,” Noah sighed as he carded a hand through his hair. He bit at his bottom lip, a nervous habit. That I do not need to have a mental catalog of, Alejandro reminded himself.

“We have a boat with Leshawna, Gordon, Sierra, and Cody waiting to go back to the plane. You guys are gonna head down and catch one of the vans back to the Jumbo Jet, mmkay?”

The teens all nodded and filed down the stairs from Niagara Falls, the blue backdrop perfectly reflecting the group's somber mood.

---

Noah was ripping into the lemony wedding cake after the elimination ceremony. Gordon, sadly, had taken the Drop of Shame. Honestly, Noah would miss that bear. He was much better company than Alejandro. The man in question had holed himself up in the confessional, so Noah did what any mature teen with an IQ of 180 would do: he locked the first class doors from the inside and began to pace.

“How dare he? How dare he call me a sob story?” he hissed, walking from one end of the cabin to the other. “The man with everything handed to him on a silver platter has the audacity to talk down to me? I wasn’t even supposed to be on this damn show! Oh, I’ll show him my venomous, poisonous tendencies! I’ll be his little poison arrow, alright,” Noah fumed. “Next challenge, that f*cker is gone. I swear to God, I will paint this plane the same shade of red as his infernal shirt!”

He angrily sat down and cut himself another slice of the cake De’shaya had delivered to first class. He was so immersed in his spiteful endeavor he didn’t notice the gentle knocking at the door until the metal dented in the shape of Courtney’s fist, jarring him back to reality. Noah quickly slid off the barstool he was perched on, and hustled to unlock the door. Waiting for him was Courtney and Leshawna, who were wearing concerned expressions.

“Sorry for not answering sooner,” he said sheepishly. “I was ranting and didn’t want a certain ex-husband to interrupt.”

“Oh, no, that makes total sense,” Courtney said, all in a rush, as if her words were fighting to get out. She went silent after that, awkwardly messing with her fingers, until Leshawna spoke up.

“Are you okay, boo?” she said, sounding painfully like one of Noah’s elder sisters.

“What do you think?” he said, trying his best to sound joking, but it just came out defeated.

“You guys had a huge blowup,” Courtney said, taking a step forward. “Did he finally find out about Australia?”

“I ratted myself out,” Noah said. “He got a little pushy with the flirting, but I knew he was faking it, and…and I gave myself away. He got mad, I got angrier, he called me a pathetic sob story, and…I slapped him.” Courtney gasped, and Leshawna grinned before correcting her expression into one of shock. “I just couldn’t take it any more! He kept flirting, and flirting, and getting so into the husband thing even though it was just an act, and…and I was beginning to fall for it. I’d rather us be enemies than have this weird, fake relationship.”

Leshawna pulled Noah into a hug. “I’m so sorry,” she said. “But also, thank you so much for slapping him, on behalf of the sisterhood plus Harold.” She released him and stepped back, a gentle hand on his shoulder.

Courtney looked grimly at Noah. “How pushy was he with the flirting? Because I am not above maiming him.”

“He didn’t do anything gross, but he was just so sweet it was kinda sickly. Like when a perfume is too flowery, so you choke on it and it stings your eyes.”

“I get that,” Courtney said. “I’m sorry you guys won invincibility.”

Noah sighed. “You know, I almost wished I botched that challenge? But if he hadn’t, I most certainly would have been going home.”

Leshawna grinned at the two. “Wanna get him out next challenge?”

“Oh, of course! Was that even a question?” Courtney said. “I would love to get Duncan out, but Alejandro’s getting too dangerous. He’s gonna start lashing out to protect himself soon, just like Heather did.”

Noah grinned weakly back at the two. “If we weren't allies, Courtney, I would be really afraid of you." He stepped back from the door, motioning inwards. "You guys want a piece of cake? And also…Leshawna, you’re pretty good eel repellent. If you guys stay, he won’t come back in, and it won’t be awkward, or become another shouting match.”

The girls nodded. “Of course!” Courtney said. “Chef’s dessert tonight were those little gummy worm dirt pudding cups, except I think that instead of crushed up Oreos it was actual, y'know, dirt.”

Leshawna shuddered. “If there’s one thing I’m gonna miss from bein’ on the Aftermath, it’s the food. I did not miss the airplane cuisine here, at all.”

“Well, hopefully the taste of lemony vanilla heaven can ease your sorrows,” Noah said with a mock bow, letting his two new allies enter first class. They sat at the “bar” area, eating slices of cake and drinking whatever sodas they could find, and when they finished, they simply sat around until they each nodded off, slumped peacefully against the bar’s countertop.

Chapter 6: Beijinging You to Stay

Chapter Text

Alejandro stumbled out of the confessional, chest heaving as he barely managed to catch himself on the wall. Why is there nowhere to have a panic attack in peace here?

He had spent the majority of his time in the bathroom-turned-rant-space raving in anger about the turn of events during the last challenge, but only to a certain degree of truth. He still had an image to maintain to the people watching, and couldn’t risk it if he got wrapped up in anger and ran his mouth. When he won he would be undoubtedly known as a villain, but the extent of his villainy would remain unknown to the people if he had anything to do with it.

Nevertheless, his ranting and planning had sent him spiraling, one thought leading to another, worse option, until he could barely breathe through his nose or think straight as panic set into his bones like an iron weight sinking through mud.

The board is completely turned against me. Noah has Courtney and Leshawna, as well as Cody, and by extension, Sierra on his side. I have no hope unless I manage to win every single challenge going forward. Duncan is a fierce player, but…he is on the way out. I cannot stand him, nor can anyone else. His vote isn’t enough to keep me safe or get Noah out.

I cannot return home a loser. I cannot face Mother and Father without the money. I cannot. I will not. I’m not going home until I’ve won.

His weak affirmations hadn’t stopped his breath from picking up and vision to cloud, strong hands shaking as he stumbled through the Jumbo Jet’s corridors. His feet were walking without his knowledge; he didn’t know where he was being led until the door to the cargo hold came into his sight.

I’ll take Ezekiel over those damn cameras any day, he thought through the haze of fear and anxiety, a hand reaching out to the handle and swinging the door open.

Alejandro managed to throw himself on top of the first crate within eyesight, legs giving out from under him as he slumped onto himself, hair falling around his face and creating a curtain.

This is pathetic. I’m pathetic. I am faced with adversity, and I cower like a dog with its tail in between its legs. Reduced to a shaking, shivering mess, all because a boy who means nothing to me poses a little bit of a threat.

He slammed a fist against the wood of the crate, the painful sting causing his numb and sweaty hands to tingle. He did it again. And again, and again, until the side of his hand caught on a nail that hadn't been completely hammered down. There was red seeping down his fingers now, running like rivers through the lines of his palm, but Alejandro couldn’t find it in him to care as he stared at the liquid.

Burromuerto red, he thought, only a little hysterically. And if I am voted out, I will not even be a Burromuerto. And then what kind of blood will I have then? Josè’s foul blue? Or maybe Noah’s teal? What color is "Alejandro?"

He only realized he was crying when a tear splashed onto one of the red rivers, disrupting the deep color with its salty clearness. The tears kept falling, and soon he was silently heaving, curled in on himself as the voice of his father echoed in his head.

“Stop wasting your time, there’s nothing coming,” his imperial tone chided. “Only a fool like you could believe you can save yourself now. You have made your grave, boy, ahora acuéstate en él!”

More tears slipped down Alejandro’s cheeks and chin as his shoulders rocked with the force of his sobs. How long had it been since he had cried last? He…could not remember.

Crying, Al? Shameful, Josè’s voice taunted. We are Burromuertos, there is nothing to cry about. I taught you this. Even if you are hit, hurt, or injured, you do not cry. Sobbing like this? Over a game you signed up for? Pathetic! You will either win this for us, or you will be on your own the second you are eighteen. So stop crying, Al, and get up! GET UP!

Alejandro launched himself to his feet, whipping his head around the cargo hold in a search for his brother, wherever he was hiding.“No,” he murmured to himself. “No, I am…I am alone.” Ironic.

With shaky hands, he began to wipe his tears away, before remembering that his was most likely still a little bloody from his earlier breakdown. Exhausted from the panic attack that had soundly overtaken his body, Alejandro sighed before swiping at his face again, this time to rid his face of his own blood. He hissed in pain slightly as the tender spot from Noah’s slap was pressed by his hand, but he stamped down the tears prickling at his eyes.

“This is what happens when your parents don’t believe in therapy or mental health,” he grumbled as he stood on weak legs, not excited at the prospect of returning to civilization, where Sierra or Courtney could be counted on to bug him about every little thing.

He heard no shuffling or heavy breathing (telltale signs of Ezekiel), but the cargo hold was still dark and ominous as he took complete register of his surroundings. The show needed a variety of dangerous and weird things, and if one of them got loose while he was stuck, and while he was so unsteady, did not spell good things for him. Alejandro quickly made his way out of the cargo hold, as fast as he could on recovering legs. He thankfully passed no one as he walked through the Jumbo Jet’s hallways, all of his fellow competition probably planning or sleeping until the next challenge. Even though it was still light outside, one never knew what time it would be in whatever location they were going to be next. You had to sleep when you could get it, something Alejandro had been forced to reckon with quickly.

He pushed the door to first class open, greeted with the sight of Noah and his irritatingly competent allies all slumped over the bar area, plates of cake abandoned near their heads. Their chests were all rising and falling evenly, and it took everything in Alejandro to not turn on his heel and stalk back to the confessional for another fresh round of ranting and raving.

Instead, he marched himself over to one of the reclining chairs in the farthest corner of the cabin, toed his boots off, and pushed the chair back as far as it could go before shutting his eyes. Sleep did not come easily, but it when it did, it overtook Alejandro's senses soundly.

---

Surprisingly, Noah doesn’t get launched, dropped, or otherwise ejected out of the plane upon gaining consciousness. Instead, he awoke to De’shaya gently shaking his shoulder before moving onto Leshawna and Courtney when she realized his eyes were open, murmuring softly to the trio to wake up.

Groggy, Noah sat up before wiping at his eyes, surveying the room. Next to him was the wedding cake he earned last challenge, large chunks missing from it's many tiers, and on his other side were his equally sleep-addled allies.

In the back of the room, snoring softly, was Alejandro. His hair was splayed out on the reclining chair’s headrest and his heeled boots were off, red shirt unbuttoned more than it usually was. The cunning manipulator looked…peaceful. Noah couldn’t remember the last time his old teammate’s aristocratic features hadn’t been marred by agitation, anger, or pain. It made his heart clench a little, before he quickly reminded himself why Alejandro wasn’t up at the bar with him.

Noah turned away from the back of the room as De’shaya walked over to the sleeping teen. He faced Leshawna, who looked bleary, and Courtney, who already was chipper and alert, reaching for the glass of water she had poured herself the hours before.

“Ready for another-” he cut himself off with a large yawn, “-fantastic challenge?”

Courtney grinned. “What do you think?”

“I think it’s too damn early for a challenge,” Leshawna said as she slipped off the barstool. She cracked her back with a groan. “At least the Aftermath show was filmed after 11 A.M.”

“You get no such luxury on Total Drama!” Courtney said. “I can’t believe you’ve gone soft on us, Leshawna,” she chided, shaking her head a little bit.

The girl in question groaned once more, shaking her head. “We all can't be C.I.T.s, Courtney. I’m gonna eat something before Chef does another barrel roll. Y’all coming with?”

“Breakfast is the most important meal of the day,” Courtney agreed, tapping her fingers on the countertop. “I am gonna go to the confessional for a moment, though. My to-do list needs updating.”

Noah shook his head. “I don’t wanna deal with Duncan or Sierra this early. I’m gonna eat this hard-earned cake and not go out there with our resident crazies.”

Leshawna shrugged before shooting a glance in Alejandro’s direction. She quirked an eyebrow up at Noah, who shook his head. He won’t want to stay in the same room as me. He knows I won’t move, he’ll just leave instead.

She nodded before joining Courtney, who was waiting at one of the connecting doors. Once it opened and closed, leaving him in relative isolation, Noah sighed again. He reached for the cake knife he had used the day prior, slowly cutting himself a piece of the baked good and resolutely ignoring Alejandro. He was doing an excellent job of it as he lowered a large slice onto a paper plate.

Of course, no good thing could last forever, and a familiar, suave voice interrupted him from his thoughts. “Are you going to cut me a piece?”

“I assumed you were going to the communal dining area to talk strategy with Duncan,” Noah replied, trying to keep his voice as even as possible. It worked for the most part, but his grip on the cake knife had turned white-knuckled.

“Do you think I would voluntarily put myself in the same room as Leshawna?” Alejandro's tone was forcibly even, the placating lilt to his voice practiced and used often enough that Noah could see right through it.

“So I’m the lesser of two evils to you? The one less likely to cause you suffering down the road?” He couldn’t help the agitation coming to life inside him- just like the unwanted blushing, Alejandro brought out his extremes.

“You have caused me enough suffering,” Alejandro said, shoulders tensing. “What with your alliances and inclination to physical violence.” And the way you don’t rebuff Duncan’s advances. And how you’re so smart I can’t help but appreciate you, even when you could be my downfall.

“And you haven’t caused me a fair share of suffering? Agony is a two way street, Alejandro,” Noah shot back. “I know that better than anyone on this plane. Don’t act like I’m some big, bad monster when I’m actually just another pathetic sob story.”

“Stop twisting my words, Josè!” Alejandro growled, taking a threatening step forward before processing what he had said. He looked astonished at himself, like a deer caught in headlights, before his expression turned grim. He stalked past Noah, yanking the door open, and quickly left the cabin, wordlessly.

Noah simply sat down and began to work on his slice of cake until the plane landed and he was shepherded out by an intern.

---

The Great Wall of China was magnificent. Pictures truly didn’t do its majesty justice as the stone architecture sprawled out into the horizon, clouds winding their way around the tops of mountains in the background. Trees were vivid and vibrant, dotting the mountainsides, intercepted by cool blue rivers.

And yet.

Alejandro was standing in front of a “roguishly scruffy” Chris McLean, who was probably going to launch into a speech that had at least four counts of cultural appropriation.

“Ni hao!” the host said, smiling at the gathered contestants. Cultural appropriation moment #1. “Welcome to China. A vast country rich in history, culture, innovation, and delicious sauces.”

Alejandro saw Noah grimace at the watering down of thousands of years of history from the corner of his eye. If he wasn’t on such angry, embarrassed terms with the shorter boy, he’d have made a quip about Chris’ lack of tact. He opted to stare at the Great Wall instead, memorizing its stone pattern.

“Our first challenge is torn from the pages of China’s extensive history. In eight million B.C.E, King Dim Sum led a battalion of donkey warriors up this very Great Wall.”

“Do you know how chronology works?” Noah griped. “Eight million B.C.E. was the Miocene era, genius. There weren't any Chinese people at that time. There weren’t even people. The dinosaurs were walking the earth.”

“Dim Sum wasn’t a person, either. Anyways, Chinese rulers weren’t called ‘kings’. They were emperors,” Courtney added, placing a hand on her hip.

“God, she’s so pretentious,” Duncan muttered under his breath. “I can’t believe I used to find her smartass attitude hot.”

Deciding that he had heard more about Duncan and Courtney’s dating life than he’d ever needed to, Alejandro tuned the punk out and focused on Chris.

“Ugh, you guys are so rude! You can’t treat me this poorly, I’m your host! I would expect it from people working with Blaineley, but not me!” Chris said before rolling his eyes. “Whatever. We’ve provided a selection of vehicles to race to our mystery destination. Now that we’ve merged, you’re gonna do things the Chinese way: first come, first served.” Noah opened his mouth to retort the inaccuracy of what he just said before the host continued, cutting him off before the he could speak. “Ready?”

Used to how things worked, the contestants all dropped into a variety of sprinting positions. Even Noah, the chronic sloth, bent at the knees to get a better head start.

“Set!”

Alejandro began to breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth as he crouched. No one here is as fast as I am, except maybe Courtney and Sierra. However, they’ll be too busy helping Noah and Cody, respectively.

Chris had his hand raised to start the teens off, but his phone began incessantly ringing. He looked at the contestants before looking at his device, sighing as he reached for it. “I better get this,” he said, and flipped it open. He pressed the device to his ear. “McLean here…yeah, I’m trying to do a show right now?”

“Do we go?” Courtney asked from where she was locked in a sprinter’s crouch start.

“Mhm, yup,” Chris said absentmindedly, listening intently to the voice on the other end of the line.

“Yup as in yeah, we go?” Leshawna asked from where she was standing, looking at the host incredulously.

“Yeah, can we do this later?” the older man said, turning a little to the contestants.

“Like yeah, we go now?” Duncan asked as he leaned forward next to Alejandro.

“Okay, fine!” Chris yelled, throwing his free hand up.

“Okay like we can go now?” Cody piped up awkwardly.

“Ay, Dios mío,” Alejandro grumbled with a roll of his eyes. He began running, the spontaneous start giving him a few seconds of a lead before he heard Courtney yell “hey!”

Soon, there was a thundering of feet behind him. When the eel spared a glance over his shoulder, the sight of a pack of teenagers barreling towards him as he ran towards the pile of vehicles a stone’s throw away from him greeted him. Alejandro picked up the pace as the more athletically inclined began to gain on him.

Far behind them, Chris’ angry voice called out. “Hey!? Who said you could go? Watch out, morons! There were a few things I was gonna warn you about!” Pretty soon, the host was too far away to discern (or heed) his warning, and Alejandro wasn’t going to give up his lead for some advice.

Doubling down and speeding his breathing up, Alejandro forced his legs to pump faster. He could faintly hear Leshawna say something to Noah, but he didn’t care. Alliances and petty treaties only slow you down. That was a favorite little proverb of his father’s, for both home life and professional politics.

Alejandro reached the transportation area first, and not a few seconds behind him came everybody else, hot on his heels. The teens all paused as they surveyed their options before making a mad dash for the optimal vehicles. Sierra ran for the donkey, towing Cody behind her, and Duncan ran for the bike. Leshawna had all but launched Noah into the rickshaw sitting on the sidelines, and he hit the padded cushions with a yelp. She picked up the poles for pulling before yelling out, “We’ll meet you there, sister!” to Courtney, who was beelining for the tricycle.

Redirecting his attention to the vehicles still available, Alejandro grinned. A skateboard, vivid red and eye-catching orange, was waiting in front of him, practically gift wrapped at his feet. Next to it was Duncan's bike.Perfect.

“Try and take it from me, dude, and you’re gonna know what I was nicknamed ‘The Mitochondria’ in juvie,” the punk warned as Alejandro approached.

“Threatening a possible ally will do you no good, amigo,” he replied, trying to conceal his bafflement. What the hell does a mitochondria have to do with prison? “If you want the bike, it’s yours.”

Duncan’s eyebrow raised, but he quickly smiled and raised a fist for Alejandro to bump. The flirt (only slightly begrudgingly) bumped his own fist against it, and waited for Duncan to begin pedaling before happily flipping the skateboard up into his hand.

“Thank God no one keeps up with the South American Skate Olympics in Canada,” he said as he hopped onto its board, quickly beginning to move, and easily joined the others who had begun the race down the Great Wall of China. “Immunity, here I come.”

---

“Are you sure you don’t want me to carry this thing?” Noah asked awkwardly as Leshawna ran, breathing heavily as her legs worked double time.

“I appreciate you wanting to contribute,” Leshawna huffed, “but we all know you can’t run for sh*t and couldn’t carry this rickshaw for more than three minutes. I knew what I was getting into when I chose this thing.”

“I won’t argue with that,” Noah said, peering out of the back window. He saw Courtney fiercely pedaling behind him, brows furrowed in concentration as her legs pumped wildly, leaning forward to optimize aerodynamic resistance.

“Hey…Leshawna, what the hell is that?” he asked as he spied what seemed to be a bamboo steamer lying in the middle of their path.That never bodes well.

“Knowing Chris McLean, it’s goddamn Pandora’s box,” she grumbled. “Hold on, string bean, it’s gonna get bumpy!”

Noah didn’t think twice to listen to her command, bracing his hands on either side of the rickshaw’s interior. Leshawna took a deep breath as she approached the steamer, and jumped over it, aiming the rickshaw’s wheels so it would glide over the piece of cookware. She landed cleanly, barely breaking her stride as the pair ran away from the suspicious bamboo steamer.

“Careful!” Noah called over his shoulder, hoping Courtney could hear him and would understand. She’s smart. She’ll be fine. From in front of them, farther up on the Great Wall’s path, came a resounding boom and the anguished scream of Duncan.

“Well, that explains why those things were just lyin’ around,” Noah’s teammate commented as she ran, sweat dotting her temples.

“Good riddance,” Noah replied. “Maybe then he’ll learn to respect boundaries.”

“If only Alejandro had gotten blasted,” Leshawna lamented. “He definitely needed to learn to steer clear of certain things.”

Noah laughed, and leaned back on the wheeled vehicle’s padded interior as he watched the breathtaking sights of China pass him by.

---

Thanks to Duncan’s mishap with the bamboo steamer, Alejandro was free to be the first one at the site of the second challenge, though the punk wasn’t set too far back and reached the finish point almost immediately after Alejandro waved to Chris, calling for the monologing host to watch out before he was trampled by the two teens. The host leaped out of the way until the pair dismounted their respective vehicles, sizing each other up.

Chris walked over to the pair with a smile on his face, arms spread wide as he faced the cameras. "Congrats on making it to the finish, bros!"

“Gracias. My first-place prize?” Alejandro asked.

“Uh, hello? Al, you need to get your eyes checked. I obviously beat you here!” Duncan said as he leaned the bike against the Great Wall’s side.

“No, mi amigo. I can guarantee that I made it here before you. Chris, check the cameras!”

The host tsked. “What show do you think this is, man? It won't do you well to be so greedy, Alejandro. Anyways, there’s no first place prize. However, you both have secured a reward, which is…a reserved seat at a special lunch with me! If you guys would have waited for me, you would have heard the rules. One of which is that anyone who makes it across the finish line before I ring the gong gets their own reservation in the next part of the competish. Ugh, kids these days,” Chris said with a shake of his head.

Alejandro peered at the comically large gong behind him and Duncan, before looking back at the host.“Oh. I…cannot wait to dine with you, señor.” His stomach flipped as Alejandro thought of Chef’s cooking. He had always had a delicate stomach due to only eating the absolute best of a very select menu, and treated his body like a temple. His muscular frame and athleticism were one of his most important prides. It was simple logic to eat like a god and make sure his temple was pristine at all times.

Of course, all of the things that made Alejandro Alejandro (like eating well and being healthy)were to be his downfall on this show.

The host grinned, and his eyes flicked to the space above the Burromuerto’s shoulder. Following Chris’ line of sight, Alejandro saw Leshawna running with the rickshaw in tow. Noah was sitting like a king, posture easy as he stared through Alejandro, unfeeling.

“Looks like we have yet more guests for lunch!” Chris said happily as the pair skidded to a halt just after crossing the finish line.

Leshawna dropped the rickshaw pulling poles before sitting on the ground, panting heavily. She closed her eyes as her chest heaved. Noah immediately jumped to the ground and crouched in front of her, taking a tissue pack out of one of his cargo shorts’ pockets and handing it to her. The returning player accepted it gratefully, smiling as she took a tissue out to dab at her forehead.

“Thanks, stringbean,” she said, voice light with exertion.

“You gonna be okay?” he asked, placing a tentative hand on her arm. She breathlessly smiled and nodded before bringing the tissue back up to her face.

From down the Wall, a loud bray shook the contestants from their thoughts. Cody, atop a donkey that could have won the Kentucky Derby, was waving to them as he came closer and closer to the finish line.

“Ring the gong!” he cried, donkey picking up speed.

“What about the gong?” Leshawna asked, and Noah shrugged.

“Ring the gong!” Cody repeated, and then Alejandro understood why: at a hundred miles a minute behind him was Sierra, bouncing up and down wildly on a pogo stick and smiling crazily.

Chris smiled maniacally as he picked up the mallet and swung like his life depended on it. The crash of the gong resounded throughout the Great Wall just as Sierra managed to launch herself off of the ground and across the finish line in the nick of time.

“I made it!” she cried happily, abandoning her pogo stick as she jumped and cheered.

“Where’s Courtney?” Noah asked, peering down the Great Wall.

“It seems she didn’t make it,” Alejandro said with feigned nonchalance. He flicked his eyes towards Noah. “I guess she can’t compete.”

“The gong has been rung, dude,” Chris told the teen. “She’s disqualified from participating in the next half of the challenge.”

Noah hissed a curse, and Cody winced. “That’s gonna get censored.”

Alejandro’s face broke out into a malicious grin as Leshawna crumpled the tissue in her hand angrily. There goes their ace in the hole.

Chris’ phone rang again, and he quickly answered it. He paused as all of the teens’ eyes were glued on him. He nodded once before flipping the phone shut with a satisfying click. “Alrighty! Production says that it’s time for part two of the challenge! Follow De’shaya, and take a seat at the table.”

“Hey, guys!” De’shaya’s voice called from somewhere high in the air. The contestants all looked up, and spied her partially hanging out of a helicopter, megaphone from the last challenge held up to her lips. “If y’all could just follow me, I’d appreciate it!” She motioned to the pilot, and it began to move forward. The players all obediently followed the copter as it led them down the Great Wall and through the surrounding areas, to an obviously high-end restaurant that looked like it took all of Total Drama’s budget (and then some) to get built.

Duncan whistled as the teens were ushered inside by an awaiting Chef, who had been dutifully standing at the gold gilded restaurant doors. “Think I could cop some cutlery and sell it later?”

“Do not,” Alejandro warned. “That’s a surefire way to get booted off the show.” He sat down at the empty table the co-host directed him to, dutifully crossing his hands on his lap once he was comfortably on the plush chair.

Back straight, chin down, eyes forward, legs crossed. You represent us- me- when dining with my fellow politicians, as his father had always reminded him.

Duncan plopped himself in the seat next to Alejandro, and the rest of the seats filled out, with Noah at the very opposite end of the table.

“And where do I sit, exactly?”Courtney’s voice rang through the restaurant, everyone’s eyes glued to the C.I.T. Her face was smeared with dirt and her hair was mussed, but her stance was proud; and her eyes held their trademark irritating glint of determination.

“You sit at the loser bench,” Chef grunted, pointing a thick finger to a red cushioned seat near Alejandro, and she sighed in defeat. She quietly went to her designated seat and sat down, looking around at the wealth and decadence of the restaurant, a small frown pulling her features down.

The silence that filled the restaurant finally gave Alejandro the much-needed time to take a breath, exhaling a little as his eyes roved his new environment, all of the commotion over for the most part. A lull in the constant action and moving parts of Total Drama was rare, and he intended to make the most of it.

There was no one else in the dining area, all of the other few tables completely empty for the show to be recorded, thus the deafening silence that choked out every bit of conversation the teens tried to make. The ceilings were high, and the interior was all red and black, with touches of gold per traditional architecture. There were tasteful vases, flower arrangements, and framed calligraphy everywhere. The place oozed money and high class, and it was stifling. Cloying, even, as if even touching the tablecloth would be considered heinous enough an affront to get you kicked out. Alejandro felt right at home.

His silent ruminations were interrupted by Chris barging in with his trademark grin on his face. “Alrighty! The challenge is gonna go like this: you have to eat each bowl of delish food, opening your mouth to prove it went down. If you’re the last to finish, or you puke, you sit with Courtney on the loser bench.”

She looked ready to snap something irritated and backhanded at the host, but Chef opened the kitchen doors and snapped his fingers at her. “You! Loser girl. Come help me hand these out,” he commanded, disappearing back into the kitchen. She rolled her eyes, but still dutifully went over to the co-host to help, entering the back area silently.

After a few minutes, the duo reappeared, Courtney wheeling a cart stacked high with bowls of God-knows-what out from the kitchen. She walked down the table, handing bowls and chopsticks out. When she got to the end of the table, she smiled as she placed a bowl of something disgusting and gray in front of Alejandro. The smell alone was enough to make his stomach churn, but he flashed her a blinding smile nevertheless.

“Gracias, Courtney,” he said, eyeing the food in front of him warily as he took the offered utensils.

She smiled maliciously. “De nada. Disfrutar, Alejandro,” she answered primly before sitting back down in the loser's bench.

“What…what is this?” Cody asked from down the table, eyes wide as he spied the unidentifiable food in front of him.

“Authentic Chinese cuisine!” Chris said happily. “Donkey meat, a local delicacy.”

“What!?” the boy gasped, face turning a pale shade of green. “Donkey? Ace!? Ace, where are you? Fart if you can hear me!”

“What’s the matter with him?” Courtney asked from where she was sitting, combing her fingers through her mussed hair.

“He rode a donkey here,” Duncan replied as he stared at his food with horror. “I think we may be eating his noble steed.”

“And you know what makes eating easier?” Chris asked, grinning evilly. He better not say what I think he’s about to.

“Tea?” Sierra asked, pouring herself a cup from down the table. It didn’t look like any tea Alejandro had ever drank. The liquid was a deep blue, and its aroma wafted down the table. It smelled bitter, but still refined. Exactly what he would expect from a high-end establishment like this.

“Nope!” the host trilled. “Singing!”

Everyone groaned as the song bell dinged. Alejandro gripped his chopsticks as he eyed his portion, already detesting having to put, in a cruel twist of fate, a literal burromuerto in his mouth. He either had to eat or sing, both of which were fates worse than death.

Chef strummed a guitar he had procured from an unknown source, and Leshawna began to sing as she picked up the first slice of meat from her bowl.

Way up yonder on the Wall,

Served nasty food that makes my skin crawl, she began before quickly shoving the food in her mouth and chewing, shuddering as she swallowed.

Oh hell no man, I can’t though,

Go burn in hell, I can’t though,

Hell no, Cody sang, crossing his arms and turning his nose up. “I’m not gonna eat my friend!”

Alejandro smirked as Cody was forced to sit at the loser bench with Courtney, disqualified for his refusal to participate. I didn’t even need to grab any meat!

“Losers, next course, please!” the host commanded, and the two ex-Amazons rolled their eyes as they got to their feet and disappeared into the kitchen Chef wheeling the cart in behind them.

Cody, Courtney and Chef soon re-entered the dining area laden with bowls, though one of Courtney’s seemed to be different than the others. She was moving too quickly for Alejandro to pin down what made it unlike the other dishes, but Cody disrupted his thoughts as a bowl was unceremoniously set down in front of him.

“Bon appetit, Al,” he sighed before trudging back to the loser bench. Alejandro’s eye twitched as he tried not to scream Don’t call me that!, but he still gave the boy a (fake) thankful smile.

Chef began to strum the guitar again, and Chris demanded another verse from the teens after informing them that they were eating live mealworms.

Way down yonder I see my doom,

I really wish I had a silver spoon, Noah sang as he eyed the bowl in front of him. He didn’t look affected as he picked his chopsticks up, leaning down to easily scoop the food into his mouth. Maybe it’s just a cultural difference? Do Indian people eat mealworms? Alejandro thought before the boy next to him took over the song.

Oh hell no man, I can’t though,

This is so gross, I can’t though,

Um, thanks but no, Duncan finished the verse, shaky utensils reaching for the food waiting to be eaten.

Alejandro had just managed to pick the mealworms up to eat, forcing himself to chant it’s just rice, it’s just rice, it’s just rice in his mind when Sierra slammed her chopsticks down, opening her mouth to show Chris she had finished.

He squeezed his eyes shut as he brought the food closer to his mouth. He wondered if Sierra would share any of her weird tea, since it seemed to be working wonders.

From down the table, he heard Leshawna gagging. “Mm-mm, this is where I draw the line!”

She willingly got up from the table, sitting down next to Courtney at the loser’s bench. Alejandro silently thanked every god he knew of, putting down his untouched maggots as Leshawna turned to Courtney.

“Hey,” she said. “Sorry for leaving you on the Great Wall.”

Courtney shrugged. “It’s fine. It’s not like I expected you to turn around completely for me. You guys got here before the gong rang, that’s all that matters. That's two chances at immunity rather than one.”

Leshawna blinked in surprise. “Thank you for understanding,” she said, voice sincere.

Alejandro felt sickened by their display of camaraderie.This absolute trust and forgiveness they have in each other will cause more pain that the alliance was worth in the first place.

“Losers! Bring out the next dish!” Chris called from where he was standing. “Starfish on a skewer. A very popular street food in this province! Hit it, Chef!”

The co-host began to play the simple melody on his guitar.

Way down yonder I was served from a trough,

I can’t do anything but retch and cough, Sierra sang as she poured herself another cup of tea.

Oh hell no, man, I can’t though,

This is so gross, I can’t though,

Thanks, but no, Alejandro finished.

Leshawna thrusted a skewered starfish into his hand. Alejandro looked at it, trying not to show how disgusted he truly was. The starfish looked raw in some places, charred in others, and one of the legs looked possibly deep fried. If this is a local delicacy, then I’m the favorite Burromuerto son.

Duncan closed his eyes and took a bite, chewing as he looked up to the ceiling. “It’s…just like bacon!” he said, white knuckle grip on the skewer betraying his true feelings.

Alejandro slowly lifted his own starfish to his mouth, but Duncan got up from his seat and ran to the kitchen, hand clamped over his mouth as his cheeks puffed.

The competitors could hear him vomiting from where they were sitting. Alejandro put his skewer down as inconspicuously as he could, breaking off one of the legs so it looked like he had taken a bite. He covertly threw the detached piece under the table, smiling at Chef as he handed him the skewered marine animal to be disposed of.

Duncan returned, looking cleaned out and defeated, and he sat next to Cody wordlessly.

“Loser number four has been identified! Sorry man, but you gotta get back in the kitchen and bring out our next meal! Chop chop suey!” Chris said, smiling wickedly from where he was standing. Chef strummed the guitar as the losers all sighed and began to get out of their seats.

Way down yonder in a scary place, Sierra began after gulping down the remainder of liquid in her teacup.

I got nasty food on a Chinese plate, Noah sang as he anxiously ran his fingers through his hair.

Oh hell no, man, I can’t though, Alejandro sang.

This is gross, I can’t though,

Thanks so much, but I can’t, though, all of the remaining competitors harmonized.

After the song concluded, the teens all went silent as Chef played some simple riffs on his guitar. Alejandro could hear the faint clattering of bowls and other dishes as the losers prepared the food in the kitchen, chatter emanating from behind the closed swinging doors. After a few seconds, they came back out, arms laden with food, and oh, yeah, that was not at all the same dish.

Alejandro quickly stood up, pointing a finger at Noah. “Courtney’s been slipping him different dishes!” he cried. “Look- there’s one bowl different from the rest!”

“What?” Duncan gasped from where he was handing Sierra her portion, trying to look into Noah’s bowl.

“You’re full of it, Alejandro!” Courtney retorted. She crossed her arms angrily, but her cheeks were tinged red with embarrassment. She slammed the bowl she was holding in front of Noah, faint cracks appearing in the porcelain.

Chris walked over to Noah, looking into the bowl. “Hey! These aren’t fish eyes!” He fixed his husband with a stink eye, and the other man threw his hands up placatingly.

Noah sneered at Alejandro. “Well, Alejandro has been waiting until someone else drops out! He hasn’t been eating this entire time!”

“Can’t keep your eyes off me, huh, cerebrito? ” Alejandro asked with a smile devoid of affection, the once-fond nickname hollow. Noah’s angry frown only deepened, scoffing as he turned his attention to the host.

“Is this true, Alejandro?” Chris asked, irritated as he tapped his foot, fixing the teen with an unimpressed look.

The Latino tossed his hair, squaring his shoulders. Better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission, I guess. “Yes.”

The host angrily threw his hands up in the air. “Ugh! Is there anyone here who isn’t a cheater?”

Sierra put down her teacup. “I mean, I’ve been eating this entire time,” she said. “Want some ài wǒ tea?”

Chris glared at Chef, ignoring the girl’s offer. “You allowed this! Why did you even have alternate dishes?”

His husband shrugged. “In case I got hungry. Was also thinkin’ of maybe having them as a reward for whoever won.”

The host pinched his forehead in frustration. He exhaled heavily before looking at the teens in front of him. “Alright. New challenge. For the winner, you get invincibility in tonight’s vote and can bring a person of their choice with them back to first class. Chef, take those dishes out. My four losers, sit down and don’t move. As punishment, you have to wear lion dance headdresses.”

The losers all complained in a myriad of ways, ranging from impressively creative curses to simple griping. Chef walked into the kitchen, wheeling the cart in front of him after collecting the untouched food.

The standing contestants, losers or not, all sat down, simmering in frustration as Duncan and Alejandro angrily eyed Noah. The boy they were directing their anger towards barely even spared them a glance as Sierra poured him some of her tea, singing some old-timey song in Chinese under her breath.

Chef exited the kitchen with De’shaya in tow, arms laden with four lion dance headdresses. She gave Courtney the purple one, Cody the red one, Leshawna the orange one, and Duncan the green headdress. The four losers all begrudgingly put them on, and Duncan’s head slumped, the lion’s eyes fluttering closed.

Chef put three bowls down on the table, all of them filled with the same food. It was a soup of some sort, with black, leathery meat floating in it. Alejandro was immediately nauseous, and after looking down the table it was evident his fellow competitors shared the same feeling.

“Order up!” Chef said, crossing his arms, eyebrows raised, waiting for someone to challenge him.

Sierra and Noah both grabbed their utensils quickly, but Alejandro simply stared at the soup in front of him.

It looks like it’s made from some sort of bird, he reasoned with himself. It’s just a little charred. Like…like chicken soup. Healing for the soul. I’m sure chicken bones are good for my hair, skin and nails. Right as he calmed the rollicking waves of nausea, a head floated to the brown broth’s surface. It was a bat’s head, one eye looking directly at Alejandro, lifeless and unblinking.

The charmer ran from the table, hand clamped over his mouth as he burst into the kitchen and hurled into one of the sinks, just like Duncan had done prior. He hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast however many hours beforehand, so the retching was more painful than it was an upheaval of his stomach contents.

“Move it!” Noah came running into the kitchen, clutching at his stomach, looking worse for wear as he beelined to the sink, not waiting for a reply.

Alejandro stepped aside as Noah leaned over the stainless steel basin, watching as his small frame emptied concerning amounts of digested food into the awaiting sink.

The brainiac righted himself, turning on the faucet and splashing some water on his face. He wiped his face dry with his sweater vest before looking at Alejandro. “What?” he demanded. "Is there something on my face?"

“Nothing,” Alejandro said. “I just didn’t take you for a cheater.” He had spoken the insult before his mind had a chance to stop his mouth.

Noah opened his mouth to say something before deciding against it. He shrugged nonchalantly. “Can’t say the same for you.”

Alejandro tried to keep his hypothetical hackles from rising, but Noah always managed to hit him where it hurt, with only a few words. “You think you’re safe from the votes tonight? You were caught red handed, perezoso.”

Noah’s eyebrow raised. “For your information, vilāṅku mīṉ, you were also caught.”

“At least I didn’t have someone who didn't even qualify for the challenge do all the hard work for me,” the conniver retorted.

“Yeah- you didn’t do any work whatsoever, except for playing stupid and then barfing your guts out. Nice save on the starfish, by the way. Real believable to anyone with the intelligence of a child.”

Alejandro scoffed, trying to mask his anger and stamp down how impressed he was at Noah’s attentiveness. “See you at the elimination ceremony, cerebrito.” He turned on his heel and stalked out of the kitchen, leaving Noah standing alone, just like he had before the challenge.

---

Courtney sighed as she scribbled something down on a legal notepad, her head propped on a fist as she crossed it out furiously.

“Girl, stop worryin’,” Leshawna said as she leaned back against the wall in economy class, eyes shut. “We all know Alejandro’s goin’ home tonight for cheating.”

“Yes, but I was caught! As an accomplice to Noah! What if he gets voted out?” she said. “What if I get voted out?”

Noah sighed. “If I get voted out, I’ll get Eva to jump him after the show wraps up.”

"Not funny,” Courtney replied while Leshawna snickered.

“Consider that yeah, we did cheat, but Duncan hit a land mine because of Alejandro's false start. That's two strikes against him," Noah reasoned.

Courtney nodded before looking down at her notepad. "Here’s the breakdown: Sierra’s the swing vote. There’s me and you two, but Cody is getting desperate. He was the first out today. Alejandro has Duncan, and if he can persuade Cody that he'll help eliminate Sierra, the votes will be tied. He’s convincing, and sneaky, and he proved himself to not be above underhanded tactics. We have to find both Cody and Sierra and talk to them individually to ensure his elimination.”

Noah and Leshawna nodded their heads, and Courtney clicked her pen closed. “I’ll go find Sierra and talk to her. Leshawna, find Cody. Noah…try to convince Duncan to flip sides last minute.”

“Alright,” he said, standing up from the wooden bench. “Let’s see where our favorite rabble rouser is hiding.” He left the economy cabin, and found Duncan leaving the confessional after a few minutes of wandering. A heeled boot disappeared into the private space before the door slammed shut and the lock clicked, leaving the two old teammates alone.

“Hey, Duncan,” he said, trying to sound as personable as he could, approaching Duncan awkwardly.

“Ah, Noah, what a surprise. What would someone like you need with a simple man such as myself?” the punk said, smirking a little.

“Your ear, for now,” Noah replied simply, motioning for the green haired boy to walk with him down the hallway and away from the confessional, where Alejandro most likely had his ear pressed to the door. Duncan matched his pace, and they walked down towards the cargo hold, past the dining area and the actual bathroom.

“Who do you plan on voting for?” Noah asked as soon as they were out of Alejandro’s possible earshot.

Duncan’s response was immediate. “Courtney. She slipped you stuff as soon as she could. She’s ruthless and a cheater.”

"Have you considered voting Alejandro? Since, you know...he let you blow up?" Noah asked tentatively.

The punk nodded. “ Yeah, but Courtney needs to go. She’s been here for longer than she needs, and Alejandro is a really capable guy.”

Noah sighed. “Could anything I say convince you to vote otherwise?”

Duncan thought for a moment. “Well…there is one thing,” he said, a sly smile on his face as they reached the cargo hold.

“We’re not gonna go in there,” Noah said. “If people think we were scheming in such a secluded area, we’re both gonna have targets on our backs.” Duncan nodded and turned around, beginning to walk back the way they came. Noah stepped up his walking speed to keep up, and looked at the boy next to him. “Well? What’s your price? A guarantee not to vote for you? A promise to vote with you later? I’m not going to throw a challenge for you, though.”

The punk laughed. “My, my, why so serious? Maybe I wanted something a little more simple, cerebrito.”

Noah’s back stiffened, and he stopped walking momentarily. “Don’t call me that.”

“Why? Is Al the only one allowed to call you that name?”

Noah forced himself to exhale, to not rise to the obvious bait set in front of him. He made his feet begin to move forward as he answered Duncan’s belittling question. “No. No one’s allowed to call me that.”

“Well…” the punk said, bumping his shoulder against Noah’s as they passed the dining area again, rounding a corner. “What if I called you something else? Like princess?"

Suddenly, Noah felt himself be backed into the wall, Duncan crowding his personal space. “You’ve got my vote for whatever you need, darlin’,” he said, tipping Noah’s head up as he smirked. “All it costs is a simple kiss.”

His hand was swatted away by thin fingers. “What the hell is wrong with you?” Noah hissed, seething as his lips curled back in disgust.

“I’ve had my eye on you for a long time, ever since I realized Alejandro was too dumb to go for what’s in front of him. Let’s face it, Noah. I’m not winning the million. The producers would never let me be in the final three. They’ll rig one of the votes, make up some excuse, try to send me back to prison… returning to this show’ll all be for nothing if I don’t make use of the opportunities around me.”

“You’re sick. No wonder Courtney was always dumping your sorry, desperate ass.” Noah made a move to get away from Duncan, but the teen had the height advantage, and he caught Noah’s thin wrist.

“It’s just a kiss, don’t get your panties in a twist,” he said, trying to smile charmingly- the way Alejandro smiled. It made Noah angry, and nauseous, and a variety of other emotions that he didn't want to name.

You’re left handed. You’ve got the combat advantage, Eva had once told Noah. Why the memory of her forcing him to go to the gym with her one time a few months ago suddenly came to Noah's mind, he didn't know. She'd talked about combat sports and strategies as she threw jabs and hooks indiscriminately, eyes focused on the swinging sandbag in front of her. In a real fight, no one’s going to be above the belt only. Stomp on their foot, and then either aim for the stomach, throat, or chin. Hit the chin, and the head follows. Where the head goes, the body follows. And then get the hell out of there, wherever this fight may be.

Noah took a deep breath in, and slammed a heavy hiking boot down on Duncan. The punk's red Converse were old and beat up, offering no cushioning as thick soles were brought down hard on his foot. The criminal jumped back, hissing in pain, and Noah did a move he had seen multiple times when his sisters broke up with their boyfriends: he brought the back of his palm across Duncan’s cheek, and then stormed off, running a little as Duncan clutched his cheek.

Noah was wrapped up in hostile thoughts as he walked directly to economy class, angrily drawing the dividing curtain closed. Courtney, who had been scribbling on a notepad once again, looked up at his entrance.

“Hey!” she said brightly, setting her pen down. “I talked to Sierra. She wasn’t really helpful, though, and kinda implied that her vote was either for me or for you. I couldn’t even use Cody’s alliance with you to sway her.”

Noah shook his head. “Change of plans. I know you’ve put so much work into getting Alejandro out, but…Duncan’s gotta go.”

“What’d he do now?” Courtney asked, perky expression falling as she took stock of Noah's body language. She crossed her arms and leaned forward, an eyebrow raised as her lips pursed. “Did he say some misogynistic sh*t and then act like he was the smartest man on earth? Or brag about why he was nicknamed ‘Mitochondria’ in prison?”

“Um, no?” Noah said, taken aback by the mitochondria comment. “No, he just tried to completely walk all over personal boundaries and said that he’d vote with me if I’d kiss him, so…yeah. Not exactly misogynistic, but really sh*tty of him.”

Courtney slammed her legal pad down. “Oh, he did not! I’m going to skin him alive,” she warned, standing up. She began to pace. “I’ve been wanting to rip his eyebrow piercing out for forever. Finally I’ll be able to just….” she muttered darkly to herself, miming the action of ripping metal from an imaginary Duncan's face.

“We should probably tell Leshawna,” Noah said. “I think I could convince Alejandro to vote for Duncan, but…every time we talk everything gets worse, and he refuses to act decent. He’s always provoking me, and then gets pissy when I snap back. I’m not talking to him. We’re just gonna have to bank on being the majority.”

Courtney nodded. “I’ll talk to Leshawna. She used to be close with Duncan, back on Action, but him cheating on me really crossed the line for her. She’ll be willing to vote for him.”

Noah nodded, thankful that Leshawna was back, rather than Heather or someone like her. Having someone sane and on your side really boosts one's confidence. “Now we just sit and wait to be called in for voting.”

---

“One vote Noah,” Chris read from the passport in his hand. “One vote…Duncan! Another vote Duncan. One vote for Sierra, as per usual. One vote for Noah, and a vote for Duncan. Our last vote goes to…Duncan.” Chris tallied up the votes one last time before looking at the cameras facing him. “Well, my dear watchers, I’m here to announce that the next person getting voted off of Total Drama World Tour is none other than the criminal turned failed Casanova, Duncan!”

The punk jumped up from his seat, looking at where Leshawna, Courtney, and Noah were sitting all in a row. However, his eyes moved past them, and towards Alejandro. “You did this!” he shouted.

“You should have seen it coming in Sweden,” the green-eyed boy said. Wow. Cryptic, much?

Duncan sneered in response. “It’s your own damn fault for having such a thick head and a matching ego, dude. You can’t see what’s in front of you, and it’s not a cute look.”

Alejandro crossed his arms as his face went stone cold. “Do not lecture me on things you know nothing about.”

The eliminated boy scoffed, walking over to where Chris was happily waiting with a parachute in hand.

“Your lawyers aren’t half as good as mine, so you better not show your face around here again,” Courtney warned as he took the offered parachute.

Noah simply looked at Duncan as he shrugged the backpack on. You get what you pay for. You had an entire season of stupid decisions, and no man can outrun their consequences. “Goodbye, Duncan,” he said, voice flat as he addressed his ex-teammate.

The punk flipped the group off and jumped from the open emergency exit, disappearing quickly from sight into the night sky. The remaining contestants all exhaled a breath collectively, a sense of calm washing over them.

“I’m glad he’s gone,” Sierra said into the silence. “He had such a great arc on Action, but he like, totally un-did all of his character progress this season.”

Alejandro shook his head, scoffing lightly under his breath, muttering something quickly in Spanish. He got up from the wooden benches and exited the room, shutting the door behind him, ignoring the eyes glued on his back.

“Was that like, really awkward to you guys, or just to me?” Cody asked, laughing nervously.

Chris clapped his hands. “Nope! That was totes awkward! But that meant it was an interesting one, eh? Now go get some rest, brochachos. Next challenge is gonna be a big one!”

“We better go, then,” Courtney said, getting up from her seat, making a face at the remaining contestants. Her allies followed her example, and filed out of the elimination ceremony area. They made their way back to a (thankfully) empty economy class, talking quietly among themselves.

“It’s so strangely quiet now,” Noah said absentmindedly as he stretched out on a bench, folding his arms behind his head. “With Sierra locked away in first class, it feels like we’ve taken all of the crazy out of the room.”

Leshawna chuckled as she cracked her back with a groan. “Ain’t that right. There’s so few of us left now, and no one’s really the loud, irritating, talkative type, ‘cept her.”

Courtney nodded as she took off her shoes, seated on the bench across the pair. She thought for a minute before turning to her allies with a large grin on her face. “Hey, wait a minute! We’re the final six, guys! We made it!”

“I would cheer, but every bone in my body is exhausted,” Leshawna said. “All that running, and then that nasty food, really did a number on me. I haven’t been this tired in who knows how long. But I promise I'm happy to have made it this far on this horrible show.”

Noah simply hummed in the affirmative as his mind spun, thoughts in a different place entirely. Alejandro didn’t vote for me. He voted for Duncan. His ally, his one guarantee in this game. Why? Why? Why?

His thoughts continued to spiral as the two girls talked to each other, occasionally sparing concerned glances at him. If Courtney and Leshawna noticed his concentrated silence as he stared at the ceiling until his eyelids drooped, they didn’t say anything, letting his mind wander and twirl into the night.

Chapter 7: Serengetme Outta Here

Chapter Text

Alejandro was, yet again, in the confessional. He had been spending, quite frankly, too much time in there, but he’d rather be in the disgusting bathroom than outside and with the rest of the assorted sob stories, morons, or straight-up crazies. José probably was telling Mama and Papa that Alejandro was beginning a life of solitude and had plans to be a hermit after the show. (It didn’t sound so bad to Alejandro, considering he was in too far over his head. But he’d rather die than admit that to José, of all people.)

He looked at the camera, thoughtfully tapping his chin. “Cody has been apathetic towards Noah as of late. I know that Noah said something to him about Sierra, but I do not believe he has done anything. He is annoying, the little gringo, but loyal…and with him comes Sierra, who is extremely strong and much more competent.” He smirked. “All it takes is feeding those two promises, and with that I have two votes, which evens it out between Noah’s alliance and mine.” This is good. This is what José would do, and it’s what my parents expect me to do. It’s what…a Burromuerto would do.

Alejandro looked into the mirror, past the camera poorly taped onto the counter top. He was beautiful, perfectly put together as he always was, but there was an undercurrent of exhaustion. The typical person couldn’t see it, and Alejandro had no close friends to know any of his tells, but he knew. The face that was mostly Carmen Burromuerto’s genes, he and his brother Carlos had inherited more of their mother’s beauty and elegance. José was mostly Fernando Burromuerto; roguish, boyish masculinity, brash and bold.

Carlos wouldn’t lie to Cody and Sierra. He would…he would have apologized to Noah. He always was the smartest of us three, not concerned with appeasing Mother and Father. Alejandro shook his head, and straightened his posture. Carlos is gone for a reason. He couldn’t cut it. He was not enough. I will not be another Carlos. Mama…Mother and Father cannot handle another disappointment.

Standing up from the confessional, Alejandro smoothed his red shirt out and ran his hands through his carefully tended hair, styling it in a way that displayed his features well. He threw a grin out to the camera, and in his reflection he saw the perfect son his parents always wanted. The cracks under his facade and eyebags could be fixed later. They always could.

He opened the door and made quick, confident strides to first class, lightly rapping his knuckles against the door. Courtney, Leshawna and Noah were all gathered in economy class, so he knew that the winner and her "friend of choice" would be alone. Cody would probably be at his wit’s end, seeing Alejandro as his savior, and Sierra…was a tough nut to crack. The girl was suspicious and untrusting of him, just like Heather and Noah. He was almost completely banking on her infatuation with Cody to overrule any suspicions of him she had.

Sierra answered the door, beaming, but her face slightly fell when she realized who it was. “Oh. What do you want?”

“I was just curious,” he lied, “about earlier seasons of Total Drama. You see, Heather was very formidable, and Duncan informed me that her tricks in the first season were a sight to behold. I was wondering if you could tell me about Heather’s season one strategy? I have not seen an episode of Total Drama. It was not allowed in my house.” He could honestly care less about Heather in previous seasons, but she was the most infamous villain of the series and a surefire way to at least get his foot in the door of a Sierra-Cody alliance.

Predictably, the superfan gasped dramatically, a hand over her heart. “Never seen an episode of Total Drama!?” Her free hand lashed out and gripped Alejandro’s wrist, dragging him into the first class cabin.

Cody, who was sitting on one of the couches with a bowl of candy in his lap, waved. “Hi, Al!” he called.

Forcing a smile on his face as his fist twitched, Alejandro dipped his head. “Hola, Cody.”

Sierra stopped dragging Alejandro as she addressed the other boy. “He hasn’t watched an episode of Total Drama before, Codykins! Get out the laptop! Go on, get it!”

“...Laptop?” Alejandro asked as Cody shuffled off the couch and towards the cabin’s bar area. He pulled out a sleek black computer, and flipped it open. “How was that allowed?”

Sierra sighed sadly as she sat down on the couch next to Cody. “It’s completely babyproofed so it only shows streaming services, with the exception of the current season of Total Drama. An intern gave it to us when I told them I was having Internet withdrawals.”

Cody typed into the streaming service’s search bar, talking over his shoulder. “We’ve been marathoning Boys Over Blooms.”

Sierra nodded sagely. “Kim Hyun-Joong is sooo dreamy.”

Alejandro placatingly smiled, not knowing who they were talking about. “I’m sure he is. Now, what are the important episodes of Total Drama Island?”

“Um, all of them!” the superfan responded. “Like, it’s the first ever season! Our flight has only about 20 hours left in it. That means we can marathon Island and Action!”

Cody shrugged as he began to queue the series. He looked at the newcomer, a snarky grin on his face “Got a hot date tonight, Alejandro?”

The manipulator chuckled before sitting down next to the Amazon pair. “No, amigo, I do not.” An image of him and Noah walking through the Louvre, trading art and history facts didn’t pass through his mind, nor did the thought of them exploring the beautifulHanging Rock national park. Not if he could help it.

As the show’s theme song played, Alejandro set his sights onto the laptop screen, but Sierra quickly paused it. “O-M-G, what is TDI without snacks!? I’ll go get them!” She leapt up and bounded away towards the back of the cabin, leaving Cody and Alejandro alone together.

Here’s my chance.

“Mi amigo, I have noticed that Noah promised to get Sierra out for you,” he said, voice smooth and charming. He smiled at Cody- the same smile he used to get rabid dogs and hissing snakes to listen to him. It hadn’t failed him in the sixteen years he had been using it to get what he wanted.

“How did you know that?” Cody asked, looking uncomfortable. His eyes darted to Sierra, who was humming the Total Drama theme as she rummaged around.

“I have a very high IQ, and I know Noah.” Cody’s eyebrow twitched up, but Alejandro ignored it. He continued. “He hasn’t been a very good friend to you, amigo.”

“What? He totally has! He promised to get Sierra out for me! He even helped hide me from her with Chef.”

“He promised you to get her out, but has instead voted out Heather and Duncan. He’s been stringing your hope along for a vote.”

“No way, dude! I know Noah, even more than you do! He just needs the perfect opportunity to blindside her.”

Alejandro fixed him with a pitying look. “He’s the Schemer.That’s how he was billed by Chris. He knows you’re desperate to be rid of her. He doesn’t actually care about you, but…I know you are talented. With me, you can show the world who 'Cody' is. Without being a Drama Brother. Without being under Sierra’s shadow. You deserve to go to the final two, with me.”

The boy looked at Alejandro, and then away, fidgeting with a small guitar. Pathetic. My father would have destroyed such a useless habit. Cody bit his lips as he thought, even as Sierra happily joined the boys, arms laden with drinks and snacks.

“Ready to rock, guys?” she asked cheerily as she clicked play on the laptop.

“I can’t wait to hear your expertise,” Alejandro said as he picked a few pieces of popcorn from the bowl she brought with her.

Cody leaned backwards, behind Sierra's back, and caught Alejandro’s eye across the couch. Looking ashamed, he tentatively nodded.

Alejandro smiled. Too easy.

---

Noah grunted as the plane shook, throwing him onto the filthy floor as Courtney and Leshawna both tried to stay steady. Sitting up and rubbing the spot on his forehead where he bumped it, he sighed. “I’m assuming we’re at our next destination?”

“Yep!” De’shaya said as she walked into economy class holding some water bottles. “It’s a beautiful day, too, so make sure to take these!” She handed the clear plastic bottles out to the contestants with a wink. “I’m not technically supposed to give these to you, but I like you guys. You’re gutsy, and I respect that. I would say drink half now and save the rest- and make sure to keep them out of sight!”

They all thanked the intern as she left, purple braids swishing behind her. Leshawna unscrewed the cap and began to drink, spilling some on her front and rolling her eyes as the plane rattled and swerved through the sky. Courtney and Noah followed suit, drinking from their own bottles, and putting the caps back on when they finished. Noah slipped his drink into one of his large cargo shorts pockets with a smirk, remembering his promise to Alejandro. I know I said my cargo pants would end up saving our asses, but…you just weren’t a part of my ‘our’.

Courtney stepped to one of the windows, peering out of the window. “It looks like Australia again. Oh my God, are we going to play, like, ultimate paintball in the Sydney Opera House?”

Noah shook his head. “I thought we were in Africa when we were actually in Australia, and we don’t reuse countries, so we must be in…”

“Africa,” Leshawna finished, looking out the window as the plane began to descend. “Look, there’s even a conveniently placed baobab tree. Maybe Miriam Makeba or Desmond Tutu will come strolling out any minute.”

Courtney snorted as Chris’ voice crackled over the P.A. systems. “Alrighty campers! We are touching down in beautiful Africa, so if you would please get ready for your next challenge, that would be fantastic!” The line clicked off as the plane’s wheels touched the ground, the lights in economy class flickering as the entire Jumbo Jet shook.

“Let’s get ready to rumble, I guess,” Leshawna said with a shake of her head.

---

The contestants were all standing in a line in what looked to be a national park of some sort. They were completely alone, save for the interns that had shepherded them to a designated area and the usual army of cameramen. (Noah wouldn’t admit it, but he had grown fond of Chester, his assigned personal cameraman. Each contestant had one in case they splintered off from the group or extra footage was needed of a specific contestant if they were the episode’s focus according to the executives. Heather’s cameraman, Joyce, was a saint who had to do a lot of work during season one.)

Alejandro was strangely standing near Sierra and Cody, listening to Sierra chatter about the statistics of a double elimination coming up and looking generally disinterested as his eyes roved the surrounding environment. His green eyes were trained on Noah, and when he realized he had been caught, Alejandro quickly looked away- without the scoff or eye roll Noah expected.

“What’s his deal?” Leshawna asked, leaning towards Noah. “Is he causing you issues? ‘Cause I got a mean backhand that can give him a matching gold tooth with Heather.”

“Alrighty, woman of steel, cool your jets,” Noah said with a small laugh. “I don’t want to see you disqualified, though I do appreciate the offer. Honestly, go a little more Gwen with the way you dress and you’d fit right in with Yuktha.”

She smiled a bit. “That’s one of your big sisters, right?”

Noah nodded. “Second oldest, behind Aamani. She’s definitely taken an interest in the goth lifestyle, but she still has that whole protective older sister thing going on.”

Leshawna laughed. “I’m taking that as a compliment, string bean.”

“Ready to go on a safari?” Chris called as he walked out towards the campers, a foul bald cap on his head and a burnt orange colored cloth draped around his body. He held a spear in one hand, and his cheery grin was as stupidly wide as it ever was. The contestants all burst out laughing as he got closer to the group, his frown only fueling the fire.

“Nice dress, Chris,” Courtney said with a smirk, cheeks pink from mirth.

The host’s brows furrowed. “It’s actually a traditional Maasai warrior garb, thank you very much.”

“More like traditional white person cultural appropriation!” Noah called, and Leshawna high fived him.

The host rolled his eyes. “Welcome to Tanzania, you ungrateful teenagers! The home of the Serengeti plains, and home to over 70 different kinds of animals that can eat, maim, and kill you.”

“I thought it was eat, pray, love?” Sierra asked, but Alejandro quickly shushed her.

“For today’s challenge, you’ll be getting a taste of Tanzania’s favorite sports: soccer and cricket. Follow me as I explain some of each sport's rules for the unenlightened among us.” He began to walk, and the contestants all fell in line behind him as he rattled off facts about the two sports, but the teenagers had all grouped together, looking around at the trees and dry grassland around them, ignoring Chris thoroughly.

“If anyone says anything to me about cricket ‘cause I’m Tamilian, I’m going to become Total Drama’s second criminal contestant,” Noah grumbled as Chris commented on the popularity of cricket in India.

Courtney chuckled. “Well, Alejandro’s got you beat in the stereotype department. He’s been excited ever since Chris said the word ‘soccer’.”

“With his legs, it’s no wonder he plays soccer,” Noah said as he pulled his hair back into a ponytail, hoping to cool off a little.

Leshawna raised an eyebrow. “You been starin’ at his legs?”

Noah thanked the heat for already causing his face to be as red as possible so he couldn't blush. “He parades them around. I don’t go looking for them.”

“Mhm. Whatever you say, hon.”

“Alright! We’re here!” the host called from the front of the group. “Go stand near the line in the dirt, puh-lease!”

The teens obediently complied, shuffling to stand where directed with some space in between each contestant. At their feet were three soccer balls. In front of them was Chris, and behind him was a box filled with plums and Chef standing guard. An intern handed the bald-capped man a cricket bat and soccer ball, and he smiled at the contestants.

“The name of the game is Sock It To Me! The ‘me’ being you, of course. These teeth are insured for a lot. Today’s challenge combines cricket and soccer, which, if you were listening, are Tanzania’s favorite sports. Each player must run, one at a time, from the starting line to Chef’s pile o’ African plums. Grab as many as you can carry, and run back. While you’re doing that, your competitors will be pummeling you with soccer balls.” He cast a glance at Noah. “To the best of their ability.”

Sierra snickered, and Alejandro smiled as he pushed his hair back into a ponytail as well, two strands of hair falling out and framing his face. It’s unfair how pretty he is, Noah thought before cramming the butterflies in his stomach back down where they couldn’t face a distraction.

“Next, take the plums you’ve brought back and whack ‘em with a cricket bat to smash those gourds open. Like so.” Chris threw a plum up, and hit it with a resounding whack. The purple fruit flew through the air, and directly into Chef’s chest, splattering his apron with juice. The gourds all lined up on wooden stumps remained untouched at the plum flopped to the ground with a squelch.

“Sorry!” Chris called.

“You’re sleepin’ in the jacuzzi for that one!” Chef barked.

Sheepishly turning back to the contestants, the host continued. “Whoever cracks their gourd first will win a reward that is indescribably helpful for the next challenge. Sierra, you’re up first.”

She clapped her hands with joy. “Get ready to lose! I totally went to the gym to make my Total Drama inspired workout routine for my more athletically inclined blog followers, and I’m super fast ‘cause I would run the treadmill with leg weights on.”

“Well, then,” Chris said. “Ready, steady, Serengeti!” He blew a whistle, and Sierra took off like a rocket.

Leshawna reared her leg back and kicked, but Sierra managed to duck the shot. With a sigh, Noah also fired off one of his soccer balls, but it missed by a wide margin. Alejandro laughed unkindly from where he was situated down the line. “Pathetic, perezoso.”

“Shut it!” Noah snapped as Sierra took an armful of plums out of Chef’s box.

“Watch and learn,” Courtney said, and she took a few steps back as Sierra began to spring back to the ‘safe’ zone.

The C.I.T. ran at the ball and kicked with all her might. The plums flew out of Sierra’s grasp as the black and white ball hit her dead-on, as Noah and Leshawna cheered. A few curses in Spanish flew out of Alejandro, which only made Noah smile wider. Sierra sighed as she re-crossed the line with no plums, and Chris tutted.

“Cody, show your girlfriend how it’s done. Go!”

The Drama Brother whimpered, but ran quickly from the starting spot on Chris’ whistle. The balls soared over his head and close to his ankles, but somehow none of them made contact. He grinned happily as he scooped plums into his outstretched shirt, using the fabric as a basket. Cody began to run back, jumping over the soccer balls aimed at him by Noah’s alliance. One of Courtney’s well aimed shots was intercepted by an expertly kicked ball from Alejandro, and she screamed in outrage.

“That’s so not allowed!”

“This is a newly invented sport, princess,” the host said. “Rules haven’t been recognized by the Tanzanian National Sports Association yet. It’s totally allowed.”

Cody cheered as he crossed the finish line after dodging another of Noah’s shots. Sierra squealed and jumped up and down, clapping as she gushed, and Alejandro clapped him on the back. “Excellent job, amigo!”

“Whoever’s up next is going down,” Courtney growled, seething. “No rules means I get to aim for the head.”

“Alejandro, get out there!” Chris called as he brought the whistle to his mouth. The eel smirked as he took his place on the line, bending his knees a little for a better start.

“Ooh, I am gonna get him,” Leshawna muttered. “He’s already played me, I won’t let him do it again!”

“Natasha, please please please lend me your strength,” Noah muttered, intertwining his hands in prayer before turning his attention on Alejandro.

Chris blew the whistle with a “Ready, steady, Serengeti!”, and Alejandro took off, legs pumping as he quickly began to cross the field. Courtney started the barrage with the first soccer ball, sending it flying with a solid kick. Alejandro easily deflected it, kicking it back towards her and hitting her in the thigh.

“Nuh uh!” Leshawna said angrily, sending her own ball through the air with a punt. It landed, hitting the teen square in the back, but he barely faltered as he neared the box of plums, scooping an armful of the fruits up.

“Noah, what are you doing?” Courtney hissed as she readied her second soccer ball.

“This,” Noah said simply. He tossed the ball up into the air, and spiked it directly at a sprinting and grinning Alejandro.In a period of divine intervention, the ball cut straight through the air and directly into the plums in Alejandro’s arms. They spilled everywhere, and he angrily whipped his head towards Chris.

“Are you kidding me!? That isn’t even soccer, that’s volleyball! That little tramposo used his hands, lo juro por Dios-”

Chris sighed as the teenager continued to complain. “Noah, that was totally epic, so I’ll allow it, but I'm gonna be like a Tribe Called Quest for a sec and ask can you kick it? From now on, feet only, dudes. Oh, and Alejandro, please use English so our dear viewers can understand whatever creative insults you come up with.”

The defeated manipulator trudged back to his spot behind the lines, glaring daggers at Noah before huddling with Cody and Sierra.

Noah didn’t have the time to discern the look Alejandro gave him before Courtney swept him up into a hug.“That was great, Noah! The look on his face when you hit him was priceless!”

His other ally ruffled his hair. “You got him good, dude! I haven’t seen him this angry since Owen on the Statue of Liberty!”

Chris rolled his eyes. “Very cool, good job, great, fantastic,dooon't care!Courtney, you’re up!”

She smiled at her teammates. “I totally got this, guys.”

“I know you do,” Leshawna said. “We’ll cover for you.”

She nodded as she crouched, and when Chris blew the whistle, the C.I.T ran almost as fast as Alejandro, keeping her breathing even as she quickly made progress across the field.

“Hi- yah!” Sierra cried, punting a ball at Courtney’s head. It cut through the air, but the C.I.T. simply stopped in her tracks, raised her forearm, and deflected it.

“So much for being a superfan!” she called as she raced towards the plums. “Seems someone forgot my four Muay Thai championships!”

Cody reared his leg back, but Alejandro lightly put his hand on Cody’s shoulder. “Wait,” he said, and Noah’s eyes narrowed.

Courtney began to run back to the starting line, and Alejandro nodded at Cody. They both kicked their balls at her, and Sierra joined them. Leshawna gasped and tried to intercept them, but the soccer balls’ paths were clear. The plums went flying out of the girl’s grasp, splattering on the ground as she tripped. When Courtney picked herself up off the ground, her teeth were grit and eyes alight with angry determination.

“They are so losing this challenge. All three of them.”

Leshawna nodded, and Noah hummed in agreement. He didn’t have the heart to tell her that there would only be one winner of the challenge, that they weren’t a team any more. She had lost so many times before he couldn’t bring himself to say anything.

“Leshawna, let’s see whatcha got!” Chris said as the girl walked behind the starting line.

She grinned as she crouched, and when the host blew his whistle, she took off. None of Alejandro's, Sierra's, or Cody’s soccer balls hit her, Courtney managing to deflect every single shot fired with a soccer ball of her own. Leshawna triumphantly gathered the purple fruits in her arms, and Alejandro kicked a ball towards her. It missed, and she stuck her tongue out at the diplomat's son.

“I don’t trust him. He would never miss a shot like that-” Noah began as the ball hit the ground, and bounced. It hit Leshawna square in the back, causing her to stumble forward and drop her plums.

Sierra cheered as Cody high fived Alejandro. “Where’d you learn to do that, dude?” he asked.

Alejandro shrugged, grinning smugly. “My brother is a professional soccer player.”

Noah grit his teeth in frustration as Leshawna walked back to where he and Courtney were standing. “He’s going to ‘get lost’ in the Serengeti, and you guys are going to tell the police that the last time you saw him, he was going to relieve himself in the bushes. Got it?” the girl said as she crossed her arms.

“Noah, it’s up to you to even the scores. You don’t have to run, just dodge,” Courtney instructed as Chris called for him to get behind the starting line.

As he stood waiting for the whistle to be blown, he flicked his eyes towards Alejandro. He was studying Noah, green eyes piercing straight through him. A heeled foot was resting on a soccer ball, but strangely, Noah didn’t feel threatened.

Chris blew the whistle, and Noah began to run, sucking in a breath. He thought of all of the drills Ruby made him do. It’s all about head movement, thambi. Wherever the head moves, the body follows. It’s all about fluidity and never staying in one position for too long. We’re going to be on Total Drama, Noah! There’s definitely going to be a dodgeball challenge or something. C’mon, pick those feet up! What if I get voted out before you do, and I can’t help you in physical challenges anymore?

He hadn’t needed to use the skills Ruby had lovingly forced into him, sitting out (and getting voted out) during the dodgeball challenge, but her instructions had stayed in his head clear as day. Noah ducked under whatever the equivalent of a soccer knuckleball was, feeling the weight of it pass over his head as Sierra groaned at the near miss. Noahjumped one of Alejandro’s ankle shots and began to swerve through the field, Courtney and Leshawna cheering him on from the sidelines as he dodged each soccer ball. You’re skinny, Noah, use that to your advantage, Ruby had always encouraged as she gathered the other sisters to throw rubber dodgeballs at him.

Huffing from heat and exertion, Noah reached the plums and followed Sierra’s lead, stretching out his top layer and putting as many as he could into the makeshift basket. Once he was satisfied with the amount gathered, he made the way back to the finish line, watching Alejandro rear his leg back to kick.

“Too easy, Alejandro!” he called, and Noah's ex-teammate simply furrowed his brow and connected with the black and white patterned ball at his foot. Noah easily dodged it and continued his run back, plums still firmly in his possession. Sierra telegraphed her aim, and Cody simply wasn’t strong enough to do anything to Noah. It stung a little, knowing that Cody decided to turn on him, but whatever blackmail Alejandro had on him (probably via Sierra’s freakish disregard for privacy) was scaring him into allying with the manipulator. Courtney and Leshawna had made good on their promise, sending their balls to intercept any projectiles coming at Noah, and he made it over the finish line with his shirtful of plums.

He smiled. “Sorry for always complaining during these drills, Māṇikkam,” he mumbled as Courtney and Leshawna erupted in cheers, racing towards him.

“How’d you learn to do that?” Courtney cried. “You totally would have helped the team during Season 1!”

“My sister prepared me for anything,” Noah lied. “Little brown kid who was smart? That’s like, number one dodgeball target for kids.”

Leshawna nodded. “Makes sense. Whatever, though! You managed to nab a bunch of these weird lookin’ fruits!”

“Cody did too,” Noah reminded her. “I guess the Serengeti is a kindred spirit to us skinny nerds.”

Courtney chuckled as she counted the plums, and began to hand them to Leshawna, who gratefully took them.

Chris walked into the middle of the field they had just run across as interns hurried to give the teens their cricket bats. “Well! I see that a few alliances have formed on the plane. Sadly, those alliances mean nothing, as this is an every man for themselves gourd smashing frenzy! If you break your gourd first, you cannot help an ally. If your aim sucks and you break someone else’s gourd, it counts for the person whose property you just destroyed and not for you. Now, when I say go, you can begin to destroy things to your heart’s content.”

Noah took the cricket bat offered to him, feeling the leather handle as he placed his projectiles into his pockets to easily grab them. He looked to his side and saw Alejandro deftly swinging his bat, wrists moving as the flat wood swished through the air.

“Is your brother a professional cricket player, too, you slimy dhrogi?” he called, and Alejandro’s head whipped towards Noah.

“Don’t provoke him,” Courtney hissed as Alejandro opened his mouth.

“No, but isn’t your sister a softball pro?” the eel called back, smirking a little as he took the plums offered to him by Cody.

Noah felt the blood drain from his face, grip on the bat weakening as his mind began to spiral. How does he know. Who told him? Who told him? Who told him? It was Sierra. Cody would never tell. Alejandro isn’t this evil. He doesn’t know all of it. It was a guess? Maybe. No. It has to be. I doubt Sierra would only tell him half the truth. How does he know? How does he know? Noah’s vision tunneled as his entire body erupted in chills, even in his three layers and under the African sun. His knees suddenly felt heavy as if they were made of magnets, the ground made of steel, pulling him towards the packed dirt beneath him, and his legs buckled.

“Noah? Noah?” Courtney was calling his name, a hand on his shoulder, but her voice sounded muffled, like he was underwater.

As if in slow motion, he turned towards her. “Y-yeah?” he asked, trying desperately to stuff all of the anger, hurt, and betrayal back under his skin and locked away in his ribcage, padding around his rapidly beating heart.

“Are you okay?” she asked, genuine worry scrawled over her features. Next to her was Leshawna, brows furrowed with concern.

“Later,” he said, eyes flicking to where Chris was standing, looking concerned for the teen. This is exactly like when I had to go back to school. Noah gripped his cricket bat hard, knuckles turning white as he set his eyes on the gourds in front of him, ignoring the stares of the Total Drama cast. “I’m fine,” he called, desperately praying for his fellow competition to stop staring at him.

Chris sighed a little before his trademark smile found its way onto his face. “Alrighty! Cody and Noah have made the very generous decision to split up their spoils with their allies, so all that’s left to do is get to breaking stuff! As soon as I’m out of the line of fire, get cracking, everybody!”

Noah’s heart sank as the realization of what he had to do set in. Dodging things was easy- he was short and skinny. Having to hit something so far away, and with enough strength to break it? Ruby would have been the better fit. Some people questioned whether or not Noah was actually related to her with how different their physiques were.

He picked a plum out from his pocket- one of three plums as divvied out by Courtney. He felt its weight, and gave it an experimental toss. It was solid and heavy, which made his impossible task a little easier.

Chris stepped off of the field, and immediately plums began to be smacked. Alejandro’s bat made contact with his projectile with a wet thud, the plum flying through the air and hitting his gourd. It began to crack, but not break.

Noah threw his first plum up, and swung with all his might. He managed to connect with the fruit, and it went careening through the air, but just missed his gourd. He grit his teeth in annoyance as he grabbed his second plum, trying to ignore the sounds of fruit on wood all around him. He heard a loud crack, and saw Alejandro pumping his fist in the air.

“Our very own Alejandro is the first to break his gourd! Everyone else now has ten seconds to break their gourd! Get to it, people!” Chris called as Leshawna cussed under her breath.

“Here goes nothin’,” she said, tossing her fruit up and swinging with near-perfect form. Her plum crashed into the gourd, and it slammed to the ground and broke, its soft insides decorating the packed dirt.

“Leshawna is next to break hers! Let’s see who else can scrape up a win!” Chris said as Leshawna laughed and dropped her cricket bat.

“I’m tired of this,” Courtney announced, and threw the entire wooden bat end-over-end, obliterating her calabash upon contact. Chef, who was standing behind the vegetables, sneered with disgust as he wiped his front of the filth covering his shirt.

“Hey! Is she allowed to do that?” Cody cried as he hit his last plum, missing it and hitting Chef square in the chest.

Noah retrieved his second plum and swung, also missing, as Sierra’s fruit went whizzing by her gourd and crashed onto the ground, splattering its purple juices everywhere. He cursed under his breath as Alejandro smiled triumphantly at him.

“Well, no success for Cody, Sierra, or Noah means that it’s much harder for them to deal with this!” Chris said, pointing to an intern who was wheeling a large wooden cargo box out to the teens. From inside of it came a guttural growling, the creature inside slamming itself onto the box’s sides.

“Is it Gordon?” Cody asked, wiping sweat from his brow.

“Well, considering that part two of our challenge is a genuine African safari, and Gordon is not from Africa, it is not. And we want the best for you guys, so the prey you’ll be hunting for is no other than the most dangerous and chauvinistic creature of all!” The host motioned to the intern, who shoved a crowbar in between the wooden panels, letting the loosened boards drop. Inside was a metal cage, and inside of that was Ezekiel.

“What?” Leshawna gasped. “Didn’t he get shoved from the plane in London?”

“He did, except the dude is like a one-man co*ckroach infestation! While Chef was hunting in the plane for critters to cook he found the scrawny lunatic living in the cargo hold with the rats. I gotta warn you guys, though. He’s totally feral from isolation.”

The boy in question was sitting on the cage’s floor, scratching at his head with a bare foot. Noah was reminded of Izzy, except she chose to act in such a way. Ezekiel, however, had no choice in becoming the barely-human creature, stuck in a cage, about to be hunted on national television. It made his stomach churn.

“This has to be a human rights violation,” Courtney murmured, more to herself. She, too, seemed uncomfortable with the sight of their old competition reduced to an animal.

“Whoever nabs the beast formerly known as Ezekiel wins invincibility and, of course, first class seats to our next destination with the player of their choice!”

“How will we…ah, nab him?” Alejandro asked. “I believe you mentioned a reward for breaking the gourd first that would help in the challenge.”

“I’m glad you asked, Al, my man,” the host said. He pointed at the smashed vegetables. “Go check your gourds. They contain what you’ll use to hunt with.”

Alejandro’s eye twitched, as it did every time he was called that nickname, but he walked confidently over to his gourd, and reached a hand in. “Mierda, this is disgusting,” he murmured before his eyes lit up and he triumphantly pulled out a slingshot.

“That’s not all,” Leshawna said, pulling out a leather pocket of some sort. “What am I supposed to put in this? Magic beans?”

“Close but not quite,” Chris said cheerily, breaking Noah’s untouched gourd and pulling out a small pinkish-purple ball. “Tranquilizer balls! Sling ‘em with enough velocity and they explode on contact, numbing the area and releasing a hearty dose of sleepytime goodness. Think of this as paintball with naps, eh? Stand back, y’all, we’re giving our resident feral dude a head start.”

The host clapped his hands, and Chef walked over with a silver key in his hand. He quickly opened the cage’s lock, and Ezekiel burst out with a roar. He dropped to all fours, swiveling his head, before quickly loping away and into the brush.

“It doesn’t even look like him anymore,” Cody remarked as the contestants all stared at his retreating form.

“Alejandro won, so he gets six tranq balls. Leshawna, you get three, Courtney gets two,” Chris narrated as he handed out the small bits of ammunition.

“Hey! I cracked mine open, I should get three too!” Courtney exclaimed as she accepted her prize.

“You beat yours open with a cricket bat. You get two. Would you like to review the video evidence?” Chris snarked, raising an eyebrow. She rolled her eyes, but didn’t continue to argue.

“Noah, Cody, and Sierra, you guys get one tranq ball because you failed to break your gourds open. You also get these.” He handed the three remaining contestants their single piece of ammo and Noah accepted the goggles handed to him.

“Hey, uh, forgetting something?” Noah asked. “Like a slingshot?”

“No slingshots for losers,” Chris announced. “You’re gonna have to throw the ball hard enough to make it burst! Which, considering you guy’s physical prowess, is going to be hilarious because it’s very difficult to throw that hard when your arms are as strong as soggy noodles.”

Cody huffed as he put the goggles on. “No need to be so rude about it.”

“Whatevs, ‘cause I’m totally right. Chef, would you do the honors?”

The co-host took out a hollowed horn and blew into it, and the contestants all scattered as Chris called “go!”Alejandro’s group took off in the same direction as Ezekiel, following in his direct footsteps, but Courtney led Noah and Leshawna towards a large baobab tree before stripping bark off of a fallen limb.

“I’m making Noah a slingshot,” she explained to their questioning looks. “And while I make it, you’re gonna tell us as much as you’re comfortable with and explain why Alejandro got to you that easily.” She began to weave some of the stripped, flexible bark around a relatively straight and sturdy limb, leaning against the baobab’s trunk.

Noah rubbed the back of his neck, checking for the camera crew, and when he made sure they were alone, he sighed.

“I have…eight sisters total,” he began. “Aamani is the oldest. She’s currently away at college. There’s Yuktha, my goth sister, and Natasha, the current second oldest. She’s an Olympic-level boxer and friends with Eva. I have two twin sisters, Kavya and Kelyani, and they’re the youngest. Vithika is currently in middle school, and Laurel is also in middle school. And then, there’s Ruby… Māṇikkam. My fraternal twin, I would call her, even though she was the true second oldest and we looked nothing alike. She was talented at anything athletic but loved softball. She would make me watch her practice or throw balls to help her batting improve, though she didn't need to. She could have been my family's second pro athlete. She was... supposed to be on Total Drama.” he said with a small, bitter smile, focusing his attention on the ground.

Leshawna raised an eyebrow, but stayed quiet.

“She was branded as the Academic Golden Girl. She had wanted to do something to escape the house, escape being the second oldest and all of the damning, draining responsibility, and auditioned for Total Drama. Actually, we auditioned together, as a duo like Katie and Sadie, after she begged me for three weeks straight. The producers chose her out of however many hundreds of applicants in some stroke of luck, ignoring my application. I guess they thought I couldn't cut it, which was true, so they only casted Ruby. But, she was the second oldest, and my mom leaned on her to keep the house together as she worked double, triple shifts at the hospital.” His words were coming to him quickly and tumbling from his mouth twice as fast, as if they knew that if he stopped speaking they would never get the chance to be spoken again.

Courtney began to rip some fabric off of her sweater to make the slingshot’s sling, and nodded silently.

“It was too much. Aamani was completely shut down from the breakup, so Amma relied on Ruby to do…everything. Get us ready for school. Help with homework. Do well in school herself. Help Aamani recover. Raise the twins. Be a mother, a daughter, and a teacher all in one.”

Noah took a shuddering breath in. It had been so, so long since he had talked to anyone about Ruby. He had staunchly given his therapist the silent treatment after had said she was an only child, and Noah realized that she couldn’t help him. His mother wasn’t willingly absent, but if he tried to talk things through with her she would fall back into grief, deep and all consuming. So there in his heart Ruby stayed, dyeing his insides gemstone red as his grief and guilt festered.

“She took her own life two weeks before she was supposed to go to Camp Wawanakwa,” he said, throat clogged with tears. He squeezed his eyes shut as he remembered Vithika shaking him awake on a Tuesday morning. “The contracts were worded in such a way that I was forced to participate in her stead, be her stand-in...replace my sister. Be the second-choice Mudaliar, like I have been my entire life. So I participated in their stupid show,” he said. “And I got my sorry ass voted out as soon as I could so I would be able to attend the actual funeral, because I was gone during the mourning period. But because of that damn contract I had to stay at the Playa Des Losers. And then I had to be on the Peanut Gallery next season, but only because Chris fought for me to not actually be a contestant.” His voice was ragged with emotions long overused: grief, anger, desperation, exhaustion. Pity. Self loathing. Guilt.

Courtney looked up from her weaving. “Oh, Noah,” she said, voice a soft whisper.

“Don’t,” he warned. “Don’t take that tone with me. Don’t take that pitying, “sad kid with a dead sister and poor family” attitude.” He wiped at his eyes, accepting the finished slingshot with shaking hands. “I didn’t tell anyone on Total Drama because it wasn’t their f*cking business. But somehow, Alejandro managed to get in tight with Sierra and Cody- most likely by making empty promises- and I’m sure Sierra just spilled each contestant’s life story. She can’t respect Cody, the man she apparently loves, so it’s really no surprise she has no respect for the dead. How the f*ck she knew Ruby loved softball is beyond me, but I don’t really care how she knows, just that she knows.”

Leshawna walked over to Noah, silently wrapping him in a hug. “f*ck the producers, and executives, and the network,” she said, instead of the stale "I'm sorry" Noah had come to hate after so long of hearing it from people who just felt bad. “f*ck Total Drama.”

Courtney joined the hug, adding her warmth to the group. “f*ck Total Drama,” she repeated, stepping back from Noah, a hand on his back.

The boy laughed, notes tinged with bitterness. “f*ck Total Drama,” he said, every cell in his body screaming the phrase. He tipped his head at Courtney. “That’s a pretty impressive bit of arts and crafts.”

She shrugged. “Every C.I.T. needs to know how to weave,” she explained, handing Noah the completed slingshot. “Now, who’s ready to hunt Ezekiel?”

---

“Did you know Justin is the only child of a single mom?” Sierra asked. “I called her pretending to be a hand modeling company agent and she told me that he eats a Mediterranean diet and fourteen different vitamins and supplements.”

Alejandro raised an eyebrow, Sierra's knowledge causing his curiosity to spike dangerously. Information, and what could possibly be game-changing information, at his fingertips. Best to beat around the bush for this, or else Sierra might feed him false information. He chose a person on the screen at random, pointing at a burly, angry girl. “And what about…what was her name…Eva?”

“Eva is a Russian immigrant. Her father’s name is Aleksei Fonvizin, and her mother’s name is Inessa. They came to Canada seeking a better life, but Eva ended up taking work at a gym as a janitor before using the equipment and becoming the Iron Woman we all know and love. She's one third of Team E-Scope, along with Izzy and Noah. They're all best friends IRL along with Owen.”

Alejandro was silent as he watched the screen, processing the information he had just heard and what was being displayed. They were on the second episode, and Sierra had been spewing facts nonstop. Cody would occasionally chime in, but for the most part he was silent, as if afraid he would say something he shouldn't.

Sierra giggled as Noah’s head bobbed in the water, next to Trent. “I bet you really want to know about him, ” she said. “Cause you’re like, totally into him,” she said before pausing the episode. “No matter! In honor of our new allyship, I’ll tell you everything you need to know so you can understand the object of your affections a little better! His name is Noah Mudaliar, and he’s Tamilian. His dad abandoned his mother after she got pregnant with him. He's one of nine children, and all of his siblings are girls.”

“Sierra,” Cody said, voice heady with warning. “Stop it. He’s not here to tell you it’s okay to say all this.” His voice was guarded and stern. He looked serious, something Alejandro had seen him truly be only a few times.

Alejandro’s curiosity got the better of him. He pressed. “Is that why he hated being called a sob story? Because of his absent father?”

“Um, no,” Sierra said, tapping her chin. “Probably because the sister he was closest with- the second oldest, who was like, a god at softball, totally ditched the family. I couldn’t really find out what school she went to or where she worked, so she eother went totally off the grid or died. But if she had died, I'd have found her obituary, so IDK what happened.”

“Can we just finish the episode?” Cody said, voice slightly too loud and too high as he clicked the play button.

Sierra nodded happily. “Yes, of course! Alejandro needs to get prepared for coming challenges!”

Alejandro tapped his chin as he trekked through the brush, with Sierra and Cody behind him chattering excitedly. Why did Noah get so pale when I mentioned his sister? Was Sierra...wrong? Was she dead? If so...if so, I have done...the unforgivable. His thoughts were spinning in circles, spiraling wildly as the trio passed under a group of baobab trees, following the not-quite-human, not-quite-animal footprints of Ezekiel. Alejandro was already exhausted and frustrated after being stuck in quicksand and Cody failing to make the shot to tranquilize the ex-camper, and the question burning in the back of his mind only made him more irritated.

Alejandro was snapped out of his thoughts as Sierra suddenly shrieked, drawing his attention to the commotion behind him. The alliance leader looked behind him to see a baboon grabbing Cody by the shoulders and then disappearing into the treetops.

Sierra gasped. “I’ll save you, Cody!” She made to run after the chittering creature, but Alejandro placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Wait,” he said. “He has two tranq balls, he may be able to free himself.”

“But...” she said, looking up into the trees.

“Remember our deal? We get Leshawna out like you asked, and you respect Cody’s boundaries like I asked. He’ll be fine. It’s not another bear situation.”

She sighed, but calmed down. “Okay. We’ll give him thirty minutes, and if he’s not back by then we go searching. Deal?”

Alejandro nodded. “Deal. How about we draw our slingshots, just in case? I believe Ezekiel may be around here somewhere.”

Sierra sighed, and shook her head in the affirmative. “You’re right. He probably hasn’t gotten very far. He’s only five foot five, his legs aren’t very long. However, he’s been in the animal state for so long he’s very adept on all fours. Based on some quick calculations- and they’re very vague, considering that I don’t know how big our ‘hunt’ area is- he’s no more than a kilometer in front of us.”

Alejandro blinked in surprise. “How did you calculate that so fast? S-since when were you so-”

“Smart?” Sierra asked, raising an eyebrow as she plucked a tranquilizer ball out of her hip pouch. “I run multiple Total Drama blogs, and a lot of them deal with statistics. Did you know I successfully guessed Beth’s win before it got aired? I bet you never woulda guessed! A lot of people think I’m dumb cause I hyperventilate over TV stars, but I’m not stupid,” she babbled, head swiveling as she checked for Ezekiel.

“I…I commend your intelligence, Sierra,” Alejandro said, and he meant it. “Just…if you’re so smart, why do you focus on Cody and Total Drama so much? You could do wonders in STEM, amiga.”

She shrugged as she began to walk, slingshot poised. “My mom has a huge crush on Chris, and my family are all fun fact-ologists. It was only right to focus on TDI. Like it was my destiny. Total Drama is my happy place, I chose Cody as my favorite camper and future husband ‘cause he’s sweet, and kind, and my favorite Drama Brother.”

Alejandro shook his head as he readied his own slingshot. “You know, you keep talking about how much you love Cody, but I don’t think you do.”

The superfan's shoulders stiffened. “What do you mean by that? Do you doubt my love for him?”

“Well,” Alejandro began. What the hell am I saying? “When watching Total Drama, you said that Katie and Sadie totally thought they were best friends, and they realized they loved each other beyond friendship, but only thought they were friends because they didn’t know they were allowed to date. And you said you "picked" Cody to fall in love with, rather than it happening naturally.”

“Katie and Sadie were totally in love the whole time though! And what does Cody and I have to do with them? They didn’t know they could love each other, but Cody and I already know it’s love,” she said, voice defensive.

“Maybe…maybe you just “love” Cody because that’s what’s expected of you,” Alejandro ventured. He was spewing bullsh*t, and could practically hear José’s laughter from all the way in Canada. “Maybe you just want to be friends with him, but since you’re supposed to love him you just…go too far.”

“Maybe,” Sierra said noncommittally, visibly uncomfortable. From in front of them, they heard rustling. Silently, the pair dropped down, hidden by the dry brush. Alejandro tipped his head toward the rustling, and held up three fingers.

On three, he mouthed, we fire. Comprende?

Sierra nodded.

Alejandro put one finger down, then the next, and when he put his third finger down, they sprung to their feet and ran forwards.

“Yaaah!” Sierra cried, letting her tranquilizer ball fly.

“Take this!” Alejandro yelled, releasing his grip on the slingshot. As soon as the tranq ball was released, he felt an impact on his hands, and another on his foot. The teen hit the ground with a thud, falling on his back like he had sudden onset rigor mortis, and Alejandro felt the impact of Sierra falling down next to him. From across the clearing the duo had charged across, he spied Noah, Courtney, and Leshawna.

Noah was groaning, laying on his side, and Courtney was flat on her back, legs bent at the knee as her arms splayed out limply. Leshawna looked the worst of all, legs spread eagle as she futilely tried to get up. From God-knows-where, the music bell dinged, but the teens were all silent as the tranquilizer set into them, like a heavy quilted blanket.

A truck, driven by Chef, pulled up, and Chris hopped out, jogging to where the contestants lay. “Wow!” He said, voice laden with sarcasm. “A half-hour show of lazy teenagers sleeping. The ratings will go through the roof. I want a song, pronto. I don’t care where the tranq balls hit you, or how ‘groggy’ you feel,” he said, pitching his voice as he made air quotes. “Now, sing!” Chris commanded.

The music started, and Courtney opened her mouth with some minor struggling.

Well, it’s a beautiful day in the Serengeti,

The perfect time to snag a pup, she sang, trying to force herself into a sitting position.

From where Noah lay, he raised his head, glaring at Alejandro.

We’ll find Zeke, and win this dumb game, he glanced at his leg,

As soon as my leg wakes up!

Alejandro smirked.

Trying so hard just makes you look sad and pathetic. Plus, you’ll die without a trace. Noah let out an indignant “hey!” as Alejandro dragged himself closer.

We’ve teamed up, and almost had a Zeke. But then Cody got taken away, Sierra sang as she patted her numb face.

Almost, gets you nowhere around here, Noah sang, eyebrows furrowed.

You two are a loser duo, that’s all.

“A loser is what Chris called you when you couldn’t smash!” Alejandro said. “Smash your gourd, that is. Remember how that went?”

Noah scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“Aw, hell,” Leshawna groaned clutching her head. “If I don’t sing, I get kicked out,” she groaned, and flopped back against the grassy dirt.

Well it’s a beautiful day in the Serengeti,

The perfect time to get stuck in the undershrub, Leshawna sang, voice scratchy from the tranq ball that hit her.

We’ll find Zeke, and win this dumb game, Courtney continued, hauling herself to her feet triumphantly. Her face fell as she slumped back to the ground.

As soon as my leg wakes up! Noah finished, managing to stand. One of his legs was limp, and he was unsteady.

My leg, Leshawna groaned.

My hand, Alejandro sang, rubbing his hands together in attempt to stimulate them faster.

My arm! Sierra sang, flinging her right arm out desperately and catching Alejandro in the face. She cringed as he hissed and clutched his nose. “Sorry,” she said sheepishly.

Ugh, my face, Courtney said as she managed to get her feet under her. She inhaled.

Wake uuu-uuu-uup! she sang, all of the other contestants harmonizing with her.

Wake up! Leshawna belted the note out, holding it for a second longer as she grabbed Courtney’s outstretched hand and finally got to her feet.

“Great song!” Chris called from where he was stationed on the Jeep. “But you guys better crank it in gear and find Zeke in exactly an hour, 'cause even if you guys can’t find him, the plane will still take off- without you!” He looked at Chef with an evil grin. “Wanna go back to the setup and watch the tranq massacre replay on the wide screen?” The host held out his hand in a fist. Chef nodded and bumped his own fist against his husbands’, and the pair peeled off.

Noah huffed and glared at Alejandro, his anger evident by the fire in his eyes. If Alejandro were a writer, he would have described the flames as intoxicating. Seeing lazy, bookworm Noah in Season 1 made Alejandro appreciate the competitive drive Noah was currently exhibiting. The determination to win and all of the visceral emotion coupled with the emotion thrumming through his veins made Alejandro realize why he was so…

So…fascinated with Noah.

So...enamored by...so...

So in love with Noah.

Admitting it to himself was no revelation, no 'oh' moment like in the romance novels that he had caught his mother reading. It was a realization, one that Alejandro had begun to unearth in Niagara Falls with his confession after customs, but saying it now, to himself…it seemed like second nature. Like a comfortable sweatshirt, familiar from use and wear, causing his chest to erupt in a warmth he hadn't felt ever. I have always been in love with Noah, Alejandro supposed.

Even when unfathomably angry, there had been a part of him that simply sat back and admired how Noah could bring the prideful Alejandro down onto his knees, even the playing field of venomous arguments and spitfire exchanges with only a few select words. How Noah could outsmart him, dancing fluid circles around him in intellect before clashing wits. How did someone so wonderful end up on such a foul show such as this? Alejandro thought as his eyes locked onto Noah’s retreating back. How did I end up in such a poor, poor spot? How am I supposed to vote him out now?

Sierra waved a hand in front of Alejandro. “Hey! Hey? Are you still drugged up? Hellooo?”

The villain jolted, stamping down the thoughts that would only hurt him later on. He smiled at Sierra. “Let’s go,” he said. “We can plan and maybe find Cody on the way.”

Sierra nodded, and they set off in the opposite direction of Noah’s group, the brush scratching against Alejandro’s jeans and bending under his heeled boots. She sidled up next to him, fidgeting with her slingshot. “I…I’ve been thinking about what you said, especially when I was knocked out. Do…do you think I’m allowed to just be Cody’s friend?”

He wanted to cry, Yes, you fool!, but Alejandro stayed his tongue. Instead, he gave as warm a smile as he could. “Yes,” he said. “I think you and Cody would make very good friends. Like…a reverse Katie and Sadie.”

“Instead of friends to lovers, lovers to friends?” Sierra asked, brightening.

“Yeah,” Alejandro said, before spying a bush covered in red berries. “Ah, look!” He pointed, and Sierra made a confused face. “Serengeti blood berries.” They walked closer, and Sierra made a face.

“They smell super gross. Like Duncan’s Converse.”

“That’s exactly the point,” Alejandro said, picking a few of the berries. “I have a job for you, Sierra,” he said, smiling as a plan took shape in his mind.

---

“Great singing, by the way,” Noah said as they sat near the pool of water, slingshots at the ready. “Though I think calling it a beautiful day was a bit much.”

Leshawna nodded, wiping her forehead with the hem of her shirt. “Do you think Ezekiel’s gonna show?”

Courtney nodded confidently. “Yes. This is the only water around for at least five kilometers. He’s in a jacket and pants, and has been running around for God knows how long. He’s gonna come here, mark my words.” Across from them, on the far side of the pool, came rustling. “Shh!” the C.I.T. hissed, ducking and concealing herself in the tall dry grasses of the Serengeti plains.

Her allies followed suit, crouching in the grasses, raising their primed slingshots at the source of the noise.

Sierra ambled out of the flora, and Leshawna sucked in a shocked breath at the sight of the girl, covered in red liquid. “Is she bleeding?” she whispered.

“Nah,” Noah said. “Serengeti blood berries. Can’t you smell them?”

Courtney sniffed, and her eyes watered. “Good God, those things are foul,” she said, voice hushed.

Sierra crouched by the pool, smiling. “I’m so thirsty,” she said, humming a song under her breath as she dipped her hands into the water, the red berry juice staining the water. She brought her cupped hands to her mouth, and Ezekiel jumped out of the water, pouncing on the girl. She screamed and kicked at the homeschooled boy, and he growled in response.

All three of the hiding teens jumped to their feet, firing their slingshots on the boy and hitting Sierra in the process, a cloud of purplish pink rising into the air like a Barbie sponsored nuclear bomb. Noah hacked and coughed, waving the cloud away from him and groaning when he saw a familiar figure across the pool. “Really?” he complained, as Alejandro coughed into his fist.

The taller boy threw his hands up when he caught sight of his rival. “Joder! De toda la maldita gente!”

Chris’ voice called out to Alejandro as Chef drove him up to the gathered teens. “C’mon, dude, English. You gotta share whatever mean thing you said with the class.” Alejandro rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. “Well, that was a fiasco, and honestly, I’m too lazy to review the footage. No immunity tonight! We’ll do a reward challenge after the elimination, which is great news. Everyone is viable to be voted out tonight! Also, we found Cody with a troop of baboons, so don’t worry about him. He’s with De’shaya in the med tent. Now, somebody pick Sierra up and let’s get the heck out of here before Ezekiel wakes up!”

“No,” Courtney said, everyone's eyes snapping to her. “No, we’re gonna take Ezekiel with us. And we’re going to get him the help he needs.”

Chris threw his hands up in the air. “He’s feral! He’s subhuman!”

“It’s your fault!” Courtney cried. “You act like you’re not the one who treated him like sh*t and made him live in the cargo hold! Take responsibility!” She took a menacing step forward. “You think my lawsuit was bad? The one you’re gonna get when they find this boy roaming the Tanzanian grasslands without a passport is going to be so bad you’ll wish you let Blainelely Stacey Andrews O-f*cking-Halloran take the job!”

Chris’ mouth dropped open in shock, and Chef covered his mouth as his eyes widened. Chris glared at the C.I.T., and the pinched the bridge of his nose. “Ugh! Fine! Load ‘em up, Chef,” he said, and then sat down in the passenger seat with his baldcapped head in his hands.

---

“Tonight,” Chris announced a few hours later, holding the passports in his hand as he leaned on the podium, “is a double elimination. And since we have enough content for this episode, I don’t have to individually read the votes out. Cody, you got kidnapped by a monkey and didn’t break a gourd. Courtney, you cheated with the cricket bat. You guys played a good game. Take your parachutes and take the Drop of Shame.” The host walked out of the voting area, and when he realized the teens were staring at him, he narrowed his eyes. “What? A guy can’t, I dunno, let you guys have an emotional goodbye? And also catch the latest episode of The Bachelor?”

Noah rolled his eyes, but watched as Courtney got up and took one of the parachutes, before turning back to the contestants. He got to his feet and walked over to the C.I.T., and gave her an awkward smile. “I’m glad we got to-” he began, before the girl rushed forward and enveloped him in a hug.

“You better win, damn it,” she said, tears in her eyes. “And don't act as if we're just acquaintances. We are so meeting up after this whole sh*tshow's over. I...appreciate you more than you could know, Noah. You helped me when I was at my lowest, and I'll never be able to repay you.”

Noah nodded, biting on his quivering lip as Leshawna joined the group. “I’m gonna miss you, girl,” she said. “I’m proud to be your ally, you know that? You’ll always have a friend in Leshawna Turner, do you understand me?”

Courtney nodded her head and gripped her backpack straps. “Alejandro, Sierra,” she said, addressing the two still on the bench. “You two…it was an honor competing with and against you guys.”

Alejandro blinked, as if surprised she would say such a thing, and Sierra burst into tears. “You deserve to rest!” the ex-Amazon cried. “Sleep on a bed for me, won’t you?”

Courtney smiled and nodded before quickly hugging Noah and Leshawna once more. “Well. Goodbye, farewell, and amen,” she said, and hopped out of the open door.An awkward cough came from behind Noah and Leshawna, and they turned to face Cody. He looked sheepish as Sierra and Alejandro rose from their seats to say their goodbyes.

“It was good seeing you, Cody,” Leshawna said, patting him on the shoulder as she sat back down on the wooden benches. He gave her a small smile.

Noah looked at Cody, and looked at the floor. “I…I…” he said, but the words couldn’t come to him. For once, his infallible mind failed.

Cody threw his arms around Noah’s shoulders. “I get it,” he said. “And I forgive you. I’m glad we got to go this far, dude,” he finished, bumping a fist against Noah's hand before turning to Alejandro and Sierra who were waiting near the emergency exit.

Noah sat down and watched the trio say their goodbyes, their voices hushes as they exchanged words. Alejandro looked genuinely sad to see Cody go, though Noah couldn't fathomwhy. "Why" is a question that has been plaguing me for too long. I'm getting answers.

Cody gave one last look at the plane’s voting area before taking a deep breath and jumping from the exit with a “Cowabunga!”

Sierra, sniffling slightly as Alejandro awkwardly patted her back, sat down, and she began to play with the end of her braid as Chris strolled back in the room. “So. Those are the eliminations done. Who’s ready for a reward challenge?” he crowed, and Noah’s heart sank.

Chapter 8: Rapa Nuisance (part 1)

Chapter Text

“A reward challenge?” Alejandro asked, uncertainty laced throughout his tone as he ran a hand through glossy hair.

“On the plane?” Leshawna added, raising an apprehensive eyebrow at the visibly excited host.

Chris smiled and held up a mobile phone, waving it in his hand. “Yes to both of you!” He turned to the camera, flashing his trademark gigawatt smile. “In a few minutes we’ll be going live to our very own Aftermath show, where a live studio audience will vote for who gets first class for the next flight, which will take upwards of two days, not counting any stops we make. That’s a whole lotta time for…” his eyes flicked from Alejandro to Noah. “...anything to happen!”

“And what are they voting on, exactly?” Noah asked in his trademark monotone, crossing his arms from where he was sitting on the wooden benches. If this is some sort of popularity contest, I’m f*cked.

“What this whole season is about- singing!” the host cried, smiling widely as he saw the contestants’ faces drop in unison.

Noah slapped an open palm to his forehead. “And we just voted our two best singers out,” he sighed, more to himself than to the others, but Leshawna still gave him an "mm-hmm" in agreement.

“Speak for yourself, pereszoso,” Alejandro said with a smirk. “I have been told that I have the voice of an angel."

“Oh, that’s just bullsh*t,” Noah replied, rolling his eyes as he felt the suave boy's words push his buttons in the same familiar fashion as they had the entire season.

Alejandro opened his mouth to make a quip back, but Chris cut the teen off. “That’s really cute and all, but time’s a-tickin, so listen up! The rules of this challenge state that you can only reprise any song sung on the show, from Come Fly With Us to Wake Up, last episode’s song. You can keep the lyrics, or change them if you think your wordplay is that good. Our live studio audience will vote after everyone’s sang their bit.”

Sierra raised her hand. “Do we have to sing by ourselves or can we do a duet?”

Chris snapped in her direction. “Fantastic question! The answer is yes. If you want to maximize possible winnings, I would say sing alone, but if the viewers like whoever you’ve allied with, then singing a fun song with your teammate might make them like you a little more.”

Alejandro tapped his chin. “An interesting blend of skill and appealing to the audience, Chris. You’ve outdone yourself.”

“Don’t make me blush. Now, you guys get five minutes to strategize. When you’ve picked a song, tell De’shaya so she can get the music queued up. Songs are chosen on a first come first serve basis.” De’shaya waved brightly from behind the small army of cameras, a laptop balanced in her khaki lap. “Your five minutes begin now…go!” Chris called, and immediately the pairs turned to each other and began chattering.

Noah leaned in towards Leshawna. “Do you want to go with a duet, or solo this?”

“While I do think that going solo means there’s a better chance of us getting first class and just bringing the other, I don’t think the audience will care much for skill alone unless either of us have Courtney’s pipes. We should do a duet, which is pretty easy, considering that there hasn’t been a solo song yet.”

Noah nodded. “I was thinking we would go for We Built Gwen’s Face. I would bet that it’s pretty popular with fans, considering the disco suits and all.”

Leshawna grinned before calling out to De’shaya. “Hey, girl! We choose We Built Gwen’s Face!”

The intern made a sympathetic face. “Sierra already chose that one. Find another?”

Noah huffed. “Damn. How about…” he thought for a moment, eyes sliding over to where Alejandro was watching them intently, green eyes boring into red sweater. The Burromuerto’s smile was slightly smug as he watched Noah quickly turn his attention back to Leshawna. “How about Oui, My Friends?”

“The one Sierra sang in Paris?” Leshawna asked. “That’s an odd one. I mean, it’s basically her dragging Cody.”

“I know, I know, but…I have a plan. I trust you can follow my lead?”

“Of course, string bean. Trust me, watching you plot and plan on Aftermath taught me to follow your plans.”

“Great. De’shaya!” He called. “We choose Oui, My Friends!”

“Oooh, great choice,” she said, purple nails clacking on the keyboard before flashing the pair a thumbs up. “You’re good to go!”

Noah smiled before turning to Leshawna. “What song do you think Alejandro chose?”

“Probably something flashy like Before We Die, or We Shear Down Under,” she said, eyes flicking over to where the Latino was speaking softly and quickly to Sierra. “Only one way we’ll know, though.”

The teens didn’t have to wait very long until Chris called for their attention to go to him.

“We are now live to the Aftermath show! Everyone wave hi to the Peanut Gallery!” he said, brandishing towards a specific set of cameras directly in front of the group. Noah awkwardly waved, feeling foolish as he motioned to a lifeless camera. On the other side of him, Alejandro was all suave confidence as he raised a hand to the live audience, smiling widely. He caught Noah’s eye and winked, so quickly the studio audience probably thought there was dust in his eye. Noah forced his stomach to stop doing flips and looked resolutely ahead.

“In a minute or two, our final four will be working hard to sing, sing, sing for their lives! Or, well, first class. Using the songs offered to them by the cast of Total Drama World Tour, they will serenade and perform for you, my dear nuts! When all performances are done, you have the chance to vote for your favorite performer and send them to a long night of rest, relaxation, and strategic organizing. First up, our underdog and returning player, we have Noah and Leshawna with Oui, My Friends!” Chris announced, motioning for the two to get up and to stand in the middle of the elimination room.

“Ready, string bean?” she murmured as the soft guitar began to play, standing up along with Noah and striding to the masking tape 'x' on the floor.

Noah inhaled and nodded silently before turning to the cameras, trying to hide his flush- from fear, excitement, or both. He waited for his cue, and then began.

I hate Paris in the summertime,

Je t’aime Paris as we fall, he sang. Not his best rhyme, but he knew that Leshawna was capable enough to pick up after him and out-sing him. He just had to rely on clever wordplay and barbs at other contestants (namely Alejandro and Duncan) to get the first class seat. He hoped that Leshawna’s loyal fanbase would pull through.

“Hey, good improv, Noah!” Chris called from where he was leaning against the podium.

Leshawna opened her mouth to continue the song, but Alejandro sidled up behind her and hip-checked her, causing her to stumble and close her mouth as she grunted in pain. Noah gasped in outrage, but the song continued. Alejandro smiled at him, sharp white teeth on full self-satisfied display as he flipped his hair over a shoulder.

I wish we left that boy in the city of love in the summer,

Because now? He’s just a bummer! Cause…

Alejandro inhaled to begin the rap-singing part to release a tirade against Noah, but Leshawna poked into the small of his back, causing him to snap his jaw shut and whip around angrily to look in her direction. The distraction was sudden enough to allow Noah to beat the eel to the musical punch.

Half formed lyrics were taking shape in his mind, but Alejandro had hijacked his damn song, gotten his friends voted out, mentioned his dead sister’s name to get a leg up on the competition, and had been a generally two sided asshole, even when Noah had thought they were friends however many episodes ago. Whatever I say, he earned, he thought as he waited to be cued in by the music.

Alejandro broke my trust and chewed it up and spit it out and stomped on it and called me names and then laughed!

Seeing those gorgeously vile green eyes widen in shock, then narrow in anger and determination made Noah’s heartbeat quicken and his lips widen to smile mercilessly, even as alarm bells rang in his head when Alejandro took a menacing step forward.

Oui, my friends, you must never trust a boy! Alejandro belted, grabbing Noah’s waist and spinning him to face the cameras, pressed to the charmer's warm side so he couldn't escape. Noah twisted in his grip, looking angrily at the other boy, who leaned forward with one of the most unashamedly evil smirks Noah had ever seen on anyone, Alejandro or otherwise.

Oui, my friends, they will treat you like a toy!Noah replied instead of spitting in Alejandro's beautiful face like he wanted to.

Oui, my friends, they will- ugh…. Noah huffed, catching Leshawna’s nod from where she was standing next to Sierra and Chris (who looked unashamedly amused).

Break your heart and chew it up and spit it out and smack it down and throw it out an emergency exit and lauuugh!

He managed to extract himself from Alejandro's grip, which had gone slack from shock, fully turned towards his rival as Noah realized what he had just admitted (and by song, no less).

“Heart?” Alejandro asked, voice quiet as the music continued, but Noah’s face was set, determined to barrel the next verse out and then run to confessional and then never, ever, leave it.

Oui, my friends, what did he just tell you? Alejandro asked, turning towards the cameras and asking the Aftermath show, schooling his stunned expression back into something more performative. I expected nothing less from the puppet master.

Um, non, my eel, you have spoke all your truth, Noah said, waving a hand flippantly, sauntering away from Alejandro like he had seen Izzy do in one of her movies, trying to ignore the damning reality of what he had said.

Oui, my friend, I cared about you! Alejandro cried, interrupting Noah and reaching a hand out futilely before quickly letting it flop back down to his side, a blush decorating his cheeks.

“Wait, what?” Sierra cried from the sidelines.

“Oh, this Aftermath show is gonna be great!” Chris crowed, pumping a fist as he watched the poll on his phone.

Oui, my friends, and now I’m stuck telling you, Alejandro continued, ignoring Noah and taking a few steps towards the cameras, pleading directly to the audience- the one that had seen his confessionals, who watched the show every week. They knew exactly how we felt about Noah, and Alejandro knew his only shot at not only winning first class but staying in the game entirely was to directly appeal to the people, to shed his snakeskin and show his humanity.

If you banter with a boy on T.V. and then try to win challenges to get farther and then win more challenges and be nice to him and do nothing but consider him a rival, you will still,

“Oh, hell,” Noah muttered as Alejandro prepared to deliver the finale, the music changing with his attitude.

We end up in Paris! Oui, elle disparaît!

And the boy won’t even feel the same WAY! Alejandro stomped his foot down as he belted the last word, doing Sierra’s original song justice as his anger visibly left the charmer's toned body, the entire plane staring in stunned silence.

The illusion was broken with De’shaya standing up and clapping, the cameramen and gathered interns whooping and cheering as well as the two boys standing in the middle of the elimination room stared at each other, chests heaving.

“Holy sh*t,” Chris said, staring at his flashing phone. “I think you two kids just single-handedly boosted our ratings. Oh, Tweeter’s gonna have a field day.”

“Shut up, Chris!” the two boys chorused, whipping their heads to glare at the host and then each other.

Noah was the first to speak. “You didn’t even let Leshawna sing, asshole!”

It was a feeble attempt at diverting attention as he pointed a finger at the red-clad boy in front of him (who looked amazing), chest heaving with exertion and a sheen of sweat glimmering over his tan skin.

“For the love of God, just kiss already!” Sierra cried, throwing her hands up.

“Hey now, chica, that’s a little far fetched,” Alejandro said, dumping charisma into his words to mask how weak his voice really was- not that anyone but Noah noticed.

Chris simply cackled as he lifted his phone to his ear, the sound of Bridgette and Geoff yelling on the other end of the line. The others gathered took that as their cue to speak, with Sierra immediately throwing questions at the pair at 200 kilometers an hour like a B-grade journalist.

Leshawna was also trying to ask something, eyebrows furrowed as the cameramen and interns also began to chatter between themselves. Noah grunted before turning on his heel and rushing out of the room, taking the familiar path towards the confessional booth, ignoring Alejandro’s call of “Noah, wait!” and Leshawna’s cry of “Hey, man, wait a sec!”

Somehow, the cynic managed to get to the confessional alone and in record time no less, slamming the door shut with more force than necessary before locking the door and triple-checking it. He sat down heavily on the closed toilet lid, heaving a breath of defeat before looking weakly up at the camera.

“f*ck,” Noah said. And then he said it again. And again, chanting it as his hands gripped at the roots of his hair and he had to breathe through his nose, forcing his fingers to unclench from his scalp and intertwining them on his lap. Noah thought of home, of all his sisters crowded on the couch bought for cheap from the thrift store a decade ago. He thought of them seeing him at his worst.

This was his worst, and even though he was only 18 he realized that no matter how hard his life got, Total Drama would always be his rock-bottom.

But he would have at least been at rock-bottom with Ruby.

She would have sung with him, probably fuss with his hair to impress the cameras before their "big musical number". She would have teased him but encouraged him at the same time like she always managed to do in that big-sister way of hers, and it would have been so much better.

But here Noah was, a thousand kilometers in the sky and away from Canada, backstabbing his friends and being a dancing monkey for an aptly-named Peanut Gallery. Not only did he have to sing to be able to get something edible in first class, he couldn’t even deal with his feelings in peace. Now the whole world knew that he had felt something towards Alejandro, but like everything else Total Drama touched, it was tainted.

Courtney and Duncan. Gwen and Trent. Bridgette and Geoff. They all had crashed and burned, and they were not only a straight couple, but not even in the final six together. They never had to truly compete against the other, with a million dollars on the line.

The whole world knew Noah’s secret, and the whole world would never let him forget. And how could he- he was the star of a whirlwind romance between two rivals on a show all about backstabbing to keep your head above the water. Noah hated the reality T.V. machine, but after working as Chris’ assistant, he knew how it worked. He knew that as soon as the episode aired there would be tabloids plastered with his and Alejandro’s face and the internet would be talking about them until one of them won or got eliminated.

“It’s the boy or the million,” Noah croaked to the camera. “And it’ll be the million, every time. We’ve only ever been cruel to each other. I mean, it all really started in London, when he took his anger out on Owen and forced me to come crawling to him and play nice. If we couldn’t be friends, who on earth would think we could be, what, boyfriends?” he scoffed, even as tears welled up in his eyes.

Noah knew that he was riling himself up, but he didn’t care. He knew that it was incredibly childish of him to lock himself in the confessional after a very dramatic song, but he couldn’t find it in himself to do anything about it. He wasn’t like Alejandro, who adored having all the attention on him, enveloped in praise and drama. So there he sat on a toilet lid, rambling to a duct-taped camera until he heard Leshawna calling for him beyond the confines of the plane's confessional.

“Noah?” she asked, voice soft as she rapped a knuckle on the metal door.

He sighed and got up from the toilet seat, knowing he couldn’t hide forever no matter how hard he tried. (And he tried hard when playing hide-and-seek with Izzy, Eva, and Owen.) He unlocked and opened the door to see a very concerned Leshawna standing in front of it.

“You look like sh*t,” she announced instead of a greeting, the absurdity of it drawing a surprised laugh from Noah.

“Yeah?” he asked. “I feel like sh*t, all things considered.”

She nodded, before stepping into the confessional, past Noah. She sat down on the countertop, next to the camera positioned on it while the misanthropist took his seat. “Well, Chris was over the moon about you two, if that counts for anything.”

“Ugh. Now I feel even sh*ttier.”

“If it makes you feel any better, Alejandro made an equally dramatic exit to economy class. He said something about ruminating on the events that had transpired and slammed the door super dramatically. I thought Chris was going to piss himself, with his two new stars refusing to talk to each other.”

Noah chuckled, shaking his head as he imagined the scene. “Well, how did you and Sierra’s song go?”

“Very well, all things considered. I just redid my entry song with different lyrics, and Sierra did a fantastic rendition of We Built Gwen’s Face, although it was about how much she misses Cody. It was almost sweet, though it didn't matter. All of that was just procedure, more for us than the Peanut Gallery since we both knew y’all were getting first class.”

“No way.”

Leshawna arched an eyebrow. “This is Total Drama, dude. A confession on live T.V. through song? That’s, like, the entire point of the season’s gimmick.”

“Well, it wasn’t a confession,” Noah said, crossing his arms.

“Sounded like one to me,” she replied, equally combative. “ ‘Break your heart and chew it up and spit it out’ sounds like a declaration of love if I’ve ever heard it, and Harold has written me poetry.”

“It wasn’t a confession. I’m not dumb enough to have a showmance,” Noah said, "showmance" sounding like a dirty word when he spat it out.

Leshawna sighed. “It’s not a question of intelligence, Noah,” she said. “We all know you’re smart. Even the smartest people can fall in love when they don’t want to. Your heart doesn’t listen to your brain,” she said.

“It doesn’t matter,” he said futilely. “Leshawna, we’re the final four. A million dollars is on the line. At this point, I don’t even want the money anymore. I just want to win for Ruby, and to beat Alejandro. How am I supposed to vote him out this late? What if we're in the final together? What then?”

She sighed. “He has to go next, then,” she said. “Is that what I’m hearing?”

“Yes,” he said. “And he has to know that there’s nothing between us. I didn’t come this far for Alejandro to sweep me off my feet- and under the rug.”

Leshawna slid off the countertop, placing a hand on Noah’s shoulder. She bit her lip, but decided against whatever she had planned to say before silently exiting the bathroom.

---

Alejandro Burromuerto was 18 years old and had been confessed to many, many times. He was tall, dark, handsome, and mature, the pinnacle of suave charm and witty intellect.

That didn’t stop his heart from beating wildly in his chest as he shoved himself into the corner of economy class. His hand was wrapped around his necklace, the horns on the bull charm pressing into his palm.

Noah feels the same way, he thought giddily, before a crushing feeling erupted in his heart. He feels the same way. He thought of his father, mother, and José, who had seen him act a fool, pining after some mean, sarcastic, unathletic boy as they chased each other around the globe, all on live T.V. Alejandro had sung about it, for God's sake! Acting like a cliche moron in love, desperately trying to woo the prom queen.

This isn’t a movie, Alejandro reminded himself, forcing the giddy feeling to lessen as he put the reality of his situation into little manageable mental boxes. You do not get both. There is no last minute rule that decrees two winners, a clean way to end this. Do the best you can, but be quick. Be accurate. Be right, always. Burromuertos don't lose. José had always told him he wasn’t special, but now Alejandro was inclined to believe it after years of denying it. He could either get the million or the boy, and…

“I want the boy more than anything,” he whispered, so quiet that it could barely be over the thrum of the plane. His eyes widened at the admission, and he quickly sat up on the bench. His reflexes kicked in, and without thinking he reared his hand back before drawing it against his cheek, so hard his hair splayed out with the motion.

“No,” he said, remembering his family. “I will not disappoint them,” he said, the hand that had been resting on his knee digging into flesh through the fabric of his pants. “I got on this show, and I will not leave it unless I physically cannot move. Not even for...love.” It sounded like a dirty word when he said it.Thank you, Father, for that.

His mental tirade was interrupted by De’shaya, the purple haired intern, popping her head in. “Hey!” she said brightly as she smiled. “Just wanted to tell you that the poll results came in. You won first class along with Noah!”

“Wh- come again?” Alejandro said, carding a hand through his hair as he stood up, trying desperately to get himself back under control. He hoped that he didn't leave a mark on his cheek from his outburst.

“Yeah,” the intern said. “You technically performed a duet with him, so you both get first class. The live studio audience really loved the tension between you two. Chris didn’t even mind that a few of them leaked the results since it meant more publicity and more people tuning in for the episode in a few days’ time.”

He faked a smile at her. “Wow. I can’t believe Chris was okay with that, him being a slight control freak and all.”

De’shaya nodded. “Trust me, I thought he had finally gone crazy.” There was an awkward pause, and she smiled at Alejandro. “Anyways, first class is open whenever you decide to go in. We’ve got over two days of flight time left, so you might wanna hit the hay.”

“Thank you,” Alejandro said, already imagining his body melting into the comfortably plush seats of first class.

“No problem!” the intern chirped, and with a swish of her purple braids, she left the room, humming what sounded suspiciously likeOui, My Friendsto herself.

The diplomat's son sighed, methodically cracking his knuckles, wrists, and neck, before walking over to the curtain covering the first class door and swinging it open easily.

Sitting on one of the seats was Noah, hair curtained around his face as he scanned the book in front of him, looking up when he heard the noise of the door clicking shut. Alejandro stiffened under his gaze, mouth drying as he made eye contact with the shorter boy, who seemed…bored. Not at all elated with the prospect of returned feelings. There wasn't even a small trace of the adrenaline high that had gripped them during their song.

Alejandro tried for a smile, the one that got his peers to nod happily along with him, the one that guaranteed him the student council presidency.

Noah simply tucked a strand of hair behind his ear, slipping a handmade bookmark (that had nine brown stick figures on it, Alejandro noted) in between pages and gently shut the book. It was The Count of Monte Cristo, old and battered and well-loved. Alejandro would bet money that there were notes scribbled in the margins, phrases underlined in shaky ballpoint pen.

Noah blinked. “Are you just going to stand there, or do I need to sweep you off your feet?”

Alejandro's cheeks pinked before moving towards one of the white seats, trying to control how fast he walked to not give away his excitement. He hadn’t felt this way in years; the awkward dance of pretending not to be interested- when in reality even being in the same room as the other person caused one’s heart to soar. He had caused it in many others before, but never had he experienced it, and so deeply too. It was intoxicating, the way he could feel electricity dancing around them. Alejandro sat down, anxiously crossing his legs as he sat back against the chair, taking a few deep breaths before looking at Noah.

“Do…do you want to talk about it?” Alejandro asked. “Out there? With the song?” His voice was quiet; not quite vulnerable, but so, so hopeful that he cursed himself for it.

Noah sighed, looking at the book on his lap before looking at his old teammate. “What is there to talk about?” he said. “You broke my trust and treated me like a toy.”

“But…you also said I broke your heart,” Alejandro said, painfully earnest. "Is there a chance of me...fixing it? Maybe after this ends?"

“Have you ever done reality T.V. before?” Noah asked suddenly, leaning forward a little as he crossed his arms over his chest, setting the book onto the chair next to him.

Alejandro shook his head no, and Noah huffed, muttering “of course” under his breath. The brainiac shifted in his seat a little more before addressing Alejandro again.

“The audience wants a spectacle. By yourself, you’re a spectacle and then some. I want first class, they want entertainment. You hijacked my damn song, and I went with it. There’s nothing to talk about, because I said nothing. What I said out there was just what the audience wanted to hear.”

Alejandro’s mouth went dry once more, but not from excitement. He paled a little, mouth making the shapes of words as he fumbled for a grasp on the situation. In his stomach a black hole opened, vacuuming all hope and earnestness from him.

Noah arched an eyebrow as he watched Alejandro struggle. “What? Like you’ve never done the same? I know your type, Al, and it’s that you’ll say what others want to hear to advance yourself. I saw how you treated Heather, and Leshawna, and Bridgette-”

Too much. Too much. This is all too much. “Don’t call me Al.” Alejandro’s voice dipped with threat, anger seeping through every vein, muscle and artery in his body.

Noah’s mask of haughty indifference slipped for a split second.

“Don’t call me that,” the villain repeated, barely holding back the snarl from his lips. “You have no right. Not before we started speaking, especially not now.”

“What? Your special gal back home is the only one allowed to call you that? Or is it something family only? Trust me, Al, no one with a good home life goes on this show.” Noah shot back, voice rising a little, sitting straighter in the chair, a petty smirk ghosting on the corners of his lips.

Alejandro forced the sick sinking feeling down as he felt the shards of his heart embed themselves along his body like a lamentation, letting himself rise to the bait. At home he’d play the angel, agreeing to whatever bullsh*t point Mother or Father raised, but here he allowed himself to let his silver tongue loose, if only to ignore how idiotic he felt.He rolled his eyes and scoffed, an exaggerated motion that he picked up from José. “Really, Noah, you’ve lost your edge. Is that the best you can do?”

“Well, I’ve already beat our friendship into the dirt according to you, and you clarified how you used to care for me, so there’s really nothing else I can aim for. Unless you’d like me to aim for the face.”

“Never aim for the face,” Alejandro responded. “Anyways, you probably couldn’t hit me from the high horse you’ve sat yourself upon. I know you think of me as the villain of this season, a slippery eel, but you’re no better than I. You know, Cody agreed to vote with me just because you couldn’t keep your promise? You never did vote Sierra out, but Cody kept on hoping that his friend would help him; do him a solid. And yet, he’s not here anymore, but Sierra is. You lied him out of a million dollars. Do you remember how you watched the confessionals in Australia when you shouldn’t have? Or the time when you lied to my face about how you feel about me? You’re just as bad as me! You hide, Noah! You can’t run from your actions or your promises, pathetically athletic as you are, so you hide. Excuse it all away with feeble ‘it’s just playing the game’s, that your actions are ‘just how reality T.V. shows work’- but we both know it’s not true! I saw those other seasons, Noah, and I saw that buffoon Owen win without having to rely on lying and cheating and ‘giving the audience what they want’!” Alejandro was on his feet, though when he had gotten to them he did not know nor remember. He leaned down to Noah, so close he could press their lips together. “So why are you hiding? What sob story are you refusing to tell, perezoso?”

Noah hissed an angry breath through his teeth as he stood, brows were furrowed and lips curled back, and Alejandro braced for impact. It never came, Noah instead spitting out a “like hell I’d tell you” before striding out of first class, not even looking at the other teen as he left.

“Hiding again, Noah?” Alejandro called, an evil little self-satisfied feeling settling into his bones at the barb, especially when he heard the boy throw out a curse in Tamil. “You cannot do this forever!”

The door slammed shut, and when Alejandro was certain he was finally alone, he combed the room for the hidden cameras, covering them as best as he could. When everything was sufficiently obscured, objects pulled in front of the lenses, Alejandro sat on one of the reclining chairs and took his bull charm necklace off, gently placing it on the table. He put his head into his hands and allowed himself to cry, shoulders shaking as he finally laid down in the grave he had dug for himself the second he stepped onto the plane and into Noah's eyesight.

---

The rest of the flight was spent in strained, awkward silence. Noah read The Count of Monte Cristo to ignore reading Alejandro’s expressions, and they had managed to silently make an informal eating schedule so they wouldn’t have to sit near the other. Eating was special and social- not something you do with someone who would leap at the chance to vote you out.

Even when the reward- a candy cart- came in, they only picked from it when the other wasn’t looking. Noah learned that Alejandro was especially fond of small chocolates; the kind wrapped in foil that were solid. It was almost endearing to see all of the milk chocolates disappear, one by one over the course of the flight, all of the dark chocolates still sitting pretty in the pink tinfoil, untouched by the picky charmer.

Noah had left a few times to talk with Leshawna, who had gasped when he told her what had gone on in first class. He knew that she thought what he had said was especially cruel, but she stayed her tongue when pressed. Sierra, also in economy class, seemed to be lost in thought, scribbling furiously on a pizza box. He didn’t ask what she was muttering about, most likely gone crazy from Cody withdrawals.

He ignored Alejandro like he was getting paid for it (though he technically was- every episode he stayed in meant his initial $1,000 per episode wage increased), even as the plane crashed into one of the Moai of Rapa Nui, somehow managing to knock it off of its stone ahu.

As the teens all filed out of the plane, the pair of too-malicious-to-be-rivals boys stayed staunchly silent, though Alejandro constantly looked like he was on the verge of saying something. It drove Noah insane, the pained anticipation of another shouting match killing him slowly.

Noah had accidentally stopped in the middle of the path to where Chris wanted the teens to stand for the episode’s intro, staring at the felled Moai in all of its glory, before he heard a voice calling his name and snapping him out of his archaeological trance. Leshawna, who was standing next to a giddy Sierra, was beckoning for him. After getting his attention and he dutifully jogged over, leaving Alejandro to his own devices since the eel was the last one out of the plane.

As he slowed his pace, Noah allowed himself a moment to simply stare in awe and wonder at the amassed statue heads grouped together, large pieces of history that seemed to reach impossibly high in the beautiful blue sky. Ruby would have loved to see this. She was so excited to travel even to Wawanakwa. To be all the way in Polynesia…she wouldn’t even do the challenge, just spend the entire day exploring. A fond smile ghosted his lips at the thought.

“Holy sh*t,” the charmer commented from behind him, but Alejandro wasn’t looking at the cultural heritage, instead staring in horror at the plane’s nose and co*ckpit smashed against one of the Moai. “Another piece of world heritage destroyed because of us.”

“Get used to it,” all the other contestants chorused as Chris walked over with a smile, hands clasped behind his back. The teens all gasped in shock and horror at the host’s outfit: a large multicolored feather headdress, white body paint, and a loincloth that left little to the imagination. “I’m glad you guys know the drill by know. Anyways, there are like, 900 of these things on this island, so no big loss,” he said flippantly. “Welcome to Easter Island, brochachos! AKA, Rapa Nui. This place is old- these dudes were carved so long ago nobody even remembers why anymore. Ten bucks says it started as a dare.”

“Twenty bucks says hurry up with the challenge already,” Noah deadpanned, placing his hands on his hips.

“Alright, alright. I don’t even know why I’m telling you guys these facts, since you and Mr. Latin Lover over there already know, like, everything. Whatever. Today, my dear final four will be going on a traditional Easter Island egg hunt. To look the part, we’ve got Rapa Nui feathered headdresses! Wear ‘em with pride, chickens!”

An intern holding four headdresses rushed out, a stack of feathers and leather in their hands. They quickly handed them out, giving each contestant their assigned colored headband. Noah’s feathers were green, Alejandro’s was a light blue, Sierra’s was red, and Leshawna’s was purple. Sighing, Noah put the headpiece on while Leshawna inspected it.

“Chris?” Sierra asked as she placed her headdress on her head, adjusting it to her satisfaction.

“Yes?”

“Can I keep this as a keepsake after this challenge is over?”

“Uh, sure?”

“Great!” She turned towards Alejandro. “As one of the most anticipated contestants on this season, if you could keep yours and give it to me when we go back on the plane, I would love for you to sign it so I could auction it off when this is all done!”

Her ally put his headdress on and shrugged. “Don’t see why not.”

“Well, with that all settled, I’ll need y’all to follow me to our challenge location,” Chris said.

“Here we go,” sighed Leshawna, her purple feathers sticking straight up as she began to walk behind the host.

Noah stood up a little straighter and put his shoulders back, the swirling mix of pre-challenge determination and anticipation heating his blood. “Here we go,” he repeated.

---

Alejandro looked up at the large stone statue of Lindsay as Chris led them to a clearing of grass. “These look…disturbing,” he said.

Next to him, Sierra looked up at the fake Moai. “There’s no way they cranked these out in a couple days, and the carving style isn't the same as season one's wooden heads. They most likely made them in pre-production, one of each contestant. I'm sure there's a statue of me, you, Noah and Leshawna that weren't used.”

“Wow! Since when was my T.V. show a nerd convention? Pay attention to me, the A-List celebrity so you know what to do for my challenges! Be Harolds when the cameras aren’t rolling!” Chris barked, putting his hands on his hips. “Good. Hidden in these statues are a bunch of eggs that correspond to your colored…head things,” he said.

“Oh, wow, someone did their research,” Noah interrupted.

“Your challenge is to find three eggs in your color, and then make a desperate break for the massive underground cavern system and book it all the way up to the highest point on the island. You have to reach the top with all three eggs to begin the second part of the challenge.” Chris continued, ignoring the brainiac.

“What happens if we drop an egg?” Sierra asked.

“You’ll have to come all the way back here for a replacement,” Chris responded.

Ah. So the answer is to just…

“Can we take a backup egg with us?” Noah added.

Damn his 180 IQ! Damnmy 180 IQ!Alejandro thought, before shaking his head to clear his brain of thoughts of Noah.

“Nope,” the host said. “No backup eggs allowed! As per usual, the first one to the top gets a major advantage in today’s challenge. Now make like an egg and scramble!”

Alejandro didn’t need to be told twice, spinning on his heel and dashing towards the nearest statue- Lindsay. He easily scaled the stone effigy, while across the clearing, Noah clambered up some random woman’s statue.

“Who even is that?” the manipulator muttered to himself, while next to him, Sierra climbed up Ezekiel’s face (pre-feral Ezekiel, at least).

“Blaineley Stacey Andrews O’Halloran,” she responded easily, as if that explained everything while she dug around in her statue’s hat. She gasped, and with a grin, pulled out an egg. “Aha!...Oh,” she said, when she realized it wasn’t her color.

“That’s mine!” Alejandro said, recognizing the blue. He reached behind Lindsay’s bandana, and pulled a large, heavy egg out. It was Sierra’s red, and he held it up. “Swap with me?”

“Of course, alliance buddy!” she said, making her way down the statue. “C’mere, I need to make something to hold these things.”

Alejandro shrugged and began to shimmy down Lindsay's face, gingerly holding the egg so it wouldn’t fall and crack.

“Hey, Al!” Noah called, and Alejandro cringed. He begrudgingly looked over to the source of the sound, where Noah was sitting in one of Blaineley’s hoop earrings. In his hand was a blue egg.

“He better not,” Alejandro growled under his breath, hackles rising as Noah’s thin fingers loosened their grip, and the egg came tumbling down. It cracked against the grass, bits of blue shell flying everywhere. “¡Hijo de puta!”

“What- ever,” Sierra said from beside him, brandishing what looked like a baby carrier. He looked at her quizzically. “It’s for your egg. Put it on.”

Alejandro did as he was instructed and slung the woven grass…thing over his shoulders, where it fit snugly. He put his egg inside, and smiled at the girl. It was one of the first genuine smiles he’d done in days.

“Sierra- you are truly talented!” He was thankful for having the foresight to choose her as an ally, but...something about her seemed much more tame. He faintly wondered if they would have been friends if they went to the same high school.

“Thank me later,” she said. “Now get…don’t get crackin’, actually. Get moving!”

He nodded, and dashed off towards Heather’s statue. Her golden tooth was blue- the color of his egg, and Alejandro happily plucked it out from her tooth gap, placing it in the woven holder. So it went- dropping Noah and Leshawna’s eggs if he found them, and handing Sierra an egg that he found nestled in Geoff’s hat. There was an especially satisfying moment when Noah yelped and the sound of shattered egg could be heard, followed by a loud curse in Tamil.

"Too bad there isn't any ham to go with your busted green egg!" Alejandro had called, especially proud of his insult.

"I hope your egg has a bird in it that pecks your eyes out!" was Noah's response.

As Alejandro walked up to Duncan’s statue, he grinned at the sight that awaited him. On top of one of Duncan’s earrings was a blue egg, precariously balanced on the piece of stone jewelry. Carefully, he scaled the punk’s head, delicately placing his limbs so the balance wouldn’t be upset. With a triumphant laugh, Alejandro reached up and grabbed the egg, putting it safely in the grass sling. “Sierra! ¡Ven aquí!”

From where she was shoulder-deep in Cody’s ear, she nodded in the affirmative, final red egg in her hand. She made quick time down the boy’s neck and collared shirt before hustling to where Alejandro was standing, trio of eggs secured.

“Got it?” she asked, and he nodded.

“Let’s go!” he said, and they broke out into a run towards the underground cavern’s opening.

He looked back to see Leshawna holding her purple eggs in Noah’s red sweater vest, tied in such a way that they were securely bundled. Next to her, rooting around Owen’s statue’s nose, was Noah, who had his teal button-down shirt off and tied up like his sweater vest. There were two green eggs in the makeshift basket, and the cynic happily pulled out his final one needed to go onto the next half of the challenge. He was sweaty, stripped down to his white compression shirt, and obviously stressed, but the happy smile he shared with Leshawna was dazzling.

“Um, hello? Man Over the Moon? Are you going to run through this creepy tunnel with me or has our alliance ended?” Sierra called from in front of him.

He startled, and his face flushed. “Sorry, amiga,” he said sheepishly. “Just seeing how far ahead of them we were.”

“Noah’s physical stats are very low,” Sierra said as she began to jog again, leaving the sunny island behind her as she entered the tunnel. “While you did blow some of our head start, the chances of him being the final one up to the top is very low.”

“One of your blog statistics?”

“Yep! I can’t wait to make your profile when we get back! Especially since we’re allies and all, I can get a more accurate stat breakdown!”

Curiosity spiked through Alejandro as the pair began to run up the incline. “Can I ask what my…stats are?”

“So far, I’m thinking that your physical stat is a perfect 5! Your social stat is a 4.5, just because Heather and Noah figured you out. Knowledge is going to have to be a 3, since you were clueless about Total Drama but can really think on your feet,” she wheezed. “Overall, you’re pretty well stacked!”

“Fantastic,” Alejandro huffed, slowing his pace down to allow himself to catch a breath. Sierra mirrored the change, and she looked at the ceiling.

“Y’know,” she began tentatively, “I’ve been thinking about what you said in the Serengeti.” She giggled. “Sorry, it’s just so crazy that I can say that! But, um, I think you were right. I don’t think I ever really loved Cody. Chris loves Chef, and I didn’t act like Chris at all!”

“That’s probably for the better, all things considered,” Alejandro said, feeling strangely proud of himself when Sierra chuckled lightly at his quick quip.

“I…I was obsessed,” Sierra said, a hand absentmindedly tracing figure 8 patterns on one of her egg's shells as she walked in tandem with her ally. “The whole world saw while I couldn’t see it, even though it was directly in front of me.”

“You know now,” Alejandro said, scanning the tunnel in front of him. "That counts for something."

She shook her head. “I know now, but the damage has been done. I mean, I have no friends at home. All of my friends are online, and my mom is head-over-heels for Chris after the divorce,” she said. "I'm tired of being alone, I guess. I thought that Cody was my chance to escape the loneliness."

Alejandro Joaquin Esteban Burromuerto, do not open your mouth. Father said not to say this, at any cost. You saw how it went with Noah. Do not say it.

“If it counts for anything,” he said softly, stopping in his tracks, “You can count me as an…IRL friend, Sierra.”

She smiled at him, wide and toothy, but not at all as manic as it had been days prior. “Really? I, the #1 Total Drama fan, friends with one of the most popular Total Drama contestants ever!?” There was an air of mock pompousness to her words, and it drew a chuckle from Alejandro.

“There’s only been three seasons and very poor competition for the ‘best contestant’ spot,” Alejandro replied, a sickeningly warm feeling blooming where his heart was. (He hadn’t eaten anything that could incite heartburn to his recent memory. Maybe he should ask De'shaya to direct him to the medical tent?)

She squealed with joy nevertheless. “Rookies on top, eh?”

Alejandro laughed and nodded. “Total Drama rookies on top, indeed.”

---

“I can’t believe that out ofnine children, I was the one that missed out on the athletic genes,” Noah huffed, chest heaving as he forced his feet to move up the incline.

“Even if you were athletic, this would still kill ya,” Leshawna replied, leaning against the underground cavern’s walls, wiping sweat from her brow. From ahead of them, a loud noise echoed.

“Did that sound like…” Noah began, and the noise resounded again.

“Sierra,” Leshawna finished. “And it sounded like "look out". I wonder why?”

Suddenly, a great rumbling noise filled the cavern, shaking silt and dust from the high dirt ceiling. A giant boulder came into sight, rolling directly towards them.

“Holy Jesus!” Leshawna pressed herself against one of the nooks of the mud walls, while Noah plastered himself into the many crannies available to him with a frightened yelp. The boulder continued down the tunnel, picking up speed as it went.

“So now we’re so cheap we can’t even think of original obstacles?” Noah deadpanned, loud enough that any hidden cameras would pick up the quip.

“Did you see the GoPro duct taped on that thing?” Leshawna asked, retaking their original path through the middle of the tunnel rather than scraping the sides.

“I did, and I’m not surprised. I had to order one for every intern when I worked as Chris’ assistant. So many GoPros, Leshawna. They're desperate for content.”

His ally chuckled, and they continued to walk in silence for a beat.

“So, sister to sister, what’s the dig on Alejandro?” she asked.

“Sister to sister? Is this a gay best friend/straight woman duo thing, or…?”

“Nah, we’re the Sisterhood of Traveling Eggs,” she said. “You have an honorary title, that’s all.” Noah laughed, and when he glanced at Leshawna and realized he couldn’t weasel out of her question, he sighed.

“I liked him, way back in the beginning. I was happy to have someone normal and intelligent on my team. Whatever, it was a crush, and I knew it wasn’t gonna happen since he was obviously interested in Heather. Except he decided to eliminate Owen, flirt with me, Duncan happened, sh*t snowballed, here we are. I still like him, no matter how hard I try or what he says. Intelligence and wit are two different things, and most people only have one or the other. He has both, and he had the personality and charm…attraction to someone like him was inevitable, and it’ll continue to be inevitable as long as we both are here. I’m a simple man, Leshawna, and sometimes the simplest things are the hardest to get rid of.”

“Damn,” she said. “Honestly, when I saw you two interacting when I was on the Aftermath…I was so mad at you. So, so, angry. I would talk with Bridgette all the time, screaming 'He knows! He knows! Why won’t he stay away?!' But…seeing you two, hearing you talk about him…it makes so much sense. He was never interested in me, or Bridgette, or Heather and I- we- knew it deep down. But after being eliminated because of him, my anger at myself just became resentment, towards him and Total Drama, and you a little bit. I couldn’t separate the game from him, and by extension I couldn’t separate him from you. And...you succeeded where I failed. Where Heather failed. He likes you, Noah. So genuinely, so deeply, so much I feel like a third wheel sometimes. And…I understand. I may never like him for what he did, but I’ll still like you, so I’ll play nice with your man, string bean. Though I might jump him after I win the money for the comment in the Serengeti.”

“Oh, he’s getting jumped either way for that,” Noah said as nonchalantly as he could, readjusting his headdress, hoping she couldn't see the tears pricking his eyes in the darkness of the tunnel. “I’m sure Owen’s having a hell of a time keeping Izzy and Eva from storming our set.” His voice was thick with emotion and tears, but she didn't comment on it, instead chuckling a little.

“We might have to settle on voting him out for now.”

“Yep. Worst case, there’s a tie between me and him. Best case, he’s packing his bags.”

Leshawna nodded. “I love the go-getter attitude you suddenly have.”

“Move it or lose it!” Sierra called from in front of them, her form quickly approaching. From behind her was Alejandro, lifting his legs to keep up with her, puffing.

“Aww, Alejandro broke his eggs? Maybe he can also break his winning streak!” Noah called as the pair booked it past them, wheezing as they ran.

“Here’s our chance!” Leshawna cried. “Their slings were empty and sorta…egg-y. They have to get their replacement eggs! C’mon Captain Cranium, let’s move it!”

“Captain Cranium?”

“Yeah, and I’m Lieutenant Leshawna. Now come on!”

“Did Sierra’s craziness rub off on you?”

“Just a little. What? Economy class got lonely!”

---

“Did…did you hear that, Leshawna?” Noah huffed as he continued to run as fast as he could (not very fast at all) up the tunnel.

“Hear what?”

“A bird cry. It was loud, and sorta coming from behind us?”

“Why on Earth would there be a bird in a tunnel?”

Noah looked backwards, and screamed- the one that got him made fun of for months on Tweeter after the last episode of Total Drama Island aired. “Move, move, move!”

Leshawna blanched and began to run without looking back, gripping her sweater-bag full of eggs close to her chest. “Why are we running?”

“Because there’s un enorme puto cóndor RIGHT BEHIND US!” Alejandro screamed, Sierra hot on his heels and shrieking shrilly.

A loud screech echoed from behind the teens, all of whom were running for their lives as the sound of giant wings flapping resounded throughout the underground cavern.

The contestants all screamed in tandem, picking their pace up as the light at the end of the tunnel came into view (the irony was not lost on Noah as he prepared for his imminent death). Chris and Chef were standing at the exit, gesturing wildly and talking animatedly about the statue of Chef next to them, not noticing the commotion.

Another screech resounded, and Noah screamed, “Don’t just stand there, close it!” as the Final Four left the dark, damp confines of the tunnel.

“What?” Chris asked, but Chef pushed the statue over the exit as the condor spread its talons. With a strangled cry, it flew into the statue, and dropped to the ground.

“Did we just kill an endangered species?” Noah gasped, putting his bundle of eggs on the ground as he doubled over, gulping in huge breaths of air, the others mirroring his motions in varying stages of exhaustion and breathlessness.

“Doubt it,” Chris said. “Now, since you guys ruined my fun AND surprise, I guess we should get ready for part two of the challenge, eh?”

Chapter 9: Rapa Nuisance (part 2)

Chapter Text

“You can’t possibly make us do a second challenge,” Noah heaved as he righted himself. “We just escaped death.”

“Noah, my man,” Chris said. “You broke into Area 51. A condor really shouldn’t be that much of an issue.”

“Can you at least let me catch my breath?”

“Nope! Alejandro, since you made it out first, you get this!” The host smiled as he brandished a catcher’s mask and tossed it to the villain.

“I…have to play baseball?” Alejandro asked, looking down at the object in his hands with an air of confusion around him.

“You think I’d let you get off that easy? Nah! You have to climb the rock pillar behind you and all the way up to…”

“A giant condor’s nest?” Alejandro gasped, turning around to look at the aforementioned rock pillar. A hand absentmindedly came to his well taken care of face in horror.

“You already know from experience that they can get pretty cranky. But, did you know that females are even larger than a dude bird?” Chris said with a chuckle as the contestants all blanched. To emphasize his point, a deafening screech echoed throughout the area as a shadow fell on the group of contestants. In tandem, the teens all looked upwards to see what was large enough to blot out the sun.

“That is not a bird,” Leshawna announced with a shake of her head. “That’s a whole dinosaur.”

“Birds are descended from dinosaurs, so I’m really not surprised that she has a twelve foot wingspan or so,” Noah told her.

“Nerd alert!” the host said. “C’mon, man, you gotta let me say the fun facts once in a while. This specific condoress has a wingspan of twelve feet.”

“So, like, two Alejandros wide?” Sierra asked, tapping her chin thoughtfully as she looked at the giant bird in the sky. Surprisingly, the Alejandro in question didn’t seem very phased by her knowledge of his exact height.

“Condoress is not a word, Chris,” Alejandro said, and the man in question rolled his eyes with a huff.

“Oh, Christ, two Alejandros?” Noah whispered, leaning into Leshawna. “One of them is enough for me.”

“You never know,” she whispered back. “Maybe one of them would be nice and would stop trying to beat you in challenges all the time.”

“Hey! Eyes up here!” Chris yelled. “Our mics aren’t good enough to catch whatever mean things you’re saying, so if you’re gonna smack-talk, save it for the confessionals! Anyways, mama bird up there is a little peeved at you, considering you guys stole her eggs and all, so now you guys have to shimmy up the nest and try to give ‘em back.”

“Where’s the fine print, McLean?” Noah called, looking at his bundle of eggs resting on the ground. “I didn’t work as your assistant to not pick up on your tricks.”

Chris smiled devilishly. “You guys have to do it in the order you arrived in. And, mama bird has even more eggs up there, so she’s a little…protective right now.” As if on cue, the condor reared its head back and let out an ear-splitting cry, causing the contestants to wince.

Alejandro put on the catcher’s mask with a “gracias”, before turning towards Noah and Leshawna. “The giant condor has been known to peck the eyeballs of predators, you know,” he said, pointing at his emerald green irises.

“Personally, I’m a fan of my eyeballs, though if they do get pecked out, at least I won’t have to see your ugly mug no more!” Leshawna huffed, crossing her arms and arching an eyebrow at the eel. Noah chuckled, and Alejandro’s eyes narrowed.

“Deposit all three eggs, and you win! If nobody makes it…we’ll try it again! Alejandro, since you managed to haul butt here the fastest, you’re up first,” Chris instructed cheerfully as the condor flapped its wings, sending a breeze down to the gathered contestants below. The teen rolled his eyes at the fake pleasantness, but nevertheless strutted up to the starting line.

“Oh! One last thing!” Chris said.

“Good God, what now?” Noah griped.

From who-knows-where came the customary ding! of the music bell. Everyone groaned, Alejandro the loudest of them all.

I’m tall, I’m tanned, I’m young, I’m handsome, he began as he started to scale the stone pillar, one hand over the other.

“And humble,” Noah snarked to Leshawna with a grin.

So, hush my sweet condor,

Let me win this one, please! The teen finally got up to the nest, head popping up above the straw and sticks surrounding the non-dyed eggs. Alejandro held up the first egg, and then blew a kiss to Noah as the condor began to tentatively peck at his face to no avail.

So try, attack me! But, I won protection. The singer put the first egg into the nest as he ignored the condor’s pecking.

“Oh, how I hate that man!” Noah hissed, face flushing as he heard the obvious allusion.

I don't feel that pecking.

So, save your objections.

Give up, now, condor,

Say goodbye to the final three! Alejandro was so busy trying to get his egg out of the holder and into the nest that he didn’t notice the giant wing swung directly at him, and the feathers caught him in the chest with an oompf! The teen sailed through the air, landing on a thick makeshift pad of soft grasses.

“Since when do we care about our contestants?” Noah asked, surprised. “Injuries are always a hit. That was like, prime content by Total Drama standards Chris just missed out on.”

Alejandro’s last egg went sailing down after him, splatting on his face mask. A wail of “augh! Oh, no!” could be heard from the mat as eggshell flew everywhere.

Chris shrugged, a faint embarrassed tinge on his cheeks. “No use killing you guys off this late in the show. Next!” he commanded.

Leshawna rolled her eyes as she slung her bundle of eggs over her shoulder, tucking the ends into her bra straps. “This sucks, but it’ll have to do,” she sighed.

I, oh, I-I-I… Leshawna’s voice rang throughout the clearing, and Sierra whistled appreciatively.

I've got problems with condors! Problems with condors, Leshawna’s glare was pointed, and Alejandro scoffed as he got off of the grass mat, quickly eschewing his catcher’s mask and combing his hands through his hair.

Why, oh, why-y-y?

Is he not at home? I ponder… She made it up to the nest, where the condor was bobbing along to her song. Sweating a bit, she fumbled at her bra straps as she continued to sing, furiously attempting to grab the eggs at her back.

Trust me, oh, trust me-e!

I’ll get y’all out,

And I'll never see you agai-i-in!

The condor, mad that Leshawna didn’t have anything else to sing as she tried to put her first egg in, slammed its bald head against Leshawna’s stomach. With a grunt, the returnee player flew backwards out of the nest and onto the grass mat. Her bundle of eggs landed on her stomach, and she smiled. “None of them broke!”

“You get another chance later! But for now, I want Noah and Sierra to go at the same time. Maybe we’ll get a duet, but mostly we’ll stay in our thirty minute time slot!” Chris said from beside the padding.

“C’mon, Captain Cranium!” Leshawna called from where she was sitting on the mat, maneuvering herself into a sitting position.

Sierra adjusted her woven grass holder as she gripped the pillar, and began to haul herself up. She climbed a considerable distance up the stone, and Noah took Chris’ cue to begin the climb when she was a solid two-thirds of the way up. From above him, he heard Sierra sing along to the music.

I'm a finalist now, so don't be giving me flak! She reached the nest and addressed the condor as she pulled the first egg from her woven basket.

“Ballsy,” Noah muttered to herself. “Back-talking a female condor is something only a crazy girl like her could do.”

Cause my last chance just hatched, out of first class’ exit ha-atch!

So, hush, my sweet! she sang, placing it gently in the nest, grinning happily.

Let me into the final three!

Noah took her ending as his cue to begin.

How I really hate these birdies, he sang, focusing on putting one hand over the other and keeping his body stable.

And I wanna live to see my thirties, he added, watching Sierra go hurtling past him and towards the ground. Her eggs were all falling with her, and he heard them splat against the ground.

These, these feathered jerks, Noah huffed as he pulled himself up the final stretch of pillar before throwing an arm over the nest’s edge with a grunt.

They're bringing me strife,

And Alejandro? Noah looked down and saw the puppetmaster staring up at him with his arms crossed angrily, catcher’s mask abandoned on the ground.

I'm not your condor,

So for the last time:

Get a life! The condor was happily bobbing its head, and as it closed its eyes and swayed with the music, Noah dumped his bundle of eggs into the nest, not trying to stop the triumphant grin that spread on his face.

Yes! Thanks, my sweet condor, now I'm in the final three! The bird opened its eyes when he finished his song, and screeched loudly.

“sh*t,” Noah mumbled, and rolled his eyes. “At least there’s a mat down there.” With a “hup!”, Noah jumped from the nest’s edge, gripping the edges of his shirt as he threw his button down open, and prayed desperately that the wind would pick up.

His prayers were answered, and the shirt ballooned out. Instead of hitting the grass at fifty miles an hour, he only hit it at forty-five, grunting on impact. From above him, the condor shrieked again and took off, blotting the sun out with its massive body.

“Noah takes the win!” Chris cried upon Noah’s landing, throwing his hands up happily. From behind him, Alejandro glowered and Sierra looked put out, sighing as she fidgeted with the tail end of her braid. Leshawna walked over and helped heave Noah to his feet, patting off any stray grass strands stuck in his hair.

“Well, folks, that was our super amazing Rapa Nui challenge!” the host said, facing the teens. “You guys can hobble back to the plane and vote!”

Noah stretched with a groan as his back popped. “Can we vote you out for making us do this?”

“Unless you’re in the actor's union, I’m untouchable, Captain Cranium,” Chris taunted.

“Ugh, let’s go before that condor eats us for stealing her eggs,” Sierra said, turning on her heel and walking away from the stone pillar, Alejandro next to her. The pair began to talk amongst themselves quickly and quietly as they receded from Noah’s vision.

“Can’t let ‘em get too far away,” Leshawna said. “Or else they’ll notice when we begin to eavesdrop.”

Noah laughed. “Lead the way, Lieutenant Leshawna.”

---

Alejandro looked at the passport laying on the countertop in front of him. It was open to Noah’s photo, his all-knowing smirk on full display. In Alejandro’s hand was the red stamp, and he looked down at it. Its handle was slightly slick due to the amount his palms had sweat.

I, Alejandro Burromuerto, getting so worked up over voting? Something I’ve done twenty times?

He could hear his brother, right against his pierced ear. The feeling was painfully familiar. “You’re pathetic, Al. You can’t even do a simple vote? Here, let me help you,” José said. Alejandro’s hand moved of its own accord, bright red ink stamping a large ‘X’ on the irritatingly endearing smirk.

“See? How easy was that?” José purred, laughing that mocking laugh of his that always managed to reduce Alejandro to nothing in the eyes of his parents. Alejandro said nothing, staring silently at the marred passport. He felt everything and nothing at all, eyes blankly locked onto the paper in front of him. “I asked you a question!” José snapped, anger searing through every word.

“It feels awful, it was that easy,” Alejandro muttered, imagining Noah’s face when he would have to put the backpack on and take the Drop of Shame. The look of disappointment and hurt made Alejandro’s heart ache, throb with shame as he forced the vision from his mind. “It’s not like we’re pressed for a million dollars.”

“It’s not about the money, Al!” José yelled. “It’s about the fact that you were dumb enough to go on this show, throw our family’s name around, and then expose yourself as a nasty little cheater- and then as a nasty little queer! So vote for him, every time! Do not rest until you get him out! Your window for getting him out of the finale with you is closing, and if you are bested one more time by a boy with more sisters than class than I will see to it that Mother and Father never let you in our house again! It was never about the money, Al, it was about the family!”

“I hate the family!” Alejandro shouted, squeezing his eyes shut as the outburst resounded throughout the cramped bathroom, painfully loud and ringing in his ears. When he opened his eyes, he realized that he was alone, and that the red stamp had clattered to the floor. Shame coursed through him as he bent down to pick it up, trying to shake the unease from his bones, forcing the phantom of his brother out of his mind and out of the confessional area.

The stamp now safely back on its ink pad, he looked at the passport. Noah’s face still had the giant X over it. Alejandro stared for a few seconds more (though it easily could have been hours), and silently left the confessional.

---

“Alrighty!” Chris said, leaning on the podium as he looked at the teens sitting on the wooden benches. “You guys have voted. Time to read out who’s taking the Drop of Shame to-night!” He grabbed the first passport and flipped it open. “One vote for Sierra.” Alejandro scoffed as Chris looked at the next passport. "One vote for…Leshawna. One vote for Sierra…and one vote for Noah."

“What!?” Sierra gasped. “A blindside!?”

Covertly, Noah and Leshawna bumped their fists together as Alejandro whipped his head in their direction, snarling as Sierra got up from her seat to take the Drop of Shame.

“Sierra, sit back down,” Chris said, putting a hand up.

“What?” Leshawna asked, and Noah simply raised an eyebrow.

“It was just a reward challenge, dudes!” the host said, throwing the passports behind him as he slumped over the podium like a fat, lazy cat. He grinned up at them from where his head was resting on his arms. “Per usual, our winner gets to stay in first class with the person of their choice. Noah, who’re you takin’?”

“Is this even a question? Leshawna, obviously-” he began, but Chris waved his hand in the air.

“Don’t care! Alejandro, since you won the challenge’s first half, you get to go to first class with Noah!”

“I’m sorry, what?” Noah asked as Sierra cried, “No WAY!”

Chris snickered. “If you guys could boost our ratings by singing at each other, who knows what wonders you can do in close quarters for over 24 hours together?”

“Where in the rulebook does it say you can do that?” Noah demanded.

“It’s not in the rulebook,” Chris said. “It’s in the title. AKA, my title. That says I’m the host and I can do what I want.”

“Chris, I will sic Courtney on you like a vulture on a dead corpse. Specifically, the dead corpse of your career,” Noah warned.

“Oh, that is it!” the host yelled. “I am tired of you bossing me around and threatening me with lawsuits. Your punishment is first class with Alejandro!”

“Am I really that bad?” muttered Alejandro quietly.

“Well, you did get Leshawna and Bridgette kicked off the show,” Sierra replied.

“True.”

Chris pointed a finger at Noah. “Only you, Mudaliar. Only you would fight about first class.”

“Ugh!” Noah cried, and threw his hands up. “This f*cking show.”

“This show gives you a whole lotta money, Mudaliar. You’re getting paid big bucks for even being in episodes, so stop your complaining and grab some first class grub!” the host said, narrowing his eyes. “Get going, eh?”

Noah hauled himself to his feet. “Ugh, fine. At least it won’t taste like Chef’s omelettes du fromage.”

Sierra shrugged. “They didn’t taste too bad to me,” she said.

“Maybe get the inside of your mouth checked,” Leshawna advised. “If Chef’s cooking doesn’t taste bad there’s most likely something medically wrong with you.”

The purple haired girl giggled, but out of the corner of her eye, spied Alejandro making to leave. “TTYL, guys! I gotta go make sure the rats in economy class hasn’t seen my secret stash yet!” She leaped up, and followed Alejandro out of the elimination room.

“Holy hell, she wouldn’t know the word ‘sneaky’ if it crept up on her and bit her in the ass,” Noah snarked as the door closed.

---

“Alejandro?” Sierra called, and he sighed. Leave me alone. Please. “Alejandro, what’s wrong?” She tentatively reached out and touched his shoulder, and he whipped towards her.

“What?” he ground out through grit teeth. “What do you want?”

She flinched, looking shocked at his display of frustration and aggression, and slightly crestfallen. “I…I heard you in the bathroom confessional. You sounded like you were talking to someone. I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” she said, voice less bright than he had ever heard it.

Because the universe was out to get Alejandro, he felt his heart soften at the sight of her. She really is trying to be my friend against all odds, isn’t she? Even so close to the finale, where we have to start only looking out for oneself, she cares. Not in a “trying to get facts for my blog” way. She…she genuinely wants to be my friend.

A friend. How long has it been since someone has seen me for me, without José tainting their vision of me, or trying to get with me, or take advantage of the family name? How long since I have had a friend?

Images of Tyler, laughing and joking with him over breakfast before a challenge, flashed through his mind. Of Noah’s rolled eyes and silent chuckles as another contestant did something stupid, shared jokes reserved only for Alejandro's ears. Of Heather, complimenting him while insulting him over breakfast. Of Cody, sharing his sweets in first class. Of Sierra, sitting next to him in first class and showing him episodes of Total Drama, smiling giddily as she got to tell him about something she loved.

Alejandro's resolve and self loathing shattered, and his shoulders sagged. There is no point in denying it. I...do not want to end this friendship.

“I…I have a brother,” he said, looking at the ground and doing something his mother had long since eradicated from him: he allowed his hair to fall in front of his face, a preemptive shield from Sierra's judgmental stare.

Sierra’s eyebrows quirked up, and she gave a quick smile before frowning with concern. “I think you’re gonna tell me something, like, super huge so let’s move to the cargo hold to chat so no one can hear us and we won't be recorded.”

Alejandro gave a weak smile. You moron, why didn't you think of that? What? Were you just going to cry in a public hallway? You fool!

“Good idea.”

They walked in silence to the cargo hold, only passing a stray intern or two on the way over. Sierra swung the heavy door open, and Alejandro saw the cargo box he had had his breakdown on days ago. It honestly felt like years, chapters of his life that had long since been concluded. His ally sat down across from him on the floor, legs criss-crossed like an elementary school student. She looked up at him, raptly focused on her friend.

“I have a brother named José,” Alejandro said once the girl was settled. “I assume you know that.” Sierra nodded, and he continued. “He is exactly one year and one day older than me. He wears blue, and thinks higher of the dirt he walks on than of me. He says, ‘at least the dirt has a purpose and knows its place’.” Alejandro's throat felt thick, clogged with emotions and memories too long kept in solitary storage.

“Take all the time you need,” Sierra offered, and then shrunk in on herself. “Sorry for interrupting.”

“Oh, no, you are completely fine. Nevertheless, José is our parents’ favorite. He does everything better than I, whether that be sports, or academics, or simply any aspect of life. Anything I achieve, he has already done, and ranked higher. I am well on my way to being class valedictorian, but he has already done it, and with a higher GPA. Simply knowing he is better is not enough, however,” Alejandro said, feeling ragged just at remembering his life at home. “He hates me. Torments me. Calls me Al, mocks me, tells my parents and teachers what a failure I am. Sierra, this show was my chance. My chance to do something great, all by myself, with no precedent. But I failed.”

“You didn’t fail!” Sierra exploded, cutting him off. “You out-played Heather! You orchestrated more eliminations than any other contestant, ever! You’re like, the best player ever! Peak Total Drama!”

“Thank you,” he said. “Except, my strategy failed. I was to be sneaky and untraceable. Get people out, but have the masses be none the wiser. I was called an eel, Sierra! Heather knew and tried to warn others. And Noah knows, and so does Leshawna and the whole world! My father is a politician, Sierra. If I, the youngest Burromuerto, is this slippery and tricky, willing to cheat, how do you think my family will fare in the Aftermath? And, I admitted to being in love with another boy, singing and dancing out my feelings like some sort of court jester. My brother…he will torment me, and I will have earned it. That’s…who I was talking to in the confessional. I think jet lag and constant spikes in adrenaline have caused me to hallucinate.”

Sierra’s eyes welled with tears, and she all but jumped off the ground to hug Alejandro. Her arms were thick and solid with muscle, and they held him tightly. Securely. It felt like what a friend’s hug was supposed to feel like, and Alejandro buried his teary eyes in the junction between her neck and shoulder. Sierra said nothing, but he knew that she understood.

José could never ruin this for me.

Chapter 10: Drumheller Dilemma

Chapter Text

“Good thinking on the Sierra blindside,” Noah said as he leaned against the filthy economy class walls. “I can’t believe Chris pulled the rug out from under us like that, though. I guess we were due for a reward challenge, all things considered.”

Leshawna sighed and shook her head from where she was pacing back and forth through economy class. “Thanks. Even though it didn’t work, at least we learned something worthwhile.”

“Which would be?”

“That Alejandro and Sierra are most definitely friends, not just allies. We won’t be able to get her to vote him out unless something extreme happens.”

“Which is a problem ,” Noah said. “She’s his ride-or-die, and they’re gonna take each other to the finale, no matter what. Sierra knows that we’re after her- and if she didn’t, Alejandro told her just now. I’m sure she’s going to do everything in her power to win the next challenge.”

Leshawna nodded. “We need to make her turn on him. If he thinks Sierra is on the chopping block, he might get sloppy with his strategy for the next challenge.

“It’s a shame she’s a decent human being now. We used to be able to manipulate her just by saying Cody’s name. Now, not so much,” Noah sighed as he carded a hand through his hair. “I wonder what he said to her to make her a functioning member of society?”

“Anyone who goes on Total Drama will never be a functioning member of society,” Leshawna said, sitting down next to him with a huff.

Noah barked a laugh. “That’s true. I mean, look at us. A couple of savages, we are. I’ll never be able to adjust.”

“I fear for anyone that’ll have to go up against Courtney once she passes the bar exam. The girl’s a monster now, but with a license to practice law...we’re all screwed.”

“Speaking of screwed,” Noah said as he leaned forward, “I have to spend the flight with Alejandro since Chris has decided to milk our tension for all it’s worth. Can you believe it? Stuck in first class with the Latin Loser himself?”

“I bet he’ll bring Sierra in with him. He knows he needs to keep her under his thumb no matter what.” Noah stood up, extending a hand to his teammate. “Leshawna, how would you like to spend your flight in a state of the art, all expenses paid, first class cabin?”

“I never thought you’d ask, hon.”

---

Alejandro and Sierra were sitting on the couch with the sleek black laptop in between them when the door suddenly swung open. Clicking pause, the pair looked up to see Noah and Leshawna enter the room, talking quietly as they sat down, barely sparing a glance at their competition. Sierra looked at Alejandro, eyebrow raised in an unspoken question, and he shrugged. If they want to play that game, so be it.

Sierra nodded and leaned forward, hitting the space key, and their show continued playing. “Queens, we have a guest judge with us tonight. He’s fierce, he’s fancy, he’s a Gemmy award winner… it’s none other than Chris McLean!” The laptop’s speaker wasn’t the best but nevertheless, the show’s audio blared throughout the room.

From across the cabin, Noah and Leshawna looked at the laptop, their conversation effectively silenced.

“Are you watching season nine of The Ridonculous Drag Race? ” Noah asked, face incredulous as Sierra paused the show once more with a huff.

“I didn’t know Chris guest starred on a drag show,” Leshawna said faintly.

“How did you know what season we were watching?” Sierra asked, crossing her arms.

Noah sighed, shaking his head. “...My sister competed that season.”

“I thought they didn’t allow women to compete,” Alejandro commented, drawing from his very limited knowledge of the show. His family didn't allow him to watch such T.V., but enough people at school watched it for him to understand the premise.

“They don’t. Aamani transitioned shortly after her stay on the show. My mom was overjoyed that she got the eldest daughter she always wanted, albeit about twenty four years delayed or so," Noah replied.

“Wait. Wait. O.M.G, your sister is THEE Tamillion To One!?” Sierra gasped suddenly, looking down at her laptop, awestruck. “How did I not make the connection until now!?”

“The very same,” Noah said, voice as flat as ever, but there was a twinkle of pride in his eye. “Aamani doesn’t like to talk about her time on the show since she has major dysphoria from that time in her life, and I never really had a reason to bring it up ‘till now.”

“Come over here! We have got to watch this season together, guys!” Sierra said, motioning the two over, almost hitting Alejandro in the process as her giddiness rolled off of her in waves.

The allies looked at each other with raised eyebrows, and Leshawna shrugged. “Why not. I wanna see Chris judge on this show anyway.”

As the pair got up from their seats, Alejandro leaned over. “Should we really be so buddy-buddy with them? They did just try to vote you out,” he whispered.

Sierra shrugged. “It’s a game, Alejandro. While it did hurt my feelings, it’s just to get a million dollars, not ‘cause they, like, hate my guts. Well, Noah might, since he was friends with Cody. This is me showing them that I’m sorry for how I acted and that I want to be friends with them,” she whispered as the two in question sat down, forcing Alejandro and Sierra to scoot down the length of the couch.

The teens crammed themselves together on the couch after a short bout of rearranging and shuffling. Leshawna and Sierra were on the ends, with Noah and Alejandro awkwardly shoulder-to-shoulder. Sierra’s laptop was balanced precariously on both Noah and Alejandro's laps.

It was the most human contact Alejandro had had in a long while, and even though the people he was next to were actively trying to vote him away from a million dollars, he was strangely content. They knew who he was, and were still okay with watching The Ridonculous Drag Race with him.

“Where did you even get this thing, anyways?” Noah asked, snapping Alejandro out of his daydreaming. “I thought we weren’t supposed to have any sort of electronics.”

“De’shaya gave it to me,” Sierra explained. “I was going through, like, major blogging withdrawals and begged her for something- anything. I haven’t been using it to cheat, though! Or buy a new life on Craiglist, since this thing is baby proofed. We can only watch T.V. and movies on this, and the current season of Total Drama has been blocked.”

“And here I’ve been reading Anna Karenina instead of getting my fill of trashy reality T.V.,” Noah drawled.

“You’ve been missing out, cerebrito,” Alejandro said, his mouth moving quicker than his brain, the pet name slipping out. He stiffened, and chanced a glance at Noah, who seemed to be relatively fine with the name. Alejandro allowed his posture to relax, ever so slightly.

“Go to the bathroom now or forever hold your peace,” Sierra said, reaching for the keyboard. No one moved, and she nodded once before letting the show play.

---

The teens were roaring in laughter as Chris spoke from his spot on the judges’ panel, wearing a bright baby blue suit and gold jewelry, outdated eye makeup on full display.

“Oh my God, ” Leshawna said breathily in between bouts of giggles. “Did Chris actually just say that?”

Alejandro snorted, smiling despite himself. “Yes, and I hope he never says it again.”

“Slay the day away, my divine divas,” Sierra said in an uncanny impression of the host, and the group dissolved into raucous laughter once more.

“Did you see Donatella Quixote’s face when he said that?” Noah said, erupting into a peal of laughter.

His laugh was a lower tone, and Heather had once described it as a “taunting, evil chuckle”- but Alejandro didn’t hear it at all. Noah’s belly laughs were higher in tone than his regular laugh, but breathy and light; almost a cackle as he clutched his stomach and squeezed his eyes shut as the group cracked jokes mercilessly, adding on and bouncing off of each other easily. Noah's laugh was enchanting- Alejandro had only ever heard him truely belly laugh a few times, when Owen was still on the show. It had been a while since Noah had laughed this openly.

The moment was interrupted by Sierra, still slightly breathless from giggles. “Okay, okay, I have to ask this. Who’s got the worst outfit?”

“Oh, Tigris Von Pelt, definitely,” Leshawna said without missing a beat. “The coat was fine, but the jumpsuit…oh, Lord, my eyes!”

“No way,” Noah said. “Anya Rism’s entire ensemble is vile. My little sister Kelyani is red-green colorblind and could do a better job than her.”

“Personally, I still think Chris’ suit from three episodes ago was the worst,” Alejandro said with a small wave of his hand, shuddering as the image of a leopard print and neon pink getup came to the forefront of his mind.

“I gotta second that,” Sierra said. “Even though Dyna Might’s dress made me wish I was blind and deaf, Chris’ suit really blows everyone else out of the ugliness water.”

Noah snorted. “I dare you to tell him that before we start the next challenge. I’m sure he’ll just be overjoyed to hear your opinion.”

“Yeah. He’ll show how much he loves my thoughts and feelings on his judging stint by, like, disqualifying me or something,” Sierra said with a good natured roll of her eyes.

Noah put the laptop fully onto Alejandro’s legs, standing up and stretching with a groan. “Sorry, guys, I gotta go to the bathroom,” he said, sighing contentedly as his back popped.

“Have fun!” Sierra said as Noah walked out of the room. He didn’t turn back around, but Alejandro saw Noah’s head shake, a small chuckle reaching the group. He left the room quietly, and Sierra also got up.

“I’m gonna get some snacks and drinks when we start again. It’s, like, totally cool we all get to sit together and watch T.V. as the Final Four!” she chirped before heading over to the bar area to rummage around for the good snacks the interns would sneak in.

Alejandro exhaled heavily, letting his head fall against the back of the couch. He closed his eyes for a second, letting himself have a moment of peace, before opening his eyes again. Glancing to his side, he saw Leshawna looking at him.

“Did you need something?” he asked cooly. Even though he had managed to stay civil with Leshawna, he knew that all was not well between them. He had seduced her and gotten her booted, and then she had to learn that he never even meant it at all. She had been gunning to get him voted out for a while, and he hadn't been one-on-one with her...ever, since she returned. Who knew when and how she was going to get her revenge.

“Just thinkin’. You started out this show as mean as a junkyard dog, flirtin’ and charmin’ your way through each challenge. Look at ya now, eel boy. I think I mighta heard a genuine laugh somewhere in there.” A small smile played on her lips as she stretched her shoulders. Something about her tone was painfully sisterly, an older sibling that Alejandro never had.

Immediately, Alejandro felt his hackles rise, a need to retort what she said, to disprove it. I don’t care for any of you! I’ll use you to get what I want, you’re all just a stepping stone! A hurdle to jump to get to the million!

“I don’t understand why you all think I hate everyone here. I don’t, but sometimes it seems as if I am the only one who comprehends that there is a million dollars on the line.”

Leshawna crossed a leg over her lap, resting a hand on her ankle. She looked down a second before speaking. “This…is our last hurrah, Alejandro. We’re old news by now- this is our third rodeo. I mean, they had to add a gimmick to the season to keep it interesting. A million dollars is really nice, but this game isn’t worth a million dollars if you think about it. I mean, you’ve been getting sh*t sleep on a Jumbo Jet for a few months now. You haven’t seen your family, you could get hurt at any moment, and there’s no guarantee of you winning. A lot of us are here to compete, but also to spend time together since we’re from all over Canada and don’t get to see each other during the school year. We know that if this god forsaken show does manage to get renewed, we aren’t returning, so us Island folks are just trying to have as much fun as we can. We’re all a little too used to losing, here. You and Sierra aren’t- besides Heather and Courtney, I’d bet that you were the most serious competitors here. You haven’t had a dream of a million dollars destroyed because of a single misstep or vote.”

I’m much too used to losing. That’s all my life has been- one continuous joke, one ongoing unwinnable game. You don’t even know the half of it. “I see. That…is understandable.”

Sierra came back to the group, arms laden with food and drink. “Where’s Noah? Did he fall in or something?”

---

“I hate this f*cking show,” Noah sighed forlornly. “I hate it! I hate Sierra, I hate Leshawna, and I hate Alejandro! I need to win this, but I can’t! I just spent hours with them, laughing and talking! Even Sierra, who terrorized Cody…I don’t absolutely hate her now that she’s not acting so absolutely deranged. Hell, I could consider her a friend! But I just…I have to win this. For Ruby. For all of my other sisters. I can’t have come this far for nothing, get thwarted by my feelings now. But how? How? How am I supposed to beat Leshawna after being her ally all the way up until the final three? What if I make it to the finale with her, and I manage to win? I’m not dumb enough to delude myself into thinking we’ll still be friends. Any chance I had with Alejandro after this show wraps up will be ground into dust if I win, or if I vote him out. This entire show is a no-win situation. We're all doomed to end up like Heather.”

Noah looked at the camera sitting on the countertop. Ruby would have found a way to get this far without hurting others’ feelings for beating them. She would know what to do. She was good at this stuff. Why did they choose me? Why couldn’t it have been me? I was the least favorite Mudaliar anyways. The only boy in a family full of kind, smart, funny girls. Why aren’t you here, Ruby?

The camera said nothing.

“Can you believe that I care about them? Because I certainly can’t. I only wanted ONE ally- Owen! Look what happened. Now I have a boy who was smart, charming, funny, and handsome, and I had to turn him down and say it was all an act. I have a friend in Leshawna, but she’ll either have to dump me to get the million or I’ll have to betray her to get the million instead. Sierra has no qualms about grinding me into the dirt, and I had no qualms about manipulating her out about six hours ago, and that’s supposed to be totally okay and understandable on this show! I made the mistake of knowing right from wrong on this show, and now it’s going to screw everything up. I’m going to screw everything up, because me being on this show was just one cosmic screw up.” Noah’s chest was heaving as he went silent, looking at the hands he had folded in his lap.

Silently, he got up from the toilet seat and left the confessional, letting the door softly click closed behind him.

---

“A ten point landing, as per usual, Chris,” Noah said as he exited the plane on wobbly legs, Alejandro behind him and similarly shaken up. The shorter boy looked behind the landed plane at the rock formation sliced off by the wing of the plane, and then grimaced at the host who was smiling widely.

“Thank you very much, Noah! My husband is a very talented pilot, I know,” Chris said smugly, hands on his hips.

The teens all lined up in front of the cameras as they had so many times before, and Alejandro looked around. Rust colored dirt, red rock, orange canyons, and a yellow sky. It was beautiful, most likely a state park of some sort, and the air was refreshingly crisp as Alejandro took a deep breath in.

“Welcome to Drumheller, Alberta, which is a world heritage site. It has the wickedest collection of dinosaur bones in the planet! In front of you is a pit full of super awesome dino bones. Grab whatever bones you can find to make a lifesized dino. I’m calling this challenge… Designosaurus!”

The contestants all groaned in disgust, and Noah rolled his eyes. “More like designo- nauseous.”

“Ugh, none of you recognize talent!” Chris whined. “Anyways, you have two minutes to rifle through the plane’s cargo hold and nab whatever you can to help build your creations. And…go!”

The teens all broke out in a mad dash towards the plane. Sierra was the first one in, practically diving headfirst into one of the many crates gleefully.

Alejandro looked around the open cargo hold, taking stock of what was offered as Sierra cheered, resurfacing with laden arms.“Glitter glue…stickers…puffy paint…I hit the jackpot!”

“Um, I thought we were making dinosaurs, not grade three art projects,” Noah drawled as he walked through the cargo hold, eyes flicking over the items offered for the challenge.

“And I thought we were doing a challenge, but it seems you missed that memo,” Alejandro called out as he picked out a spool of thin but sturdy wire.

Noah simply rolled his eyes and disappeared behind one of the shelves.

---

“Honestly, I didn’t expect this to work out so well,” Noah muttered to himself, stepping back to look at his handiwork. “I thought Chris was just exaggerating when he was talking about how many bones were here.”

His dinosaur was a historically accurate replica of an Aquilops, a medium sized bipedal dinosaur that he had spent an extremely long time getting to stand up on its own on a small ionic display column he had found. “Not bad, huh, little buddy?”

“Alright!” Chris bellowed, thoroughly interrupting Noah's thoughts as he strutted towards the work area, all of the teens turning to face him. “Time’s up! Now we can begin our amazing tour through the ages of imaginary dinosaurs. Al, you’re up first.”

Alejandro smirked as the contestants all made their way towards him and Chris. It seems he also went the replica route. Did he use the wire he found in the cargo hold to keep the joints together?

“I can do much better than imaginary, Chris,” Alejandro said proudly. “This is the allosaurus- and I’m not making that up, either.”

Leshawna gave out a low whistle while Sierra gasped in amazement. “That thing’s huge. How’d you get it done so fast?”

Alejandro smiled even wider, placing his hands on his hips. “A Burromuerto never divulges his tactics.”

Chris chuckled. “That one’s gonna be hard to beat right out of the gate. Leshawna, show me what ya got!”

Leshawna smiled as she led the group over to her dinosaur. “Puh-lease. I can totally do better than some extinct bozo. You’re gonna love this one, man. It’s called the Chrisceratops! A little bit about this funky dino is that the Chrisceratops was a feared hunter and a real hit with the ladies. What do you think?” She had arranged her bones into a more human-esque skeletal form. On top of the spinal column was a canvas painted with Chris’ face, and Noah had to give it to her- she did a good job at capturing his likeness. The real Chris McLean was smiling widely as he peered up at it.

“Uh, I love it! L-U-V-E it! Even though I would just pick the winner now, management says I can’t do that anymore. Nerdy Noah, what’d you cook up?”

“Nothing, just the Aquilops, a small ceratopsian dinosaur,” Noah said as nonchalantly as he could as he led the group over to his small display. The Aquilops were only about two feet long and three pounds heavy, so the skeleton was light and easy to put together.

“That’s actually…sorta cute,” Sierra said as she observed the fossil, walking a full circle around it.

“I didn’t take you for a dinosaur guy,” Alejandro said as he also took a lap around the display column, eyes flicking over the bone construction.

“IQ of 180,” Noah reminded him. “Also, every little boy had a dinosaur phase. Mine was a little more…intense.”

“Harold would be proud,” Chris said as he leaned forward to look at the dinosaur. “Impressive, Noah! Sierra, wrap us up.”

She smiled and skipped over to her creation. It was a triceratops skull on top of rib bones, and going through its middle were femurs to look like some sort of crack. The whole thing was covered in pink glitter glue and puff paint, and stuck on one of the triceratops’ horns was a party hat.

“This,” she said dramatically, “is the Broken Heartasaurus. It’s a tribute to all those who have been hurt by those they love.”

“Can I ask why it’s wearin’ a party hat?” Leshawna asked.

“Because it’s Cody’s birthday today,” Sierra said forlornly. “We couldn’t celebrate it together, but…I wanted to do a small, harmless little something for him anyways. No matter how much growth as a person I do, I’ll still always care a little bit for Codykins.”

“That’s…actually, in a strange way, sorta sweet,” Chris said. “But will it hold up? It’s judgment day here in Alberta, and we’re gonna see who’s dinosaur is enough to keep you from extinction! Your judges…each other, with the help of a downright shocking twist, of course!”

The host smiled maniacally as a team of interns wheeled... something out, a large white drop cloth draped over the large item. With a flick of their wrists, the cloth was removed and the medieval torture device was set on the ground.

“I thought we weren’t supposed to take things from the locations,” Noah deadpanned. “This thing looks like it was lifted out of the Tower of London.”

“It was not, but I appreciate the compliment, Noah. This, my dear contestants, is a lie detector! Noah, for the snarky comment, you’re up first.”

“Maybe I should have taken your advice in Australia and written my will,” he muttered as he clambered into the wooden seat. An intern lowered the metal helmet that looked more like a salon hair dryer onto his head. “Wow, a lie detector. Great idea, Chris,” he drawled, right as he felt electricity jolt through his body with a violent shudder. “Hey! Sarcasm doesn’t count as a lie!”

“Whatevs,” Chris said with a roll of his eyes. “All you gotta do is vote for your fave dino, and you can’t vote for yourself. And, as Noah just demonstrated, you might wanna tell the truth.”

“Leshawna’s Chrisosaurus was really nice-” Noah began, and yet another jolt of electricity rushed through him. When it stopped, Noah coughed. Was that smoke that just came out of my mouth? “Ugh, fine! I liked Sierra’s, since hers was really creative and fun to look at. Her tribute to love and loss was really well thought out and shows that she’s grown as a person.”

“Aww, thank you, Noah!” Sierra said, smiling happily as Noah got up from the electric chair and tried to hide his blush.

“Alejandro, your turn!” Chris said, and the diplomat's son primly sat down on the dirty chair. He looked up at the metal dome lowered onto his head with disgust before turning his eyes forward, towards the contestants.

“I really liked Noah’s Aquilops-” he began, but the chair activated and Alejandro seized in the seat for a second before gripping the armrests. He sighed. “I really liked Sierra’s because it conveyed genuine emotion. There.”

“So many liars on my show,” Chris huffed.

“Wow! I can’t believe my Broken Heartosaurus is so popular!” Sierra trilled as she took Alejandro’s place on the chair. She tapped a finger to her chin once she was strapped into the machine. “Hmm. I really liked Leshawna’s Chrisosaurus! I know my mom will totally make me build one in the yard this summer.”

“If you do, send me the pics, eh?” Chris said with a smile as the chair’s straps were loosened from around her arms. She bounded down and stood in between Noah and Alejandro, smiling brightly, but it seemed slightly forced.

She didn’t lie, but…she wasn’t happy about the truth. Maybe she doesn’t like Chris as much as she seems?

To confuse things even more, Alejandro subtly patted her back, quickly and gently, giving his ally a small smile as Leshawna let the interns strap her down.

“I really liked Noah’s Aquil-thing,” she said, smiling at Noah. He smiled back. “It’s really small and delicate, and it was impressive that he could even manage to make it anatomically correct in the first place, on such a small scale.”

“Aw, thanks,” Noah said sheepishly as Leshawna was released from the chair.

She shrugged. “I know good craftsmanship when I see it.”

“That’s so sweet! Don’t care!” Chris said. He smiled broadly. “Congratulations to Sierra for winning by popular vote! Your prize is a your very own…post digger!”

An intern jogged out and dumped the large handheld machine into her awaiting arms. She co*cked her head to the side, confused. “Um, I appreciate even just getting a prize, but…why do I need a post digger?”

“I’m so glad you asked! Basically, for this challenge, I was gonna have the interns bury barrels of sugar, spiders, maple syrup, and snakes, but because most of my interns are apparently illiterate morons, they instead buried our fuel reserves.”

“Oil…like, the stuff used for the plane?” Leshawna asked, crossing her arms as she leveled an unimpressed look at the host.

He sighed and put his hand on his forehead. “Yes. Don’t remind me. Anyways, today’s fun challenge is finding our oil barrels so we can get the heck out of here. First person to find an intact barrel and bring it to the plane gets first place and first class.”

Sierra looked at her Broken Heartosaurus. “Thanks for winning this for me!” she called, brandishing her post digger.

“Since Sierra got first, she gets a post digger. Noah, you got one vote, so you get a prospector kit. Leshawna, I hope you enjoy your plastic beach bucket and shovel. Alejandro, since you didn’t manage to get a vote, you get nothing.” An intern walked out of the plane’s cargo hold, passing out the items as Chris narrated.

“Drumheller is huge,” Noah said, leaning on his pickaxe's handle, twirling the small sieve on his finger. “How are we supposed to find a buried barrel of oil with just these tools?”

“That’s your job, dude, not mine! Anyways, as you guys search for our hidden treasures, Chef and I will be throwing and rolling boulders at you guys. As a fun twist, y’know how it is. Alrighty, folks…ready, steady, Serengeti!”

The teens all dashed away from Chris, out into the sandy desert of Alberta. Leshawna and Noah went one way, Alejandro and Sierra the opposite direction.

“Final Four, huh?” Leshawna said as they slowed their pace to a walk, far away from their competition. She scanned the dirt as Noah awkwardly rubbed his arm.

“Final Four, yeah…” he said. “I, um, was thinking, in the confessional, that…that since we’re the Final Four we should probably start looking out for ourselves. It’s not that I want to vote you out, it’s just that alliances are hard to keep up when it’s so crucial to ensure the survival of the individual in certain circ*mstances….” His words were coming out in a rush, tumbling over each other as he felt guilt and shame wash over him. Noah refused to look at his teammate, instead focusing on saying his piece.

“Hey, string bean,” Leshawna said gently. “I knew this day would come. I understand where you’re comin’ from.” She held a fist out, and Noah stared at it for a moment before bumping his bony knuckles against hers. “We don’t gotta help each other in challenges, but Alejandro is goin’ down,” she said. “No one as slimy as him deserves to go to the final three. We vote him out, and then we go to the finals, baby!”

Noah smiled, picking up his tool from where it fell on the ground. “Of course. I’m gonna…go over there,” he said. “Good luck.” He turned to walk away from Leshawna, pickaxe in hand, before facing her again. “And, uh, see ya in the final three, Leshawna.”

“See you in the final three, baby!”

Noah walked out farther into the dusty expanses of Drumheller, looking for a place that looked as if it had been disturbed by interns. As he searched, he saw a figure hunched on the ground, and he raised an eyebrow.

“Groveling in the dirt all by yourself, handsome? Nice to see you working hard for once,” he called, and Alejandro’s head whipped towards him. Noah stopped in his tracks upon glimpsing Alejandro’s expression: angry, his eyes wide and lips turned into a snarling frown.

Alejandro got up from where he was digging with his bare hands, clapping them together to rid them of dirt, sending small dust clouds into the air. “At least I’m actually doing something,” he said, voice strained as he jerked his head towards Noah’s clean pickaxe.

“I know. It’s crazy seeing you do work for yourself rather than flirting with people and getting them to do the work for you. I’m sure Bridgette and Geoff are enjoying seeing you dig in the dirt,” Noah said, voice conversational as he gripped his pickaxe a little harder upon seeing Alejandro’s expression only become more sour.

“And I’m sure you’ll enjoy watching the finale with them in the Peanut Gallery when you lose to the guy who groveled in the dirt,” he hissed.

Noah shrugged. “What, the meek will inherit the million dollars or something like that?” he joked as Alejandro went back to digging, folding his legs under him.

“I will win this or I will die trying,” the villain huffed. “I would rather die trying than simply get voted out so close to the end, because then my family could say that I died making them proud, even though I’m digging in the dirt like an animal.”

Noah scoffed a laugh, incredulous. “Dying? On reality T.V.? Over a couple of barrels of oil? I think your parents need a reality check if dying is the only way to make them proud.” His heart panged for Alejandro, seeing him practically manic with determination as he scooped handful after handful of dirt out of the hole he was digging.

“How dare you?” Alejandro asked, looking over his shoulder. “How dare you insult my family? You obviously don’t understand what it’s like to have a family name to uphold if my actions make no sense to you. I have put so much on the line to be here, and if I were to lose now I would shame all Burromuertos.”

“It’s not worth it,” Noah said simply, speaking from the heart. “Winning this…being here…isn’t worth it. You know, you’ll probably die trying rather than actually winning.” He spoke plainly, just stating another fact as he watched Alejandro’s back muscles move in a rhythmic manner. “Owen’s jaw has been broken, along with several other bones. Trent became manic with OCD. Cody was mauled by a bear, Tyler’s been injured more times than I can count. Heather went bald, Gwen hates herself, Duncan went back to juvie. Courtney’s apathetic, DJ’s a mess from anxiety, Lindsay has repressed memories. Geoff has trust issues, and Izzy’s on antipsychotics. I scheduled Chris for therapy every Monday and Friday. I…I have burn marks on the inside of my thighs from the Louvre.”

Alejandro looked at Noah, eyes flitting around Noah’s face to search for the lie. He won’t find one.

“You may be a bigshot at home, toting your family’s name around, but here? You’re just a body. You’ll probably die or get hurt so bad you wished you were dead before the million gets into your hands with the attitude you have now...and if you don’t? You’re going to spend the rest of your life wishing you never even sent in that damn audition tape.”

“Are you trying to scare me, Noah? Get me to throw the challenge and get voted out? Is that the best you can do?” Alejandro challenged, not halting his frantic digging.

Noah simply looked down at Alejandro’s sweaty, dirty face. A few strands of hair were stuck to his forehead as the green eyed boy squinted against the Drumheller sun. “You are strong, Alejandro. But when all of this is over and the cameras are away, you will be a husk of the man that managed to pique my interest so long ago.”

Noah hefted his pickaxe up to rest on his shoulder, ready to leave Alejandro and get to digging, to ignore the tight tugging feeling that hurt his heart. He took a shuddering breath in.

“I’m almost glad my sister’s dead so she didn’t have to go through this, you know? At least I was already cynical and an asshole. If I saw her become like me because of a stupid f*cking T.V. show, I don’t know what I’d do.”

Alejandro said nothing, eyes following Noah as he began to walk away, a breeze finally picking up and causing his soft brown hair to gently flow in the wind.

What the hell did I just say? Bringing Ruby up to Alejandro now of all times…God, he’s going to use it as blackmail or something. But…I’ve never seen anyone short of Courtney get that intense over a challenge. What the hell did his family do to him to make him think this way? Has…has he been under that level of pressure from his family the entire time?

Noah continued to walk, eyes roving the desert area for a place to start digging. “I can’t see a disturbance…the one time the interns actually do their job, and it’s when I need them to be lazy slackers the most. Ugh,” he huffed, stopping in his tracks. “Might as well start here and hope for the best, I guess.”

---

“Who does he think he is?” Alejandro muttered to himself as he scooped dirt of off the barrel, sitting pretty in the four-foot-deep hole he had managed to dig with his bare hands. His nails, which he took religious care of, had dirt and dust underneath them, and he was pretty sure he had smeared dirt across his cheek on accident about an hour ago.

In a separate, shallower hole was some vomit from when Alejandro realized that he had made a joke about Noah’s dead sister while in the Serengeti, and was so overcome with self-loathing and disgust that his body rejected the food he had consumed in first class as a way of punishing him for his callous arrogance. It had not been an enjoyable fifteen minutes as Noah's speech combined with the shameful reality of his actions almost broke down his desire to win.

“How dare he insult my family to my face…talking about the dangers of reality television as if his oldest sister didn’t almost win a reality T.V. show… aha! You can’t keep me down, Chris!” he cheered as the barrel finally loosened from the dirt on its sides. It was ready to be picked up and rolled to the Jumbo Jet, where immunity would be his and the million dollars was nothing short of guaranteed. “Mother…Father…you can’t be disappointed in me now,” he said, slightly breathless, as he reached toward the lip of the barrel to yank it from its Drumheller prison, as he heard a yell. Alejandro paused, swiveling his head around. “What was that?”

“Heeeelp!”

“Was that…Noah?” he gasped, getting to his feet and grunting a little. Sitting with his legs folded under him had caused them to fall asleep, and pins and needles shot through his legs with each step as he followed the sound of Noah’s distressed voice.

Mentioning his dead sister, information that he never trusted me enough to tell me about, revealed only to get me to quit this game…insulting the entire Burromuerto family’s work ethic when he doesn’t have the faintest clue of everything that’s hinging on me winning this show…oh, I’m going to enjoy this.

Even though he simply was going to check on Noah’s most likely very poor progress and gloat over what conundrum the brainiac had gotten himself into, Alejandro couldn’t repress the spikes of fear shooting through him at the thought of Noah possibly injured.

Alejandro continued to walk towards Noah, who was still yelling for help. A thin hand was waving from underneath a large boulder, and Alejandro cackled. A stone's throw away was Noah’s pickaxe lodged in the dirt, a pool of oil around it and spreading quickly. Faintly, Alejandro heard his laugh get more tinny and malicious, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. “Really, Noah? You, of all people, got stuck under one of Chris and Chef’s ‘fun surprises’?”

A head, covered in dirt and small rocks, popped up where the hand had been just a second before. Noah glowered at Alejandro. “Gloat all you want, eel. A little help would be appreciated,” Noah grunted, trying to push against the rock on top of him to no avail.

Alejandro sauntered over to Noah’s pickaxe.

“Do not touch that buried barrel, Alejandro,” Noah warned, voice laced with a threat. “I know you have a barrel of your own.”

“I might,” Alejandro said, leaning down towards Noah. “Or I might not. But what I do have confirmation of is that you could care less about me.”

“Oh yeah?” Noah challenged, glaring up at Alejandro as he tried to shimmy out from under the boulder futilely.

“Yeah,” Alejandro replied. “I thought you said you didn’t like me because it was all an act, and you know what? I actually let Sierra convince me you were just trying to play the game and throw me off mine. But based on your little speech a while ago, it really shows that you never liked me in the first place. Truly, your acting skills rival mine.”

Noah opened his mouth to retort, but from the very sky itself came the ding of the song button. Alejandro smiled widely as Noah screamed from the back of his throat in frustration.

I left…

Bridgette stuck to a pole, robbed Owen of his ginormous goal,

Made even Duncan lose control,

Now, I'm going to leave you wedged down in a hole, Alejandro sang, leaning back on the rock that was trapping Noah. His eyes widened in shock and hurt, and Alejandro ignored the fact that his heart was screaming for him to help Noah while his brain was demanding he leave before something stupid was going to happen.

This is how we will end it-

This game we have played!

This is how we will end it-

Your bill must be paid!

His victorious power ballad (possibly shaped from years of watching telenovelas with his mother), was interrupted by a gentle, almost sweet voice.

Oooooh, Noah sang, voice carried up to Alejandro, effectively shocking him into silence.

Shouldn't have gone too far,

Dragged your family name through the tar,

‘Cause I was only thinking of us not as friends-

But in combat!

“Do you think I’ll fall for that?” Alejandro scoffed, rolling his eyes as he tried to ignore the waves of hurt crashing through him. Combat? I was so much of a threat to him he considered us at war?

This is how we will end it-

This game we have played!

This is how we will end it-

Your bill must be paid! Alejandro sang in response, face furrowed as he looked at Noah, whose eyebrows were pinched as he began to sing, hands absentmindedly pushing at the rock on top of him as he listened to Alejandro's villain song.

Ooooooh!

I'm wedged in a hole- you know this ain’t right!

If I'm to go down, make a fair fight!

It's beneath you-ou, to abandon a rival in a ditch!

There’s right and there’s wrong; I know you know which is which!

Noah looked up at Alejandro, eyes pleading as the music paused. “P-please, Alejandro. You and I…no one’s done it like us. Our rivalry…our rivalry was real, no matter what other bullsh*t I said. You infuriate me, you can push all my buttons with three words, you can keep up with my mental gymnastics and intelligence. I’m your mental match, no matter what you think, and we both know it. Do you really want to win because I was stuck under a rock, and not because you finally outsmarted me, once and for all? Is that the victory you want? The win you want to be remembered for?”

I want you to remember me. To remember me as the boy you met by chance on a sh*tty reality T.V. show and loved. As the guy who managed to keep up with you, provide a challenge, spur you on to greater heights. I could care less about this stupid game we play; if it only means I can be a Burromuerto but still be with you. But…I can’t, and at the end of the day, I will be a Burromuerto first, foremost, and always.

Alejandro inhaled, getting to his feet as he sang.

I left...

Bridgette stuck to a pole, robbed Owen of his ginormous goal,

Made even Duncan lose control,

But I can't leave you…. Alejandro sang, walking over to where Noah’s pickaxe was lodged in the ground, freeing it from the barrel with a grunt.

...Wedged in a hole!

This is not how I’ll end it-

This game I made you play!

This is not how we'll end it-

But there's a bill to be paid!

Leaning his weight on the handle of the pickaxe, Alejandro managed to lift the rock up enough for Noah’s slender frame to scramble out of the hole and onto the safety of the ground. Alejandro released the pickaxe, and the boulder thudded back down onto the hole, covering it completely as Alejandro’s heart cheered and his brain screamed in frustration.

You pathetic, weak, sucker! If you can’t guarantee yourself a win now, how will you get the million? How do you even call yourself a Burromuerto if you can’t even follow the rules your family gave you when you came on this show?

Noah stood up on shaky legs, chest heaving as his breaths came out in puffs. He looked at Alejandro, and grabbed his shoulder lightly.

“Thank you,” he said, voice sincere. “I- I was being honest, just now. You and I…I’ve enjoyed our mental rapport, even though it’s been strained.”

Alejandro looked at Noah. “Show your appreciation by not voting for me for the rest of our time here.”

“I-”

Alejandro pursed his lips, stamping his emotions down. “Promise. So we can have our final victory together.”

“I won’t vote for you until we go to the finale together,” Noah said, voice defeated. "I promise."

Alejandro nodded, a small smile playing on his lips. “The grand finale together, huh? That’ll be one for the history books.”

Noah gave Alejandro a small smile back. “Yeah…yeah, it will be.”

---

Even though the majority of Noah’s barrel leaked on the ground as he rolled it to the plane, side by side with Alejandro, he didn’t find in it him to care all too much as they chatted about everything from the show they had watched (Alejandro, who wasn’t allowed to watch reality T.V., and certainly not queer reality T.V.) to the sheer helplessness of being stuck under a rock (Noah, from personal experience). A strange feeling of peace was over the two boys- through the many, many ups and downs they had gone through, they now were on tense but uneven equal footing. Alejandro had shot Noah in the foot by making him promise to not vote for him, but that was of little consequence.

“Sorry, boys, immunity’s already been snatched by none other than Sierra. You're tied for second,” Chris said as he took a bite from a hotdog. Beside him was Chef, flipping burgers on a grill, humming Stuck to a Pole to himself.

“What!?” Alejandro cried, straightening his posture. “Since when!?”

“Since, like, an hour ago,” Chris replied. “While you guys were busy monologing and singing to each other- again, by the way- Sierra got her barrel in. Oh, hey! Leshawna’s here too!”

Noah looked behind him to see Leshawna jogging, hunched over her barrel as she pushed one hand over the other. She raised a hand in a friendly wave as she halted the barrel’s steady roll forward, stopping next to the boys.

“Great, the gang's all here! Sierra’s like, making a cake or something, so go supervise Madam Reform as we set up a special something for tonight, okay?” The host said, taking another bite of the hotdog. "Chef, you really outdid yourself with this one!"

Noah and Alejandro looked at each other, and shrugged, leaving their barrels to two interns and walking up the gangway and into the cargo hold to join Sierra, Leshawna in tow. They could hear Chris and Chef conversing about grill techniques as they walked though the cargo hold's many shelves and luggage stacked on racks.

“So, why is Sierra baking a cake?” Leshawna asked as she caught up with the boys, walking in time with them as they passed through the Jumbo Jet’s halls.

“Do I look like Sierra’s keeper?” Alejandro said with an arched eyebrow.

“No, but if anyone had a chance of understanding her, it’s you,” Noah replied dryly. “I mean, what did you even say to her to make her…not obsessed?”

Alejandro smirked, and shrugged. “A Burromuerto does not divulge his tactics.”

Noah tsked. “Ah, you politicians, full of double talk and secrets.”

Leshawna chuckled as they followed the sound of Sierra’s cheery humming, pushing open the door to the kitchen.

“Oh, Chef’s gonna have an aneurism,” Noah said.

The kitchen was covered in a fine layer of flour as a stand mixer did its job, going around and around in a bowl as Sierra added pink food dye to a tub of frosting. Eggshells were discarded on the edge of the table, and a couple of tea and tablespoons were sitting in a small pile of baking soda. Simply put, the room was a mess. Sierra ducked down to check the over, and when she stood back up to her full height, she smiled.

“Hey, guys! I got here a little early, so I decided to make use of the extra time,” she explained as she grabbed oven mitts.

“Ooh, subtle brag,” Leshawna said. “Nice.”

She walked into the kitchen, and grabbed one of the many dish rags and began to wipe the counter down. Noah and Alejandro followed her lead, quickly jumping into action as they started grabbing measuring spoons and whisks, dumping them into the sink as Sierra placed the freshly baked cake on the table.

“Now, we let it cool,” she announced. “Can’t frost it ‘till it’s cool…what to do, what to do...oh! We can finish season nine of the Ridonculous Drag Race! Let me get the laptop!”She ran from the room like a bat out of hell as Leshawna finished mopping the countertop of flour. She chucked the dishrag into the sink as well, and leaned against the newly clean counter with a sigh.

“Do you know how much it sucks diggin’ in the dirt with nothing but a cheapo shovel and bucket?”

“Try your bare hands,” Alejandro replied, hopping up onto the rim of the sink, legs dangling as he steadied himself. He looked like a teenage boy, not at all like the Burromuerto son forced to mature too early like Noah suspected he was.

Noah fake scoffed. “Whoa, did I wander into Loserville? My pickaxe was wonderful; no complaints here.”

“It was the reason you got stuck under a boulder! How could you not have complaints?” Alejandro cried. He paused for a moment, thinking to himself, staring at an unimpressed Noah. “ Wait a minute. How did the pickaxe get lodged in the barrel, anyway?”

Noah turned his nose up, trying to hide his embarrassment. I had a minor temper tantrum after futile digging for hours on end.

“I got angry.”

“Wait, wait, hold on a second. Back it up, rewind, pause!” Leshawna said, raising a hand to shush Alejandro. “What do you mean, stuck under a boulder?”

Sierra entered the room with the laptop under her arm, head co*cked to the side with a confused expression on her face. “What about a boulder?”

Noah threw his hands up. "Augh!"

---

Alejandro and Noah were doing a Broadway worthy rendition of This is How We Will End It when De’shaya popped her head in, expression apologetic as she interrupted the singing.

“Hey, guys,” she said. “Chris wants you guys out there- his surprise is ready! And…it’s time to read the votes.”

The room went silent, painfully awkward as the two boys went silent, sobered by the reality that someone was going home. Hopefully…Leshawna will be saying goodbye for the second time.

The teens all walked from the kitchen and out into the cool Drumheller night, led by De’shaya, whose braids were now pink with white beads and golden clasps. As the group neared where Chris was standing, a happy grin on his face as he waited expectantly, Noah and Leshawna gasped as they recognized the scene before them.

“It’s just like season one!” Sierra cried. “O-M-G, this is such a sweet throwback!”

“Take a seat, campers!” the host said happily, holding up a plate of marshmallows, a stack of passports sitting pretty on the tray. “Man, it’s been so hard to not call you guys that this season.”

Sierra was the first to sit down in front of the crackling fire with a happy squeal, and the rest of the contestants followed suit, Noah propping his elbows on his thighs as he looked at the happily crackling fire.

“Man, it’s been a long time since I've been at a marshmallow ceremony now that I think about it,” Leshawna said, patting the wooden stump she was perched on, looking around at the callback to Total Drama Island.

“That’s the truth,” Noah said, looking around at the lights strung up on poles and on the side of the plane. “Man, talk about remembering your roots.”

Alejandro sat down awkwardly on the remaining stump, crossing his legs as he surveyed the quaint setup. He felt nothing, simply remembering watching the episodes of Total Drama with Sierra and Cody in first class. That’s enough nostalgia for me, he thought happily as he dragged a nail across the wood’s grain.

“Sierra won immunity tonight, so she gets the first marshmallow!” Chris said, and tossed one of them off the tray, and Sierra caught it.

“I would eat marshmallows when watching the show at home,” she said excitedly. “I can’t believe I would ever get one, tossed to me by Chris McLean himself!” She popped it in her mouth, and swallowed. “Holy moly, that was better than I could have ever imagined!”

Chris smiled, a genuine one, rather than the showy, flashy ones that Alejandro had come to associate with the host. “Our next marshmallow goes to Noah, who didn’t receive a vote against him!”

The host tossed a marshmallow towards the cynic, and Noah only barely managed to catch it. He lifted the treat up in a display of cheers, and popped it in his mouth.

Chris lifted a passport up. “One vote for Leshawna.” He flipped the next one open. “One for Alejandro…and the final vote goes for…”

“Wait!” Sierra cried, jumping up. “We’ve been through so much together, and so I wanted to do something before the next person gets voted off! BRB, guys!” She ran back into the plane, and Chris shrugged.

“You guys missed the intern Final Four barbeque, so I’ll let you guys have this one,” he said conversationally, as Alejandro felt sweat gather along his neckline at the prospect of being voted off, so close to the finale.

Sierra reappeared, the cake she had made in her hands. On it were sparklers, and she sniffled. “Today was Cody’s birthday, and even though I couldn’t celebrate with him…I want to celebrate with you guys!”

She stepped forward, and the small flecks of embers emanating from the sparklers drifted down, and onto one of the small pools of oil left over from Noah’s rolled barrel.

“Sierra, don’t move!” Noah cried, right as Chris yelled “Hold it!”

She stopped immediately, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “What? What’s wrong?”

No one had time to explain why as the sparks caught on the oil, and Alejandro’s vision was reduced to nothing but a white flash as a deafening boom echoed through his very bones.

Chapter 11: Planes, Trains, and a Whole Variety of Stolen Mobiles

Chapter Text

As Alejandro’s vision cleared and the ringing in his ears receded to a faint, shrill noise, he slowly realized that he had been thrown flat on his back by the force of the explosion as he regained control of his senses. Rocks and pebbles digging into his shoulder blades as his eyes struggled to focus on the cloudless, star-filled night sky directly above him. His breathing was laborious as Alejandro struggled to remember the moments leading up to now- a boom, searing white light, and multiple shouts of pain and surprise before he lost consciousness for who knows how long.

His lungs screamed for release as his mind tried to connect the dots, and Alejandro slowly pushed himself into a sitting position. Almost immediately he doubled over as a hacking cough overtook him, the dust and smoke in his lungs burning as his body heaved, forcibly expelling it. He felt sluggish and bleary; as if moving underwater bogged down by ankle and wrist weights. From behind him he heard coughing, even more violent than his own fit, and from his side he heard a low, heavy groan, a clear indicator of pain.

Alejandro forced himself to look behind him, and felt his body seize up at the sight of Noah, covered in a layer of dirt, practically in a fetal position as his body shook with the force of the coughing. The Tamilian’s slender frame barely visible in the settling dust and backdrop of a mangled, destroyed Jumbo Jet, and worry drenched every fiber of Alejandro’s being.

“Noah?” he called tentatively, voice wobbling as he forced himself up, legs weak and shaky as Alejandro managed to take a step forward, towards the boy that his heart had made the mistake of attaching itself to.

Noah looked up, eyes wide as he stifled another cough in his fist. “W-where’s Leshawna… and Sierra?” Noah rasped out, managing to stand up after a moment of struggling. He stumbled towards Alejandro, a thin hand reaching out to grab Alejandro’s shoulder before Noah could fall to the ground again. The Latino wasted no time in unsteadily rushing forward, allowing Noah to lean against him. He supported the brainiac with a strong arm across the back of his sweater vest, and the pair looked around the decimated campfire area for the girls with bated breaths.

A little farther away from them was Leshawna, who had propped herself up on one of the log stumps, head down as she groaned in pain. She, like the boys, was covered in dirt and ashes, her light yellow shirt now a dark orange-ish. One of her hoop earrings lay near her feet, broken and dirty.

“Leshawna?” Noah called as loud as he could with his dry throat and drier mouth, and she slowly turned her head toward the sound before letting it drop down again.

The boys managed to walk over to where she was with only minor shuffling and stumbling, carefully navigating around pieces of twisted metal wreckage scattered on the ground. Alejandro set Noah as gently as possible down onto one of the stumps, the sides impaled with small bits of metal shrapnel, and then sat down on the one sitting next to it, charred on one side.

Leshawna raised her head weakly at the sound of them moving, and sighed in relief. “Thank God,” she said. “Y’all weren’t movin’ when I came to. I…thought the worst.”

Alejandro shook his head, trying to control the fear thrumming through his veins, though it had subsided a small bit when he confirmed that Noah and Leshawna were largely uninjured. “Same here. Though…I can’t find Sierra,” he said, voice heavy with worry as he looked around the wreckage. “She couldn’t have gotten far- or even walked, for that matter.” Please. Please don’t be dead. I can’t lose her.

“Chef took her to where the intern tent had been set up. Sierra was the only one injured, and all of the animals on board managed to make it out. The interns were all gathered outside for the Final Four Cookout,” Leshawna said, dragging herself up onto the stump and slumping forward, supporting herself with her arms on her thighs. Her hair looked frazzled, and she tried to smooth it down absentmindedly, dragging fingers through her ponytail.

“Is…is she okay?” Alejandro ventured, letting all of the panic, fear, and anxiety fully seep into his voice. A hand slowly came up to the bull charm he wore around his neck and he started to rub its horns- the way he did when he knew that something bad was imminent, like going home after the school day.

This…this mess, was not a part of the competition. There is no need for personas, manipulation, or facades here. Not now.

“I think so,” Leshawna said. “She wasn’t movin’, but I heard Chef yelling about getting her where the air was more breathable.”

“Gracias a Dios y a todo lo que es santo,” Alejandro breathed, letting his eyes flutter shut, his anxiety lessening a little bit to know that his friend was still alive. That they all were still alive. Together they were bruised, dirty, and most likely traumatized- but alive.

Noah swiped the hair away from his face, a few strands still sticking to his forehead, which was glimmering with sweat even in the dead of night. “We need to see her. We need to find Chris and Chef, and then throttle them for allowing this to happen.” His voice was angry, set with determination, even though his words came out in a rasp as he licked his chapped, cracked lips.

“I-I agree,” Alejandro said, getting up from the stump with a little difficulty, legs aching from the impact of the explosion. A few pebbles dislodged themselves from his pants and clattered to the ground, and he didn’t really care that he most likely had a few bits of shrapnel and rock stuck in his clothes.

He waited for his fellow contestants to get to their feet, heart slamming in his rib cage and mind spiraling at 10,000 miles a minute, palms becoming slick with sweat as he was left alone with his thoughts in a too-silent Drumheller.

Awkwardly, Noah forced himself up and leaned against Alejandro like he had done prior, propping most of his little weight against Alejandro’s toned chest while Leshawna stumbled forward once she stood up, patting her pants free of dust and small bits of metal.

“I know you got me pushed out of a plane and all, but would ya help a girl out?” she asked, voice light as she took a clunky step towards Alejandro, wincing as she shook her foot and a rock fell out of her sandal.

“Of course,” he said instantly, beckoning her towards his free side. “Consider it my formal apology for your elimination, senora.” Why does she even need to ask when we have survived a plane explosion together? When we have survived Total Drama together?

She gave him a pained, lopsided smile as she grabbed his forearm for support, her nails caked with dirt and grime. “I’m ready to go.”

From Alejandro’s other side, Noah mumbled something in Tamilian before looking at the others. “Let’s go see what kind of party they’re having without us in the intern tent.” Alejandro puffed some air out through his mouth in the best stand-in for a chuckle he could conjure, though his attempt was pitiful.

The three walked, slow and stumbling and codependent on each other, over to the intern’s open-air tent. It was bustling with noise and activity, and the teens took care to walk around twisted monuments of twisted, melted scrap metal, finding a stray candle on the ground as they made the mid-length walk from the wreckage to the tent. They said very little, focused on putting one foot in front of the other before arriving at the red tent, its flaps tied open with rope.

In the center of it all was Chris and Chef. Chris was frantically yelling into his cracked phone, words being spit so rapid fire it sounded like the man was speaking in tongues. Chef was preoccupied with barking orders out to interns as he leaned over a barely conscious Sierra, who was flat on her back on a folding table that smelled faintly of smoke and cooked burgers. The irony was painful and not lost on Alejandro. Her head lolled to either side, mumbling something incoherent under her breath as Chef fought to keep her still but avoiding from gripping any tender skin or wounds.

A few interns flew past the three teens, sparing them quick glances as they hurried to complete whatever task dictated to them by the co-host, chattering to either themselves or their buddy, clutching everything from phones to stacks of wrinkled, ripped, charred papers. No one was still, and very few were silent, the tent a hub of activity.

The contestants slogged through the small crowd gathered in the tent, pushing through interns and cameramen, and they all leaned heavily against the folding table that Sierra was laying on, gasping softly to themselves when they saw Sierra up close and personal, her injured form on clear display.

“No,” Noah said meekly, reaching a shaking hand out towards Sierra’s burnt shoulder, touching it gently, before quickly drawing it back.

She was bald; the roots of her hair charred and intact in only a few patches, dark roots the only things left on her head. Her clothes were burnt and ripped, the bright yellows and pastels now muted and muddled by ash and fire. Sierra’s arms, stomach, and shoulders were speckled with dirt, metal, blood, and dried frosting. Her breathing was labored as Chef gripped a pair of tweezers in one hand and a spatula in the other, eyebrows drawn together in concentration.

“Open her mouth,” he said roughly to no one in particular, and Alejandro stared dumbly at him as he tried to make sense of the words just spoken to him, the sight of his friend laying barely conscious on a cheap folding table in the middle of nowhere hitting him full force, stealing the breath from his lungs and thought from his mind.

“Will you open her mouth?” Chef said, jolting Leshawna from her shocked stupor and she jumped into action, gently gripping Sierra’s lower jaw and dragging it down it down. Chef put the handle of the spatula in between her teeth quickly as Sierra whimpered at the contact, eyes quickly moving from under her eyelids. It made Alejandro’s weak stomach churn, the entire sight grotesque as a horror movie.

“It’s not gonna be pretty. It’s gon’ hurt, but she can’t thrash or nothin’, or else it might embed the shrapnel even further into her skin, ‘specially in her back. If she fully wakes up, she’s gonna need to bite down on this instead,” Chef explained as he nudged her bottom back jaw up to secure the handle in place with her teeth.

This can’t be happening. This…this can’t be happening. She’s fine. This is a dream…I am unconscious in a hospital, along with Noah, Leshawna, and Sierra.

“E-embed shrapnel further?” Noah asked, evidently as shocked as Alejandro was, voice faint. He was still leaning against Alejandro’s shoulder, warmth seeping into the Latino’s side as a cool breeze wafted into the cramped tent. People were still bustling around the table like cars around a crash. “You can’t mean to extract it here, with…with a pair of eyebrow tweezers and no anesthesia.” His tone was quizzical, as if the brainiac was working through a calculus problem out loud.

“I certainly do, boy,” the cook said. “Paramedics can’t get here for at least another hour ‘till they get the permits to come into this place, since it’s a world heritage site. I was in a war; I’ve done jobs with less supplies and less safety than this.” He sounded absolutely confident as he looked at the girl laying in front of him, pain in his eyes as she let a low groan out from the back of her throat.

“You have to be joking,” Alejandro said futilely, feeling hysteria rise in him like vomit as Chef grabbed one of Sierra’s limp arms, where a sharp, triangular piece of metal was stuck halfway into her bicep. On the table, she stirred and groaned around the plastic handle, eyes fighting to open, jaw clamping down on the utensil lodged in her mouth. The sight of his friend in so much pain and about to be in so much more made Alejandro’s heart clench as his eyes stayed glued to the teen.

“He’s not joking,” Chris’ voice called out from behind the teens. “Now, you kids need to get over here. If Chef needs help, he’ll get an intern to do it. You shouldn’t watch.” The contestants turned around to see Chris. His knuckles were white where they gripped his cracked, destroyed phone, lips in a thin line, brows furrowed, a dusting of grime on his cheekbones. All of his usual bravado and lighthearted attitude was gone, a sense of shock and determination replacing his carefree persona. This was the businessman Noah had mentioned working for, a mogul of entertainment and deal brokering, trained in all sorts of crisis protocols.

So it seems he can be serious after all.

The group wordlessly complied, walking to where the host was standing, now strong enough to walk by themselves and support their own weight, Noah detaching himself from Alejandro’s support, his soul crying out No! Stay! Stay with me, where it’s safe, where I can protect you!

“We have water bottles and some lawn chairs from the cookout set up for you kids,” the host said gently. “When the paramedics get here, I want you guys to see them immediately and get thoroughly checked out. A few interns will be over to do some basic first aid, but I still want a professional to make sure nothing is broken, or could get infected, okay?” When Chris got no answer from the dazed teens, he asked again, voice firm but strangely caring. “You will see a paramedic when they arrive, okay? Tell me you heard me.”

“Okay,” Alejandro said, voice distant as he looked over his shoulder to see Chef flick a piece of metal to the ground, Sierra’s jaw clamped over the spatula’s handle as a tear carved a clean path through her grimy cheeks, eyes now fully open. His stomach flipped at the sight, and he looked at Noah to his right and Leshawna to his left. “Let’s go,” he told them, and Leshawna nodded silently.

They set out for the three lawn chairs sitting out a way off from the intern tent- not far enough to be out of sight, but for Sierra’s pained groaning to be out of earshot. Water bottles and a severely dented bottle of simple painkillers were sitting on one of the chairs, and Alejandro picked them up and passed the water out, focusing on breathing and not throwing up like he so desperately wanted to.

“Do you need any of these?” he asked Noah, brandishing the small container with a shake, pills rattling around inside. The Tamilian shook his head before unscrewing the water bottle’s cap open and drinking deeply, eyes closing as he inhaled through his nose.

Alejandro looked to Leshawna, offering the pills. She nodded and gratefully accepted the ibuprofen, quickly downing a few of the bright pills in one gulp of water before sitting down on the edge of the battered and mostly intact lawn chair, metal frame creaking as she lowered herself onto it. She leaned back and looked up at the sky, eyes searching for some sort of guidance or divinity in the heavens.

Alejandro followed suit, letting his tired and aching body relax against the lawn chair, tilting his head back when he finally registered what was going on above him.

Ah. The sun is rising.

Gently, slowly, bright rays of light chasing away the stars and moon as the deep blue of the night receded, the sun rose in all of its majesty. Brilliant pinks and oranges, almost as blinding as the explosion rose over the rock formations and hoodoos like a giant waking up from a long slumber. There was no light pollution nor buildings to impede the sight, and Alejandro’s breath was snatched from his lungs as he watched, transfixed, by the natural beauty of something so simple as a sunrise over one of the world’s most beautiful places. Tears welled up in his eyes as he stared in awed silence at the glory of the morning breaking over Drumheller.

“All… of this because of a cake,” he suddenly whispered, and sat up straighter, looking at Leshawna and Noah, who looked at him with questions scribbled over their features. “All of this because of a cake.” He was incredulous, angry, and possibly a little hysterical at… everything as he recounted the events of the hours prior in his head. She just wanted to celebrate with us. With her first…IRL friends.

“It was a chocolate cake,” Noah ventured. “Cody’s favorite. She told me so when we frosted it together.”

“It had eighteen candles and sparklers on it, too, ‘cause it was Cody’s birthday today,” Leshawna added, shaking her head in disbelief. Her hair, slightly singed and blackened, swung behind her in a mesmerizing back-and-forth motion.

Alejandro felt rage rising in his stomach, bubbling furiously as he remembered how excited Sierra was to share the cake, laughing as the group helped her ice it carefully as The Ridonculous Drag Race played in the background. He didn’t have a group of friends back home, where he could laugh and joke openly, doing something as simple as icing a cake with no damning weight of perfection weighing down every possible move.

And anything like that ever happening again was stolen from me by Total Drama. Damn them! Damn them! DAMN THEM!

“Sierra is laying on a sh*tty folding table getting shrapnel extracted from her arms by a pair of eyebrow tweezers because…what? Chris McLean couldn’t clean up some oil? He allowed us to have a campfire five feet away from a large puddle of oil for some ungodly reason? Why weren’t the barrels marked in the first place?” Alejandro asked, voice getting louder and angrier as he leapt to his feet, pacing furiously as words, barely formed in his mind, tumbled out in one great exodus. “We signed away our lives to this man, and all we get in return is injury? Will this show even continue, this hellish competition suddenly stopped in the middle of nowhere? Will we be med-evaced, forced to leave Sierra alone in a hospital thousands of miles away from home?”

Leshawna wiped at her dirty, sweaty face, and reached for Alejandro’s arm when he passed her chair as he tried to carve a path out in the dirt with his pacing. She lightly tugged, but he was so unsteady that he went down easily, taking a seat on the edge of the lawn chair with her. “Sit down, baby,” she said, voice ragged but still authoritative. “What we’re gonna do is wait for the paramedics, and then go from there. Chef may be…Chef, but he’s capable. He’ll keep Sierra safe. You can’t waste any more energy mindlessly rilin’ yourself up.”

“Like how Chris kept her safe?” Alejandro demanded. “Like how he kept all of us safe by constantly making us do insane challenges, and when we weren’t, we were safe- stuck in a glorified death trap?”

“Alejandro,” Noah said, tilting his head to look at the Latino, “You need to understand that we probably have more agency than Chris in this show. He answers directly to the network and the executives, who are all greedy bastards. If a contestant gets injured in the show or doing a challenge, their teammates can step in and help- but until the challenge is done, the staff legally cannot do anything, and the injured contestant cannot be taken to the medical tent unless the injury is life threatening. Chris has to sit, watch, and narrate. If not, he’s liable to lose this job, along with Chef. The fact that we’re not running challenges now is a small miracle, because those bastards at the network will do just about anything for a good show. So please… sit down, and…just wait. Wait for the medics to come, check us out, and help Sierra out. Getting angry is good, realizing that this show is a load of bullsh*t, but…it won’t do anything except sap your energy.” He spoke with the tiredness of a man who had seen it all, who had gone through the same motions for too many a time. The exhausted experience in his voice was what compelled Alejandro to still his anxiously tapping foot.

“He’s right, hon,” Leshawna said, patting Alejandro’s shoulder. “I’m tired as hell, so I’mma catch some sleep ‘till the medics come. There’s no point in stayin’ awake and worrying. I suggest you do the same.” She leaned back fully, reclining under the now-risen Drumheller sun with a sigh.

From his chair, Noah closed his eyes with a small exhale through his mouth, all three shirt layers dirty with ash and dirt, hair blown back from his face from the heat and wind of the explosion.

Alejandro slowly pushed himself to his feet, and all but collapsed into his lawn chair, letting his legs fully extend as a wave of exhaustion overtook his senses, the memories of Sierra and her cake mixing with the awful sound of the explosion, all happening in the yard of his family home, until he finally lulled himself into a fitful sleep.

---

Noah awoke with a jolt to see an unfamiliar face standing over him, a simple face mask obscuring their mouth and nose. The sun was now shining high in the sky, and the dirt caked onto his body was beginning to flake off in the breeze. He barely had any time to get a bearing on his surroundings before the medic leaned in towards him.

“Noah Mudaliar?” the medic asked, removing their hand once they realized he had regained consciousness, taking a step back so Noah could breathe.

“Uh, yeah,” he said, feeling groggy as he sat up further. He ran a hand through his hair, and leaned forward a little to shield his face from the bright sun, legs sticking to the plastic as he readjusted.

“I’m Jacob. Do you know where you are?” he asked, before taking a knee on the ground and unzipping his large medical bag, rooting through it as Noah tried to get a look at what was going on around him. The medic looked worried when Noah didn’t answer immediately, and he shook his head.

“I’m in Drumheller, Alberta. Canada,” Noah clarified as the blue latex-gloved hand reached out to pat down his arms, face, and legs, quickly scoping for any injuries.

“Good. Do you remember what happened before this? ” Jacob asked as he bent down to begin to root through his medical bag again, pulling out a small instrument.

“Our plane exploded due to the ignition of oil on the ground,” Noah replied immediately as a small light was shined into his eyes from a small flashlight.

“Good.” Jacob stood up, looking to other areas behind him, where Alejandro and Leshawna were going through similar routines. “You have a few bruises on your legs, and a small cut that I’d like to put a bandaid on, just to prevent infection. Is there anywhere else that hurts?”

Noah nodded, and stood up. “I was thrown onto my back in the explosion. It’s sore.”

“Naturally,” Jacob joked. He grabbed a few more items from his kit, and gently placed a bandaid on Noah’s lower leg before walking behind him to scope out his back, pressing down in various places to check for tenderness. “Well, you’re not bleeding, and you don’t have a concussion. Your clothes were thick enough to have blocked any shrapnel embedding in your skin, so…you don’t need my help anymore. Though the sound may have been loud enough to cause deafness, and if you feel dizzy, you should sit down and drink water ASAP.” The medic looked towards Alejandro and his medic, who were still talking a stone’s throw away. “Eddie! You good over there?” When Eddie flashed a thumbs-up, the other medic with Leshawna called “All clear over here!”

Jacob nodded. “We’re gonna help your friend, and then move out. Stay as safe as you can on this show- I’ve been watching it at home with my girlfriend, and those stunts you guys do are no joke. In my professional opinion, you should get the hell out of here while you still can.”

Noah snorted with a roll of his eyes. If only he knew. “I would, but…a million dollars can pay for quite a hefty hospital bill. The worst injury I’ve gotten so far could be fixed with a band-aid.”

Jacob gave him a far too knowing look before getting his medical supply bag off of the ground, and gathering his coworkers with him before walking back towards the intern tent. There was a parked ambulance and a large number of people gathered there, most of them in the Total Drama color scheme of intern red and khaki. Chris and Chef were talking animatedly to the person in charge, an EMT clad in black and her red hair in a high ponytail, whose demeanor screamed serious and unimpressed.

Noah sighed heavily as Alejandro and Leshawna joined him where the Tamilian was standing. “How’d you guys fare?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest as he sweat profusely.

“Fine,” Leshawna said. “A few minor scratches here and there, but nothing too serious. I probably knocked my head a bit, but I’m not concussed.”

“Same for me,” Alejandro added. He had a band-aid on his chest, the end of it poking out from under his white (now beige) tank top, and motioned to it. “I didn’t even know that I was bleeding until I was informed of it. No concussion either somehow, though I was warned against possible hearing loss.”

The group fell silent as they watched Sierra roll off of the folding table, wrenching herself out of the grip of Chef, the commotion so loud they could hear it from their distance.

“What’s she doing?” Noah asked, squinting as he put a hand up to shield his eyes from the sun. No…she couldn’t be resisting treatment.

“She’s refusing to go into the ambulance,” Leshawna gasped, a hand coming up to her mouth in shock.

Wordlessly, Alejandro took off with no warning, going into a full-tilt dead sprint towards the tent like the ground under his leather boots was on fire. He’s going to support Sierra. That crazy, loyal, fool!

“Oh, sh*t,” Noah said, and without further ado, began to run after the Latino. Leshawna followed close behind, easily keeping pace with the Tamilian. For once, his weak body didn’t fail him, and he caught up with Alejandro, who disappeared into the tent and crowd of people. Noah heaved breaths in with only a little bit of a stitch in his side and heavy breathing, waiting for Leshawna to come to a stop next to him. After a moment of panting, he entered further into the tent to see the commotion.

The sight before him was one for the books: Alejandro, carefully holding a now fully conscious and alert Sierra in his arms, Chef and Chris trying to get her into the wheelchair near the ambulance’s open doors, where the paramedics were waiting, tittering nervously. Jacob, Eddie, and Leshawna’s medic all had different tools gripped in their hands as they watched the scene unfold, ready to jump into action at any time.

“No! I’m not leaving now,” Sierra cried weakly, gripping Alejandro’s shirt with scraped and tender fingers. Her nose was bleeding a little, and the sight of the girl with long, carefully tended purple hair now devoid of it and fighting to stay with the rest of the contestants caused Noah’s heart to ache. “I haven’t come this far to…to abandon my friends,” she begged. “I’m not that hurt, really!” She coughed, blood dribbling out of her nose, and the EMT’s eyebrow raised.

“Sierra,” Chris said, face painted with a pained expression as he futilely motioned toward the wheelchair waiting in front of him. “You most likely have a concussion. You can’t stay, who knows what’ll happen? It’s hot and dusty here- the exact opposite of what you need. There’s no people near us for miles. ”

Chef grunted. “Kid, I appreciate the dedication, but you need a hospital, or at least to get the hell outta here. This is no place to be injured in. I can only help so much.”

“Please, Sierra, your injuries are too severe. Your ribs never healed fully from the…meatball that hit you?” the EMT asked, looking at Chef for confirmation. Her name tag read Karina. When the co-host nodded, she continued, positioning herself behind the wheelchair before gripping its handles. “You need to at least get in the wheelchair and off your feet.”

Alejandro’s grip tightened around Sierra’s shoulders, and she sniffled pitifully as tears fought to fall down her face. “Where would you take her?”

“To the Drumheller Central Hospital, where she can be transferred to either a more intense care unit or to a hospital closer to her house, depending on the severity of her injuries,” Karina answered automatically.

“I told you, I’m not going anywhere until this show is done!” Sierra cried, burying her head into Alejandro’s shirt as he hugged her close. He really has changed, hasn’t he? The old Alejandro would never actually care about someone, and care about them so much.

“Let her stay,” Noah said without thinking, surprising even himself by the interjection. “As long as Chef stays with her and she’s in the wheelchair, she should be fine, right? I’m assuming she won’t be competing.”

Chris nodded. “Of course not. Alejandro, Leshawna, and Noah, welcome to the final three. The network called me with a replacement challenge for you guys now that we don’t have a Jumbo Jet to take you to the next location.” He sounded irritated as he spoke, subconsciously rubbing a hand across his stubble.

“The show wasn’t shut down!?” Leshawna cried. “What wacko on the network said that we should keep playing…ooh, when I win the million I am so suing!”

Sierra looked at Alejandro, the other teens, and then finally at the wheelchair, chewing her bottom lip as she weighed her options. “Chef stays with me, but you leave me alone. Got it?” Even though she was concussed and her ribs were broken, her voice was as sharp as she addressed the paramedics surrounding her.

Karina sighed, exasperation evident. She probably hasn’t dealt with crazy teenagers who are more than willing to degrade themselves on live T.V. for a million dollars before. What is this, amateur hour?

“Fine. But I want you guys to have the Drumheller Central Hospital on speed dial, do you understand me? Too much excitement could cause her condition to worsen, and she’d have to go straight to the ICU.” Chris nodded his head fervently at her knife-sharp tone, and the medic sighed, shoulders slumping. That’s the best she’s gonna get from us or Chris, and she knows it. For some odd reason, the thought brought a smile to Noah’s face.

“Pack it up, guys. We’re done here.” The group of paramedics moved quickly, like a well-oiled machine, easily bringing their supplies into the ambulance and jumping in, closing the bay doors behind them, the motion smooth as they executed something they had probably rehearsed 1,000 times. Karina got into the driver’s seat, and before departing, she looked at the four teens. “Good luck,” she said.

We’ll need it, going forward. The finale is coming up, and I’m going to win it all. For Aamani. For Amma. For Māṇikkam. For…me.

---

“Hawaii is where you guys wanna be,” Chris said, crossing his arms as he faced the final three.

The group was standing in front of the charred remains of the Jumbo Jet, burnt fairy lights from the earlier campfire scattered around their feet as the sun beat down on them, a dark spot of sweat decorating Alejandro’s lower back.

Behind the host was Sierra in her wheelchair, and Chef behind her, ready to push her wherever she dictated. In her arms was a mostly intact umbrella to shield her newly-bald head, and she was silent as the host explained the challenge. “We have a helicopter, but it can only fit me, Chef, and Sierra, minus her brand new set of wheels.”

“Wow. Always looking out for us, aren’t you?” Noah drawled. He always has a joke, doesn’t he?

“Your challenge is to get to Hawaii first, using only your wits and whatever you find out here!” Chris’ voice was strained as he smiled for the cameras, and by now Alejandro knew when he was forcing his showman persona to take the stage. It almost hurt, seeing how stretched thin with worry and responsibility Chris was. Almost- the host would practically have to grovel with apologies for what he did to Alejandro, Noah, and Leshawna- but especially Sierra.

“What the heck are we gonna find out here?” Leshawna said, eyes wide as she looked around the desert. “What am I supposed to do, ride a dino skeleton to victory?”

“If you can manage it, yes,” Chris said, and he reached into the helicopter for a moment before brandishing a few small objects. “Check out these fancy-dancy GPSes I’m generously giving you! Now you only have to worry about a mode of transportation instead of trying to navigate from Drumheller to Hawaii!” He threw the electronics to the teens, who managed to catch them- Noah almost dropping his.

Alejandro raised an eyebrow as he inspected the handheld object, turning it on with the press of a button. A small, rhythmic beep, beep, beep, emanated from his device. His dot, a glowing red thing in the middle of his screen, put out a small radar, but it had no use: there were no landforms on the screen with him, just beige, beige, and more beige. “Hmm. Says we’re in exactly Middle of Nowhere, Alberta. At least they work, I guess.”

“Exactly!” Chris said. “Set ‘em for Tijuana Beach- it’s right on the Mexican border. Any questions before I go?”

“Yes, actually,” Alejandro said as the host made to get into the helicopter, tearing his eyes away from where he had begun to input the coordinates. “Who…who was eliminated last night? Who was that last vote for?”

While he had been sitting listlessly on his lawn chair, the thought and sense of overwhelming fear that he could have been the one going home had returned, creeping up on his senses as his mind worked through the possibilities of voting schemes.

“Why do you care?” Noah asked from where his fingers were swiftly flying across the GPS’ screen. “You’re still in the game. Does it matter now?”

“Yes, it does,” Alejandro said, turning his attention back to the host. I need to make sure I can trust you.

Chris smiled widely. “You were the one who was gonna go home, Alejandro. Two for you, one for Leshawna.”

The words took a second to register in his mind, but once they did, his body was overtaken with a heavy, sinking feeling that coagulated in his gut. He felt nauseous. He felt angry. He felt like he could punch a hole straight through the metal plane walls. He felt like he could drop to his knees and scream and sob and curse God.

He lied. He lied…after he promised. After we sang together, for the reward challenge. After going around the world together. After I saved him from the hole. After…after everything.

He lied to me. It was a chant in Alejandro’s brain that only increased in volume as he stood still in the middle of Drumheller, fingers barely managing to continue their grip on his GPS.

Chef gently lifted Sierra into the helicopter’s passenger seat as he took the pilot seat. Chris, with his usual childish complaining, crammed himself into the back seat. Before the host fully disappeared into the back of the helicopter, he opened the sunroof in the helicopter’s ceiling, leaning out of it with a smile. “Now that I answered your question, it’s time to go! Come on, final three, get going!”

Only Leshawna moved as the sunroof slammed shut and Alejandro turned to Noah, taking their intense glares as her cue to dash off towards the back of the plane.

Equal parts of disgust and anger were rollicking in Alejandro’s stomach, a pitiful sense of hurt and heartbreak filling his veins to the brim.

“You lied to me!” he yelled. “After I saved you from the hole, and made you promise, you lied! This is what I mean when I say you’re a sob story and a hypocrite, Noah! What the hell was our song? About our final battle? The victory where our rivalry would finally have a winner? Why can’t you decide what you want and who you are? Are we friends? Rivals? Enemies? Whatever we are, we sure as hell aren’t what I thought we were! ”

Noah looked ashamed and ready to cry, hands fidgeting with the GPS as he refused to look at Alejandro, silence lapsing over the final three as the helicopter’s thrumming blades fell into the background.

I’m so, so stupid. José was right. Mother and Father were right. I really am a failure. I allowed myself to trust Noah…and would have gotten voted out for it. I have no right to call myself a Burromuerto anymore.

“How was I supposed to win against you?” Noah asked, finally looking up, voice so defeated it made Alejandro angrier. He’s still trying to manipulate me with emotions? “A sh*tty stand-in Mudaliar, or the guy that didn’t even have to audition? I can’t outrun you, can barely out think you…and I need to win this, Alejandro. It’s a time and true strategy of taking out the strongest competitor. You, my biggest rival, are also my biggest threat. You would have done the same for me.”

“No, I wouldn’t!” Alejandro cried, voice exploding out of him, grabbing at his hair in his desperation. “That’s why I didn’t vote for you- because I believed in us, and trusted YOU!”

“Yeah, after an entire season of lying, cheating, and manipulation! An eel can’t change its scales, Alejandro! As soon as you had that million you never would have talked to me again! You wouldn’t have even thought about me! Everything you did was a calculated move, and I knew it! Even when I wanted to believe anything but! I know that I’m not Sierra, the only person you gave a damn about on this show!” Noah shouted, voice as loud as Alejandro’s, echoing around the ruins of the Jumbo Jet.

“It doesn’t matter now!” Alejandro’s voice was practically a roar, and Noah’s eyes widened in shock, stumbling back a step. “I better not see your face in Hawaii.” He gripped his GPS and began to walk away from the plane, checking the small screen furiously, watching as the dot moved with him across the barren landscape.

He thought of Noah, their duets, and how easy it was to harmonize with Noah’s deep baritone. He thought of their time together in the early half of the season, laughing and swapping jokes with each other as the other contestants bumbled through challenges. How Noah practically glowed with pride and accomplishment in the Outback, more breathtaking than anything Alejandro had seen before. How passionate Noah had been while singing with him after the disaster in Easter Island. How loudly Alejandro’s heart sang when they were close together, even when they were supposed to be enemies.

“Focus!” he hissed, drawing a hand across his face and exhaling at the painful sting. It was familiar, like an old friend.

“You better focus,” Noah’s voice threatened from his GPS, his voice fuzzy from the poor quality speakers, though the angry taunt was as clear as day. “I’ll outsmart you, Alejandro. Again!”

“Blah, blah, blah! At least I can just turn you off!” Alejandro yelled into his own device, not caring how crazy he sounded, talking to a piece of plastic and wires on internationally broadcast T.V.

“Yeah, I’m sure you can, considering that you’re an expert at turning people off!”

With an exasperated yell, Alejandro turned the volume down all the way and focused on the natural world around him, inhaling deeply though his nose as he forced his thoughts into some sort of coherent order. I need to get to Mexico.

As he walked through the arid desert, throat dry and mind desperate as he tried to figure out how to get to Mexico with no money, phone, or help, Alejandro heard a low, rumbling noise- one he had heard in abundance when hauling ass through New York City so many weeks ago. An engine.

Alejandro ran towards the sound, pocketing his GPS and ducking behind a stone formation when he saw it: the ambulance from earlier. “Oh, Mother, Father, please turn off the T.V. right now,” he prayed, before running into the middle of the thin road the ambulance was driving down. It wasn’t the craziest thing he had done on the show, and he had complete confidence he wouldn’t be hit- and if he was, the legal payout could easily make up for the damages of losing out on his chance at one million dollars.

With a screech, the vehicle came to a stop, and Karina ran out to the front, looking worried and slightly nervous. “Whoa, kid, what’s wrong? How’d you get out here? Did McLean do something?”

He coughed from the smoke from the vehicle, clutching his head as his vision stung. “Necesitamos coches eléctricos, pronto,” he wheezed, waving away the smoke as one of his worst plans to date formed in his mind.

“I think it’s sunstroke,” Karina called to the paramedic in the passenger seat, who nodded and went to the back to get supplies, slipping out of the truck and leaving it unattended. Perfect.

Alejandro straightened his posture before taking a deep breath in. He ran to the ambulance, passing a shocked Karina and quickly leaping into the empty driver’s seat. He shut the door behind him, swiftly locking it with a relieved smile.

When all else fails, the element of surprise has yet to let me down! He took his GPS out and turned the walkie-talkie on. “This is Alejandro, radio-ing in to inform everyone that I’m practically on Tijuana Beach’s doorstep!”

Karina ran towards the ambulance, slamming her hands on the outside of the doors. “Stop it, Alejandro! Whatever you’re doing, it’s not worth it!”

“¡Este juego es mío para ganar! ” he replied, and threw his GPS onto the dashboard for guidance. With a smile, he pushed the gas pedal to the metal, speeding off and leaving the two paramedics behind, feeling a twinge of guilt as he sped away, a cloud of smoke and dirt emanating from the back half of the vehicle.

From behind the driver’s seat he could hear the other few medical personnel slamming their hands against the partition, yelling for him to stop and slow down, but he simply turned on the radio to drown them out. He grit his teeth and laid his eyes onto the road before him, grip tight on the wheel as he followed the directions on the GPS display.

I’m gonna make it, no matter what. I cannot let my family down- this game is not over!

---

Noah was walking through the fancy cabins of the train when he heard the first pieces of hail begin to patter against the top of the metal roof. He smiled joyously when he saw the cabin was empty, thanking his good luck that it was devoid of fans who recognized him (the man at the ticket booth) and older women who asked him what happened to him and if they needed to call 911. (He forgot that he hadn’t changed since the plane explosion, and that he most likely looked like some sort of hostage. The only available mirrors were obliterated, along with everything else in the plane- his sanity included.)

He sat down on one of the deep red plush seats and sighed contentedly as he settled down. “Who knew winning was this easy?” he asked no one in particular. Him finding a train station had been a complete fluke- he had tripped over the tracks while wandering aimlessly and simply followed them until he found a train station.

A lone newspaper was left on one of the tables, and Noah picked it up, scanning the headline. Large explosion spotted on Drumheller horizon. T.V. show Total Drama World Tour determined as cause. “Hmm. Onnumai illa.”

Nothing new. Just us causing problems both at home and abroad again. Really, what did the world governments expect when Chris started playing “avoid international air travel laws” again?

He looked out the window, watching the hail pelt the ground as the train quickly traversed through Canada and towards Mexico when the cabin’s door opened. Noah turned around to check out the newcomer to avoid any more intrusive questions, and his eyes narrowed when he saw Alejandro, looking out of breath and flustered as his eyes roved over the seats.

“Wow. Original. Can’t even find your own mode of transportation?” Noah couldn't resist the easy jab, even though he knew he shouldn’t provoke the Latino any further.

“You!” Alejandro hissed, pocketing his GPS and curling his fists. “Get over here!” He looked enraged beyond relief, eyes equally narrow as his stance widened. Which…he has every right to be angry. I did break a promise to him after he literally saved my life.

There was no time for rumination as Alejandro took a menacing step forward. Noah’s eyebrows disappeared into his hairline and he shot to his feet, running for the exit as fast as he could. The sound of Alejandro’s boots closing in on him propelled him to run faster than he ever had before, chest heaving as his skinny arms pumped.

The Tamilian slammed the cabin door shut as he slipped through the opening, and accidentally hit Alejandro square in the face. The Latino clutched his nose, letting loose a slew of curses in Spanish. “How dare you? First my heart, now the face? Oh, you’ll pay, Noah!”

He paid the angry Burromuerto no mind as Noah booked it towards one of the emergency ladders, scaling it quickly and looking around at the sky, cloudy and pelting small bits of hail onto his head. He looked over the edge of the train, the ground moving past so quickly it was a blur, causing his stomach to feel queasy. From under him, he heard Alejandro cursing in Spanish, bracelets jangling as the other contestant followed Noah to the roof.

“Nowhere to go but up,” Noah sighed, and hauled himself further onto the roof. He ran as quickly as he could without slipping on a piece of ice, making it down the length of the first car when Alejandro finally joined him.

“Poor choice of escape, Noah! Just like the other poor choices you made today!” Alejandro called, a sneer curling his lips upwards.

Noah cupped his hands to his face. “You shoulda voted me off instead of Owen, then, Al!” Alejandro snarled and ran towards Noah, leaping over the divide between cars easily as the comment enraged him further. “Whoa, whoa! You wouldn’t push a guy off a moving train,” Noah said, fear spiking. “That’s a hate crime, you know.”

“You can’t get out of this one, Noah! You’re going to lose! I’ll personally make sure you won’t even make it close to Hawaii!”

“He can lose, but before that, you guys have to do one last contractually obligated favor for me!” Chris called from above the pair, a megaphone at his lips. Chef dipped the helicopter down so they could hear the host over the hail, and Sierra waved excitedly from the passenger’s seat.

The music bell happily dinged, and Noah felt one of the few remaining threads of his sanity snap as Chris chuckled. “I pride myself on my timing. It won me a Gemmy, you know.”

The music started, and Alejandro tied his hair back and away from his face loosely before beginning to sing, walking closer to Noah.

This show's a train, it's moving fast,

You and I are cursed to clash! Alejandro’s arms whipped out, grabbing Noah and bringing him close in a mock tango, large hand warm on Noah’s lower back.

Lying to me just wasn't right,

Soon you’ll be out, like a light! Noah extracted himself from Alejandro’s grip, glaring as he ran to the next car, only slightly desperate as he tried to avoid the other teen.

Oh, you’re just and fair now, suddenly? Noah sang, once an entire car of space was in between the two boys.

Well, I have to win now, so excuse me!

Don't try to make me feel ashamed!

You and I both share the blame, he sang, emphasizing his lyrics by pointing towards Alejandro, who scoffed angrily at the accusation, giving chase once more. Noah laughed as Alejandro slipped on one of the pieces of hail as he tried to stop when on the same car as Noah.

I'm gonna make it!

You won’t stop me, though you may try!

My fortune's waiting-

And it’s time for you to bid T.V. good, good bye! Their voices sounded painfully good in tandem, harmonizing loudly even over the sound of hail on metal, glaring at each other as the lyrics poured from their mouths.

From above them came a familiar voice. Noah gasped and looked up, smiling widely when he caught sight of his old ally.

I never thought I'd be back here,

Alone in a show, a million dollars near,

But now I'm in the final three,

So look out world, Leshawna’s near the sea! Leaning across a wicker hot air balloon basket was a triumphant Leshawna, waving down at the two boys with a wide grin on her face. Across the balloon were the words “Sign Up for Picky Steve’s Lockpicking Camp Today!” in neon yellow.

I’m gonna make it!

They’ll never stop me, never again-n! She yanked down one of the levers, drifting closer to the pair so they could sing together.

Our fortune's waiting!

And you can kiss the million bye-bye-bye!

Noah, looking up at the returnee member of Team Victory, didn’t notice Alejandro once again grabbing him and spinning him into a tango, doing quick steps in time with the music across the roof.

You are the worst, why don’t you understand me? Noah sang, painfully aware of how close he was to Alejandro’s face, green eyes strikingly beautiful against the dark clouds rushing past him in the background.

It’s just a game to you, but it’s more for me! Alejandro replied, eyebrows furrowed as if the Latino was remembering a bad memory, souring the lyrics. Noah took it as his opportunity to change the tides, leaning forward and dipping Alejandro. A boot caught on a round piece of ice, and Alejandro went falling off the side of the train with a “Noah!”

Gasping, the Tamilian ran to the edge of the train to see the Latino angrier than ever on the back of a beautiful, ink-black stallion. Above him, Leshawna was propelled by the winds picking up, adding more propane to the balloon and lifting up further into the air.

I'm gonna make it!

They can't stop me now, let them try!

Our fortune's waiting,

It's time for you to say goodbye-bye-bye! The group sang once again, voices carrying across the sky, and the music cut out.

“Care to join me, cerebrito?” Alejandro called from where the pack of wild horses were galloping next to the train, a devilish smirk on his lips.

“I have no plans of sinking that low anytime soon,” Noah responded primly, turning his nose up at the Latino, and then quickly ran to the end of the car. He scrambled down the ladder and into the safety of the cabin, sighing once he realized that the curtains were drawn and he wouldn’t have to see Alejandro any more.

He looked around, and sighed in relief when he saw only two people sitting in the cabin. They had severe goth makeup on, with hair dyed black, white and red, dead silent as they stared at the newcomer.

Of course I managed to get the cabin with the two scariest people on planet earth. Noah smiled sheepishly, fully aware that he looked very, very suspicious. “Hey,” he said with a small wave, trying to keep his composure as he side-shuffled towards the seats farthest away from the goth couple.

The taller of the goths nodded their head deferentially, before picking up the small bottle of nail polish on the table and resuming to paint the shorter goth’s nails a deep black, silent the entire time.

Noah slipped into an empty seat and put his head in his hands, trying to make his heart calm down, forcing the few tears that had pooled in his eyes from the sheer adrenaline of knowing that one wrong move could cost you the million dollars as you (once again) sang hom*oerotically with the man you had just sabotaged a handful of hours prior to fall before quickly wiping them away. What am I even doing here? Oh, Ruby, I miss you so much.

A finger tapped Noah’s shoulder, taking him out of his spiral with a jolt.

“Tickets, please?”

---

“¡Ándale, ándale!” Alejandro urged, right as he heard a loud crash and a thump come from behind him, towards the side facing the train. Turning his head and squinting, sight clear as the hail was no longer assaulting him, he gasped when he caught sight of Noah groaning and sitting up straight on the back of a sandy-colored horse. “ You!? Again!?”

“Urgh,” Noah replied, rubbing his head in pain, glaring at the window he had been thrown from. He rolled his eyes in frustration when he caught sight of the Latino, who quickly redirected his attention forward with an angry huff.

I told myself to focus, but got swept up in my emotions and danced with Noah. No more! Not when the beach is so close and there is barely any difference in my lead. I’m going to make it, even if I have to resort to petty tricks or sabotage! I cannot want the boy anymore- the million is what I need.

Alejandro squeezed his thighs, urging his horse to go faster. “¡Más rápido, mi corcel!"

“Vegam! Vegam!” Noah echoed, and his horse whinnied in response, the thundering sound of galloping hooves flooding Alejandro’s ears.

“Reto aceptado, Noah,” Alejandro muttered as he leaned forward against the wind whipping his hair away from his face. If you want to lose to me, be my guest.

---

“Oh, Christ above! ” Leshawna cried as her hot air balloon began to sink down after managing to avoid a power line. “I’ll pluck and cook you!” she yelled at the crow, pointing angrily at the creature that had ripped a hole in the balloon, letting the hot air out faster than it could be pushed up. The crow squawked indignantly at her before flapping away, cawing loudly. “Bastard!”

She gripped the wicker basket with white knuckles as the ground rapidly approached, wind whipping past her and causing her eyes to water. “Oh, I’m sorry, Picky Steve, for borrowing your balloon! I’m sorry, Lord, for even coming onto this show from hell!” she cried as she braced for impact.

The wicker basket hit the ground, sending a cloud of sand up around her, some of it getting into her mouth. She hauled herself to her feet, looking in the distance none other than the bright red helicopter that had survived the Jumbo Jet explosion. Taking her GPS out, she gasped. I landed right on Tijuana Beach!

Sierra waved from the small checkered banner and line drawn in the sand, Chris and Chef behind her. “Go, Leshawna!” the girl cried, leaning forward in her seat and waving her arms frantically. Sierra’s smile was wide as Leshawna caught sight of one of the orange speed boats waiting by a dock.

Leshawna wasted no time in clambering out of the broken wicker basket and making a mad dash towards the dock. “You don’t even need to tell me what to do, Chris!” she called, and the host closed his mouth with a frown, the spiel that had been locked and loaded effectively stopped before he had begun. Chef was smiling proudly as she cackled. “See y’all in Hawaii!”

Behind her, she heard a loud thundering and stopped in her tracks, before looking back. “I swear to God, if some fool is driving they Jeep on this beach, I will-”

“AAAH! ” Noah cried as he flew through the air, Alejandro’s scream echoing his. They landed in front of Leshawna in a heap, glaring angrily at each other as they tried to disentangle themselves, sand in their hair and clothes as they did an awkward, flailing dance, like they had for the entire season. From a distance, she saw two large horses knicker and whinny, stamping their feet on the beach.

“Um, what do we do about those horses…?” Chris asked, side eyeing them as Chef shrugged.

“They ain’t ours.”

“Don’t just STAND THERE!” Sierra yelled, jolting Leshawna back into action. The ex-Amazon was leaning forward in her wheelchair, pointing wildly at the awaiting speedboats. “GO!”

“Thanks, girl!” Leshawna said, beginning to run as Noah and Alejandro leapt to their feet. She all but leapt into the boat feet-first, turning the key in the ignition and cheering when the boat roared to life, pumping a fist in the air before grabbing the wheel. “Okay,” she said to herself. “Driving a boat is just like driving a car, Leshawna. You got this.”

On either side of her, Noah and Alejandro copied her motions, and in tandem they grunted in anger when she was the first to push her boat forwards and into the open ocean, checking her GPS to follow her yellow dot towards Hawaii. She peered into her rearview mirrors to see two very angry teen boys speeding behind her in an attempt to catch up. The sight made her smile wide, knowing that she was in the lead. She hadn’t felt the joy of winning individual invincibility, earned simply by outplaying extremely strong competitors, in a long time. It was a welcome feeling, and her soul felt light. I’m not a has-been. I never was.

“Never again am I losing!” she cried as she felt the salty wind on her face, the sunlight of the Tijuana Beach warming her skin. Leshawna felt wonderfully, joyously, powerfully alive. For the first time since she had returned to Total Drama, she allowed herself to feel hopeful. “This game won’t cheat me again!”

From behind her, she heard Noah snap at Alejandro. “Jesus Christ, you drive boats just as bad as you drive cars!”

“Life is a highway, not a waterway!” Alejandro snipped back, and Leshawna rolled her eyes. Even when competing for a million dollars and practically ripping each other’s throats out over a betrayal, they can’t stop with the wordplay and jokes. They’re meant for each other. I can’t believe Total Drama destroyed what could have made Noah genuinely happy after all that hardship…

Noah’s boat managed to speed in front of her, and he cheered. “The one time being anemic has helped me! Haha!” He continued putting distance between himself and Leshawna, and she frowned in anger, pushing down on the gas pedal completely.

Next to her, Alejandro pulled up, smirking. “Adios for the second time!”

Anger that Leshawna had done a fantastic job of keeping in check finally burst through. No longer an ally with Noah, and truly in it to win it, she balled her fists before putting the GPS on the gas pedal, keeping it down so she could move away from it. “Nuh-uh, Evil-jandro! It’s my turn to vote you out!”

Conveniently placed in the back of the boat was a metal swordfish, and she rolled her eyes at the irony before picking it up and brandishing it at Alejandro. “En garde, asshole! This is for me, Bridgette, and everyone else you manipulated!”

The Latino’s eyes narrowed before grabbing a swordfish of his own and crossing its “blade” with Leshawna’s. “¡Veamos que tienes!” he cried, voice laced with challenge.

She grit her teeth and began to swipe, stab and hold her own against Alejandro, who met every attack of hers with a parry of his own, to her extreme chagrin. I won’t lose to him again. My head is clear and my heart unburdened. He won’t keep me down! I won’t let him!

They were so engrossed in their battle that they saw the water mine at the last minute, their attention drawn to the sound and heat of one of the mines detonating, waves pushing back against their speedboats, before their watercrafts hit the metal contraption.

For the second time in the span of 48 hours, another mode of transportation exploded.

---

Noah was busy being crushed in a hug by Eva, Izzy, and Owen when Leshawna and Alejandro came hurtling through the air, screams cutting off as they crashed into the sand in front of him.

“Woah, touchdown!” Izzy said with a giggle, arms still wrapped around Noah’s shoulders.

Chris McLean smiled, a few wooden pieces of their boats embedding themself onto the beach of the Hawaiian island. “Well, well, well! It smells like a tie to me!” the host said, strolling up to the pair, not offering a helping hand in the slightest, voice nonchalant as he peered down at them.

“What!? A tie? You are not serious right now!” Leshawna cried, pushing herself off of the sand as she narrowed her eyes at the host. “Check the footage in slo-mo!”

There was a tinge of desperation to her voice that made Noah want to hug her tightly, but he was occupied with his friends celebrating his entry into the finale- though he himself could barely believe it, adrenaline coursing through his body so strongly his hands were shaking slightly.

“Can’t,” the host sighed, shaking his head. “Some of our computers blew up with the plane. Anyways, a tie breaker’s more fun!”

“Ugh!” she huffed, throwing her hands up in the air angrily, stomping over to Heather, of all people. The Queen of Mean welcomed her with a snarky smile, and then reached out to brush some sand out of Leshawna’s hair.

Noah’s jaw all but dropped, and Owen giggled. “I know, right?”

Alejandro got to his feet as well, staring at Noah and the Peanut Gallery with a carefully curated mask of disdain- one that Noah hadn’t seen since the final five and six, before the group had watched the Ridonculous Drag Race together. The few members of the Peanut Gallery not celebrating Noah or rushing out to talk with Leshawna returned his stare, anger openly displayed on their faces as they looked at the man who had orchestrated their demise. Only Sierra, wheeled by Chef, was with him. Her smile was seemingly contagious, because Alejandro was soon smiling softly as she excitedly talked, motioning wildly, saying something only he could hear and only he could understand.

“So!” The host said loudly as he turned to the cameras with a smile, breaking the teens out of their respective celebrations. “Who will join the final two? Who will miss out on the million bucks? Find out right here on Total! Drama!”

The entire cast of teenagers sans Alejandro all chorused behind him, Noah included. A wide smile was on his face as he opened his mouth, surrounded by his closest friends.

“World Tooooour!”

Chapter 12: Aloha, Goodbye

Chapter Text

Noah crossed his arms as he stared at the camera taped to the wall in front of him, a large tropical bird perched on top of it. It squawked at him and he rolled his eyes with a huff.

“Ruby… Māṇikkam, I miss you so much,” he began. “This is all for you. You wanted to see the world, and…and through me, you could. You wanted to be on Total Drama, and through me, you could. I even got this far so you could feel what winning, or almost winning, is like. I hope you’re proud of me. I’ve worked so hard because your memory kept me going. Even your stupid summer training helped me, after all my complaining. But… I know you’re not proud of me. I…feel like I left too much of me back in Canada. I took my love for you with me and left my morals at home. Lying, lying about how I really feel, backstabbing…how can I face you? How can I face Amma, and the little twins again, when their big brother lied and scammed his way into the money rather than winning fair and square like Uncle Owen? What if I don’t get the million, and I lied and backstabbed and ruined relationships for nothing? Ruby…please, please, help me win this. Help me figure out what to do. Naan unnai kaadhalikkiren. Dhaivaseithu enna kaapaathu. Naan intha vilayattu illakka mudiyaathu, aana avanum illakka mudiyaathu.”

Noah felt empty, hollowed out, and gutted as he watched himself from 15 minutes ago talk. The initial joy of seeing Izzy, Owen, and Eva again, along with Courtney, was almost immediately dashed when Chris informed the teens that filming was beginning immediately, and that the confessionals were open for venting- and that the final three had to go in and vent.

Noah’s friends had been shepherded away back to the wooden bleachers by an apologetic Bridgette and Geoff. The final three were instead directed towards a hastily built wooden outhouse with no roof. And now, his confessional, so tenderly worded and privately said, aired not only to the Peanut Gallery, but to his competitors as well, and to all of the world (or the fools who were trashy enough to watch the show).

Alejandro simply raised an eyebrow at on-screen Noah’s words, face angry and indifferent as he took in the information. His green eyes never flicked once to Noah, locked onto the screen Chris had wheeled out to show the Final Three. It unnerved Noah more than any mean comment or cruel joke could have managed. Leshawna patted Noah’s back, face sympathetic as on-screen Noah bit his lip and looked away in shame, awkwardly fidgeting with his white shirt sleeves before getting up from the toilet and opening the door.

The clip cut out, and then Leshawna came on screen. She smiled at the camera. “Ever since Island, I’ve been gunnin’ for the win again. Alejandro screwed me over once, but he ain’t got it through his thick skull yet that Leshawna is here to win. I came back by a stroke of luck named Blaineley Stacey Andrews O’Halloran, and you can bet your bacon that I’mma keep holdin’ onto that luck and bag the million! I want a round two of our sword fight. I already beat a bear at log rolling, so beating some hunky Latino at swordfish fencing really ain’t nothing.” She paused for a moment. “Speakin’ of my competition…Alejandro doesn’t know what’s right in front of him. Noah’s prickly, and mean, and can be an asshole to those who deserve it, but…he hasn’t smiled this much in forever. He was catty and could make some downright nasty remarks during Island. Seein’ him laugh and joke and sing with Alejandro? That Latino is special to that scrawny boy, but they’re both too invested in the game now. Why on Earth am I the only normal one here?” She exited the confessional.

Chris paused the recording before the video could play Alejandro’s clip. “Have you ever thought about pursuing therapy for a career?”

“No,” Real-life Leshawna replied. “When I win the million, I won’t need to work ever again.” The Peanut Gallery erupted into ooohs, and Duncan called out “burn!” from where he was sitting.

Alejandro still said nothing, refusing to look at anyone but the screen, a hand rubbing the horns of his bull charm as he watched. His heeled boot tapped against the sand quickly, and Noah knew that his mind was reeling, spinning, plotting, trying to pin each piece of information onto the board of his mind to make sense of it, red string connecting him to Noah and then re-stringing each piece when it didn’t give him the answer he wanted.

Chris chuckled at the clapback and hit play.

On-screen Alejandro sat down on the confessional, closing the door behind him gently. “Winning whatever tiebreaker is in store for me is no big deal. I am Alejandro Joaquin Esteban Burromuerto!” His voice wavered on the family name. “I…will win this. I must show that I am the perfect son, the perfect competitor, the perfect villain, the perfect winner. Josè will never again insult me when I bring home the million for the family. Leshawna is a roadblock, and Noah…Noah is what could have been, but he could not keep up with what will be- with me. Every day I regret voting that buffoon Owen out in London instead of him. The win would have been given to me, but instead…instead I let my heart dictate that vote!” He snarled and curled a hand into a fist. “¡No más! ¡Ahora ni nunca más! ¡Estoy ganando esto! I am a Burromuerto! And I will never again get second place.” He stood up quickly and silently, and the recording went to black.

“You never mentioned you had a brother,” Noah said faintly. “Josè, was it?”

Alejandro’s voice was strained. “He is not worth mentioning.”

“Obviously he was, if you name dropped him during our last and most important confessional ever,” Noah replied, looking at Alejandro from the corner of his eye.

“He does no one here any good,” Alejandro snapped back, and Noah got the message loud and clear. He shut his mouth quickly, turning back to Chris.

From the sidelines came Heather’s voice, breaking the silence. “Come on, Leshawna, beat that loser already!”

“Glad to see Heather hasn’t changed,” Noah snarked, looking at the teens sitting on the bleachers before making a confused face. “Why the heck does Owen have a flag with my face on it? You better not plan on selling flags with my face on it without paying me, McLean.”

Chris smiled broadly. “Our Peanut Gallery will be playing a major role in the finale, Noah! Be thankful Leshawna didn’t steal all your supporters. Everyone has a flag with the person they want to win the most.”

The other two members of the Final Three turned to face the wooden bleachers. Everybody present had a flag in their hand (or in the case of Sierra, one flag of Leshawna, Noah and Alejandro) with one of the Final Three’s faces on it. Only a few people supported Alejandro, with Sierra and Cody both waving their flags proudly. Leshawna had quite a bit of supporters, like Heather (which Noah would never understand), DJ, and Lindsay. Noah, to his complete surprise, had the most. Of course, his friends were all waving their flags like crazy, but Courtney was happily holding hers from where she sat next to Gwen. Their smiles were wide as they looked on at him. Even Duncan, the eternal hard-ass, was grumpily waving Noah’s flag, looking like he’d rather be anywhere but there.

It was… overwhelming. Noah had been the Screaming Gopher’s first boot (by his design), all those years ago on Total Drama Island. He was in the depths of his grief then, and he had flagrantly shown his worst to everyone. He was selfish, mean, and secluded himself. And…now, here he was. About to win the million with so many unlikely friends at his back, supporting him, hoping he would win. People who saw him as the good guy, as a friend . What Ruby always wanted for me. Something he never could have imagined happening to him, a cynical, sarcastic bookworm. It made his heart swell with pride for himself- something that didn’t happen often in his life, but when it did, it happened mostly during these last few weeks competing for the grand prize.

“Oh! Are we voting on the winner again?” Lindsay asked, raising her hand. She had an Alejandro flag, just like Tyler, who looked overjoyed to just be there and holding her hand. They really are good for each other, aren’t they?

“I can’t tell you that!” Chris said. “I mean, we haven’t even had our tie breaker yet!”

Oh, Christ. I forgot about that.

“Noah, you won the race to Hawaii. Your hard-earned reward is that you can either select the tie breaker challenge yourself, or let Cody or Alejandro do it.” The hosts’ smirk was on full display as he waited for Noah’s answer, though they both knew what he was going to say.

“I’ll do it,” Noah replied after only a second of feigned hesitation for the cameras.

“That’s what I thought you’d say!” Chris was much too overjoyed, motioning for Noah to follow him.

He walked down a strip of the beach, towards Geoff and Bridgette, who were talking with their heads bent and foreheads touching. Standing next to them was something that looked like a modified telephone booth. It was clear on all of its long rectangular sides, and on the top was a yellow sphere. Both of the Aftermath hosts were shooting it mildly worried looks as Chris neared them.

“Ta-daah! The balls within our tiebreaker booth have a different challenge written on each one!” I doubt it. It’s probably rigged to hell and back. I don’t trust those producers, not even for a second.

“Step inside, please, my good sir.” Noah followed Chris’ instructions and entered the booth.

Behind him, the door swung shut forebodingly and the Tamilian couldn't resist rolling his eyes. “Wow. Isn’t this fun.”

The booth whirred to life, and above him, a rattling sound reverberated through the chamber. A small ball dropped and hit Noah on the head- and then what felt like a hundred more, bouncing off of walls and his body. “Ow! What the hell? Are these golf balls?” Noah cried as a particularly heavy one hit him square on the top of his head.

“Golf balls!? Noah, I swear, Geoff and I put ping pong balls in there!” Bridgette cried, voice muffled by the glass, before turning to glare at Chris. “You. YOU changed them!”

“I did,” Chris said as Noah continued to be battered by the golf balls that reeked of Sharpie. “You guys put ping pong balls in there- what was I supposed to do!? I mean, what is this, amateur hour? Of course I had to change them to fit my extremely high standards!”

Finally, after his back was sore and he probably had a severe concussion, Noah caught one of the small spheres. “Al right! I got one! Now let me out!”

The whirring came to a stop, and the golf balls ceased to be rained down on him. Pushing the door open with battered fingers, Noah handed the ball to Geoff before joining Alejandro and Leshawna, rubbing his sore shoulders as best he could.

Geoff let out a low whistle, and Bridgette peered over his shoulder, reading what was on the golf ball. “Oh, my,” she said.

“Oh, spit it out!” Leshawna barked, crossing her arms. “Don’t be doin’ none of this dramatic suspense nonsense!”

“Noah has chosen…the, uh, traditional Hawaiian fire dance of death!” Geoff read, bringing the golf ball up to his eye for closer inspection.

“Oh, yeah, ‘cause that’s totally a tradition and not some racist islander stereotype,” Noah drawled from where he was standing.

“Tradition or not, it’s still a challenge!” Chris said happily. With a clap of his hands, he chuckled. “My dear firedancing warriors, please go get changed for our very own tie breaker!”

For the first time, Alejandro smiled. “If I have to dance with Leshawna…the win is practically handed to me.” He laughed, mostly a heavy exhale through his nostrils, and Leshawna’s angry glare was enough to make even Chef cower in fear.

---

Leshawna couldn’t help the stress running though her body like rivers as she stepped out on the wooden platform, gripping the pole with two memory foam cylinders on each end with a clammy palm. She readjusted her shirt- a tacky tourist tank top with a Tiki head on it when she refused to wear the coconut bra- and looked at Noah. He sighed from where he was tied to a stake, not even bothering to struggle. He leaned forward as best as he could before calling out to her.

“Hey! Psst!” Leshawna moved closer, lending him her ear, and he whispered to her, “I hope you win.”

She gave him a small smile, ruffling his hair with her free hand. “I know you mean it, string bean, but…deep in your heart, I know who you really want to win. You may love me like a sister, but you love him like how Antony loved Cleopatra, and you ain’t gotta feel bad about it. It’s okay.” She didn’t have the chance to say anything more as Alejandro joined the pair, pole in hand.

He hadn't been lucky enough to escape the coconut bra, but it didn’t seem to bother him as he surveyed the small platform and a very tied up Noah, who was still looking at Leshawna, trying to find something to tell her, eyebrows furrowed in guilt.

“Conspiring against me because you know that it takes two of you to beat one Alejandro?”

“No, actually,” Leshawna said, hefting her pole up into a more defensive stance, “We were brainstorming which song I should choose as my Victory-Over-Alejandro theme.”

The Latino’s expression hardened immediately, his grip on the pole tightening.

From the shore, Chris whistled for their attention. “Hey-o! The first person to free Noah gets to go to the semi-finals with him, and gets a shot at the million to boot! Chef, if you’d do the honors, please.”

Chef, wearing nothing but a tropical flower crown on his head and a pink patterned skirt, nodded before raising a bow up, with two arrows locked and loaded.. Chris struck a match and tapped it onto the notched arrowheads, giving his husband a thumbs up when they were sufficiently on fire for the host. The co-host let the arrows fly, and suddenly there were large, crackling fires on either end of the wooden dock. Leshawna could feel beads of sweat forming on the back of her neck, but ignored it as she focused only on her opponent.

“Also!” Chris called. “Stay outta the water! We fed the sharks, but we didn’t have enough for all of them, so they’re cranky and hungry!” To emphasize his point, a large, scarred shark leapt from the water, snapping its jaws shut. Leshawna looked slightly frightened, but Alejandro simply looked incredulous. “You can start on my mark! Ready…steady… Serengeti!”

Leshawna wasted no time in immediately sweeping her pole out, aiming for Alejandro’s ankles, but he easily jumped over them and jabbed at her. She managed to dodge it by the skin of her teeth, but Noah gasped in shock nevertheless.

“Oh, it’s on!” she growled, and began to strike at Alejandro as quickly as she could in an attempt to force him back towards the fire. He was strong, and determined, meeting every single one of her jabs with a solid parry, and even managing a few well-placed hits of his own. His lips were pulled back in a focused growl, eyebrows furrowed as he concentrated on nothing but winning. Noah was dead quiet as tension rolled off of the pair in waves, desperation clouding the air.

I may not be happy about losing two seasons in a row, but…at least my family loves me, Leshawna thought through the sweat and adrenaline-fueled haze. If I lose, they’ll still love me. He needs this win, but…he needs to lose more than he needs to win it all.

I have no qualms about helping him with that.

“Give it up, Leshawna!” Alejandro roared, pushing back as her pole crossed with his, snapping her out of her trance. “You know you can’t win! Not now, not ever!” He threw her back with all of his might, and she fell to the ground, her pole slipping from her hand and into the water, floating away from her as sharks circled.

“Oh, you just signed your death warrant!” she huffed, balling her fists at her side. She dropped into a lower stance- something she had seen Eva do when trying to corral Izzy on the Peanut Gallery. It had worked then, and Leshawna hoped that it would work now.

“Your mistake,” Alejandro said, voice laced with wrath and a malicious smile on his face.He raised his pole above his head like an executioner’s axe, strong arms flexing as he held it in the air, looking down at her. “You’ve been disheartened, disarmed, and now, finally… deplatformed!”

Instead of bringing the pole straight down on her like she expected, at the last minute, he swerved and re-used her opening move. He swept the metal at her ankles mercilessly, and Noah cried out a warning. Almost immediately, pain shot up Leshawna’s leg as the pole continued to sweep across the platform in a low, horizontal arc. With a bark of anguish, she fell to the side, and into the waters below, hands grabbing at the wooden planks that she had just been planted on.

It was no use. She was in the water, and they both knew it. Faintly, she could hear Noah crying out for her to come back, but her ears were full of water as she treaded the water around her with tired arms. The adrenaline rush and constant swinging made her arms feel as if they were made of lead, but she continued to desperately tread.

Alejandro leaned over the platform’s edge, smirking at her before letting his pole drop to the ground unceremoniously, turning away from her and towards Noah. Leshawna could only scream curses at him in her mind as she began to swim to shore, the sharks keeping a careful distance from her.

As her feet touched sand, Leshawna was thankful her face was already wet- it meant the cameras couldn’t pick up on what was seawater and what was salty tears.

---

“Aiming for the ankles, eh?” Noah said as Alejandro set upon the knots in the rope binding the Tamilian.

Alejandro’s arms were tired from swinging the metal around, defending Leshawna’s heavy blows, and he knew he would need to conserve energy in case Chris made any more hoops for him to jump through. (He always did.)

He stayed silent, a tactic that had worked very well for him so far, replaying his duel with Leshawna over and over again as he methodically worked through the knots of rope.

“Learn that one from Josè?” Noah’s voice was casual as he shimmied his shoulders in an attempt to speed the process up. Alejandro’s shoulders stiffened, continuing his silence as his fingers moved across the scratchy rope.

“Josè has taught me what I needed to succeed in this game. He taught me to aim for the weak spots,” Alejandro said, yanking at one knot for emphasis before moving onto the next. “He taught me to…read people,” he continued, voice wavering as he focused on untying another knot, “...and he taught me to win no matter what.” But I never learned those lessons well. That’s why he hates me. Because my heart is soft and my brain never managed to disconnect itself from my feelings.

With a final yank, the ropes fell to the ground, pooling around Noah’s feet. The Tamilian stepped away from the coils and towards the end of the dock, where the boat to take them to shore was pulling up.

“Win no matter what?” Noah said as a warm, gentle breeze blew, causing the boy’s cheap grass skirts to rustle in the wind. “Even when no one will support your win?”

“What do you mean by that?” Alejandro was immediately on his guard once more, body tense as Noah’s simple words managed to shake him to his core.

“Your confessional lines up with your behavior this season, Alejandro,” Noah said. “Your brother- Josè- was the final piece I needed to put it all together. I heard you talking to yourself a few times in the confessional when I would pass it by- calm yourself, Alejandro, I wasn’t eavesdropping. I left you be, ‘cause I thought you were just working things out loud like I do. But then you would come to first class looking rough- red eyes, chewed lips, picked at skin around your thumb.”

He noticed that?

“Your family, huh? One expectation after the other, piled one by one, an older brother that can’t stand you, the need for perfection at all times? If you got this far already, and your brother will only insult you, I doubt they’ll celebrate the win with you. I still haven’t forgotten our conversation in Drumheller,” Noah said conversationally as he looked out at the ocean, a few sprays of saltwater speckling the bridge of his nose, the bright sun illuminating the brown hues of his eyes. “If the only way to win the game and make your parents proud is to die trying…just don’t try. Make a new game. Your family doesn’t seem worth it.”

“You’re wrong,” Alejandro said, anger leaching into his voice. “You’re just trying to psych me out. You don’t know my family, Noah. And as you’ve proven over and over again this season, you barely know me.”

The boat pulled up to the platform, and the boys ambled into it, as silent as the dead, even as birds cried overhead and a breeze rustled the surrounding palm trees.

---

“Your final nail in the coffin was the fact that you eliminated Leshawna so cruelly,” Noah said as Alejandro walked back towards the host and teen after changing from his coconut bra and grass skirt.

Their last conversation had weighed on Noah’s mind, replaying over and over as he waited for the other boy to come back out. I tried to warn him…but he won’t listen. If his brother is as bad as I think he is…he’ll end up like Ruby. I can’t let that happen. I have to keep trying. Just like how I have to keep trying to win.

“Now that we have our final two,” Chris said loudly so the Peanut Gallery could hear him, “I’m happy to announce that the Peanut Gallery will not be participating in a majority vote!”

“What!?” Courtney cried. “But you said we were gonna play a major role! Major!”

“Uh, yeah,” Chris said, placing a hand on his hip. “But we’ve already done a majority vote. That’s totes boring! Instead we’re doing the most lethal challenge in Total Drama history!”

“And that’s saying something,” Noah muttered under his breath.

“It’s Noah v.s. Alejandro v.s…the volcano!” Chris began to walk, and the boys trailed after him. He led them to two mats, one blue and one red. Noah and Alejandro positioned themselves in front of each one, and the host took that as his cue to once again begin his spiel. “Back in the day, human sacrifices were tossed in the volcano to appease the gods. Sadly, the lawyers won’t let me use real people as sacrifices. Instead, Noah and Alejandro get to make sacrifice stand-ins using the island’s two most abundant resources: driftwood and pineapples! To make you guys’ already crazy complex relationship even more nice and symbolic, you have to make dummies of each other to dump in the volcano. Now, you each get to pick two helpers to make the dummy for you.”

The boys both turned to face the Peanut Gallery, where everyone- including Leshawna- was sitting. Courtney stood up. “I’ll help Noah,” she announced. “It’s to return all the times he’s helped me.”

“I’ll help Noah, too,” Leshawna announced, also getting to her feet. “It’ll be a little reunion party of our alliance, with the same goal: take down Alejandro. ”

“Wow! Two of Total Drama’s strongest women helping Total Drama’s weakest man! Ain’t that a turn of events,” Chris said. “Now, who’s gonna help out our buddy Alejandro?”

Cody stood up quickly. “I’ll help Alejandro,” he said. “Since Sierra can’t help him right now, and I know she wants to.” Sierra smiled at him appreciatively from where she was sitting in her wheelchair with Chef, on the sidelines.

Tyler also stood up. “I’ll help ya, Alejandro,” he said, smiling. Lindsay squeezed his hand with a gentle smile. “You helped me a bunch, it’s only fair to pay it forward!”

“I appreciate you, Cody, Tyler,” Alejandro said, voice suave as he shot them both thankful smiles.

“Nice! Now that we have our helpers, I can explain the rules!” Chris said as the teens gathered by their respective team leaders. “Noah, Alejandro, you have to stay on the mat and direct your team to gather driftwood, logs, and pineapples to construct your dummy. And, to make things a little more rhyme-y…hit it, Chef!”

---

The music bell dinged, and Noah exhaled heavily in annoyance as the music cued in. Both teams ran towards the pile of wood and pineapple, Leshawna and Courtney quickly overtaking Tyler and Cody.

And you may find yourself wanting to win and never go back, Alejandro began, watching as his team began to pick through the logs, rubbing his bull charm necklace as he looked.

But you may find yourself doing so in another part of the world! He glared at Noah before turning his attention back to construction, still singing as he watched.

And I will find myself making a large sacrifice,

And I may finally have myself a happy house, and a happy life! The beat was weird, but Alejandro thought he had adapted to it pretty well.

But you'll have to ask yourself, "Well, was it all worth it?" Noah’s voice was just as strong as he challenged Alejandro. I won’t dignify that with an answer.

The music continued before Alejandro could feel the chorus coming up, and his heart swelled with hope and adrenaline in time to the music as he watched Cody put an oblong pineapple onto the mannequin’s wooden neck.

Get the driftwood now- let nothing hold me down!

Make the mannequin, I can’t let ‘em all down

Into the game again, so all the money's mine!

This is once in a lifetime, I know I’ll get the crown

His team continued to run back and forth, grabbing piece after piece of driftwood as Courtney and Leshawna diligently worked on putting Alejandro’s body together.

“Alright, Noah, your turn!” Chris called out over the music.

And you may ask yourself, "How can I win this?" Noah began, and Alejandro scoffed.

And I have to ask myself, "Does he know what’ll be?"

And you may tell yourself, "This is where I win it all",

And I must tell you, "Yours is not a beautiful life!" Noah’s voice was practically a plea as he waited for the chorus to begin, not even looking at his team as he sang to Alejandro.

Letting the days go by, the glory holds you down,

Letting the days go by, my sister’s resting underground! Noah’s voice wavered and cracked on that line, the pure emotion bogging down his words causing Alejandro to rip his attention away from his almost-completed dummy and look at Noah.

Knowing fear again, ‘cause you could be gone,

Once in a lifetime, and I can see your funeral mound!

Same as it ever was, same as it ever was, Leshawna huffed as she sprinted down the length of the beach, trying to find the final arm for Alejandro’s dummy.

Same as it ever was, same as it ever was, Tyler echoed as he rooted around for a thigh.

Same as it ever was, same as it ever was, Courtney sang, voice ringing clear as she held onto the dummy-Alejandro with a tight grip.

Same as it ever was, same as it ever was, Cody sang nervously as Tyler cheered upon finding the necessary piece of driftwood.

Mannequin evolving, and I have already proved

There is winning at the bottom of Ruby’s devotion! Noah sang, his voice as beautiful and clear as a bird’s song even as Alejandro tried to ignore him.

Under the driftwood, carry the driftwood! All six of the teens present chorused out the same thing as Tyler and Leshawna raced against each other to be the first back to their dummy to complete it, the music only making their legs pump faster against the sand.

Remove the dummy and dismiss the notion! Alejandro retorted, voice strong as he commanded his helpers.

Hope’s dissolving and I’m ready to get moving!

With a cheer, Tyler and Cody picked up the Noah-dummy and ran to the red mat where the Latino was waiting expectantly. The pair, sweaty and pink in the face, deposited the dummy in Alejandro’s waiting arms with happy smiles as the music cut out. A second later, Leshawna delivered the completed Alejandro-dummy to Noah and looked angry enough about losing to bite off the real Alejandro’s head. The only thing restraining her was Courtney, who was equally strong and could be equally menacing.

“Alejandro takes the lead!” Chris crowed from the sidelines, sauntering out to meet the seething teens. “Now, we get to part two of our challenge: hauling your dummies up the volcano, and then tossin’ them in. To help your journey up, you can use the things your team won for you in the Aftermath lava surfing challenge. Alejandro, you get a wheelbarrow! Noah, you get diddly squat.” Noah pinched the bridge of his hooked nose, and sighed loudly.

“Oh, it gets better, dude,” Chris said. “Since Alejandro won the effigy challenge, he gets a 20 second head start.”

“You’re kidding me!” Noah cried, only barely managing to keep his hold on the dummy as Alejandro smiled widely and pumped a fist in the air.

“Get goin’, Alejandro! 20 seconds could be the difference between a million dollars and bitter defeat at the hands of a skinny dude who can’t do a push up!”

“Not necessary, ” Noah snapped as Alejandro laughed gleefully, running forward and dumping his dummy in the wheelbarrow before beginning to cart it up the incline. The million is practically mine! He can’t make it up the incline already- with a heavy dummy? He stands no chance!

...Will this be the last time we interact? Before I win, and he hates me for the rest of my life, and we go back to our families never to see each other again?

Alejandro looked over his shoulder and blew a kiss to Noah, before setting his eyes forward and gripping the handles tightly. He ran like his life depended on it.

---

“You must be f*cking kidding me!” Noah cried as he let the dummy drop from his sore and sweaty hands at the sight of the lava river, feeling its heat on his face as he stopped his trudge up the volcano.

Alejandro was standing on the edge of the river, wheelbarrow abandoned as he surveyed the small rock stepping stones littering the fiery river. He clutched his dummy to his chest like a precious child. Noah briefly considered if he could scare Alejandro and push the dummy into the lava and win by default.

“Never! And watch your language,” Chris warned from across the divide, drawing the pair’s attention to where he was standing.

“It doesn’t matter!” Noah snapped. “My family doesn’t let my little cousins watch this show for a reason!”

“Don’t be so combative and listen to me!” Chris yelled back. “The only way across this lava river is easy peasy hot and cheesy! Ya just gotta hop from stone to stone and not fall in! And also avoid the booby traps we’ve rigged to….”

“Make things more interesting,” the boys sneered in tandem, voices flat as they shot glares at the hosts. Some things never change on this damn show.

Above the already extremely dangerous lava river was a variety of items that ranged from a grand piano to a thick log, all suspended in air precariously with a simple rope.

“Chef, a demo, please,” Chris said, and the co-host nodded. He swung an axe onto one of the ropes, cutting through it entirely with ease. In front of the boys, a heavy, solid log came thundering down. It shattered upon contact, causing the lava river to hiss, spit and bubble dangerously as the wood caught on fire and sank under the molten surface. A few splinters clattered onto the ground in front of the horrified boys.

“Yeah. You really don’t wanna get hit with those. Your helpers can either keep the items secure, or send ‘em crashing down. It’s your call, really. Aaand…go!”

Alejandro was the first to react, hefting his dummy in a fireman’s carry and quickly leaping onto the first stone with small grunts and “hups!”.

I didn’t make it this far for a damn lava river to stop me! Grunting with effort, Noah lifted his dummy awkwardly onto his back, leaning forward severely. He began to follow the Latino onto the bubbling lava river’s path, exhaling heavily with relief when he felt his boots connect with solid rock.

“Boys, drop ‘em!” Alejandro called, and his two helpers nodded solemnly, raising the machetes they were given menacingly as they turned towards the mess of ropes.

“Stop them!” Noah cried out, and Leshawna smiled and nodded. She cracked her knuckles, and easily stopped Cody in his tracks.

“Do I have to beat you into the dirt again? ” Courtney threatened, and Tyler whimpered in fear as memories of Athens resurfaced for both of them. To his credit, he still ran valiantly forward, machete held up high. He swung wildly, forcing Courtney to leap out of the way to avoid getting cut, but allowing a clear path for the machete to connect to rope. It rope severed easily, and a safe almost hit Alejandro dead on.

“Holy sh*t!” Cody cried as Leshawna put him in a headlock. “Which ropes are team Alejandro’s?”

“Um, well…you see, yes!” Chris replied unhelpfully before turning to Chef and giggling like a schoolboy, the two adults relishing in the confusion they managed to orchestrate.

“Ugh,” Alejandro grumbled, before once again resuming his leaps and bounds across the lava river. “Give it up, Noah! If you can’t get out of a hole without my help, you can’t cross a lava river without me! Maybe I’ll give you some pity cash once I’m a millionaire!”

“Oh, hell no,” Noah growled, and nodded at Leshawna from across the slowly winding lava. She easily yanked Cody’s machete from his hand and swiped it through a random rope, and a giant cage came clattering down. It missed Alejandro entirely, and soundly kept Noah in place.

The Latino laughed loudly- a self-satisfied cackle- and easily ran past Noah, clearing the lava with ease. He turned back to the cage. “It was almost fun while it lasted, Noah!” he called. “ Adiós, señor loser!” He picked his pace up tenfold, running as fast as he could away from the river of lava and onto the path towards the volcano’s peak.

Chris and Chef nodded, and began to walk towards the edge of the jungle surrounding the lava-filled crevice. They pushed back leaves and vines to reveal a helicopter, before turning to Cody and Tyler.

“We’re gonna go to the top for the finale!” Chris called. “Tyler, Cody, you guys are free to tag along! Leshawna, Courtney…I think you guys have unfinished business!” The four boys all hopped into the helicopter, and it took off with a loud whirring of its blades, leaving Noah stuck on the small stepping, surrounded by metal bars on all four sides. Leshawna and Courtney stayed as close as they could, dangerously near the edge, only a few feet and a few bars away from Noah.

“Why didn’t you go with Chris for the finale?” Noah asked weakly, dropping to his knees. The lava was hot, burning infernally, heating the rocks up as it bubbled beneath him. “It’s not worth it to stay here with me.”

Leshawna frowned sympathetically, but Courtney rolled her eyes. “Ugh! Do you know what you said to me, Noah, in Australia, all those weeks ago? That I played the game, and I played it well. That watching me lose, to give up, was humiliating. That I was better than just laying down and rolling over.” She leaned over the edge, only a few stepping stones away from Noah. “You’re Noah Mudaliar, goddamn it. You’re smart. You’re strong. You can be mean, but you can be so, so kind. I know that Ruby would be so proud of you. And even if she’s not, I am.”

Leshawna nodded. “Mmhmm. And I’m proud of you too, string bean. Out of everyone here, you proved yourself the most. Proved that you were resilient, and smart, and not goin’ down without a fight. On the Peanut Gallery and Aftermath, everyone was hopeless. They thought Alejandro was just gonna keep on manipulatin’ everyone, breezing all the way to the finale and the million with no opposition. But then you happened. And you showed Alejandro, again and again, that it wasn’t that easy. Most of us hate this game, but you made it worthwhile to watch. Gave us someone to root for. I was ripped to shreds in the tabloids, Noah. Called a B-tier reality star. A wannabe celebrity who would probably end up addicted to drugs or desperate for fame. I’ve never really forgotten those comments, after all this time. But you happened. You stayed in the game, and showed all of us that we weren’t has-beens, reality stars who aren’t worth anything any more. Just because you were Noah Mudaliar. And that was enough.”

“And you’re still enough,” Courtney added. “You may not be the strongest, but you’re smart, and kind. You made friends by picking us up where we fell. Now it’s our time to pick you up when you fall. Noah, you have to remember that you’re the good guy. And the good guy always wins.”

“But I’m not the good guy,” Noah said, resting his hands on the hot metal bars, head slumping in shame. “Alejandro was right. I was on my high horse, and I lied to him. I broke my promise. I…I’m not a good guy anymore.”

Leshawna shook her head. “No one is all good. No one is all bad. I thought Heather was the prime evil, but…she was nice to me. She’s been caring for Sierra with Cody. Yeah, you broke a promise. But…you can make a new one.”

“The only way to make a new promise, though, is if you do what you told me all those episodes ago: get off your ass and GO!” Courtney’s voice was loud, strong, and confident. She looked at him with nothing but pride, and something clicked in Noah’s brain as he locked eyes with her.

I just have to make a new promise. I just…need to get out of this hole. Alejandro used leverage to get me out the first time, so…I just need to do it again!

Noah lifted the pineapple-headed dummy up, and reared it back as best he could, like a life-sized pool cue. He slammed it against the bars facing a cheering Courtney and Leshawna, and then threw his weight against the tilting cage.

Like a pair of supernatural hands was pushing along with him, the cage fell onto its side. The metal roof fell off like a hinged lid, creating a path for Noah to safely run across with the slightly battered dummy held in his arms.

“You did it!” Courtney cried, jumping up and down. Happy tears were trailing down her face, and Leshawna was right there with her, mascara creating black rivers across her cheeks.

“Go, string bean, go!” Leshawna said, unable to contain the joy in her voice.

Noah threw his dummy down, and hugged both girls tightly. “I want you to meet my sisters,” he said, voice wobbling with emotion. “You…I can’t even…. thank you,” he whispered.

“Thank us later,” Leshawna said, pulling away from his tight hug. “But first, get that million!”

Noah nodded, picked up his dummy, and began the long run up the volcano. His chest was heaving, his lungs were on fire, his legs hurt, and his lips were chapped from the extreme heat…but he felt as if hope was leaking from every pore, as if his very sweat was a golden sheen as he kept pumping his legs, one in front of the other.

He let out a yell of determination before leaning forward and focusing only on getting up the incline.

---

Alejandro laughed, a manic and slightly heat-crazed thing, as he reached the top of the volcano. Waves of heat were rolling off of the open pit as lava bubbled and broiled at its surface. The Peanut Gallery, sweaty and exhausted from the heat, all perked up at his arrival, many of them frowning when they realized it was him and not the Tamilian.

“And Alejandro is the first up!” Chris called as he leaned against the plane with Chef and Sierra in it. At his feet was a metal briefcase.

“Where the hell is Noah?” the buff Russian girl- Eva- growled.

“Yeah, where is he?” Izzy asked, looking around the volcano, orange hair swishing with every movement.

“If you let my little buddy die, Al, I’ll finally figure out what human meat tastes like!” Owen warned.

“Yeah, Al!” Duncan chimed in, a sh*t-eating grin on his face.

Al.

Al.

AL.

Josè calls me Al. And then he insults me, degrades me, humiliates me in front of the family. I hate him. I hate the family. I hate the name- Al and Burromuerto. I hate it.

“I hate being called Al!” he screamed, causing everyone that had spoken to clamp their jaws shut- though only the other contestants looked afraid of his outburst. Izzy simply giggled, Owen looked unimpressed, and Eva…seemed as if she hadn’t even heard him. Duncan just quirked an eyebrow up.

“All day, all night, it’s Al, Al, Al, with nothing to show for it!” Alejandro raised the dummy up, over his head, chest heaving. Finally. Finally. All of these challenges, all of the backstabbing…for this. “My name is Alejandro, and I-”

“Love that name,” Noah’s voice said from behind him. “I love that name.”

Alejandro turned around, cradling the dummy to his chest as his eyes widened in shock. “No you don’t,” he said. “Why are you still lying to me, Noah?”

“I’m not,” Noah said, dragging himself and his dummy farther towards the middle of the volcano. “I’ve lied to you a lot, this season. Almost…almost as much as I’ve lied to myself. Over and over, because fear…fear overpowers anything. Even love.”

“I think the last part of you that could feel love died with your sister,” Alejandro spat. He was so close to the edge, so close to the million, but something about Noah’s pained expression forced him to stay, to listen.

“I thought so too,” Noah replied. “And then I came here. And I thought I would hate everyone, everything, like usual, ‘cause I was reminded too much of her. Ruby. Did you know that the Greeks had seven types of love?” Noah asked, causing Alejandro to blink in surprise at the sudden change of topic.“I knew that. But I didn’t believe it. I firmly believed that no one person could feel that much love in one lifetime, for that many people. But then…I stayed here. In this game. I guess I went a little crazy on that plane, Alejandro. Because I realized that I love Owen, like a friend. The Greeks called that philia. I love Leshawna like a sister. Storge. I love Courtney, in a teasing and playful way. Ludus. I love myself, because I allowed myself to open up to all of these people I wouldn’t have given the time of day. Without that self-love, that…that philautia, I wouldn’t be here, right now. I wouldn’t be able to tell you that I love you, Alejandro.”

Alejandro’s bottom lip was quivering, as his hold on the dummy loosened more and more. “Stop it, Noah,” he begged. It was supposed to be a threat, a demand…a command, but it just sounded like a small child. Pathetic, weak, desperate.

No one has told me they’ve loved me in a long, long, time.

“H-here, I’ll prove it to you,” Noah said, and threw down his dummy. The wooden effigy clattered to the ground in front of Noah, limbs disconnecting, but it barely registered in Alejandro’s mind as his vision only tunneled to Noah, Noah, Noah. The evil little voice in his head- Josè- quieted as the Tamilian boy took awkward, tired, clunky steps to Alejandro.

“Alejandro, we have done so much to each other. Said so much. Some of it, I can understand if you never want to forgive me for. But I still…want you to know that all of the lies weren’t to hurt you. They were to protect me, shield me, keep me stagnant and stuck in my cynicism. My eyes were on the prize, yours were too, and I ended up pushing you far away when all I wanted to do was hold you close.” Noah was so close that he could reach out to touch Alejandro’s warm cheek. That was what he did- his thin, calloused, warm hand gently tucked a strand of hair behind Alejandro’s pierced ear, and then laid his palm against Alejandro’s cheek.

“Estoy cansado,” Alejandro whispered, letting his head tilt into the gentle softness of Noah’s palm. “I’m so tired, Noah. So tired. And…I don’t want to let you go. I want to be yours more than I want to be a Burromuerto. I want you more than the million…I have already forgiven you, a thousand times over, because I understand the mindset you locked yourself in. My family has locked me in that mindset my whole life. I did the same things you did. I did worse. Neither of us are blameless nor perfect. I’m sorry for what I’ve done to you. Now, all I ask is that we can be blameless and imperfect together.” Alejandro finally allowed his hands to slip, the dummy clattering to the ground. He leaned into Noah, and gently pressed his lips against the shorter boy’s.

Noah’s lips were chapped and cracked, but they still fit perfectly against Alejandro’s own as they held each other, backs to a volcano and a wildly cheering and swooning Peanut Gallery. Harold wiped away tears with Owen’s shirt while Katie and Sadie squealed.

“That’s SO SWEET,” Chris said loudly, obnoxious voice breaking their kiss short as they turned to face the host with annoyance all over their faces. “BUT, Noah has just bagged the million dollars!”

“What?” Noah cried, eyes wide with a panicked expression on his face.

“¿QUÈ?” Alejandro gasped, eyebrows all the way into his hairline. I wasn’t played for a fool. I couldn’t have been. It’s not possible.

The entire Peanut Gallery echoed their sentiments with similar screams of confusion.

“When Noah threw his dummy down, it totally broke into a bunch of pieces and rolled close to the edge. When Alejandro let his dummy fall, it caused Noah’s dummy pieces to roll into the volcano, including the pineapple head. Thus, Noah is our winner!”

“I- I didn’t mean for that to happen, Alejandro,” Noah said as the other contestants erupted into even louder cheers and whistles, surging forward to hug Noah. “You have to believe me, I just wanted to let you know the truth before you won and vanished from my life forever,” he begged. “Please.”

Alejandro squeezed Noah’s hand as Izzy, Eva and Owen came barreling towards him. “I do believe you,” he said. “From now on, I’ll always believe you.” The teens of the Peanut Gallery crowded Noah, hugging him and chanting his name, pulling him away from Alejandro.

“GET AWAY FROM THE EDGE!” Chris screamed suddenly, eyes wide with panic and voice deadly serious as it resounded around the top of the volcano. The celebrating group stopped dead in their tracks, the volcano hissing and spitting angrily behind the group. “The execs spiked the pineapples with explosives behind my back when they realized I switched ‘em out for safe pineapples- the volcano’s gonna blow!”

Once again, screams rang out, but this time they were laden with fear. The group surrounding took off, Noah perched on Owen’s broad shoulders. He turned around, hand reaching out for Alejandro. “Wait! Wait!” he cried, but his pleas went ignored as chunks of magma began to fly, molten orange and whizzing through the air.

“Go!” Alejandro yelled, running after the group, lava boiling over the volcano’s edge and onto the ledge. “I’ll keep up!”

Chris leaped into his helicopter, throwing the briefcase of money into it, and took to the air to guide the teens back down the volcano to safety as Alejandro sprinted away from the liquid fire behind him.

---

The contestants were all safely in the water, treading as palm trees fell down and were consumed by the lava. They watched with open mouths as they saw sand get overtaken by bright orange magma. All of them except Alejandro, being held up in the water on his back by Chef. His boots had long ago floated away after being quickly yanked off once he was in the water His burnt legs and feet, bright pink in some places and a burnt brown in others, were exposed to the air and slightly submerged in saltwater. His eyes were teary from the pain, and he was drifting in and out of consciousness as Noah treaded water, desperately gripping onto Alejandro’s uninjured hand, prayers in Tamilian quickly burbling from his mouth. They all meant the same thing: please, please, please, please be okay.

In the helicopter above them was Chris and Sierra, circling the water. Chris yelled into his phone, over and over, for paramedics to come and Sierra put her head in her hands and cried as quietly as she could. The host screamed the coordinates of the island so many times, until his voice was hoarse, that Noah memorized them.

The Coast Guard boat finally arrived after what felt like centuries, tenderly lifting Alejandro from Chef’s hands and into a safer area, gently cutting away his charred and melted pants. A few of the group members clambered aboard the boat before another one came, escorting the teens and hosts to the nearest neighboring island in batches.

Noah was sick with worry as he sat huddled with Lindsay, Beth, Gwen and Duncan. They were all painfully silent until Gwen stood up, crossed the small vessel’s standing area, and silently bumped her shoulders against Noah’s like he had done with her before her elimination.

“Am I taking your crying spot?” he asked, trying to force an unwilling smile onto his face. It only slightly worked. His voice sounded weak and raspy from crying and then staying in shocked silence for so long. The constant adrenaline high and emotional changes, paired with running up a volcano and then treading water for God-knows-how-long had zapped all energy from him. It took everything in him to even speak.

“Nah,” Gwen said. “My crying spot got blown up by a birthday cake a few days ago.”

They sat shoulder-to-shoulder as the boat sped over choppy waves until they reached a large island full of villa houses, shops, and winding roads that all led to a white sandy beach. Waiting for them was the complete Total Drama cast, and as a large, haggard group, they trooped to the hastily booked-out five star hotel that sat on a prime strip of beach. They were all so exhausted and shocked that they couldn’t even marvel at how clean, shiny, and nice it was. They simply sat around the lobby like zombies while waiting for the concierge to pass their keycards out, pair by pair.

From Noah and Harold’s shared bedroom, he could see the fiery remains of the other island off in the horizon, a glowing orange dot on a sea of deep blue and against a starry purple and black blanket.

For a million dollars, I’d go back in time to put him at the front of the group so that even if he did trip on a root, he could’ve been picked up. We could have been celebrating one of our wins in this same hotel, sharing a room together, completely safe.

Harold had to drag him to one of the queen-sized beds, a water bottle on the nightstand. He left the drawer with the Bible open, just in case Noah was that desperate.

The Tamilian simply kicked off his filthy, soaked, sandy boots and stripped off his top two layers, dumping them unceremoniously on the floor before crawling into the sheets. The feeling of a mattress was almost foreign to him as his body relaxed against the soft memory foam.

Harold leaned over and clicked the light off, placing his glasses on the bedside table. “I know he’ll be okay,” he said softly. “You need to sleep, though. You can’t take care of him if you don’t take care of yourself first, man.” The ginger rolled onto his side, facing the door rather than Noah, and before long his sides were rising and falling evenly with his breaths.

After staring at the too-white ceiling for hours, Noah realized why he couldn’t fall into sleep even when the hotel was the height of luxury: he no longer heard the thrum of the plane to lull him and drown out his loud, anxious thoughts.

After tossing, turning, and drinking from the water deeply, Noah fell asleep as the sun rose over the horizon.

Chapter 13: Globe, Trotted

Chapter Text

Noah slept for fifteen hours, never once stirring or waking up halfway. Harold had kept vigilant watch over him per Chris McLean’s instructions, quietly reading or playing whatever handheld game he kept in the boys’ shared hotel room, taking his meals there as well.

Noah cried out in his sleep more than once- anything from babbled, desperate Tamilian to gasps of “No!” and “Alè!” He rolled quite a bit as well, tangling himself further and further into the bedsheets before his body would go slack with slumber once more, even as the sun rose. Throughout the day, worried cast members, nurses, and staff members knocked on the door, trying to see how Noah was doing- or in Geoff’s case, if he was awake and wanted to go to the “Total Drama is Over Party” party. (It was named such because that was the trending hashtag online once the explosion got leaked and Alejandro’s injury status hit the public eye.) Harold let no one in, declined Geoff’s invitation, and shortly after the blonde party boy left, Noah finally awoke. It wasn’t a gentle blinking-open of the eyes, sunlight glimmering on his face as birds twittered: it was with a strangled yelp, Noah quickly sitting up and looking around, heart thundering in his ribcage as he registered his surroundings, chest heaving as he forced the panic in him to subside. There's no plane. There's no challenge; I’m still in the hotel. I’m okay. I'm okay. Breathe, Noah, breathe!

“Wh-what day is it?” he croaked, looking out the window and the inky blackness of the night sky, dark ocean waves lapping at the hotel’s private strip of beach. He was disoriented, confused, and a mounting feeling of stress was coagulating in his stomach, vision slightly swimming before him as his senses were overloaded.

“Tomorrow,” Harold replied quickly, putting his handheld game console down as he turned to look at Noah from where he was reclining on his bed. “You’ve been out since, like, seven o’clock this morning, and it’s 10 p.m. now.”

“Where is Alejandro? Is he okay?” Noah asked immediately, storing the fact that he slept fifteen hours away as he tried to free his limbs from the sheets, rolling and yanking as he worked furiously.

“What about you? Are you okay?" When Noah said nothing, Harold sighed and shook his head. "Since nothing's gonna stop you, I guess I'll be the one to tell you about Alejandro...he’s in a coma. I’m really sorry, man. The doctors have been operating nonstop from what Courtney told us. Sierra is also hospitalized for her broken ribs and stuff, but they’re not letting her have any visitors.”

Noah looked at the nerd, jaw slack and face blanched in horror as his quickly working hands stilled. “No,” he said, voice barely more than a whisper. He slid off the bed, disbelief still written all over his face as he made for the door, slightly unsteady as he half hobbled, half ran to the exit.

Harold leaped off of his bed and blocked Noah from reaching the handle, splaying his skinny limbs out in front of the door like a ginger sea star. “No way, man! Chef told me you totally had to shower, drink some water, change clothes, eat something, and then you had to meet him in the lobby. The hospital is totally off limits, and is swamped with reporters. It’s not safe for you, since you just won. We both know you don’t want to deal with them, so just shower already. Gosh!”

Noah ignored him, glaring at the nerdy boy with all the anger he could muster. “Move it, Harold. I will literally pay you to let me go.” It feels so weird saying that. Knowing I have the money to even be able to say that.

“Although tempting, I won’t hesitate to use my mad skills on you. Eva said if I yell for her she’ll put you in the shower herself.”

“Let me see him!” Noah’s voice cracked as he yelled, jabbing a finger into Harold’s scrawny chest. “You can’t tell me he’s in a coma without expecting me to make sure he’s okay! Let me out of this godforsaken hotel room!” His lip trembled as he spoke, and he felt foolish for it. I've been through worse, I’m eighteen and can make my own decisions, and I do not need to cry in front of Harold Norbert Cheever Doris McGrady V, of all people.

“The best doctors from the surrounding islands are working on him right now, man. You don’t wanna be another person rotting in a hospital waiting room.”

“I worked so hard to not lose him, but it might not be for anything if he dies on that operating table!” Tears were now slipping down Noah’s face freely, lips quivering as he squeezed his eyes shut in shame, pawing at them desperately as he tried to force himself to stop crying.

Noah's body jolted when he suddenly felt Harold’s twiggy arms wrap around him, holding him as he sobbed, full wracking heaves that resounded through his body. All of the feelings from Total Drama, the adrenaline, the lingering tiredness, bubbled to a boil and spilled over, tear tracks making their way down Noah’s red face and absorbing into Harold’s eternally dorky t-shirt.

“Hey, dude, it’s gonna be okay,” Harold said as kindly as he could, awkwardly patting Noah’s back. “I don’t really like Alejandro because of what he did to my beautiful Leshawna, but…he proved he cares and can be kind. And I understand why he acted that way. No one deserves what happened to him, but he’s getting the best care he can. For now, that’s all you can hold onto.”

Noah stepped back, still sniffling and wiping at his face, and nodded. He felt childlike- emotional, useless, foolish, even under Harold’s non-judgemental gaze.

“You totally stink, dude. How are you gonna woo Alejandro when he wakes up if you show up covered in ash, dirt, and still in clothes you’ve been wearing for like, three days straight? There’s soap, shampoo, and conditioner in the bathroom and a change of clothes the interns got you from a local shop so your other clothes can be washed. Or possibly burnt. Those things are gross, dude.”

“Thank you, Harold. Really.”

Noah hadn’t often paid much attention to the dweeb, but…he had his moments of genuine kindness, hidden behind layers of lame facts and an obsession with classic Japanese cinema.Even Noah had to admit that he was lucky to have someone with such mad skills making sure he didn’t destroy himself in his panic or drown in his worry.

---

The hotel, a five-star establishment called The Blue Equator, was serving its breakfast buffet when Noah finally showed his face. He was newly washed and begrudgingly blow dried, clad in cargo shorts and a red t-shirt bought from a local beach shop. He was rested, deciding that he was going to show his face to the cast at breakfast rather than the dead of night. He and Harold had collectively agreed to order room service (paid for by Chris McLean), and then Noah slept heavily once more. He was newly clean of the many, many layers of sand, dirt, ash, grime, and sweat, and had almost cried when he got a fresh towel and saw the abundant, running water of the faucet.

As he rounded the corner with Harold, discussing what the hell to do with his newly-acquired million dollars, Noah stopped in his tracks as the door swung open. The entire Total Drama cast was in the lobby, mingling with each other, stealing food off of plates, when the in-hotel restaurant doors opened and revealed Noah in all of his scrawny glory. He froze, suddenly feeling very self-conscious and nervous, as the commotion caused by a pack of rowdy teenagers stilled completely as their heads swiveled to look at him.

“Oh, please, don’t stop for me of all people,” he drawled, and the room exploded to life. Cheers, whoops, and congratulations hit him like a two-ton truck as Izzy, Eva, and Owen smothered him in a soul crushing hug, babbling joyful nonsense into his ear as the others converged on him. Some, like Courtney and Leshawna, were all smiles as they greeted him back to civilization. Others, like Duncan and Tyler, gave good-natured greetings and congratulations on winning. Still others, like Gwen and his close friends, were teary as they grasped his hand and pulled him in for hug after hug.

Suddenly, an ear-piercing whistle rang out around the lobby. “Hey, dudes! Now that Noah’s here, we’re totally gonna have a beach party! The Hashtag Total Drama is Over Party party is getting a part two!” Geoff’s voice, usually something that managed to grate on every single one of Noah’s nerves, reached his ears as Izzy whooped at the prospect, and Noah smiled despite himself. He couldn’t stop the grin spreading on his face as the teens all cheered, cramming the last bits of their breakfast (or in Izzy’s case, the last bits of Owen’s breakfast) before excusing themselves to change into their swimsuits. Harold had informed him that the Peanut Gallery had been staying at the Blue Equator with the plans to change hotels after a winner was declared, but the network heard what happened and kept everyone there, booking the entire place out instead of just renewing the rooms, which was why everyone seemed so comfortable with the hotel’s layout and they all had changes of clothes stored away.

“But since all of your clothes were incinerated, it means you have no swimsuit, Captain Cranium,” Eva informed him, a smile on her face as she threw a thick arm around his shoulders, leading him towards the hotel’s doors. “Instead of going straight to Geoff’s party, we’re gonna take you out on the town to buy you a swimsuit, Mr. Millionaire.”

Noah smirked. “Hey, maybe I’ll treat you guys to something with my newly-acquired million dollars.”

Owen gasped and smiled giddily. “Really!? Because let me tell you, little buddy, there’s been an ice cream shop I’ve had my eye on since we got here! The lava was really hot and the swimming made me really hungry so of course I wanted ice cream! But I had no money and I don’t think the lady could understand me, since she just sorta looked confused and threatened to call the cops.”

“Alright, big guy. You only get to choose three flavors, though. I’m not trying to burn through my savings just yet.”

“Deal! Oh, great gobs of chutney! I can’t wait to go shopping with my little buddy!”

“Haha, yeah! Hawaii watch out, Team E-Scope plus Owen is on the loose!” Izzy cheered from where she was hanging from Owen’s shoulders.

“Come on,” Eva huffed, and the group went out into the sunny cobbled streets, slipping back into their old, energetic ways joyously.

---

Noah was refereeing the boys v.s. girls beach volleyball game (the girls were currently winning, though Duncan and Harold were somehow managing to hold their own) when from the grill, Chris called for him.

Noah’s face immediately darkened at the sight of the host- and what a poor sight Chris was. He was spending most of the days cooped up in the nicest room on the highest-up floor that he shared with Chef, and the sound of him arguing with lawyers and network executives could be heard throughout the entire floor. Apparently, he had a court date very, very soon against the network for spiking the pineapples behind his back, and then had a team of lawyers filing another court case on behalf of Alejandro. Whenever any of the kids saw him, they reported that he looked rough: messy hair, stubble that was no longer fashionable but an effect of neglect, and sunken eyes that lacked a mischevious glimmer.

He still looked haggard as Noah approached him, picking up a small cup of punch from one of the food tables set out by the hotel as one of Geoff’s playlists (Bitchin’ Beach Bash Number Three, as he informed an unenthusiastic Gwen) blared from the speakers.

“McLean,” Noah said in way of a greeting. He held no ill will against the man- he was a glorified puppet, subject to his master’s will: in this case, the demands of the network. Chris apparently also spent quite a bit of time pacing in the hospital waiting room, hearing the nurses describe Alejandro’s post-operation condition (stable). He cared, but Noah needed someone to blame for the horrors he and Alejandro had been forced through- and sadly, the closest he could get was Chris. Something told him that McLean thought he deserved the blame, too.

“Mudaliar,” Chris responded. “I’m happy to say that Alejandro’s case has gone through. Courtney’s lawyers are going to tear the network apart.”

Noah couldn’t help the smile on his face. “About damn time.”

Chris’ evil grin mirrored the Tamilian’s. “Exactly. And, we have another surprise for you.”

“Please tell me it’s not something you cooked up to 'keep things interesting'.”

“Oh, Christ, no! No, it’s something a little…” Chris grimaced. “Louder.”

“Louder?” Noah asked, and then heard the sound of the hotel’s doors slamming open near the pool area. He looked towards the sound, and then he saw the surprise: all of his sisters, streaming out to greet him, and bringing up the rear of the pack was his mother, tears in her eyes. When his sisters caught sight of their only brother, they began to scream in joy, ignoring the “no running by the pool” signs as they rushed to meet him, quickly leaving the pool area and kicking their shoes off to run across the beach to him.

Natasha, the resident athlete, was the first to get to Noah, and the strength of her hug practically knocked him down as she wrapped her toned arms around his shoulders. She was babbling in a mixture of English and Tamil, her words muffled by the two twins running full-force into his arms. One by one, his sisters hugged him, speaking over one another as he embraced them as tightly as possible.

“Girls,” a soft voice chided, and all of the children finally let go of Noah, parting so that he could see the last person in his familial procession.

It was his mother in all her glory. Her hair, going gray at the temples, was twisted into a bun that reminded him of childhood days long past, the wrinkles around her mouth and eyes as soft as he could remember. Draped over her was a magnificent sari, bedecked in golden accents, and the deep ruby color of it matched her earrings. She was elegant, aging gracefully, and she moved with purpose towards her son.

He ran into her open arms and sobbed unashamedly as Chris and Chef smiled softly at the sight of a family reunited.

---

Alejandro awoke with a strangled gasp, lurching up into a sitting position as the blinding white of an unfamiliar room flooded his senses. “¿Dónde estoy? ¿Dónde está mamá? ¿Padre?”

His voice sounded foreign, painfully raspy and ragged as his head swiveled around the room. He saw no one he was familiar with, only a buff woman with her back turned to him. Her black hair was tied back, and she didn’t seem to work at the hospital- instead of scrubs, she was instead clad in a black tank top and a pair of gray sweatpants. She didn’t notice his mutterings, drowning his words out by barking out orders of some sort, her words unintelligible to him; she seemed to be speaking Russian rather than English. Only one thought managed to permeate the fog that was resting on his mind like a blanket: am I still in Hawaii?

“Hey! Do NOT touch that; it’s for him to eat when he wakes up!” the girl said gruffly, voice firm and commanding as she motioned angrily at someone only she could see. All Alejandro could make out was a mess of bright orange hair, a sage green t-shirt, and a tray laden with the standard hospital food, like soup and Jell-o, his eyes still blurry and unfocused as he squinted at the commotion around his bed.

Two women, one buff and one a redhead… The dots connected in Alejandro’s mind, and he flopped back against the pillows and bed, immediately regretting the motion as shocks of pain shot through his body. Why those two out of anyone possible? Did they kill my nurses? Are they holding me here for ransom money?

“Put the spoon down, Izzy,” Eva commanded, before looking over her shoulder. “And get the Mudaliars- now! Go!”

“Aye-aye, Bear One!” Izzy said, saluting before turning on her heel and dashing out of the room, swinging the door open with a loud bang!

“And be QUIET! This is a hospital!” Eva called behind her friend, before fully turning towards Alejandro. With a huff, she grabbed the food tray off the side table, sitting down next to his bed onto a folding chair with a heavy thump.

“Eva?” Alejandro rasped out, feeling foolish as he uttered the question. “Why are you here?” He had never spoken to the girl, and she was Noah’s friend, not his (not that he had any friends besides Sierra). Based on her expressions from the volcano top, he was led to believe she had no qualms about ripping him limb from limb using her bare hands.

She said nothing, deigning to dip the plastic spoon into the bowl of soup. “Eat first.”

“N-no,” he said, memories flooding him as he remembered the volcano, and the lava, and the pain. The pain that he strangely didn’t feel, even though his entire lower body had been scorched, burnt, and injured, and then doused in saltwater. Must be whatever meds they’ve been pumping into me for God knows how long. “Why are you here? Where am I? Where…where is my family?”

The girl gave an exasperated huff, and shoved the spoonful of soup into Alejandro’s mouth with a self-satisfied smile that was downright terrifying. Alejandro made an angry noise around the plastic spoon, but still chewed the soft noodles that had been forced into his mouth as Eva began to speak. “Noah asked Izzy and I to keep the tabloids out,” she said, getting another spoonful of the mid-quality soup ready in case Alejandro started asking questions again. “And to protect you from your well-wishers. He also said that you’d ask that question.”

“Well wishers? What about my family?” Alejandro asked again after swallowing the broth. Ugh. Chicken noodle. Absolutely vile.

“Haven’t seen a single Burromuerto the entire month you’ve been here,” Eva said. “Though a guy from the embassy came in and put this on your nightstand a week ago. He didn’t stay to chat, even when all of the Mudaliar kids tried to get answers out of him.” Balancing the tray on her lap, she slid one of the drawers open and retrieved a letter, slightly bent in some areas. Keeping it closed was a red wax seal- his father’s. Alejandro recognized the bull crest from his father’s ring. Suddenly, he felt nauseous, the small bit of soup churning in his stomach.

She handed it to him, slightly apologetic. “Izzy wanted to open it and check for poisons and explosives. It was a game of keep-away for a second, and your letter got a little busted.”

Why is Noah friends with these buffoons, again?

Eva set down the spoon, soup, and tray on the free space of the nightstand. She stood up, and headed towards the door. “I’m gonna go keep everyone out while you read that. The messenger dude looked super serious- you need some privacy. Take your time. Call when you’re ready. Eat some soup.” She left the room, hulking figure taking up the majority of the door frame as she exited.

With shaking hands, Alejandro slid his finger under the envelope’s lip, and extracted the folded letter. He took a shuddering, uneven breath in before reading the looping cursive. It was all in Spanish- a family matter. Nothing good ever came from the family.

Alejandro-

I hope you have enjoyed your little rebellious stunt, because your mother and I most certainly have not.

Not only did you lose out on one million dollars- money that could have gone to the family- you lost to a foolish little boy who should have been voted out in London. Watching you sully our family name has been humiliating for all of us- your mother has been a teary mess because of it. We lost Carlos, and now we have lost you, both departures from our family shameful and disgraceful and highly public. You should be ashamed, though I doubt you are considering what you said on the volcano. You’re tired? Well, I am exhausted having to make excuses for my barely-functioning son, who still failed even though I have given you the best training I could offer- for almost two decades.

You are eighteen years old, Alejandro- your birthday passed while you were still unconscious. You have won quite a bit in settlement money thanks to that uppity little lawyer girl and that idiot McLean, combined with the pay you received for being on that vile show. Maybe you should take that irritating boy’s last name- Mudaliar- since you seem to hate being a Burromuerto so much. Don’t make that face- you proved me right when you let that dummy leave your hands and let any opportunity at success slip away.

Kissing that boy was the last straw- your mother had become very fond of Heather, who came from a respectable family and whose father has worked with the embassy before. Even if you lost, you could have married her and set up a sustainable future to continue the Burromuerto legacy. Instead, some hormonal teen fling with a scrawny boy whose family is full of filth and gender-confused people has taken over your life. In a year, you will regret this, and I will not hear it. You are old enough to know right and wrong- you had simply just refused to acknowledge the fact that you could be wrong, even though you have been wrong since the London episode at the very least.

As my last fatherly act, Alejandro, I have freed you from us- as you said through your confessionals and actions, you cannot stand being one of us, even though we have given you everything.

Goodbye, Alejandro. I hope forsaking us was worth it.

-The Burromuerto Diplomatic Family

Alejandro felt sick as his eyes scanned the letter, over and over again. It reeked of his father’s ego and his brother’s hatred, from the wording to the blatant gaslighting.

The edges of the paper were creasing and bending underneath his finger’s tight, shaky grip, and the writing on the crisp paper began to run as tear droplets fell onto the ink letters.

“'I have freed you from us'… I’m not a Burromuerto anymore?” he whispered. “I’m just…Alejandro?” His heart was beating, and a grin broke out onto his face. I’m…me?

His smile continued to grow as a commotion built outside the door, multiple voices yelling over each other and arguing, all of them girls. Izzy’s deranged laughter could be heard overlapping over a matronly voice asking for quiet, the sound of two small hands knocking on his door, and over all of them was an impossibly fond but exasperated voice yelling “VAIYA MOODU!”

Alejandro’s elated grin was wide and genuine as his hospital door burst open, a gaggle of dark-skinned girls taking up all possible space within the doorframe, along with Izzy, Owen, and Eva at the back of the pack. At the very front of the mostly-girl crowd was a disheveled, mulleted boy in three layers and cargo shorts, who had wide eyes and tears in the corners of them, back turned to the now-open door.

“Alejandro?” Noah’s voice was a gentle whisper as he turned around to face the boy he kissed on top of a volcano. A collective hush fell over the group, all of the assorted eyes turned owlishly onto the Latino sitting in the hospital bed.

“Mi amor, ¿por qué estás ahí parada? ¡Ven aquí!” Even though he knew Noah didn’t speak a lick of Spanish, Alejandro was so overjoyed to see the Tamilian that his mouth was working for him before his brain even turned on or managed to catch up.

There was dead silence before one of the older girls with a severe bob and sharp eyeliner rolled her eyes and kicked her brother forward. “Go on, dumbass!”

The woman Alejandro assumed to be Noah’s mother tsked and swatted her arm. “Language!”

Noah stumbled forward, shooting a glare at his sister, before looking at Alejandro, a grin splitting his face to match the Latino’s, slowly but surely.

“You think I would die before I got the chance to congratulate you on your win?” Alejandro said, voice light. The soup had helped his dry throat, he no longer sounded raspy and miserable. He couldn’t help it; the joke came so naturally as his entire soul celebrated, thoroughly high on freedom, cheering as it absorbed the contents of the letter.

Noah said nothing, smiling faintly as he blinked in Alejandro’s direction. Once, twice, until he ran forward, all but launching himself to the hospital bed across the room. His sisters broke out in laughter, and his mother smiled lovingly. “We’ll give you two some space,” she said, before herding the small army of girls away from the door and gently shutting it, leaving the two thoroughly alone save for the beeping of the monitors around Alejandro's bed.

Noah tucked his head under Alejandro’s chin, breathing in the most likely unappealing hospital scent that lingered on his skin, wrapping his arms gingerly around the Latino’s unharmed shoulders and neck. Noah said nothing for a moment, overwhelmed and shaking slightly, gripping Alejandro’s shoulders so tight as if he planned to never let go. The boy stayed there for a minute or two, awkwardly leaning across the bed and into Alejandro’s firm embrace. The Latino allowed himself to press a gentle kiss to the top of Noah’s head, relishing that he was able to do so without the judgment he had dealt with since his childhood. I’ll never regret taking my last chance to be with him, Father. Never. Not now, not in a year, not in five. It was worth it. He is worth it.

The Tamil boy finally looked up, and smiled widely as he took in Alejandro fully. “Duncan started a betting pool on whether or not you were gonna need to be amputated,” he started, and Alejandro couldn’t help but bark a laugh at the absurdity of that of all things being Noah’s opener statement. His shoulders shook involuntarily as all of his giddiness came to a boil and escaped from his mouth.

“Please tell me you voted against my losing my legs,” Alejandro said as Noah readjusted himself to a sitting position next to Alejandro on the bed, the boys now comfortably shoulder-to-shoulder.

“A thousand dollars against,” Noah said primly. “Let’s just say that now he owes me a pretty penny for being wrong.” Alejandro gasped as his jaw dropped, and Noah snorted at the expression. “What? I can’t splurge my prize money?”

“A gambling addiction already, mi flecha venenosa? That’s very irresponsible of you,” Alejandro chided. Noah shrugged, and they lapsed into silence, soaking up the other’s presence as the fan overhead whirred. Their breathing was steady and the windows around the room were filled with a peaceful blue sky, no clouds in sight to obscure its beauty. Alejandro felt content. After weeks of plane food and falling through the sky, singing, lying, and fear, he was finally…peaceful. No family breathing down his neck, no need to repress the feelings that had been ready to burst out for days, no more Total Drama. Noah by his side. It was the closest thing to a good day he’d had outside of winning a challenge in a long, long while.

Noah shifted, and Alejandro tried to readjust his legs to a more comfortable position. When he tried to shift, his legs didn’t move with his torso. Alejandro tried again, panic flaring in his body as he watched his legs fail to move. The pain he felt from the volcano came flooding back, senses on fire as his body broke out in sweat.

“What’s wrong with me?” he gasped, trying as hard as he could to move his limbs in any way, eyes locked onto where his legs were under the hospital-issued bedsheets. From his side, the heart monitor connected to his arm began to emanate a quick tempo beep as fear mounted in him.

“Alejandro,” Noah said, forcing his voice to be soft and soothing as he attempted to calm the Latino’s erratic movements. They didn’t stop, and Noah placed his hands on Alejandro’s biceps, forcing him still. “Look at me. No, don’t look at your legs. Me. Yes. Good.”

When he was suitably calm, Noah sighed deeply, shaking his head. He bit his lip, looking at the IV drip, heart monitor, tubes hooked up to Alejandro’s arms and patches of his chest. “The lava, it…destroyed the nerves in your legs almost completely. The doctors told us that with extensive physical therapy you could walk again, but for now, you’re strictly confined to a wheelchair. They said that only you would know if there were feelings in your legs, but you went into a medical coma.” He blinked rapidly, looking ashamed as Alejandro reached a hand towards his legs, snaking a hand underneath the blankets to poke at them futilely.

“Is that why Father let me go?” Alejandro whispered as tried to will feeling into his legs again, a gaping hole opening in his chest as the weight of Noah’s words crashed into him. A month long medical coma? Wheelchair bound until physical therapy fixes me? Father…Mother…didn’t see me, even though I’ll practically be permanently disabled?

“‘Father let me go’?” Noah asked, voice sharp. “What do you mean, let you go? Is that why we haven’t seen any of your family here? I just thought their work schedules were hell and couldn’t make it. You’re telling me they ignored their son because they were embarrassed that a volcano destroyed your nerves?” He was incredulous as he leaned back to look at Alejandro, eyebrows raised in disbelief.

“Eva said I had been here, unconscious, for a month,” Alejandro said weakly as Noah seethed. “Mother and Father could easily have adjusted their schedules to see me…they simply chose not to see me. Father…did not appreciate my behavior on the show. I am no longer a Burromuerto, and therefore they no longer have any obligation to care for me.” Not that they ever did in the first place.

Alejandro retracted his hand from his numb legs and groped around the hospital bed for the crumpled letter until he found it. Wordlessly, he gave the paper to Noah who all but snatched it from his grip. The brainiac’s eyes furiously scanned the writing once, twice, and then again, expression only getting more severe as he read the letter.

Noah silently put the note onto its envelope on top of the bedside table, lips pressed into a thin line. The anger radiating off of him filled the room, and Alejandro was not ashamed to admit that having someone so righteously angry on his behalf made his heart swell. “I’ll sic Eva on him. Say the word and I’ll do it, Alejandro. Or I’ll get Courtney to sue them, or something.”

“Not necessary,” Alejandro replied. “I am done with him. With all of them. I have all the money I need, though I do not know how much exactly. I am finished with the family entirely. Noah, I’m just Alejandro now. No Burromuerto name following me around like a phantom. No Josè to torment me. No pressure for perfection. I don’t even have to give them any of the money I won.”

As he spoke, he could feel the weight lifted from his shoulders. A hand subconsciously reached up to his neck for his bull charm necklace, but grasped nothing. His neck no longer felt the chafe of the metal chain, and he happily rolled his neck. No cold metal to scrape against him. No family to break him down and never bother to build him back up. No last name to denote the people who never even tried to love him.

“It was lost on the island,” Noah said, knowing exactly what he was doing. I knew those perceptive eyes would never miss a habit of mine, no matter what he says. “Burnt, melted, I dunno, except that it’s never to be seen again. And…if you’re done with the family, I’ll be done with them too. I’ll never forgive them, and if I see Josè on the street I’ll beat him to a pulp, but for you…I’ll leave them alone. They can feel miserable when they realize they lost the best son in their family by themselves, and we can impulse buy whatever we want with my million dollars.”

Alejandro put his hand over Noah’s, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Thank you, mi amor,” he said. He dipped his head down, and pressed his lips to Noah’s. “Thank you.”

Their kiss ended, and Noah blushed a bit, biting at his bottom lip. “You call me mi amor, but…are we dating? Or are we just gonna…do whatever it is that two people in our situation do, what with our complex history?” Two people who have danced around each other, lied about their feelings, ignored them, all in the public eye. We have been in love for so long, been physically together for so long, been through so much together…we are practically married through shared experiences and pain, but at the same time completely unlabeled.

“Dating you would be a pleasure, and an honor, and a must,” Alejandro said firmly but with a sing-songy lilt, and Noah laughed at the callback.

“Smooth talker. Continue calling me mi amor, though, and I’m gonna have to start calling you vilangu, or perhaps anbu.”

“Your mind has always confused and delighted me. Do your worst.”

“Careful what you wish for, eel.”

---

Alejandro was reclined on his hospital bed, tired to his core after a physical therapy session, when Sierra rolled in. On her lap was a carefully balanced bouquet of flowers, and she smiled at the Latino.

“Hey, hospital buddy!” she said, still as cheery as ever. She put the flowers on his bedside table, and parked herself next to him. She’s good at maneuvering her wheelchair now. When did that happen?

“I totally tried to get the nurses to put us in a hospital room together, but they said no because you’re a boy and I’m a girl even though I’m not even interested in anyone like that and you’re totally not interested in me, considering I see Noah coming in and leaving this room ALL. THE. TIME. Ugh! Whatevs. Best I can do for ya is flowers.”

Sierra’s skin was now a more even tone, and her head was covered in a beautiful golden headscarf. (Noah informed him that Heather had taken it upon herself to help Sierra in her recovery, stating that she knew what it was like to be unwillingly bald.) There were still bandages and scratches all over her body, and she was still in a wheelchair, but she was healthy. Recovering. It made Alejandro feel at peace, for some reason. To see both of them, injured and hurt and messed up, finally being able to move on and be better.

They stared at each other for a moment, before she rolled her eyes with a melodramatic huff. “Get over here!” She opened her arms, and he wasted no time leaning into her hug.

“Oh, Sierra,” he said as she embraced him. “Thank you for being my friend even though I was so cruel to you this season. You helped me make it this far. I don’t know where I would have been if you hadn’t ignored every single one of my red flags and been my friend anyway.”

She nodded. “I watched the season while I was waiting for you to wake up, and you totally wanted to ally with me because I was strong, not because you actually liked me. Which, thanks, big ego boost! I love people acknowledging how strong I am. But I don’t really care that you initially hated my guts and were only really trying to use, since I know you’ve changed and you’re my IRL bff now.” She paused when Alejandro said nothing. “Are…we IRL bffs?” she asked shyly, looking nervous.

“Of course,” Alejandro breathed as he reached for the flowers she brought. “If you’ve watched the entire season, you should know that I don’t have any friends except for you and Noah. I’m not counting Izzy and Eva yet, even though they’ve been threatening any tabloid journalists that try to sneak in.”

“OMG, it is SO funny when Eva throws them out! I even have an ongoing tally on my blog for every reporter she catches. It’s super popular with fans and now she’s being offered WWE deals and stuff!” Sierra squealed. She launched into a rant about what each of the cast members were doing on their extended Hawaiian vacation, and Alejandro couldn’t be happier as he leaned back and listened to his first real, true friend talk to him like the teenagers they really were.

---

Leshawna smothered half a bagel in cream cheese before looking at Noah with a devilish smile. “Well, since you’re a millionaire now, why don’t you take your two amazing helpers on a fantastic dolphin watching cruise?”

Across the breakfast table in the five star hotel lobby, Courtney nodded sagely. “I think we earned it, considering our pep talk is what motivated you to finally kiss that stupid Latin lover of yours, and, y’know, get a million dollars.”

Noah rolled his eyes fondly as he bit into his fourth waffle. “Fine, fine. What next? Do I have to buy a pet jaguar for you guys or what?”

“Not my style,” Leshawna said as she put her knife down and picked her bagel up. “Though I’d settle for a chameleon. I need Gwen to teach me how to teach lizards obedience.”

“Why? Would it work on Heather? Though I guess there's a difference between a lizard and a snake,” Courtney said slyly as Leshawna’s face heated up. “Don’t think we haven’t seen you two!”

“Yeah,” Noah added, leaning forward and propping his elbows on the table. “Making eyes at each other as you argue which headscarf looks better with Sierra’s skin tone. We see you, girl.”

Leshawna rolled her eyes. “Innocent 'till proven guilty! Leave me alone!”

“Considering I’m now dating who the tabloids have dubbed as ‘Total Drama’s Best Villain’, falling for the queen of mean herself isn’t all that bad. It’s trendy to date villains now,” Noah informed her.

“That’s true,” Courtney murmured, eyes sliding over to where Gwen was nursing a black coffee and watching Harold, Duncan, and Heather play Uno and getting continually fired up about it.

“Uh oh,” Noah said, nudging his friend’s shoulder. “I think it’s time for a super romantic dolphin cruise with the entire Total Drama cast,” he smirked, watching her face turn crimson.

“Dolphins! Sunsets! Sexy orange life jackets!” Leshawna said around her mouthful of bagel.

“Anything can happen on Total! Drama! World Tour!” Noah finished, laughing as Courtney's face shifted from embarrassment to a mask of mortification. She groaned and let her head drop onto the table in front of her as Noah stood up on the table, addressing the teens milling around the hotel’s breakfast area and lobby. “Hey guys! My first act as a millionaire is taking everyone on a sunset dolphin watching cruise!” Noah called, and the resounding cheer of excitement from everyone from Heather to Cody made him smile widely for what seemed like no reason at all, though he knew exactly why.

Some things don't have to be said to be true.

---

Noah had just wheeled Alejandro back to his hospital room after they had taken a day trip around the island town and boardwalk when the Mudaliar matriarch entered his hospital room, a tupperware container held in her hands. She smiled warmly, and Alejandro’s diplomatic training kicked in as he smiled back.

“It’s wonderful to have you here, ma’am,” he said, sitting further up in his bed to do the best welcome he could, though the cold and impersonal room made for a poor reception area.

“Oh, please,” she said lightly as she placed the container on his bedside table, amongst the flowers and books brought to him. She moved lightly and gracefully, her lavender sari with silver adornments complimenting her skin town and graying hair. Her earrings shone gently in the sunset light filtering in through the windows, and Alejandro felt all of the fear associated with the dreaded tradition of meeting your boyfriend’s parents settle into his bones.

“Noah told me that the hospital food has been driving you crazy,” she explained with a nod of her head towards the bowl. “I brought you something from a local shop. The kids have all told me it was a wonderful place to eat, so I took their word for it. Just don’t tell the orderlies and we’re even.” She winked as she sat down on the folding chair next to Alejandro’s bedside, crossing her feet at the ankles as she smoothed her skirts out. Once situated, she studied the increasingly nervous Latino with a small, motherly smile. “As you know, I’m Noah’s mom,” she began. “He’s spoken very highly of you, which is very rare from my son. His standards for himself are very high, and that extends to others. Frankly, you’re the first person that’s met them.”

Alejandro felt himself blush and stammer, but forced himself to be quiet when she continued to speak. “He told me and my girls about your family. Frankly horrible people, but that isn’t the point. You are hurt, my dear, and very wealthy, and have no family. You are vulnerable, and those paparazzi raptors have already tried to exploit your circ*mstances. You know what…this sounded bad in my head and now that I said it out loud, it's worse from my mouth!” She chuckled, shaking her head, a few gray strands untucking themself from her bun as her head moved, earrings jingling. “I digress. If you’re okay with it, dear, we- the Mudaliar family- would like you to join us when the nurses clear you to go back home. The final aftermath show has been canceled thanks to Chris, so the only thing keeping everyone here is you and Sierra getting the all clear. We have an extra room for you to be able to get yourself back on your feet.”

“B-but Noah has so many sisters,” Alejandro said weakly. “I couldn’t possibly impose like that.” What she was saying, the kind, understanding tone…it made him feel like a child. Even though the in-hospital psychiatrist had been meeting with him daily, the inner shame of wanting so badly to be part of a loving family was making itself known.

“While Kelyani wants you to stay forever, I must agree with Yuktha that having another child in the house permanently may be too much, no matter how much of a sweetheart you are. You can stay for as long as you need, until we can send you to college or find an apartment for yourself. How does that sound?”

Alejandro’s throat clogged with tears as he choked on a wave of emotion. He could only nod his head, and the older woman smiled. “I’m so glad.” She stood up to leave, and pointed to the tupperware. “Eat,” she reminded him.

“Ma’am, wait,” he gasped, and she stopped in her tracks. Waiting, ever so patiently, as he got his thoughts in order, pawing at tears. “How can you say this to me? I have hurt you, your son, unknowingly insulted your deceased daughter…how can you offer me a place in your home?"

“I’m a mother, Alejandro,” she said. “You have made my child very, very happy. And any happiness you give my child outweighs any pain you caused. That game causes only malice, but you still fought to release yourself of those feelings. What you said on that volcano may have damned you to your family, but it redeemed you to mine. We Mudaliars appreciate love, and value honesty. You have shown both of those things when it mattered most. My home is open to family, and Noah has assured me time and time again that you’re family.” She left, long skirts swishing around her ankles as the windows in the room showed the inky black night sky.

Alejandro curled into himself and cried like a child. Oh, how long have I missed a mother’s love.

---

“What did he say?” Noah asked worriedly as his sisters crowded behind him in their mother’s hotel room. Chris had booked rooms for all of Noah’s sisters and mother for their stay, as well as any other parents of the Total Drama cast. His mother’s room had become a sort of headquarters for the family, often meeting there when Alejandro was still in a coma or the shock of their little brother winning a million dollars didn’t feel real.

The matriarch of the family smiled gently as her children waited with baited breath. “He said yes.”

The girls all erupted into squeals and cheers, and Noah let the little twins jump into his arms. He found that their weight no longer affected him- he was strong now, from the challenges, both mental and physical. He dropped a kiss on each of their heads, and they giggled as he twirled them around for a moment.

“However,” his mother said, raising an eyebrow at her children. “He is hurt. He is going to lash out, and it’s not because he’s angry, but because his life has been hard. He’s just been disowned. You guys need to be there for him. He’s not just Noah’s boyfriend-” all of the younger sisters broke out into ooohs and giggles, and the boy in question rolled his eyes, “-but a teenager who just went through a very hard thing, and we offered to help him. He is not just staying at our house. He is a member of our family. We need to do him right, for his sake…and for Ruby’s memory.”

“For Ruby’s memory,” Natasha echoed.

“For Ruby’s memory,” the children copied.

“For…for Ruby,” Noah said, lip quivering as he looked at his mother. He sniffled, and the tears flowed freely as he thought of his dear sister and how she’d react to…everything.

The crushing hug from his sisters was an old, almost forgotten feeling, but the memory was kindled anew as they converged, ruffling his hair and rubbing his back. Noah swore he could feel Ruby hugging him too.

---

“And before we go,” Noah said, hand intertwined with Alejandro’s as he addressed Chris and Chef McLean, “If you try to drag any one of us back onto one of your shows, I’ll make your interns unionize.”

The two hosts gasped in shock and horror, but the expressions quickly melted into fond smiles. “Just you wait, Noah. You’ll want the fame all over again. You’re in the Total Drama hall of fame, dude!”

“Not by choice.”

The group chuckled, and Noah led the Total Drama cast onto the plane departing from Hawaii to Canada.

They had been at the Hawaiian hotel for close to three months- all of summer- and Alejandro was finally out of his wheelchair part-time. He had made his amends as best he could, finding the time to seek out those he’d manipulated- surprisingly, of his own free will rather than Noah’s request. Alejandro didn’t always apologize for what he did as it was a known tactic in Total Drama to manipulate others, though he did repent to DJ, Bridgette, Geoff, and Leshawna in particular for his actions. Bridgette had still been understandably angry, though she acted extremely civil for someone in her situation. Geoff was mostly fine, inviting Alejandro to try some of his family recipe jalapeno poppers (because of course Geoff had a family recipe for a staple party food). DJ had been exceptionally gracious, though Noah suspected it was because the boy wasn’t able to be angry for extended periods of time. As for Alejandro and Leshawna? They spent a lot of time together, chatting with Heather and conspiring against Noah.

The Final Four had grown close. Meeting in Alejandro or Sierra’s hospital room often or wheeling them around town when given the okay by the hospital staff, Noah enjoyed the time they were able to spend together. Their experiences bonded them, and the group chat Sierra had made in the middle of the night was active with selfies and the confirmation of mutually following each other on Tweeter. Noah found out that Alejandro got extremely competitive over card games, Leshawna did fantastic readings of Shakespeare when the two non-hospitalized teens did a half-assed performance of Much Ado About Nothing over the course of a few weeks, and he discovered that Sierra’s music taste was varied and very, very good. It felt weird to have so many…friends. Noah had been used to only ever hanging out with Eva, Izzy, and Owen, simply dealing with whoever else was around. But to spend time genuinely enjoying himself with people who had literally traveled the globe with him felt wonderful, a type of companionship he hadn’t felt before.

Noah spent his time with the other cast members, as well. He still struggled to get along with some people- chiefly Justin and Geoff, whose party attitude could get a little irritating- but most people were happy he won. He had no issue playing nice, and the feeling of belonging was…nice. Finding a friend in Tyler was unexpected, but as long as the boy kept two feet firmly planted on the ground, he was good company. Swimming, lazing around on the beach with Bridgette, Geoff, DJ, and Duncan was enjoyable, and terrorizing the island’s ice cream shops with Eva, Owen, and Izzy was an easy way to while the days away. Seeing Leshawna and Heather’s romance blossom and Sierra’s recovery journey happen in real time made his heart full for his friends in a way that was nigh unfamiliar to him. Being able to spend time with his mother was also wonderful, now that she had time off from her multiple jobs and could focus on being with her children and strengthening the bonds she had been forced to neglect.

Pockets laden with mailing addresses and phone numbers, Noah boarded the plane, crammed in between Yuktha and Aamani. His sisters were loud, hogged the windows as the plane took off, and made Alejandro feel absolutely at home with their easy banter and crude jokes, easily drawing him in. It had been a little difficult getting him to open up as he still dealt with the lasting trauma he suffered at the hands of his family, but…progress was happening, slowly but surely.

---

Eyes fighting to stay open on the taxi ride back to the Mudaliar family house, the faint sound of the landscape whooshing by lulling the exhausted boys into a tired, relaxed state, Noah’s head dropped against Alejandro’s shoulder.

“You…have to sleep in Yuktha’s room with her when we get home,” he murmured. “Mom said no sleeping in the same room as a boyfriend, even if…if we’re upright and pious people.”

“And we proved that we certainly are not, what with all the lying, backstabbing, and throwing each other off of moving train roofs,” Alejandro replied, letting his head rest on top of Noah’s, nervousness thrumming through his veins as the prospect of a new home came closer and closer to becoming a reality. “Yuktha has been nothing but kind to me, whereas you snore like a heathen.” More than once, Noah had fallen asleep in the folding chair beside Alejandro’s hospital bed, and that boy snored like a foghorn.

“That’s it. Nerve damage be damned, you’re sleeping outside in my golden lab’s doghouse. Your actions have consequences, eel boy.” Alejandro laughed softly as he glanced at his legs. Consequences, huh?

He let his eyes flutter shut as the taxi made its way through the city, lights flashing by and then disappearing in an instant.

---

Noah led Alejandro through the cemetery, arm in arm as they strolled through the shady canopy of trees, a breeze causing his hair to be lifted in the wind. “Is this pace good?”

Alejandro nodded, smiling softly. “Any pace is good now that I can finally walk.” His grip on the cane’s handle was firm, but he maintained a steady pace as they passed row after row of headstones, statues, and mausoleums. Birds twittered as they walked and talked, chatting about the classes they planned to take in the upcoming college semester and the furniture Alejandro had been eyeing at the local IQEA for his apartment, how Sierra’s forays into journalism had been taking off, and everything in between.

Noah gently tugged on Alejandro’s arm, steering him down a row of headstones. The pair passed flower bouquet after flower bouquet, until they reached a weeping willow tree. Under it was a well-maintained headstone reading Ruby Mudaliar. Alejandro’s pace slowed to almost a complete stop as he looked at the stone waiting for him under the shade. He looked to Noah, who squeezed his hand gently. “It’s fine,” he murmured. “We’ll clean, and we’ll talk, and you’ll be fine. I know she’d probably love you like a brother. I know she would.”

Alejandro nodded silently, and Noah nodded back with a smile, shrugging his backpack off when they reached the headstone. He took out a cleaning brush and a small rag, passing the latter to Alejandro. He began to dutifully brush away any dirt, leaves, and stray petals in a practiced manner as Alejandro set to polishing the letters engraved on the stone, keeping his touch as light as he possibly could.

“Hola, Ruby,” Alejandro murmured. “It’s an honor finally meeting you. Noah has spoken highly of you…and I can understand why. Those first months with your family…they showed me how much they loved you, by talking about you and sharing stories and grieving. You would have been 25 a few days ago. Noah made a cake, somehow, and we didn’t burn the house down, though that was mostly because every single one of his sisters, me, and his mother were chaperoning him.” He paused as Noah put the rag and brush back in the backpack. “I’ll take care of him, though I don’t know if I’ll live up to your standards. We are…world weary, and exhausted. Hurt. A little broken, finding our way around indecision, and…making it day by day. You can’t take the steps forward with us physically, but he carries you in your heart everyday. With your permission, I’d like to carry you too.”

The wind lifted and the leaves of the trees rustled, and Noah took his hand. “I think that’s a yes, chellam. Get your cane, we gotta hobble back as fast as we can for Courtney’s pre-law school party.”

Alejandro dropped a kiss onto Noah’s hooked nose, and smiled. Swinging their intertwined hands, they set off from Ruby’s grave, humming a song much too familiar to both of them under their breaths.